Condon globe., November 28, 1901, Image 4

About Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919

Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR

                
A QutsUe r A.
Freddy And can you really and
truly remember Abraham Lincoln?
Grandpa Why, yes, of course.
You ate, I'm a great deal older than
you are.
Freddy Say, grandpa, how old
willl have to be before I can remem
ber him?
t
A Masculine Udy't Mild.
A Bostonian while exploring the
files of a paper printed in his town a
century fcgo came across this ratner
startling advertisement: "II. Kogers
informs those ladies who wish to bo
dressed by him, either on assembly
or ball days, to give him notice the
previous day. Ladies who engage to
and don't dress must pay half price."
VhM tht Proportion It Rijhl
"But true love, you kiow," urged
the young man, "can live on bread
and cheese and kisses."
"That may be true when the pro
portion is right," returned the prac
tical old gentleman, "but, unfortu
nately, in your case, it is about nine
tentba kisses," Chicago Test.
PTQ ffsaMwnitty Oaree. Ma tit r ntmnmm
lllw aftararHT'ianrrr.kliM,iGrMtKnt
tsa, h. K. U. linns. LU..H Arch SC. r lxUdlii, r
A Mers formality.
Haddon Erve I want to marry
Mr. Goldrox H'ml What aw your
prospects?
A1HUUUU Wl-riuoi wu a T.
bo it doesn't much matter what any
one else says. Philadelphia Press.
Chiminj Ikr Privileges.
"I want it understood, mum,"
aid Bridget before Bigning with her
new mistress, "that I shall have me
reg'lar afternoons off during the hot
weather without prejudyce to me va
cation of wan week in October, mum"
Chicago Tribune,
Well Received.
Simpson We went out last night
to serenade the Perkins girls.
Hopkins Did it go off all right.
Simpson Their father threw half
a dollar down to us and said please
E lay till daylight maybe it would
elp him to get some sleep. Chicago
Record-Herald.
Mothers will find Mrs. Wlnslow's 8ooth-
ir Syrup the best remedy to use lor um
lildreu daring the teething period.
Robbers.
"Henry I Henry!" whispered the
wife of the eood citizen, "there's a
robber in the house."
"Lot'aof them," replied Henry,
"in the house and senate, too, but
they ain't a circumstance to those in
the city councils." Philadelphia
I'ress.
Each Anxious to Try.
"Fame." said the man with the
melancholy eye, "is but an empty
bubble."
"Yes," answered the friend with
longhair "But every man has the
idea that if he could get hold of it be
. oould turn it into a dirigible balloon.
' Washington Star
Noblesse Oblige.
"What are you staring at, Nellie?"
"Oh, please, ma'am, with your hair
like that and your diamonds you do
look bo like Lady Plantagenet Ging
ham that I was own maid to I Are
you any relation, ma'am?"
"No at least no near relation.
But you can have that pink silk
shirt waist of mine, inelhe.
I do not believe Piso's Cure for Con
sumption baa an equal for coughs and
colds, Jobs F. Boxes, Trinity Springs,
Ind., Feb. 15, 1900.
Hard Reputation.
"You are wanted in a hurry at Mr.
Gazzam's!" cried the youngster,
breathlessly.
"Are you sure they sent for me?'
asked young Dr. Killiam.
"Yes; they said you could not do
any harm, as Mr. Gazzam's dying
now." Philadelphia Press.
Poor Start in Lire.
"When I started out in life
didn't have a dollar to my name,'
said the man who boasts.
"That's notihne." answered his
satirical friend. "When I started
out I didn't even have all my name
It was several weeks before I was
christened." Washington Star.
Just So.
Little Elmer (who has an inquiring
mindV Papa, what is firmness?
Prof. Broadhead The exercise of
will nower. my son
Little Elmer Well, sir, and what
is obstinacy?
Prof. Broadhead The exercise of
won't power, my son. Puck
4
'"There Is more Catarrh la this section of the
country than all other diwsses put together,
end until the last few years was supposed to be
incurable. For a great many years doctors pro
nounced it a local disease, and prescribed local
remedies, and bv constant! failing; to Core
with local treatment, pronounced it incurable.
1
GOOD
Short StorieJ
Science has proven catarrh to be a constitu
tional disease, and therefore requires constitu
tional treatment. Hall's Catarrh Cure, man
ufactured by F. J. Cheney A Co., Toledo, Ohio,
ii the only Constitutional cure on the market.
It it taken internally in doses from 10 drops to
e teaspoonful. It acts directly on the blood
and mucous surfaces of the system. They offer
one hundred dollars for any case it fails to
cure. Bend for circulars and testimonials. Ad
dress, F. J. CHENEY CO., Toledo, O.
Bold by Druggists, 75c.
Hall's Family Plus are the best.
No Gnawing Hunger to Forbid.
Brown I wonder why big strikes
always come on or come off in
hot weather?
Jones Ob, in hot weather a man
generally gets the idea that he could
sustain life on pump water Chicago
Becord-Herald -
Bishop Thllpotts, of Exeter, once
went to stay with a friend In Devon
shire. "It's a beautiful place, is It not?
remarked ' somebody npon hts return.
Yes." said the Bishop, 'It Is a beauti
ful place; if it were mine, I would pull
down the house and fill up the pond
with It That would remove two objections.
Attorney Isldor Rayner, one of Rear-
Admiral Schley's corasel In the court
of iuquiry, was once Interrupted by
Thomas R. Reed, while making a
speech in favor of a reduction of the
tariff, with the remark: "Did not tne
gentleman hear my speech Saturday?"
No," replied Rayner, -I was at Home
preparing a speech of my own.
It Is related that Feohter was more
than onee the victim of an outspoken
London gallery-god. On one occasiou,
in a melodrama, the tragedian was
slowly paying over a sum of money to
the villain. Everything depended upon
whether he had sufficient money for his
purpose, and the paying out was most
deliberate so deliberate. Indeed, that
a member of the audience, wearying of
the scene, enlivened the proceedings by
yelling: "Say, Mr. Fechter. give htm a
check.
Onee, when the Secretary of War,
Ellhu Root, had approved a punishment
of an offender in the rhilipplnes with
a severity which seemed somewhat dis
proportionate to the crime, a visitor
ventured to ask him whether he did not
consider such a penalty a good deal
like the old law of England which
hanged a man for stealing a sheep.
lCertainly,,, was the answer, "and we
Impose it in the same spirit, not as an
expiatory sacrifice, but as a preventive.
The thief was hanged, not because a
stolen sheep was regarded as worth a
human life, but in order that more
sheep should not be stolen."
When rresident Roosevelt was a po
lice commissioner of New York, in
1S95, Dr. Ahlwardt, the anti-Semitic
agitator from Berlin, visited the me
tropolis. Not a few of the New York
anti-Semites came to Roosevelt In
alarm lest the Jews should rise and
mob the orator on the night of his first
address. The commissioner's response
was to select from the whole police
force a squad of Hebrews whose physi
ognomy bespoke their race most con
spicuously; these officers he placed in
charge of the hall where Ahlwardt was
to appaar, with a reminder that in this
country of free speech they could show
their good citizenship in no more strik
ing manner than by protecting the very
man who had come to hurl contempt
and abuse at their people. The effect
of this bit of comedy was to make Ahl
wardt ridiculous, and cause his whole
crusade to fall pitifully flat.
A wealthy American who took the
waters at Carlsbad this summer was
given minute instructions by his phy
sician, who dismissed him with this In
junction: "As for smoking, yon must
limit yourself to three cigars daily;
three light cigars and no more." After
a few days, the patient visited his phy
sician, who asked: "Well, and bow are
your "I should be all right," replied
the patient, "but your orders about
smoking are difficult to follow." "I am
sorry," the doctor said, categorically,
"but no more than three cigars a day.
You must Just put up with it." "But,
doctor, It really is an awful business.
Wouldn't two a day do? I feel 111 every
time I smoke." "Why, man, what in
the world do you smoke for at all. If
that Is the case?" the doctor roared.
"But, doctor, wasn't it you yourself
who said three cigars a day and no
more? Of course, I thought they were
part of the cure, and began upon them,
though I never in my life smoked be
fore." SQUIRE'S WIFE TIED KNOT.
North Carolina 'Woman Marries Couple
in Hnebind'a Absence.
Squire Wade Bailes is a North Caro
lina Trial Justice who lives in the
neighborhood known as Stewarttown,
which is twenty miles from any town.
Half of his house hangs In Chester
field County, South Carolina, and the
other in the Tar-Heel State.
The State of North Carolina requires
a license to be obtained for marriages.
In South Carolina there is no such re
striction. Because of his location Bailes has
found that fees for marriages consti
tute a large part of his income.
North Carolina couples who are un
able or unwilling to pay for a license,
or who are in an especial hurry, are
invited Into the South Carolina side of
the house and there the service Is per
formed.
Evervthine went smoothly until a
few days ago. In the absence of the
magistrate a young couple drove hasti
ly up and demanded marriage in South
Carolina. The squire's wife toJ them
her husband was away. She said that
she could perform the service, as she
knew it by heart, and also knew the
sliding scale of charges.
The young persons were satisfied;
they were taken 'into the house and
married.
Several days later, says a Philadel
phia North American special, the girl's
father heard that a woman had played
minister at his daughter's marriage. He
Dromntly procured a license and a
preacher and had the knot retied.
Mrs. Bales has been notified not to
do any more marrying, but she cannot
understand why.
News From the Interior.
The new telegraph editor
is a
humorist"
"Well?"
"He heads an account of the can
nibal islanders eating the German
scientists, 'Trouble in Their Midst' "
Cleveland Plaindealer
year
Not Interested in Hay.
"They say the hay crop thiB
will be immense.
"How about the gasoline crop?"
"The what?"
"Hang it, man, didn't you know
that I had bought an automobile?"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
years, says one geniiemnn, auu no
hands over a knire trial no a carried
since he was boy, and that he'd hate
to lose.
Many knives brought In for repairs
are prised because they are gifts; or
they were bought in some foreign coun
try, or they Just suit the nana or the
man that uses them. There are various
more or less sentimental reasons why a
man may prefer to keep the old knife
rather than discard It for a new one.
Then It may be that In some other
cases the knife is too valuable to
be thrown away. So that first and last
and for one reason and another out or
the vast number of pocket knives car
ried a good many come In to In? mended.
The repairs made to pocket knives
are of a varied character. They may
consist, for example. In the putting on
of one new pearl side on a pearl-handled
kulfe to replace a side cracked or
flawed. "With long use the blade at the
hinged end or the spring In the handle
or the rivet by which the blade Is held
may get worn so that the knife blade
wou't close properly, or may be the
spring Is no longer as It should be.
flush with the back of the knife. In fact,
a great many things can happen to a
pocket knife, ami of course the more
blades the more things can happen, but
the cutler repairs them all.
The phrase "rebladed and rehandled"
suggested, of course, the Idea of a com
plete renewal, and the Inquirer won
dered If It might uot be possible that
with the repair of a knife In one part
and another such a renewal might oc
cur. And the cutler said that not only
was it possible, but that sometimes it
actually did happen that with succes
sive renewals of Its various parts the
whole knife came sometimes to be en
tirely renewed, and there was left of
the original knife nothing.
Locating Smokeless) Guns.
The English war office's new scheme
for the training of Tommy Atkins in
maneuvers embraces many novelties,
which will In due course eee the light
of practical demonstration. Among
these none Is more Interesting or
fraught with greater possibilities than
the devlca fo- training soldiers to lo
cate guns firing smokeless powder.
Arrangements are being made to
carry out experiments In this direction
at Aldershot, nd the sappers have al
ready constructed an Ingenious battle
field upon Ash Ranges, which will
make field firing very realistic. In the
trial to come an infantry force will
approach the ranges, and will imme
diately be fired upon by distant guns.
Endeavor will be made to locate the
field pieces and the lufantry will move
forward In cover. As they advance
surprise targets representing cavalry
and mounted infantry will spring upon
flank and front, an armored train will
run out, and all the features of a mod
ern battle-field will be represented
against the advancing force. This
method will call for great Initiative
from commanders, and the targets will
be so made that good shooting will be
recorded by the targets being knocked
over.
As an inducement to make infantry
take cover a new device has been
adopted. Artillerymen are to accom
pany the advancing columns, and
when a distant gun fires its dummy
shell they will produce a correspond
ing explosion among the attackers by
means of a small mortar thus teach
ing the lesson of cover and caution as
no other means short of live shell
could do. London Express.
MENDING POCKET KNIVES,
Sentimental Reasens that Lead People
to the Cutler's b'hop.
A man of an Inquiring turn who had
read on the front of a cutler's shop the
sign, "Pocket iCnives Rebladed and Re-
handled." and who recalled the fact
that, when he was a boy, he used ta
get a new blade put In sometimes when
he broke one out of his knife, found.
upon Inquiry, that boys still get new
blades put In. knives as they used to,
but that, as a matter of fact, the peo
ple who have pocket knives repaired
are mostly older persons, and that the
knives are likely to be valued for their
associations. .
Tve carried tb it knife for fifty
Found Fortune and Love.
One of the most interesting romances
of the great Southwest has recently
come to light, and Miss Maxine Double-
day, a young school-teacher at the lit
tle town of Laurel Valley, Tex., is the
heroine. Many years ago Maximilian
Doubleday was in love with the girl's
mother. When she married his brother
he enlisted in the Southern army and
the family lost trace of him.
The soldier, however, always kept his
sweetheart's picture. Later he had a
life-size portrait of it made and of re
cent years it has hung in a costly frame
In his handsome castle at Cordova,
Mexico. It was this picture which led
to the discovery of his niece.
She has since her father's death sup
ported herself and mother by her
school-teaching in the little Texas
town. A few months ago she went on
a visit to Brazos County. There she
met a young man, Lee Payson, who
told her of her marked resemblance to
the portrait of a beautiful woman
whom a friend of his loved in his
youth.
"And it is a curious fact," the young
man added, "that his name is the same
as yours Doubleday, Maximilian Dou
bleday." "Why, I wonder if it can be my lost
uncle!" the girl exclaimed. Further In
quiry proved that such was the fact.
A reconciliation followed. The
wealthy Doubleday found his boyhood
sweetheart, who is now his wife. He
has made his niece his heiress and she
is soon to wed Payson, the young man
Instrumental in bringing about all this
good fortune.
A Sand Bow.
A curious phenomenon was recently
witnessed from the Antelope Island, in
the Great Salt Lake, U. S. One after
noon a gentleman saw what appeared
to be a fine rainbow between the island
and the mainland, yet no rain was fall
ing anywhere In the locality. The bow
was double the breadth of an ordinary
rainbow, and there was a secondary
bow above it On looking Into the mat
ter he traced the bow to a cloud of
sand from the shore of the lake. The
sand Is "oolitic," to use a geological
word, and the pearly spherules reflect
ing the sunlight produced the bow.
A Wonderful WelL
M. E. A. Martel, the French explorer
of caverns, whose discoveries under
ground have attracted much attention,
reports that he has found in the De
partment Hautes Alpes a cavity in the
form of a "natural well," the depth of
which exceeds that of any other
known. He has sounded it to the depth
of about 1,027 feet, but the actual bot
tom has not been reached.
Whenever you hear a girl refer to a
man as an Idiot It's dollars to dough
nuts that she Is In love with him and
he is in love with some other girl.
True, wit never gives birth to 1U
thoughts.
4 - t JL. Am wil sans mr thmtw Sum" M0r
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STAR"
TMR WORM
(PLUG 3 M OKI N G.J
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lUIJLiai'ltolljBaf
m H 1AB"
I.CK8
(PLUG SMOKING.)
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4)C LfS.
ma fen mot:
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HIT JACK"
OIEVAR6IJ3T
(PLUG SMOKING.)
E. Rice, areenvlllc." -J. T" Oood Luck,"
, "Cross Bow," "Old Honesty," Brandy wine,"
' "Jolly Tar," "Standard Navy," "Planet," "Nep
tune," "Razor," "Tennessee Cross Tie," "Granger
Twist." o
(Two ' Granger Twist" tags being- equal lo one of others mentioned)
TAOS. MAY. BE ASSORTED IN SECURING: PRESENTS.
Our new illustrated
CATALOGUE OF PRESENTS
FOR 1902
will TlncTudVlnany article not shown here. lit will contain the
most attractive List ol Presents ever offered for Tags, and will
be sent by mail on receipt of postage two cent.
(Catalogue will be ready for mailing about January lit, 1902.)
.1 " 1
Our offer of Present for Tag will expire Nov. 30th, 1902.
CONTINENTAL TOBACCO COMPANY.
Write your name and address plainly on outside ot packages
containing Tags, and send them and requests for Presents to
C. Hy. BROWN.
4241 FolBonf Ave.,
St! Louis, Mo.
fl(Q2eA
vet ur.
L $4 n.
erfl
in ras.
turrit mhh Mnn' umu
tVUtVtU'ttt' ttlAU,
trim mimi
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two ue. L
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Terrible Pressure.
"The barbarians buried their pris
oners in a kind of cement that con
tracted as it hardened. You can't
imagine how horrible it must have
been."
"Oh, yes I can. I bave been in a
tight bathing suit when it started to
shrink." Chicago News.
Pain, Snftering, Wizard Oil could not
live together, bo pain and Bufferm;
moved out. Ask your druggist about it.
A Sure Cure.
that Jorkins was
of insomnia by
"And you say
cured of a had case
suggestion?"
"Yes, purely, by suggestion. His
wife suggested that since he could
not sleep lie might as well sit up
and amuse the baby. It worked
like a charm." Chicago Record-Herald.
Sore On the Old Man.
"He said ho'd rather go to jail
than pay his divorced wife's ali
mony." '
"Did she let him go?"
"Yes; ahe said, sho'd rather see
him save his money behind the bars
than spend it over them." Cleve
land Plain Dealer.
A Light Repast
Hungry Horace Kind lady, can't
ye gimme soniepin ter eat?" I ain't
ate nothin' sence day before yester
day. - r '
Kind Lady And what did you
out. t.Vipn ?
Hungry Horace Nothin' but do
market report in an old paper.
Net Entirely Mule.
He What I feel for you, Muriel,
I can never tell you in words. True
love is silent.
Muriel Oh, no, I assure you. It
speaks to papa.
Colonies as Kingdoms.
Queen Elizabeth was commonly
spoken of as queen of Virginia. Vir
ginia and Carolina were kingdoms
under the Stuarts. Massachusetts
was recognized as a sister kingdom
by Cromwell's parliament.
ESTABLISHED 1870.
INCORI'OBATED 1899
7. P. RUnmiEUH & SONS.
12B Smoortd St., Kmi- Washington, Portland, Orogan.
Tito leading and Reliable Furrlora of tho Northwest,
Fur Coats, Capes, Collarettes, Boas, Etc., Made In all the Fashionable Bura
Fur TrimiulnxH. Kobe and Kugs. bend for Catalogue.
sMB-Fnrs remodeled and repaired. Write ua
THE. BEST
IN THE V03LD
MW
MADE IN BLACK MmUM
ON SALE EVERYWHERE
carnccuttrcK
SMOWINflTUUL LINE OP
GARMENTS AND HATA
AV.TOWgB CO.,BOSTOM.r1ASA, s
Patents Send no Money
But a model or drawing with a description.
ad we will advise yon. J. B. Duflle Cnpp
fe Co., (Dept. A) Washington, D. C. 1 v11-
faTllJHtS WHIM All ELSE FalLS. t 4
l;i Best Couhb Syrup. Tastes Good. Use 1,4
in time, coin or ciniMms.
SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES.
1 mmvmimimip v$tmmtmvvmu
su
...Columbia University...
Academic and Collegiate Halls.
COURSKS-Classlcal. Utersry. Sclenllno and
Commercial. For particulars apply to
REV. E. P. MURPHY, President,
University Park, Portland, Oregon.
Bright Man Wanted
WANTED A bright young man or
woman to renrr Bent ns in each local
ity. A goodopportuni'y for steady
and lucrative em plovment. Address,
UNION PUBLISHING CO.,
10 Lowis Building,
8th and Morrlxou Bta.. PORTLAND, ORE
-T ! nnltr i
Summer Resolutions
TAK
1UH
K Keeicy Cure
tuis relief bom Honor, opium and toMOM
habits. Bend lor particulars to
Kealsy Institute,
THE STAR OF STARS
i r
STEEL
STAR
WIND -MILL.
Has ball bearing In turn-table,' .
Turns Iroely to the wind.
Ball bearings thrust In wheel, Insuring
lightest running qualities, and reserving
greatest amount of power for pumping.
Galvanized after making. P.ut touethor
with galvanised bolts, duuble-nuttej j no
part can rust or get loose and rattle.
Weight regulator; perfect regulation. No
spring to change tension with every change
of tomperatura, and grow weaker .with age.
Kepalrs alwavs on hand.
These things are worth money to vou.
Then why not buy a STAR?
MITCHELL, LEWIS
& STAVEIi CO.
PORTLAND, OREGON.
JOHN POOLE, Portland, Oregon,
foot of Morrison street, .
van giro jvu iu ucne uargaiug in
Buggies. Flows. Boilers and Kngiuea,
Windmills and Pnmps ' and General
Machinery. Bee us before baying.
"WP. N. V. - Jio. 48-1901.
. 1 1 -i
WH kn writing t advert! sen pleat
mention this paper V - ..