Newspaper Page Text
'm WM f.fi NIY HrDfl n
IlillLLl Ull UUUI1II IIUUILU I C. A. Disk, Publisher BAST JORDAN, MICHIGAN Speaking of straw votes, did any body ever hear of one that didn't go the taker's way? Ballooning is a very pretty way of traveling if you aren't anxious to get anywhere in particular. ei.,. ....... ............ i. : 1 . . ;.. 11 uo lauug wnuwiMH io n.. .... in us proper place, nut it doesn t seem to have found the place yet. It is th nninlon of nvorv mother' that a boy never loses an opportunity for attempting to break his neck How disappointed (Jeorge Gould would be if that dog for which he has just paid $5,000 should ever bite him. As she knows where she is apt to pet it, China is wearing a high cellu loid collar with gun metal fasten ings. TV,,, . ..,!.., ., rr,, i,.... i-i t;,i. ... I lur ouaoui" uwco t nut Man-wno-Keeps-His-hTonnses-and-Pays-His-Debts-Promptly is not one of them. The death of Hole-in-the-Day, chief of tho Chippewas, leaves a hole in tho western landscape that never can be filled. There is another new language which Is called by its builders "Spokil." Obviously it never can be sp ke w 11. The sultan of Turkey has seventy six titles, but. the best plan is to call him with a gun when you want him to respond promptly. IN i haps Vesuvius started that erup tion now, knowing that it couldn't at tract any attention after the spell binders get to talking. May Irwin has a plan to keep the men from going out between acts, Perhaps she is going to offer them a few drops of the curtain. Sir Thomas Upton Is making ar rangements for another contribution to one of the largest and most ex pensive scrap piles ever reared. Mr. John Munroe, late of the pugi listic ring, was born in Cbfester, Pa. And he is without pugilistic honor BOW in his own or any other country. An Alabama negro went to the gal lows smoking a cigar. If it was a campaign cigar it must have gone a long way toward reconciling him to his fate. Korea's emperor has decided to ac cept Japanese sovereignty. This in formation comes to him from Japa nese headquarters, so he is bound to believe it. Ixntlse, the eloping princess, an nounces that she is going to expose some scandals in high life. If any body can do it Louise would seem to be the lady. Upton is bound to prove that Great Britain can beat the United States at the yachting game, even if he has to get an American designer to build the boat to do It. Munroe's share of the gate receipts of the fight with Jefferies was 6,104 and Jefferies' was $9,156. Mr. Munroe earned his money, whether Mr. Jeff ries earned his share or not. Persons who wish to "enthuse" or do a "stunt" may do so, according to the latest dictionary, with the ex press understanding thai they become thereby colloquial and slangy. The Englishman who has rejected Ian offer of fio.'iuo compensation for seven years' unjust Imprisonment is Irertainly takicg the right course un- lless $10,000 is all that he can get. We read about a victim of a car iccident who is "suffering from con- tusiors on the left side." A con tusion is a bruise, of course, but how much worse contusion sounds! It Is just possible also that before he (iiggers of that twelve mile hole ?ould get half way down to the de sired depti: the center of the earth tight rl up in hot and indignant j protest. Sir William Hnrcourt is, according o the London Chronicle, "the most mighty member of parliament, In dy es well as in character." But le hnH a grown. up SOB whose first tame is Lulu. The cable tells us that the world's lecord grouse bag wns made Aug. 24 lt Broomhcad, near Sheffield, Eng., by i tymington Wilson and eight other tins. The hunters begged 2.718 birds I -and they ought to be ashamed of it. Newport chauffeur-? are Ixdng sent jail for scorching. The rich ones' br and by whom they are hired to orch are supposed to be sufficiently unished i:i having to live without Torching while the sentences are be- ' served. The robber who looted the Adiron- tck camps of thousands of dollars' lorth of Jewelry and silverware is a former, and ought to have a monu- lent. What do these vulgarians want take all those gewgaws Into a nand has for some yesrs been con ods camp for? coaled. Homesick for Old Halsied A Ballad of Bubbly Creek. ah around the world w''vo w uiiili'ivil. ranged thrmijfh every foreign land, Heard 1 1 - How H lis chime In London, sauntered through tho roarttll Strand. Y have suited to San Francisco, where they hiked In 'forty-nine ' And have roamed through Old "alcuttu where the greasy fakers vslilne. all(I )lown ,(f British India, through Rangoon and Mmdaiay : Have we sashayed like ,( gypsy, always IhlrMtliiK for the I ray : In a eattle ship We ehislere.l wll'll OUr . . currency ran sny An(1 we hid U8 lit the steerage from the captain'.-, furtive eye. Uwaya ronminp llko riys.es with a tleite and hungry soul, rhrough the laist we sashayed blithely, north and mtuth from pole to pole; Hut the bells of old Chicago lured us from across the foam. Oh. the sunny rhc of State street, and the haunting spell of home! H the keen breeze ofi' the prairie fan! your hot and fevered brain. And the Witchery of the city soothes your heartache and your pain; Lonely exile have we vvaiider.il over treacherous, alien foam, Always yearning for Chicago and ro ana our mends and girls at home Passing of The Girard hotel of Brownsville, the oldest hotel in the United States west of the Allegheny mountains, and which has been in continuous service furnishing entertainment for man and boast for over 100 years, was sold by the sheriff of Fayette county recent ly to satisfy a mortgage. While not the first hotel built this side of the Alleghenies, tho Girard is without doubt the oldest in point of service. It was built in 1800, and just four years ago this summer celebrated the centennial of its establishment. In the more than a century that has passed since it was first erected the hotel has been in constant service. It has changed hands frequently, but has always been a favorite place lor travelera io stop. laths old days of the National Pike it was a famous hostelry. Brownsville was then the head of navigation on the Monongahela river. The only route from Washington and Baltimore to all the vast domain that lies west of the Ifonongahciu river valley was j through Brownsville. At least that was the direct road, and one of ti.e House Built In the deep shade of the wooded cliffs beneath the Pizzo di Torno, lies a villa. This is the Villa Pliniana, built in 1570 by the Count Anguissola of Piacenza, and now the property of the Trotti family of Milan. The place takes its name from an intermittent spring in the court, which is supposed to be the one de scribed by Pliny in one of his letters, and it is further celebrated as being the coolest villa on Como It lies on a small bay on the east side of the lake, and faces due north, so that, while the villas of Cernobbio are bathed in sunlight, a deep green shade envelops It. Tho house stands on a narrow ledge, its foundations projecting into the lake, and its back built against the almost vertical wooded cliff, which protects it from the south ru sun. Down (his cliff pours a foaming mountain torrent from the Val di Ca lore, just beneath the peak of Torno, and this torrent the architect of the Villa Pliniana has captured in its descent to the lake and carried Must Have That royal women are so passion ately fond of dancing is not to be WOO dered at, since it is only within a comparatively recent period that the rigorous etiquette by which they have I been surrounded has been modified to the point where it is permissible, in a game of tennis or gou, or anv sam hatver, for an opponent of less exalted rant to play his or her best game without Infraction of the rule that not even by accident should the royal player be defeated. Golf, tennis and such games lost in terest with those who were obliged to play under these conditions, and it was only natural that queens and princesses regarded the' ball room as the sole place where they might in- dulge in exercise on an equal foot mi with a partner instead of an oppo nent. Queen WUhelmina of Holland pre- rrs the waltz. Queen Alexandra, al though ;u. still waltzes wilh as much pleasure SI in the days of her youth. Archduke Proves Good Shot. At a crossbow shooting competition - one of the annual si rlei of contests which have been national institutions in Switzerland for centuries which was held a few days ago at Zurich, the winner was a strancer. who afterward proved to be none other than Leopold Woelflir.g." tho name under which the identity of Archduke Leopold Ford', No matter where v.,u wand., you mu mil M .ie in i .-pen. You'll be homesick for the city as the ocean claims sea aheU; Huhbly Creek looms on yom vision you not escape her speii. (an smell it for a mih And the llama nee of the s'ock yards knocks you dlszy for awhile. And the twenty-storied buildings .-..in to scrape the sapphire sky. And the saucy tug boats darling as the skimming swallows fly; And the high bridge spans the river lift ing up Us haughty head. And the foaming urrent snarling with Us cargo of the dead. Huhbly Creek, what memories cluster round thy hollowed fragrant n WO, Huhbly Creek Is bright emblazoned on the starry scroll of Fame. Uubhly Creek, where oft I wandeYed as a restless barefoot boy. Swimming In the murky waters, oh. What tierce and soothing Joy! Take me back to old Chicago far SCfOSI the sundering spray. Harbor lights at home are ia:ing. there our soft-eyed sweethearts stay; I am sick of foreign places, Chicago lures me to her side 'lake me back to Old Chicago far acfOM the (Jrcat Divide! JAMBI E K I NSLLI.A Registry Division, Chicago PoatotHce. Old Hotel most traveled. Governors, senators congressmen and travelers of every kind and description journeyed lhat way and made the old Girard house their stopping place. Andrew Jack son was a guest there. So was Henry Clay. Gen. Lafayette was entertained at the Girard, and a host of others whoso names are familiar in American history. Jackson was a frequent guest at the house, and always insist ed on having the best Monongahcla rye whisky the valley could produce. It is related of him that on one of his trips over the pike ne suffered a sprained ankle and put up at the Girard for repairs. The Brownsville physician called to attend him under took to bathe the injured ankle with whisky, to w hich "Old Hickory" vigor ously objected. All hough the medical man hud his way, the hero of New Orleans insisted that I he use of the remedy internally would do more good and save a sacrilege. Of late years the management cf the old house- has not been so suc.-ess- ful. and it may soon make way for modern Dispatch. Improvements, PIttsbur; in Waterfall through the central apartment of the villa. The effect produced Is unlike any thing else, even in the" wonderland of Italian gardens. The two wings of the house, a plain and somewhat mel ancholy looking structure, are joined by an open areaded room, against the back wall of which the torrents pour down, over stone work tremulous with moss and ferns, gushing out again be neath the balustrade of the loggia, where it makes a great semi-circle of glittering whiteness in the dark-green waters of the lake. The old house is saturated with tho freshness and drenched with the fly ing spray of the caged torrent. The bare vaulted rooms reverberate with it. the stone floors are green with its dampness, the air quivers with its cool incessant rush. The contrast of this dusky dripping loggia, on its perpetually shaded bay. wiiti the blazing blue waters of tho lake and their sun-steeped western shores, is one of the most wonderful effects in sensation that the Italian villa art has ever devised. Century. Nimble Heels Her sister, the Empress Marie of Rus sia, despite her widowhood and her many grandchildren, is still an lad fagitable waltzer. as is also Que Charlotte of Wurtomberg. So Important, indeed, is the matter Of daactag to crowned ladies that many foreign government! make a point cf selecting for certain missions envoys noted for their skill as waltz ers. Throughout the reimi of Queen Margherita of Italy the British for sign office took ears to be repiesenteil by the best dancer available, the late Lord Vivian; his successor. Sir Fran cis Ford, and after him the late Lord Dufferin, having been as much noted for their dancing as for their diplo niatic skill. Germany, too, followed the example of Great Britain, and was for ft in represented at Rome by Count Solms, who was invariably selected by Qtu a Hargfeerttn to open the ball wilh bar at arty entertainment where she hap pened lo be present. Illustrated Sporting News. Thomas Lawson an Ideal Husband Thomas W. Lawson. the Boston con- p r king, is among the most devoted of husbands, his pet name for Mrs. Lawsaa being "Ojrpuy." Recently he had a watch fhain made of thitty-lhre- sold beads, each hand carved to represent a gypsy girl's head. This is attached to a watch having within its cate four pictures of his wife, each in . y 00 si time. The watch and chain represeai I total expense of $40,000. BUfFALO CHASED MOTOR CYCLE. Sportsman in India Had Narrow Es cape from Infuriated Beast. An enthusiastic motor cyclist In In dia, to escape the heat of Bombay, rode his machine up to Khandalla. It is a seventy-odd mile run and the ' rad UntM the foot f the KhatS is reacneu, is pertictly nat. Upon the mtBBB, ib pentrcuy nai. u , stiffest gradient he overtook "l 1 Krauiini nc ovrtooK of water buffalo. Hardly had a herd he gone a yard in front of the animals when one of them took offense at the smell Of the gasoline, or regarded the la bored "tuff-tuff" of the engine as a challenge to mortal combat. It gave a grunt, lowered its head and charged heavily upon the intruder. The road was more than steep. It was dan gerous. On the right hand towered a cliff, on the left there was a drop of nearly 1,000 feet on to the tops of the trees in the valley below. The lum bering beast gained rapidly. Luckily, the rider carried a revolver. He drew It and fired back over his shoulder. The first shot missed, the second passed along the animal's side. With a roar of pain the huge beast started aside, slipped on the edge of the "khud" and the next minute crashed down on the tree tops below. "AND JACOB KISSED RACHEL." The First Really Romantic Kiss of the Scriptures. The Bible that venerable record of the progress of humanity contains the mention of no less than 52 kisses More than half of these were given and received by men. The first really romantic kiss of the scriptures was an incident in the early life of Jacob Iho young Jewish lad had left his father's house and set out to see the world. As he plods along the dusty highway his eyes suddenly fall upon an entrancing picture. By the edge of a wayside well stands a lovely maiden. the gracious turves of her body out lined against the soft blue of the Palestinian sky. A smile perchance wreathes her lips, while the pure joy Of her young life finds vent in song. It is not to be wondered at that, as the young traveler approaches nearer, he feels fluttering around his heart an emotion that has never been there before. The young man and maiden meet, and the two appear to have very speedily recognized their affinity for each other, for the biblical story of this first meeting ends with the state ment, "and Jacob kissed Rachel, an!l lifted tip his voice and wept." Curiosity of Birds. Biids, however wary, are curious and will approach a strange object at the risk of their lives, as wild-fowl shooters know. A singular instance ol curiosity is now reported of a goose in a small village of the Duchy ol Baden. When the "garde-champetre' rang his bell and read his decrees tc the assembled peasants, a white and black goose, eccentric by its intelli Henoe, perhaps a goose of genius, left the flock and planted itself before him. and listened with lofty and solemn stare peculiar to geese, human oi otherwise. When the crier moved on the goose followed, and only returned to its companions after the round was made. It continued this attention for some months. London Globe. Cotton Growing in Paraguay. Cotton has been cultivated in Para guay for many years, but hitherto lit tle or no attempt has been made to export it. In the last year, however considerable interest has been mani tested in this product by cotton deal ers and experts who have visited tl?e tountry. Samples forwarded to the Hnited Kingdom have met with con siderable approval, and one shipment to Manchester was pronounced "very gcod standard quality." Paraguayan cotton Is said to resemble the Egypt ian variety. Besides the white varie ty. there is also a colored cotton. The prices obtained for Paraguayan cot ton in Europe are Id a pound for the white variety and Cd for the red. London Engineer. High on the Hills. llljtli on the hills the great winds strcng iy iliv; The crisp, dry eraes i shiver in ins rra a Seek of white. ;i drifting, wind-blown I wit. Bails oveihcod; immeasurably remote The blue, base hidden uiiieys tic t i . i ne rar-neara. lonely cawini ol n crow lions mi.) etience. uhoatly still, and slow. The long cloud-shedowi softly tic at iiiKi. on the hills. inimitably far the btwa afciea an: Phi world-wide, wind-swept spaces wider k t v : a ; uie o mighty meaning thrttli the tnroHt f echoing .lleneo with S soundless note Kternitj draws nearer than we know. High "I, the nils Independent. Baby's Quaint Idea. When Baby Alice first saw the cow with a hell around its neck, sh thought it so funny that nothing r uiM Induce her to leavo the spot. She stood watching the cow until it slowly walKed away. Then, when the bell began to ring, she turned delightedly to her mother, exclaiming: "Oh, nsaaa, dOeS the cow ring the bell when she wants the calf to come b supper? ' Little i ! ronlcle. The Quinine Cure for Drunkenness. It M claimed that drunkenness can he cured In from one week to one month's time by using the following mixture: Pulverize one pound of fresh quill red Peruvian bark and soak It In one pint of diluted alcohol. Strain nnu evaporate It down to half a pint For the first two days give a teaspoon ful every three hours. If this quantity can i headache diminish the in t The third day redtice amount to half i tee poonful; Ike seal day Rive if IwSB : ; 'P i IhS Seal ten and then five. TICKLE GRASS 5Y BYT?ON WILLIAM!) The Mortgage Lifter. Hall, to the hog! The- American ho! Toe plebeian, groveling thing of the bog. The bristle-backed, scurvy-skinned igno ble dog Of a hog! H" to the par, the slop-en ting pig! The unrefined. wallowing sinffcr wallowing stutter of v. ids. The vulgar-mouthed. menial son-of-u swig "Woof, ' big i ib. t.. the tow, the recundloos sow! The teeter-tit, flabby-chopped, ,,ki row. dy-dow. Tho sacky-shapt d. rooty-nosed, old pork er's frau Okk t hou SOW! Here's to them all. the ignoble pen! The loathsomest hogoos of pig-sty ; and fen. The muddy-nosed, tllted-eyetf, savlsurs of in n On tho f:irm! sine we ;i song of America hog! The d'dlar marked grunter that's built like a log. The gold weighted snootcr that clears away fog From the farm! Warble of humming birds, lovers and lacs. The poetic metre, the fair woman'a rae Dume Symmetry'! form that is fashioned In grace But l lie hog Remember the hog. the squealing old hug That fattens himself on sour swill. In tho bog. Tis he in our business is banker 'in cog" Fine fat pork! The "Y" in the Railroad. "Once upon a time" in an infantile metropolis of the West, there lived a grandiloquent real estate dealer and an air castle carpenter! The sedulous real estate agent was not doing (anybody) very well, and the other fellow had tried everything else and failed, so they decided to start something! As might be expected, they finally concluded that a nice little country paper wculd be about the easiest money going. Of course neither knew a shooting-! tick from a tympan-shect, but both were "born editors" and ac quainted with the local publisher, who didn't know much anyhow and was getting rich at it! "Now. my deduction is," said Boomit. the real estate man, getting chesty, "that if Jobber, who almost has paresis, can successfully hood wink the public into liquidating, we you and I can make Midas borrow a stack of blues in about six months and a fraction!" The argument was philosophical and appealed to Dolittle, the fellow who wasn't very busy anyhow, and they set off enthusiastically for the town junk pile, where they unearthed a printing outfit in about two jerks of a mutton chop's caudal appendage! Then they bought two excursion tickets, rode as far as they had it printed on 'em, and disembarking, be gan a hot-foot up the railroad track toward Utopia which is in the dic tionary, but not on the map carry ing their 'shirt-tail" outfit between them. They didn't know exactly where they were, or whither they were go ing, but it was so easy to make money in the newspaper business wherever there were people and green grass, that it didn't matter much anyhow and they trudged along joyously, practising on the use of the editorial "we" and "ye editor begs to acknowl edge." etc. Dolittle. long, lank and cadaverous, was carrying a bucket of ink in one hand, a planer in the other, and about bis neck dangled ten feet of press tape. From his pocket the editorial scissors protruded at an angle of 45 degrees Fahrenheit or about that height ! Boomit. short, fat and oleaginous, was staggering along under the weight of a mallet, a press roller and a grip-full of type-lice! Thus they proceeded toward the l and of the Long Felt Want, where, people were lying awake nights wor rying about the light crop of news papers and praying for more rain! The day was torrid, and despite thir inner buoyancy, the literary itin erants began to lather a little at the turn of the road and other places' Great globulsf of perspiration rolled down Boomit 's body for he was greasy and built like a keg of nails! Bvery few steps Dolittle would stop and fan the front of his throbbing Undershirt, and lUggesl starting a newspaper "on the spot!" "There's plenty of green grass STOUad lu re." he argued, waving Lis long arm in a semi-circle, "and won't the people come in omnibuses when ( WS get 'er started?" But bettor judgment prevailed, and aft r a time they sightetl a vil church spire! Then, abruptly round- lag i curve, they cams face to face with a "Y " in the road! On each side of the "Y" was a sign board. One read ! 8 MILES to Wilis i LE CRICK. and the other one: : 12 : : MILES : : to : : RICKUT ROLUnt : and they went to Whistle Crick. The entire populace of the Crick turned out en masse t greet the n editors! Itnth Squire Dingrm and Ol' Man Blnkl r .-said they'd subscribe. The bof with a stone bruise on his heel struck them for a job, and the seven yellow dogs wagged their tails as en couragingly as could be expected by utter Itraag ml We!!. Di, little and Boomit an nounced that they wculd begin with a write-up of the town, and tho corner groceryman, who was going to begin business soon, said maybe he'd ad rertlse after the first year, If the pa per showed evidence of stability! With light heart i Boomit and Dolit tie went to work. They set a neat editorial ord that read like this: THE WHISTLE CREEK MOCKING' BIRD Subscription Price 50c a Year (Garden Truck Accepted.) Published Every Thursday Evening. Alexander Bing Boomit Manager. Al. Simpson Dolittle Editor. Now is the Time to Subscribe! Then they VfeBt out where the grtfen paSS was growing and started to do business. Whenever they met snyhodv, they got the glad hand, and the yellow 'logs barked hospitably but there didn't seem to be any big contracts! That night the "literary Keats" dug a few greens, and went i si top alongside the railroad track! They were weary and somtabat Bur prised but not discouragodr And lu re. oh. gentle reader, begins the tear-splashed part of thi:; narra tive! About midnight, the fast mail train. Weeping Uke a demon through Whis tle Crick, threw out a huge sample copy bundle of Chicago papers. The SMSSlve roll went hurtling through the right-of-way like a torpedo thFcuglia Russian cheese! And Boomit, slumbering with Mor pheus and Dolittle beside the iron rail, was struck arid telescoped! He lived but a fleeting moment and his last words were: "Partner don't give up our editorial ship!" "Alas! Poor Boomit!" wailed Dolit tle. standing aloft, while tears of wot fell with soiden thud upon the dead man's flannel shirt "Poor, poor Boomit! And we just getting such a good start!" Then the chief mourner ran uptown and spread the direful news! Squire Dingem shook his head sad ly, and the corner groceryman said he had felt all along the town wasn't big enough to support a newspaper. Dolit tie. dazed and weeping, hung around all next day. slobbering softly to himself, but when the evening shad ows fell aslant the cottonwoods and painted silhouettes on the bosom of Whistle Crick, he mournfully with drew up the railroad track, chanting I requiem of sorrow as he went! The next day, a Russian junk ped dler swooped dowa upon Whistle Crick and its print shop with a writf of replevin, the current issue of ih4 trade paper said: "The Whistle Crick Mockingbird has ceased to mock!'" and the people lived happily ever aft erward ! Moral Most any gazabo can start something! As the Fall approaches, nearer and nearer come the rehearsal echoes of the altiloquent campaigner from his practice stump in the forest primeval. Rhetorical bombast reverberates from afar off, like harbingers of the storm that sweeps in fury later on. In the inimitable parlance of the slangist. "We're up ag'in' it!" this is campaign year! A mean old "geezer" down in New Jersey is using his first, girl's picture to scare the rats from his hen house. He probably has forgotten when iath er's shotgun couldn't scare him away from the original which proves he either didn't have even rat sense in those days or is a Complete mental deformity at the present time! This is the season of the year whi n the erubescent maiden and the awk ward swain get married at the county fair, or the town carnival, amid the plaudits Of gathered thousands. In after life it must be sweet music to thoir ears to be known as "that there couple that got tied at the Berrien county fair." About the hardest luck extant was that of the young man who. married but three days, was drawn on the jury and accepted in a case that lasted three weeks with two days and nights for a verdict. A man Is entitled to a pension for such service to his coun try, The graminivorous bovine in the pasture is je.st about now getting an adjunct of corn meal and bran to stimulate a lacteal flow. To even things, the kid that drives her is hit ting the apple barrel In the cellar reg- ar,v. W(. ()f ttf cty don.( M the good tilings of life. Many a man that kicks gaOtkOf when ho is down refrains from I Id I a dog when It has a tin can tied ! to Its tall. Our sympathy for misused i . t notes is ircqnently more marked than our pity for human beings. When a young married couple with j their first baby go visiting and Iho young husband carries a package tin der hir. arm. all the old married Hoiks know what's in tho bundle without looking. Mnny a woman that could not cook bar- made a noble mother and DOBC et her sons in nfter hfs was in a position lo make his wife unhappy by relet ence to tie biscuits mother used o make. If you haven't anything to siv let (he other fellow say it and make a monkey of himself. The envious man misses his own blessings iu coveting those of others.