Newspaper Page Text
mmm wMiiinnwiLu R L. LOBAAIim, Publishe". BAST JORDAN, :- MICHIGAN Young Mrs. Cornelius VanderWlt is enouly thinking of running her hus band for Congress. The price of carpets has advanced sharply, and Mrs. Malaprop says she'll buy only rugs hereafter. Canada still clings to opera Ixmffe. Fifteen guns were fired at the opening oi the Toronto legislature. The Mad Mullah gave England quite a nice chance to rest up and is prob ably sorry now that he did it. If the corporation of typewriters at St. Petersburg and Tokyo hold out under the strain all may yet be well. As England views it, this is an oc casion when the white man may have to take up the yellow man's tardea. Why wtionld the girls propose, even in leap year, when they can make the men propose at any time they want them to? Before Russia and Japan get through the Chinese papers will doubt jess be able tO announce some big reel estate transfers. A Chamberlain parliamentary can dldate has been defeated in England. But "Pushful Joe" has several more boroughs to burrow in. All the world's a stage. Wo have our exits and our entrances but IMDtHtnei the exits are found to bo locked in an emergency. Do you suppose the girls themselves really like those dances in which they are not supported by a masculine arm or are they only bluffing? If the revoltuionary army In Santo Domingo is so anxious to get to the government army in a hurry way does it not call a cab and go there? About 10.000 rabbits were killed in a rabbit drive in Oregon. Chicken pie will be a great dish in the hotels i that state for some time to come. Mr. Carnegie has given $1,250 it help pay for two church organs in Tiffin, and somebody cheerfully ob serves that this is real organJ.od char ity. Tho Pennsylvania railroad threaten! to plant hedges to shut off the "un sightly" billboards bordering its right of way. Won't the billboard fellows divvy? In spite of all our efforts to keep from getting mixed up in a war, i' looks as if the United States will hare to fight. The boll weevil has reached Congress. The Boxburghes have received an other grand ovation from the people who are hanging around the ancestral seat waiting for the duchess to POflBOYA the rubber band. Few poets have been so exacting with the Creator as Laureate Austin who is blase enough to grumble about the monotony of the "self-same stars in the self-same sky." Those who figured that It will take thirty or forty years to build tho Pan ama canal have evidently boon watch ing the progress of construction work on government buildings. The Now York Sun speaks of "a close shave for a nurse" of the femi nine gender, who narrowly escaped being crushed under falling ice. Charles A. Dana is dead. A crusade has been inaugurated in Boston against school teachers who "chew gum." How futile! Boston teacheri may masticate; it is impos sible to think that they chew. A man 101 years old dropped dad the other day while smoking a pipe but, perhaps, if he hadnt calmed hln ttorees all his life long with tobacco lie wouldn't hare lived to be 101. lirewcr Pabst of Milwaukee left a JbrtttUS of $10,600,060. This is consid erably more than has ever leen !-fi by anyone who ministered to the spir itual cravlngj at least, so far aa we know. It. is stated that fully 8,000,000 people in Mexico, more than half the population, live without work. had no idea that there were o many political offices under the Mexican gov ernment. One New York young woman vm tttrOS tho comment that if "Hamic " bad ben the bill in place of "Blue beard" the loss of life in the Iroquois fire would have been small. Yes, if Eddie Koy had played Hamlet. The chief of the Cherokee nation in Indian Territory is reported to be Offering with the gout. ThisTts the Carlisle School away to the rear in providing evidence that he noble red man is cnpable of acquiring civiliza tion. Qeneral sympathy is expressed for the downtrodden and poorly paid de partment clerks in the government employ who will hereafter havo to he. p np the bluff that they are work ing for scyen long hours lie days in the week. "I caught cold in my eye last weeV said the cigar dealer. "The general effect was as if somebody had given me a good belt and the black and bine hadn't had time to show. It wasn't painful merely uncomfortable and I thought I could just as well attend to business while it wore itself out. It began to be painful after I got down to the store." "Catch iresh cold?-' inquired the customer. "No," replied the cigar dealer sadly. "It was the inevitable funny business that hurt. People began to get inter ested in the eye as soon as they gut Inside the store. They thought it one of the richest jokes that ever happen ed, a; parently. Say, can you tell me t there is funny about a black eye?" "It isn't any funnier than twins," said the customer. "The last addition to my family was twins. I can sym pathize with you. What did you do about it?" "Stood it as long as I could," re plied the cigar dealer. "After that I 0 His Trust "Last winter when I went south for my health," said Col. L. S. Brown of the Southern Railway. "I was told they were going to try a colored man for stealing a quantity of raw cotton, and when the hour arrived I went up to the court house to hear the case. Tho prisoner was a man about 40 years of age, and he had elected to plead his own case. The prosecution proved that the bag of cotton was found In the colored man's cabin, and the prop erty was fully Identified as belonging to the owner of a compress. Tho pris oner asked no questions, but said ho wanted to make a statement and rest his case 'wid de I awd.' After aWhllC he was given an opportunity to speak in1 said: " 'I was gwine by dat compress at lebon o'clock last night when a v dun called out to me: "Hold on, dar, Abraham Jones. Vo' was a pore man, an' yo' jest take 'long dis bag o' cotton to buy yo' some shoes fur cold w ath er." Den de bag fell at my feet, an' I dun took it home.' "'Did yon recogi i.e the voico?" said the judge. " 'No, eah. but I reckon it WU an angel who sixdee.' " 'Then why did you bide the when you got home'.'' " 'Well. fah. jest as I got frow do gate another voice dun told me dat I'd better hide do cotton fur a few days.' "'Did you recognize that voice?' H B a t I e The skin of tho only gray wolf killed in Vermont in the last fifty ye?.rs was brought into the village of Starkn boro the OttU r day by David Dike, a farmer, who killed the animal in a patch of woods near his barn after a severe fight, in which Mr. Dike and a dog were badly used up. Mr. Dike had just gone into the house from the barn, where he had been milking, when his attention was attracted by his shepherd dog, which was loudly barking in front of the ben house. Taking a lartorn. he wont out to investigate and saw the dog had cornered a gray animnl about his own lse. Both were bristling with fear and rage, but neither dared to attack the other. The farmer had no gun, but he ran Into the woodshed and procured a broom with which ho struck at the marauder. Thercu;n the wolf, for such it turned out to bp, dashed for the woods, with the dog after it, and came lo a stand near the Coot of a maple tree. By this time tho wolf was frothing at the mouth and snarling and snap ping at. the shepherd every time he Genius "i don't pretend to account for the inequalities in this world, but I do know that there are a good many numbskulls who are rich and a good many very shrewd men who are Ior." said n mere-hunt who was tak 'ing lunch with a party of friends down town yesterday. "Here is a little incident that will give you Borne idea of what I mean. I'm something of a crank In the matter of shoes, and always have from live to I dozen pairs that are partly worn but still available for service. One morning iar.t v " a 'hobo called :it the b'-se-meat dxir of mv bouse and 100004 i I in getting mv wife there to Ik story. But the faci that his feel were on the ground pleaded more eloquent ;v than any words, and my big police (ion of shoe? was brought out for him to chexmc from. He took a couple, r durned profuse thanks, and left. ' Toward evening my wife was out and I at home. Along came u 'hobo' wi'.h hair through his hat and ft I 7 went around to the printer and got these cards printed. Ti en when a . mau came hi and asked me about it I hnnded him one of 'em." The customer took a card the cigar dealer handed him and read: "1 did not run against an open door in the dark. "It was not a stick of wood that flew up and hit mo. "I did not call the man a liar. "I do not want to call your attention to the condition of the other man. "I have not been interviewing ' Fitz- ' simmon.;. "Nobody hit re. "My wife and I have no difference of opinion. "I have no wife. "I did not threaten to report the policeman. "N. B. I would like to smile, but I can't, even in the interest of trade." "Let me keep this for a curiosity," said the customer. "I'm sorry," said the cigar dealer, "but I had only 1,000 of them struck off and I used up all the others." Well Placed J " 'No, sah ; but I dun reckon It was a voice from heben.' " 'And that's your defense, is it?' " 'Yes, sah. 1'ze willin' to rest dis case in de Lawd'es hands. De Lawd he dun knows I nebber stole dat cot ton.' " 'Hadn't you bettor have a lawyer?' suggested tho judge, with something like a Bftt!la on his face. " I reckon not, san. I'zo been gwino to church fur de las' fo'ty y'ars, an' !'e rest in' dll ease right In de hands ob. de Lawd.' " 'Then i thai have to give you four months in jail, Abraham.' "Huh. what fur?' " 'For stealing that cotton.' "The prisoner received nis sentence without a word, iCenitng tO have ex pected it, and v.-as presently led away. Two weeks later I mot him on tho streets of a town fifty miles away and said to him: " 'Abraham, I thought you were in jail at BelmaT " Yes, sah, I was,' ho replied. " 'And I remember you put your case in the hands of the Lordf 'Deed, but l did, sah, an' I cura out all right.' " 'Bet yea got four months.' "'So I did, sah so I did; but arter .ing nine days ob de time do I awd showed mo how to dig outer dat Jail, ah' jrer I am an' dey won't nebber git me agin'." Washington Star. h a Wolf) came within range. Oneo or twice he nipped the dog and drew biood. Mr. Dike encouraged the dog and then boldly worked around to the rear of the maple. This was too much for tho wolf, ard la sheer desperation he prang at the farmer, who dealt nim a tolling blow, with the broom. At the same time the tog tackled the animal in the rear and got a hold on his neck. Tho next in-, stant n three-cornered fight was on. The wolf tackled the farmer and dog by turns, snapping and scratching at Brst one and then tho other. In the meantime the dog and the broom got. In some lively work and at the end of ten minutes honors were about even. The wolf could easily have escaped, but be evidently preferred to fight it out. and it was nearly twenty minutes, before he was vanquished. When the wolf was dead Mr. Dike found he was' Cratched In several places and the dog was wounded in spots from the tip of his nose to the end of his tail. The ' skin is much tho worse for wear, but' will be mounted. in Rag through his shoos. Ho humbly asked me if I couldn't help him in the mat ter of footwear and I was in the midst of a refusal when he said my wife hail told him in the morning that I had a pair of ShOOS that were not mates and l would probably be willing he should have them. More with tho idea of Convicting the fellow of lying than anything oIko I brought out the shoe ., sure IBOegh, there were two of them for the hit foot, without any corre sponding shoo for the right. I didn't ft how ho could utll.e them, but ho said they would nerve his purpose, and he departed with them. In the morn ing that fellow bad boon sharp enough to pick out the two shoes for the right foot and then waited around WW be could WOfll m" for the other two. I suppose one pair went to a pal. "Mow, there is a fellow tramping U that would simply ralre Ned if ho had t chance at wrecking railroads or cornering wheat. There V not on man in a thousand would have thought of turning the trick he did." Reporter Glad to "Dlvy" to Save Hit Reputation. P.cfora coming to Philadelphia a cer tain newspaper man VM employed on l Baltimore paper whose c.ty editor van a stickler for facts and brevity. He also believed in encouraging his . il each week a ten-dollar gold a was given the r;an who wrote l he best story that week. On one occasion tills reporter got in :i polios station a report of aa accb to a youiig"v unan, who had been Injured in a storm by a falling tree, .'he report was mo3t comprehensive. Vhe next day the account, just as it was written, was pasted on the bulle tin iuard in the reporters' room. Ac i j t panylng It was a note from the city i dltor, saying it was a master niece of accuracy and brevity and that I ho writer would draw down the week ly prize. Tho reporter's joy was short lived, however. A rat-eyed little ollice boy culled him aside, and in a stage whis per demanded: "Whore did you git dat pipe dream?" Somewhat surprised the prize-winner fold him, to Which he replied: " Well, she lives next door to me, b! Youse is got her sister's name ad of hers in your story; the ad- ress is wrong, and in the second place the doctor is me brother, and his name and address Is also wrong, and then again, sho didn't break her arm, but a leg. Now, you give me half of dat prize money or I'll pipe the chief off." He got the five. Philadelphia Ledger. SCARED BY ENGINE'S WHISTLE. Cowpunchcr Couldn't Wait for Train to Turn Around. At the Hoffman House recently, Col. Cody told this story. lie said: "In my town out West we've i -cent-ly put in a new railroad, which at tract! a good deal of attention. One day a young cowpunci.er from one of the remote ranches came into town and there saw a train for the fir. t time in his life. One of tho boys, knowing his ignorance planned it so that the cowpunchcr found himself r the track just as the far-off whis tle of an approaching locomotive was heard. "The cowpuncher soon began to llOW tlgM of distress. His rostive hn reai 0 I rap! ily a.; the train ap bed, an tU, when the roar and the blanket of dust from the sliding llfl enveloped him, ho rose in his r.rirrups, scared half to. death. "The ergineer, taklrg in tho situa tion, leaned back out of his cab win dow just as the train stopped, and shouted at the top of his lungs: 'Git out of the way, you orrery cowpunch er; I'm goin' to turn around!' "That was hint enough for the cow puncher. Slapping his spurs Into tho Banks of his bronco, he was over the hills In a twinkle. The last I saw of I i WM litti red ball of the fe :. rat horizon." New York Tribune. The Goose Got Away. To the Hen. Joseph Sibley of Penn sylvania the yarn-loving members of the House are giving credit for this story: There was a rich old farmer who llred In one of the Interior districts near Philadelphia, and who got tan gled up in a money transaction with one ot his neighbors. Mr. Alston, for that wa his name, sought an attor ney, who gave him a letter of intro duction to a brother lawyer in Phila delphia, at which place it was neces sary to enter tho suit. Tho letter was delivered to tho lawyer, and while he wai rending it ho was called out of the room, leaving tho letter on his desk. Mr. Alston let minority get the better of him and read the letter, v !,ieh closed with a postscript stat ing that "Mr. Alston is a fat goose; pluck him heavy." That was enough for the old farm er, and seizing a pen he wrote: "P. S. No. 2 The goose has flown, feathers end all." It took him about, throe seconds to amble down the stairs and into the treats, and he has not had anything to do with lawyers from that day to this, preferring to pluck his own geese. Washington. Times. Plants with Savings Brinks. Ail leaf -buds, whether underground u- on the bare branches of winter, arc plant savings put aside from the au perffuity of summer against the pro verbial rainy day. Tho starch of which such orgnnlsSM oonsist is to the plant what his savings are to tho prudent man; and the common potato is one of the greatest misers of the voge tabic world in ihis respect, for almost tho Whole of the tuber is made up of starch food, left as a legacy to the young plants represented by the "eyes." This is true to all plants that grow from bulbs. Some f'o further, for they run a sav ings bank In the shape of a taproot, which. if left undisturbed, grows larger year by year, to be drawn upon m seasons of drought, when other moans of subsistence are exhausted. Among these are primhosos. carrots, beetroot, and turnips; and with these three last this faculty of saving bjU been developed by man to make the I lantC a source of profit. The Red BallT" Imti N' t' lire new plays list'- ! ,i vil '.nu: one unl all. And to W put our kKhIcb on Ami Ide us to the ball. Her music Is the liusbter Tn it's been upon the bretse, ie for the basA, the Mortfc wlni Qotfl booming through the trees. Her flfursi are the oM oaes i . ad by ns t rote; Tin- eights and rlouhh- twisters Ijpon her crystal floor, ii.-r favor ore tho red eheeka, Tho eporkllns tjm withal. While often to the maMe'is FcllOW'. heart will fall M'L.uidburgh Wilson. BY R. K. MUMKITTRICK Once upon a time a cricket was sit ting on a hearth elnrplng away at a great rste, when it happened for the first time to near the ticking of a ciosk that had been put on the BBflatCl over head a day or two before. Then, brim ming with cariosity, the cricket man aged after great difficulty to reach the mantelpiece, where it leaned against the timepiece and listened very atven- trrely. "Whatever kind of an insect it may be," observed the cricket, "it tick.; much louder and faster than 1, and still it never seems to pause for breath.'' While the cricket gax ed Vacantly into space with n. mystified air, the clock struck ten. "(Iraciotis me!" said the start led cricket in astonishment that savored '..f envy of tho greenest kind. "What a beautiful bang it has, to be sure. If I had so resonant a bang" as that I should be the proudest and bappiect creatttre in the meadow, and also at the fireside. Perhaps If I go inside, the banking proprietor will be flood enough to teach mo the method of his beautiful bang." So the crickot, full of the joys of anticipation, kipped blithely around to the front of the clock, and, seeing the keyholes and the hands, concluded that they were tho bai glag occupant's eyes and two of his lege, which he fancied were many. The cricket notic ed also that the glass door of the M a nw s In commenting on t. e well-authentl' cater- statement that T .oodore ?,Io. ma son, the famous Qetman bistorian, si.ejt only about three bours a day during the last twenty year.- ? bis life d yet attained to the ripe old re oi' sr., a specialist i" tv u ; '.! ,. .; -. trild that this remsrl ibis record cml.l undoubtedly be attributed to MOznnt son's extraordinary Intellectual dovei opznent and intense S JSOrptlOU i:i h:s vcrk. ''Contrary to the popular notion." the physician oontlnaed, "the more highly developed ia a man's intellect -s sleep :. vili re u.'-.e. ': :,,- i s that w all of lu'o's forces to Centered in the i;:te!!02t there is. uch less wear and tear or the body ".an Is tho case when a more animal is led. ' When the body is us . r ly as a means to a higher end, and not Indulged fr it;? own tcV.o. it ill respond in an u itonlshlng mni nor to the tasks that a.'o placed upon it. It is laid down by a recognized au thority on dyspepsia and iU treatment hal supper or dinner should not be taken later f.han 7 or I In the even ing, when hi advises a comparatively dmplc mea!. He is emphatic on the importance of eatir.g slowly and allow ing time between each course, to the t tent Indeed of insisting that the ser vant shali entirely clear and remove each frora the dining-room before the next one is brought from the kitchen. Digestion, as he points out, will occupy at leas' four hours, and while it is not desirable to go to bed on an empty stomach, the process Is retarded dur ing sloop. To quote from a recent manual on the subject: "Time Should be allowed botw. Q the meal and retiring to bod for inges tion to be well on its way to beii.g completed. But i ':', that to pass a comfortable night without re-1 M e d Wot 4 (what Broke the SpeSI V Around tho sotting sun the sea rolled hkc a molten furnace, deepening away trom fire to crimson to purple, from purple to gray, and so on to the shim mering black mirror that answered to the Hickering lights of the incoming procession of stars. Far out from land a belated fishing lioat stole slow ly harborward, Its red and its green light mere specks of color on the vast surface oi the rocking water. A cool wind blew In shore and broughl With ;.t the SOttttd of whistles from the ou; bound steamers in tho dim distance, In one direction the lights of the great city could be seen as, a blur of bright re; s indistinct and spectrnllike noon the darkiiess of the summer sky. To the man on the beach the scene Settled too glorious for words, and his SOUl was caught up oy its beauty and lifted far above tho dross ami eon monnsss of this wicked world, in that Encouragement for Beginners. Andrew Carnegie, in addressing Intely an sadicnoc in Scotland strug gling to advance a good cause, nuid: Ler BSC commend a great truth to you, which has been ottC oi my sup boils In life: "The gods send thread for a web begun." Thread will be sent for that you are about to weave. I am well a-.isured." Cricket doei was tightly closed, so it walked aoderaeftth the clock and squeaked up the OSOTtoe la which tho pendulum irss Ureleeeiy swinging. "May I came in?" asked the anxious PBinstrel Of the meadow and ingle nook. There being no reply, the cricket be eame satisfied that the huge marble InsOOt to which It addressed itself was too busy in ticking and locking to hear anything. Suddenly the clock stopped and the cricket crawled up the pendu lum and began looking around and up and down among tne silent, motionless Wheels both dazed and amazed. "I believe lam on the inside of the insect," scid tho cricket, "and that the whole thing," moaning the clock, "is the creature with the OOTeted bang. As the outside of it give,, no Cue as re gards the method, perhap;; I can learn something from thes Intestinal disci." Just, then the owner ei Lhduslock be to wind t. and the ntarffed crick et, sitting akimbo on one of the 1 wheels, lost his balance and tumbled Intp the whirling machinery and was SOon crushed Into a pulp. The moral of this little fable teac'.u I OS tbat we should be content to blow and make ourselves heard on the horn Wit!) v.hieh the wi.se, beneficent moth er. Nature, lupplied us, and not seek t: strike when wo are only equipped to tick, lest we suddenly come to gr ef, AS did the poor. Weak, dissatisfied Cl loket New York Times. o i est ' I an not what you would call a religious v.i-in, but I can testify that it Il Indubitably true that behind tho I ady is a something call it intellect, ! ii it, or BOttl, just as you please b i has a power over the body that is practically unlimited; at least I should hesitate 10 l laco any limitation ui oa 1 . And whoa a man lives in his In U l et. f;eul or spirit, his body is not. i niy BuhJ ted to a mil Imum need of repair, Lut it can bo used up to the maximum of its capacity. MMommsea lived entirely for his wf rk, and his intellect war. so highly trail od that It probably worked almost automatically. All hid physical forces wore enlisted in the service of his lnt Ueet, asd as he followed the urns daily routine for ycirs its power wca enl snood by the wonderful force of k ibit It is a liulo wonder, then, that he thrived on only threo hour.-' sleep a day." ie lessneSS and without sleeplessness the body must g.) to rest fully nourish I, and a good meal some three or four hours before retiring is a groat help to a::mire good sloop at night." it is Interesting to note that the writer Cocj not condemn the old-f.t b lotted "nightcap" of whisky or bran ly and water, and states that two tablo BpOOl fuls of either in two-thirdn of a tumbler of soda or plain water are a M help toward a reposeful nitrht, specially as ago advances. People Should not, he considers, ignore tho importance of rest before their meals, and if one is feeling over-tired before lunch or dinner it is most desirable to sit down quietly for ton minutes, while a small glass of half milk and half water with a spoonful of brand in it will stimulate the system ano prepare the digestive organs for the) task they will be called QpOD to fui fill. London Telegraph. moment ho realized as never befo o Ihe vast dlfceronee, the unspeakable gulf between the things of heaven awd be thing.-, of earth, and his heart wHleri with love for his fellow-nun. Beside him sat his bride of a mottt h. The moon has rarely sen n worn in mine beautiful. The light in ber ej iOOmsd born Of the beauty of tflfl Bight, and he wondered. Whs ihe, t-.io, drinking in its splendor, feasting U mi lt lovelinesb. breathing it , whole being? Her gaze was rtvt l upon the distant horizon, where ky and sea were One. She sighed jh, how sweetly she Sigh Sit 1 flttd tu her beautiful face toward him. "John, dear,' she mnrarered- ;.nd h?r voice was like the wnlflflsi Ing of bttgehl to his son! I just can't dci Ida bethef to have if make with r:r t elir flounce or with a plain dee., -u(-flo." Historic Panama Flag. Secretary Hay has In hlr. BOS the I'linama 11a;, in which v. us ur.e.p -1 Panama s treaty with the I flit I States on Us trip from Washington to the isthmus and back aguin. The flag was presented to him by Hfnlstei Hitnau-Varilla, who himself kepi hi American flag, which was also wrai I about the treaty. I