BED-BOUND FOR MONTHS.
Hcpo Abandoned After Physicians'
Mrs. Enos Shearer. Yew and Wash
ington Sts., Centralia, Wash., says:
lor years I was
weak and run down,
could not sleep, my
limbs swelled and
the secretions wero
were Intense. I was
fast In bed for four
months. Three doc
tors said there was
no cure for me, and I was given up to
die. Being urged, I used Doan's Kid
ney rills. Soon I was better and In a
few weeks was about the house, well
and strong again."
Sold by all dealers, 50 cents a box,
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo. N. Y.
WHAT SHE ESCAPED.
Jack There goes young Softy. No
took his finacee out rowing last Sun
day, rocked the boat, and the poor
gil was drowned.
Ruth Lucky girl!
Jack Why do you say that?
Ituth Why, she might have lived
and married the idiot.
The first thought in painting should,
of course, te durability and dura
bility means simply pure paint prop
erly applied. Pure paint is pure
white lead and linseed oil (with or
without tinting material).
Some years ago the paint-buyer was
likely to get adulterated or counter
feit white lead if he was not familiar
with brands. To-day he may buy
-with perfect safety if he only makes
sure that the Dutch Boy Painter
trademark i3 on the packages of
white lead that he buys. This trade
mark was adopted by National Lead
Company to distinguish the puro
white lead made by them from the
worthless adulterated and fake goods.
It Is a guarantee as valuable to the
house-owner as the education of a
paint expert could be.
A Candid Judge.
A Dover lawyer tells a story In
which figures lion. H. L. Dawes, who,
it seems, in his younger days was an
indifferent speaker. Shortly after his
admission to the bar he had a case
which was tried before a North Adams
justice of the peace, and Dawes was
opposed by a lawyer whose eloquence
attracted a large crowd. The justice
was perspiring in the crowded room
and evidently fast losing his temper.
Finally he drew off his coat and, in the
midst of the eloquent address, burst
"Mr. Attorney, supposing that you
take a seat and let Mr. Dawes speak.
I want to thin out this crowd." Lip
pincctt's. Important to Mother.
Examine darefully every bottle of
CASTORIA a safe and sure remedy for
Infants and children, and see that it
. jrjyi .
In Use For Over CJO Years.
The Kind You Have Always Bouirht
Weds Her Rich Stepfather.
Social circles in Pasadena, Cal.,
learned with amazement the other day
that Miss Katherlne Traphagen has
become the bride of her stepfather,
Cyrus M. Davis of Los Angeles. Miss
Traphagen lived with her sisters in
Altadena and was one of the promi
nent members of the Young Women's
Christian association, being director
of Us short story club.
Style of Price.
"Are you going to raise any fancy
crop on your suburban place this sum
mer?" nsked Jones of Smith, as they
met In the business district.
"Well, yes," hesitatingly admitted
Smith. "I am going to try to raise
He So you think married life
ought to be one grand, sweet song?
He What air would you prefer for
this matrimonial song?
She 1 think a millionaire.
"Are you still In the blissful intox
ication of love?"
"No, I've reached the headache
From the Life of the Protector.
Cromwell wished to be p&lnted with
"Don't you mean the warthog?
they asked anxiously.
When you hear one man trying to
belittle another, It's Fafe to bet that
the other Is his superior.
Lnme bark and LnmTfffr mrlc a young
man foci oli. Hamlin Wizard Oil inn ken
mi old man feol younjr. AhMmitely notn
ing like it for the relief of All pain.
In going out after fame, make sure
that you don't capture notoriety.
And occasionally a man throws off
trouble by putting on a bold front.
By Ralph Henry Barbour
Tommy Wlnslow Is an awful ass
about things English. Fact is, I
guess, he's one of those thlngama-
bobs Anglomanlacs. Of course, if
it ever came to a show-down, Tommy
would be the first to grab a gun, hike
down to Sandy Hook, and defy the
Britishers. He's very chesty for a
chap only five feet seven and a half
Inches. When he Is really angry his
little blue eyes blaze terribly. Tommy
traces his descent back to Alfred the
Conqueror or Peter the Great, or some
old English Johnnie like that, and so,
as ho says, he just can't help being
scrappy. But you mustn't get the
idea that Tommy is quarrelsome.
I guess he won't like my telling
about the time we helped him out,
but he's on the other side now, and
it isn't likely he will ever see this,
for about the only thing Tommy ever
reads are the sporting papers and the
Tommy reads all the English jour
nals that tell about the fashions, and
what the king wore Friday afternoon
at Sandringham and that sort of non
Tommy came into the smoking-room
of the club the Poppy club, you know
looking a bit gloomy.
"I'll bet the king has cut off his
nose shaving," said Dickie Boswell,
"and Tommy Is getting up his cour
age to get rid of his."
"Poppycock," said the duke. "The
trouble with Tommy is, he's seen
pome one on the avenue with larger
trousers, haven't you, Tommy?"
Tommy lighted a Russian,, shaking
his head dolefully. Finally he said:
"Don't laugh, you chaps. I'm In a
hole, a beastly hole."
We all looked sympathetic.
"When I was In Florida last win
ter," he went on, "I met up with a
chap named Watkins "
"Was, his first name Bill?" asked
the duke. That was a joke. The
duke calls everybody and everything
Bill; I don't know why. Tommy
looked hurt, but went on.
"He was awfully decent to me put
me up at his club and showed me
around quite a bit. He has an orange
"drove," corrected Dickie.
"Grove, then. It's near somr place
with a funny name. I stayed two
days with him. He has a jolly bunga
low; very picturesque; roses, palms,
dogs, oranges, good whisky, and all
that you, know. Well, there's a whole
bunch of English Johnnies down
there, and I met a lot of them. And
and somehow they got the idea that
I knew a good many English chaps up
He paused dejectedly, and the duke
looked astonished. "How do you
suppose they ever got such an Idea?"
he murmured. We grinned.
"Anyhow," Tommy continued, "I
asked Watkins to come and see me.
And and I eot a telegram from him
this morning. Heil be here to-morrow."
"Well, what's the trouble?" asked
Dickie. "Isn't he all right?"
"Yes, but don't you see, he'll expect
to meet a lot of English chaps, and
of course I don't know any out-and-outers
except Brubbs, and he's away
some old placo. Whatil I do?"
"Tell him your English friends have
all gone back to dear old Lunnon," the
"Get pome of the waiters from Bos
worth's to lunch with you, and Invite
Watkins," said Dickie.
"Oh, let up." Tommy growled. "I
think you chaps might help a fellow
"Of course we will," I said. "Only
what how "
"Well, I've thought of a scheme that
might work," Tommy answered. He
looked a bit sheepish. "It's this:
Suppose you three come to lunch to
morrow and meet Watkins."
"Easy, Bill," agreed the duke.
"And and supposing you er sup
posing you let on you're English?"
"We will," answered the duke. "Bill
Watkins won't be able to tell us from
the r'yal famiy. I'll be the duke of
"And I'll be Prince Henry of Bat-
tenberg!" I cried.
"Your Ignorance pains me, Annie,"
said the duke. "You'll bo Sir Thomas
Llpton, that's who you'll be. And
"Cut It out," pleaded Tommy.
"Pcn't make a bally joke of it. It
When I got to the club the next day
at half-past one I found the duke and
Dickie there before me. They were
having cocktails. Tommy and Wat
kins hadn't showed up. I sat down
In a chair and looked at the duke and
at Dickie and just laughed until I
couldn't sit up. I wish you could
have seen them! The duke was the
best. He had on a suit of big yel
low plaids, with a red waistcoat. The
clothes were bo much too large for
him that the coat hung In folds from
his shoulders and the duke Isn't lit
tie, either and ho had to turn the
trousers up nearly four inches at the
Dickie had a rough pepper and salt
coat on that didn't begin to fit him
ho explained that It belonged to his
father, who is a much larger man
and a pair of light-colored trousers.
His waistcoat was of khaki, and he
wore an immense brass watch-chain
across it. He had a monocle, too, but
couldn't make It stay up.
As for me, I had on a flannel shirt
with blue and pink stripes and cellu
cold collar and cuffs. I went shooting
two years ago with an English chap
up In Quebec, and he wore flannel
shirts all the time and used the same
collar and cuffs for ten days; when
they got dirty he washed them in the
river. I had borrowed a bottle-green
velveteen Jacket from a chap In our
house, and wore a pair of blue serge
trousers and low tan shoes.
After a while Tommy and Watkins
came In. Watkins was a tall chap of
about thirty, a nice, sensible appear
ing fellow, with a quiet voice and aw
fully good manners; handsome, too.
Tommy looked dazed for a moment
when he saw us, and I noticed that he
swallowed hard once or twice and got
very red in the face. But finally he
came around and Introduced us.
"My friend, Mr. Hastings Mr. Wat
kins," muttered Tommy. The duke
pulled himself slowly out of the arm
chair and put his hand away In the air
and looked blank, just as though he
couldn't see anyone, you know.
"Aw, haftpy, I assuah you," he mur
mured. He wagged Watkins' hand
twice and dropped it n3 though It had
been an Icicle. Then he sat down
again and stared Intent'y at his glass.
Tommy got red again and looked dag
gers. Watkins never turned a feather.
"Mr. Boswell Mr. Watkins," said
Dickie got up and followed the
"Chawmed, I'm shuah," he said.
"And er Mr. Annismead Mr.
I arose and shook hands just as the
others had done.
"Doosed glad, old cock," I muttered.
Then I, too, sat down and looked at
the table. There was a silence. I
stole a furtive glance at Tommy. He
was apoplectic. 1 peeked at Watkins.
His face was as serious as a judge's, but
I thought there was a twinkle in his
eye. Tommy tried to make conversa
"Mr. Watkins raises oranges in Flor
ida," he said, looking menacingly at
"Beastly things, oranges," answered
the latter, without taking his gaze
from the table.
"Beastly," said Dickie.
"Beastly," I echoed.
"Don't be a fool," said Tommy, aim
ing a kick at the duke's shins and
nearly knocking the table over.
Our arrival in the cafe was in the
nature of a triumph. We slouched
along, hands in pockets, with expres
sionless faces we three while Tom-
ray led the way, looking unutterably
miserable, followed by Watkins, calm
ly unaware to all appearance of
anything out of the ordinary. We
heard whisperings, chuckles, even a
laugh or two, as we passed through
the crowded room to where a table
had been reserved for our party. The
duke, glaring stonily through his
monocle, growled greetings here and
there to acquaintances, and Dickie
and I nodded distantly now and then.
With his napkin tucked under his
chin the duke threw aside some of
his gloom and looked almost cheerful
as he reached across in front of Wat
kins and seized the "Puppy-bread," as
we called the oatmeal biscuit. With
his mouth well filled he began to asl:
insane questions about Florida and
oranges, exhibiting a weird ignorance
of both the location of the state and
of how oranges were grown. Watkins
was gravely explaining that they did
not grow on palm trees when the
waiter brought the' oysters. Tommy
had thrown a word In here and there,
nervously, all the time mutely begging
us to let up.
"Tommy 'ere tells me there's a lot
of our people down there," said the
duke, swallowing his oysters loudly.
"Er English, you mean?" asked
"HI said Hinglish, didn't HI?" de
manded the duke crossly.
"We have some, Mr. Hastings, but
I fancy they're not the real thing. I
thought they were once, though," said
"That reminds me," Tommy broke
In; "how are they all?"
"And why aren't they the real thing,
may HI arsk?" demanded the duke.
"Oh well really, I think I'd rather
not say," answered Watkins, pretend
ing to be mightily embarrassed.
'HI demand an hanswer, sir. I de
mand hit!" bellowed the duke, thump
ing his hand on the table until the
whole room was watching us.
"Well If you Insist," said Watkins,
"It's their manners that give them
away. I can see now that no one with
manners like theirs could be English."
"Haw! And what's the matter with
their manners, sir?"
"Nothing," answered Watkins
The duke stared, then dropped his
eyes to his plate. But I saw his
shoulders heaving. Dickie and I
glanced at each other and said: "Haw!
Bah Jove!" to keep from laughing
aloud. Tommy looked terribly dis
tressed. He started the conversation
on new lines by asking Dickie how his
"The duke of Muddledab?" asked
Dickie Indifferently. "Ow, 'e's able to
sit hup and take nourishment."
"The duke Is your uncle?" asked
Watkins, evldenlty quite pleased to
fcavc met' the nephew of royalty.
"Ow, yes," said Dickie, "but HI
dc't like to speak hof It, sir."
"How's that?" asked Watkins affa
bly. 'E's a bit of a bounder, the duke,"
"E is!" affirmed tho duke. "Ill
never speak to im, Mr. Watkins. 'L a
a regular bad 'un, the duke."
"Indeed." said Wntkins.
"Ow, yes," repeated Dickie.
I thought Watkins looked queer. I
know Tommy did.
Then the waiter brought In the kid
neys, and the duke refused to taste
them; said he could see by their looks
that they hadn't been cooked right;
threatened to resign from the club,
and write to the Times about It. The
kidneys were taken out again. We
had chops Instead. I hate chops, and
wished the duke wasn't playing his
role so thoroughly. The rest of the
luncheon went badly. Tommy was off
his feed, and Watkins was the only
one at the table who appeared to have
any appetite. When the end came I
was very glad of It. We adjourned to
the library and had cigars and ver
mouth. Tho duko went to sleep In the
At last Watkins, who for a full min
ute had been staring with puzzled
eyes at Dickie's boots and socks, arose
and said he must be going on. He
shook hands all around and said he
was very happy to have met us and
hoped that, when we found ourselves
In London again, we'd do him the
honor of staying awhile with htm;
we'd always find him there in the sea
son, he paid. He nodded courteously
and went out, followed by Tommy.
The duko stared at Dickie, and
Dickie at the duke; 1 looked at both
of them in bewilderment. Then the
We overtook Tommy at nine o'clock
that evening. He had plainly been
striving to drown care and sorrow,
but had only succeeded in making
himself preternaturally solemn. We
found him In his room, sitting on the
bed, cross-legged. In purple and green
pajamas, smoking a pipe and drinking
"You've gone and done It, haven't
you?"' he greeted us dolefully. "You've
gone and spoiled my life and desolat
ed my hearthstone, haven't you?
You've you've " He choked.
"Tommy," demanded the duke stern
ly, "did you let us in for that with
"Eh?" asked Tommy, blinking.
"Did you know all the time that Bill
Watkins was a real Englishman?".
Tommy laid his pipe down on tho
silk counterpane and eyed us gravely
Dickie moved the pipe to the mantel
and extinguished the fire. The odor
of burnt feathers was distinctly un
pleasant. Tommy wagged a porten
tous finger at us.
"Did I know, you ask? Did I know?
Did I know? Duke, most noble duke,
I knew nothing; I was as a born un
babed. I was as a reed crying In the
wilderness or a voice shaken in the
wind. I knew not! I knew I knew "
He looked around for his pipe. "Look
here, I thought he was like you or me
or Annie there, a simple, unspoiled
American. I knew nothing; I suspect
ed nothing. I said to myself" He
stopped and eyed us affectionately.
"We don't doubt It, Tommy," an
swered the duke. "But what we want
to know is, did you or didn't you know
he was English?"
"No, dukie, not until this morning
Then I knew! Then I learned all all
all! He lives in orange in winter
and raises Floridas, and In spring he
sails for England. He he is undoubt
edly English. I hope he wjll forgive
you for what you said 'bout his cou
sin; I cannot!" Tommy bowed his
head and sniffed.
"Whose cousin?" demanded Dickie.
"Who mentioned his old cousin? Tom
my, you're drunk!"
"You're awful liar, Dickie," an
swered Tommy, without, however, any
resentment. "You Insulted his cousin
to his face to my face at my
board as my guests as "
"Shut up!" growled the duke
"What cousin are you talking about?"
"Watkins' cousin; cousin of my
"What's his name?"
"No, the cousin's name?"
"His name's Muddledab, duke of
Muddle dubble duke; I said It once;
I refuse to say It 'gain."
Dickie sat down on the edge of the
bed and groaned; then he laughed.
We Joined him. "I said he was my
uncle,' giggled Dickie.
"And that he was a bounder!"
yelled the duke.
"And and you said said you never
spoke to him!"
"I never did," laughed tho duke.
Presently, when we had calmed down
and .Dickie had mixed three more
Scotches, the duke said:
"Tommy, I consider that you have
done a despicable thing."
"Me?" murmured Tommy. "Me?"
"Yes, you. You have allowed our
friend Bill Watkins to depart from ur
hospitable shore In the belief that
there are three of his countrymen In
New York who are disgraces to to
his native land."
Tommy chuckled behind his glass.
"Don't be 'larmed," he answered
finally. "Don't you be 't all 'larmed.
Watkins never thought you were
English, never for one mlmet. But he
said he was muchmused, very much
"Oh, he did, eh?" said Dickie. "And
you allowed him to go off with tho Im
pression that we were a set of three
bally idiots, eh?"
Tommy nodded blandly.
"Well, all I've got to say to you,"
announced the duke disgustedly. Is
this: Bill Watkins Is a sport and
ought to be an American; and as for
you, Thomas, never ask me to help
you out again!"
Thanksh," replied Tommy beaming
ly. "Have drink?"
AT THE MOMENT.
Percy Aw, aro you Interested In tho
"Coming Young Man?"
Kitty (with a yawn) No; I am moro
interested in tho going young man.
FREE LANDS IN WYOMING.
Chicago & North Western Railway.
Send for booklet telling how to se
cure 320 acres of U. S. Government
lands in Wyoming free of cost, and
describing various irrigation projects
and tho most approved methods of sci
entific dry farming. Homeseekers'
rates. Direct train service from Chi
cago. W. B. Kniskern, P. T. M., Chicago.
The Ever Changing Waist Line.
Consider the mental agility it takes
to keep up with one's waist line. One
goes to bed at night in the sweet as
surance that it w ill be under the arms
for tho next two or three months at
any rate, and awakes to learn from the
headlines in the morning papers the
waist line is positively at the knees.
There is absolutely no use in prognos
ticating anything about It any longer.
That the waist line occurred at the
waist was an axiom accepted as un
questionably as that the earth re
volves on its axis, but in these days
of higher criticism It Is likely to be
anywhere. It bloweth where it list-
cth. Mrs. Wilson Woodrow, in Ameri
Marriage and Meanness.
Some years ago there lived in Atch
ison a young woman noted for her
good works and gentleness. She was
always helping the poor and was pa
tient and kind and universally ad
mired. She married a fairly good man
and abused him w.ithin three months.
She had been good and patient for
years, but a husband was too much
for her; she had never been cross to
any one until she was cross to her
husband. There is something about
marriage that stirs up hidden depths
of meanness on both sides. Atchison
Of an Irishman, named Dogherty, a
speaker of rare eloquence, the follow
ing amusing story is told: After one
of his speeches he asked Canning
what he thought of It. "Tho only fault
I could find In it," Canning answered,
"was that you called the speaker, 'Sir
too often." "My dear friend," said
Dogherty, "if you knew tho state I
was in while speaking, you would not
wonder if 1 had called him 'Ma'am!'"
Graves of the Wicked.
Where is the man who has not
wandered now and then through the
graveyards of the world and wondered
where the wicked folks are buried?
If one believes all the tombstones say
one Inevitably Inclines to think there
never were many, if any, very, very
wicked folks on earth.
Shake into Your Shoes
Allen's Foot-Ease, a powder for your feet,
it cures painful, swollen, smarting, sweat
ing fctt. Makes new shoes easy. Sold by
all Druggists antl Shoe Stores. 23c. Don't
accept any substitute. Sample FREE. Ad
dress Allen S. Olmsted, LeRoy, N. Y.
Working the. Brain.
Church They say fish Is a great
stimulant for the brain.
Gotham Well, I know just catching
them makes the imagination more ac
tive. Mr. Wlnslow's Koothlnu Byron.
For children teetbln, soften tbe Runs, reducos to
Oammmtlua. allajspaia, cure wind cvllo. 25c a bottle
Equipped for Fast Travel.
Sorrow is an evil with many feet.
Positively cured by
these Little Pills.
I Ttiey also rellere Din
JfpijT Itrcimfroin Dy.sTwpHla.In-
A I V Lit
Eating. A perfect rem
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SMALL PILL. SMALL DOSE. SMALL PRICE.
Genuine Must Bear
I Colo mora aoo!s brighter and fatter eelort than anv other dra. On 10e oackao cotortall fiber. TH dim it eotd ratr better than am etr d. Vau
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TheChangeof Life is themostcritical
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.Womene very where should remember
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Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
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All drittijti 1 5 cU. hoi
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l'or your own
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For rates, etc.. write or ask any agent of the Iowa Central or
Minneapolis and St. Louis road or
A. B. CUTTS, General Passenger and Ticket Agent
Colonist one-way second
class tickets on sale daily
from Chicago, September
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Paxtino is a harmless yet powerful
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taking liquid physic or big or littla
f)ills, that which makes you worse
nstead of curing. Cathartics don't
! cure they irritate and weaken the
bowels. CASCARETS make the
bowels strong, tone the muscles so
they' crawl and work when they
do this they are healthy, producing
richt results. w
CASCARETS roc a box for week
treatment. All dniKSfists. LiRgest neller
in Ibe world. Million boxen a month.
Clenrt sod brautlfic tho hair.
Promotes a Inxuriant (rruwth.
Nerer Fails to Utore Ursvy
Hair to it Youthful Color.
Cures acalp dirari 4tblr (aUiiub
AOcand tl.mat Pnigyltta
If afflicted with j
W. N. U., DETROIT, NO. 36-19C9.
9 w v-r -tjl
u un mm iff i w a m iu u
will be thrown open to
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