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Freddy And can you really and truly remember Abraham Lincoln? Grandpa Why, yes, of course. You ate, I'm a great deal older than you are. Freddy Say, grandpa, how old willl have to be before I can remem ber him? t A Masculine Udy't Mild. A Bostonian while exploring the files of a paper printed in his town a century fcgo came across this ratner startling advertisement: "II. Kogers informs those ladies who wish to bo dressed by him, either on assembly or ball days, to give him notice the previous day. Ladies who engage to and don't dress must pay half price." VhM tht Proportion It Rijhl "But true love, you kiow," urged the young man, "can live on bread and cheese and kisses." "That may be true when the pro portion is right," returned the prac tical old gentleman, "but, unfortu nately, in your case, it is about nine tentba kisses," Chicago Test. PTQ ffsaMwnitty Oaree. Ma tit r ntmnmm lllw aftararHT'ianrrr.kliM,iGrMtKnt tsa, h. K. U. linns. LU..H Arch SC. r lxUdlii, r A Mers formality. Haddon Erve I want to marry Mr. Goldrox H'ml What aw your prospects? A1HUUUU Wl-riuoi wu a T. bo it doesn't much matter what any one else says. Philadelphia Press. Chiminj Ikr Privileges. "I want it understood, mum," aid Bridget before Bigning with her new mistress, "that I shall have me reg'lar afternoons off during the hot weather without prejudyce to me va cation of wan week in October, mum" Chicago Tribune, Well Received. Simpson We went out last night to serenade the Perkins girls. Hopkins Did it go off all right. Simpson Their father threw half a dollar down to us and said please E lay till daylight maybe it would elp him to get some sleep. Chicago Record-Herald. Mothers will find Mrs. Wlnslow's 8ooth- ir Syrup the best remedy to use lor um lildreu daring the teething period. Robbers. "Henry I Henry!" whispered the wife of the eood citizen, "there's a robber in the house." "Lot'aof them," replied Henry, "in the house and senate, too, but they ain't a circumstance to those in the city councils." Philadelphia I'ress. Each Anxious to Try. "Fame." said the man with the melancholy eye, "is but an empty bubble." "Yes," answered the friend with longhair "But every man has the idea that if he could get hold of it be . oould turn it into a dirigible balloon. ' Washington Star Noblesse Oblige. "What are you staring at, Nellie?" "Oh, please, ma'am, with your hair like that and your diamonds you do look bo like Lady Plantagenet Ging ham that I was own maid to I Are you any relation, ma'am?" "No at least no near relation. But you can have that pink silk shirt waist of mine, inelhe. I do not believe Piso's Cure for Con sumption baa an equal for coughs and colds, Jobs F. Boxes, Trinity Springs, Ind., Feb. 15, 1900. Hard Reputation. "You are wanted in a hurry at Mr. Gazzam's!" cried the youngster, breathlessly. "Are you sure they sent for me?' asked young Dr. Killiam. "Yes; they said you could not do any harm, as Mr. Gazzam's dying now." Philadelphia Press. Poor Start in Lire. "When I started out in life didn't have a dollar to my name,' said the man who boasts. "That's notihne." answered his satirical friend. "When I started out I didn't even have all my name It was several weeks before I was christened." Washington Star. Just So. Little Elmer (who has an inquiring mindV Papa, what is firmness? Prof. Broadhead The exercise of will nower. my son Little Elmer Well, sir, and what is obstinacy? Prof. Broadhead The exercise of won't power, my son. Puck 4 '"There Is more Catarrh la this section of the country than all other diwsses put together, end until the last few years was supposed to be incurable. For a great many years doctors pro nounced it a local disease, and prescribed local remedies, and bv constant! failing; to Core with local treatment, pronounced it incurable. 1 GOOD Short StorieJ Science has proven catarrh to be a constitu tional disease, and therefore requires constitu tional treatment. Hall's Catarrh Cure, man ufactured by F. J. Cheney A Co., Toledo, Ohio, ii the only Constitutional cure on the market. It it taken internally in doses from 10 drops to e teaspoonful. It acts directly on the blood and mucous surfaces of the system. They offer one hundred dollars for any case it fails to cure. Bend for circulars and testimonials. Ad dress, F. J. CHENEY CO., Toledo, O. Bold by Druggists, 75c. Hall's Family Plus are the best. No Gnawing Hunger to Forbid. Brown I wonder why big strikes always come on or come off in hot weather? Jones Ob, in hot weather a man generally gets the idea that he could sustain life on pump water Chicago Becord-Herald - Bishop Thllpotts, of Exeter, once went to stay with a friend In Devon shire. "It's a beautiful place, is It not? remarked ' somebody npon hts return. Yes." said the Bishop, 'It Is a beauti ful place; if it were mine, I would pull down the house and fill up the pond with It That would remove two objections. Attorney Isldor Rayner, one of Rear- Admiral Schley's corasel In the court of iuquiry, was once Interrupted by Thomas R. Reed, while making a speech in favor of a reduction of the tariff, with the remark: "Did not tne gentleman hear my speech Saturday?" No," replied Rayner, -I was at Home preparing a speech of my own. It Is related that Feohter was more than onee the victim of an outspoken London gallery-god. On one occasiou, in a melodrama, the tragedian was slowly paying over a sum of money to the villain. Everything depended upon whether he had sufficient money for his purpose, and the paying out was most deliberate so deliberate. Indeed, that a member of the audience, wearying of the scene, enlivened the proceedings by yelling: "Say, Mr. Fechter. give htm a check. Onee, when the Secretary of War, Ellhu Root, had approved a punishment of an offender in the rhilipplnes with a severity which seemed somewhat dis proportionate to the crime, a visitor ventured to ask him whether he did not consider such a penalty a good deal like the old law of England which hanged a man for stealing a sheep. lCertainly,,, was the answer, "and we Impose it in the same spirit, not as an expiatory sacrifice, but as a preventive. The thief was hanged, not because a stolen sheep was regarded as worth a human life, but in order that more sheep should not be stolen." When rresident Roosevelt was a po lice commissioner of New York, in 1S95, Dr. Ahlwardt, the anti-Semitic agitator from Berlin, visited the me tropolis. Not a few of the New York anti-Semites came to Roosevelt In alarm lest the Jews should rise and mob the orator on the night of his first address. The commissioner's response was to select from the whole police force a squad of Hebrews whose physi ognomy bespoke their race most con spicuously; these officers he placed in charge of the hall where Ahlwardt was to appaar, with a reminder that in this country of free speech they could show their good citizenship in no more strik ing manner than by protecting the very man who had come to hurl contempt and abuse at their people. The effect of this bit of comedy was to make Ahl wardt ridiculous, and cause his whole crusade to fall pitifully flat. A wealthy American who took the waters at Carlsbad this summer was given minute instructions by his phy sician, who dismissed him with this In junction: "As for smoking, yon must limit yourself to three cigars daily; three light cigars and no more." After a few days, the patient visited his phy sician, who asked: "Well, and bow are your "I should be all right," replied the patient, "but your orders about smoking are difficult to follow." "I am sorry," the doctor said, categorically, "but no more than three cigars a day. You must Just put up with it." "But, doctor, It really is an awful business. Wouldn't two a day do? I feel 111 every time I smoke." "Why, man, what in the world do you smoke for at all. If that Is the case?" the doctor roared. "But, doctor, wasn't it you yourself who said three cigars a day and no more? Of course, I thought they were part of the cure, and began upon them, though I never in my life smoked be fore." SQUIRE'S WIFE TIED KNOT. North Carolina 'Woman Marries Couple in Hnebind'a Absence. Squire Wade Bailes is a North Caro lina Trial Justice who lives in the neighborhood known as Stewarttown, which is twenty miles from any town. Half of his house hangs In Chester field County, South Carolina, and the other in the Tar-Heel State. The State of North Carolina requires a license to be obtained for marriages. In South Carolina there is no such re striction. Because of his location Bailes has found that fees for marriages consti tute a large part of his income. North Carolina couples who are un able or unwilling to pay for a license, or who are in an especial hurry, are invited Into the South Carolina side of the house and there the service Is per formed. Evervthine went smoothly until a few days ago. In the absence of the magistrate a young couple drove hasti ly up and demanded marriage in South Carolina. The squire's wife toJ them her husband was away. She said that she could perform the service, as she knew it by heart, and also knew the sliding scale of charges. The young persons were satisfied; they were taken 'into the house and married. Several days later, says a Philadel phia North American special, the girl's father heard that a woman had played minister at his daughter's marriage. He Dromntly procured a license and a preacher and had the knot retied. Mrs. Bales has been notified not to do any more marrying, but she cannot understand why. News From the Interior. The new telegraph editor is a humorist" "Well?" "He heads an account of the can nibal islanders eating the German scientists, 'Trouble in Their Midst' " Cleveland Plaindealer year Not Interested in Hay. "They say the hay crop thiB will be immense. "How about the gasoline crop?" "The what?" "Hang it, man, didn't you know that I had bought an automobile?" Cleveland Plain Dealer. years, says one geniiemnn, auu no hands over a knire trial no a carried since he was boy, and that he'd hate to lose. Many knives brought In for repairs are prised because they are gifts; or they were bought in some foreign coun try, or they Just suit the nana or the man that uses them. There are various more or less sentimental reasons why a man may prefer to keep the old knife rather than discard It for a new one. Then It may be that In some other cases the knife is too valuable to be thrown away. So that first and last and for one reason and another out or the vast number of pocket knives car ried a good many come In to In? mended. The repairs made to pocket knives are of a varied character. They may consist, for example. In the putting on of one new pearl side on a pearl-handled kulfe to replace a side cracked or flawed. "With long use the blade at the hinged end or the spring In the handle or the rivet by which the blade Is held may get worn so that the knife blade wou't close properly, or may be the spring Is no longer as It should be. flush with the back of the knife. In fact, a great many things can happen to a pocket knife, ami of course the more blades the more things can happen, but the cutler repairs them all. The phrase "rebladed and rehandled" suggested, of course, the Idea of a com plete renewal, and the Inquirer won dered If It might uot be possible that with the repair of a knife In one part and another such a renewal might oc cur. And the cutler said that not only was it possible, but that sometimes it actually did happen that with succes sive renewals of Its various parts the whole knife came sometimes to be en tirely renewed, and there was left of the original knife nothing. Locating Smokeless) Guns. The English war office's new scheme for the training of Tommy Atkins in maneuvers embraces many novelties, which will In due course eee the light of practical demonstration. Among these none Is more Interesting or fraught with greater possibilities than the devlca fo- training soldiers to lo cate guns firing smokeless powder. Arrangements are being made to carry out experiments In this direction at Aldershot, nd the sappers have al ready constructed an Ingenious battle field upon Ash Ranges, which will make field firing very realistic. In the trial to come an infantry force will approach the ranges, and will imme diately be fired upon by distant guns. Endeavor will be made to locate the field pieces and the lufantry will move forward In cover. As they advance surprise targets representing cavalry and mounted infantry will spring upon flank and front, an armored train will run out, and all the features of a mod ern battle-field will be represented against the advancing force. This method will call for great Initiative from commanders, and the targets will be so made that good shooting will be recorded by the targets being knocked over. As an inducement to make infantry take cover a new device has been adopted. Artillerymen are to accom pany the advancing columns, and when a distant gun fires its dummy shell they will produce a correspond ing explosion among the attackers by means of a small mortar thus teach ing the lesson of cover and caution as no other means short of live shell could do. London Express. MENDING POCKET KNIVES, Sentimental Reasens that Lead People to the Cutler's b'hop. A man of an Inquiring turn who had read on the front of a cutler's shop the sign, "Pocket iCnives Rebladed and Re- handled." and who recalled the fact that, when he was a boy, he used ta get a new blade put In sometimes when he broke one out of his knife, found. upon Inquiry, that boys still get new blades put In. knives as they used to, but that, as a matter of fact, the peo ple who have pocket knives repaired are mostly older persons, and that the knives are likely to be valued for their associations. . Tve carried tb it knife for fifty Found Fortune and Love. One of the most interesting romances of the great Southwest has recently come to light, and Miss Maxine Double- day, a young school-teacher at the lit tle town of Laurel Valley, Tex., is the heroine. Many years ago Maximilian Doubleday was in love with the girl's mother. When she married his brother he enlisted in the Southern army and the family lost trace of him. The soldier, however, always kept his sweetheart's picture. Later he had a life-size portrait of it made and of re cent years it has hung in a costly frame In his handsome castle at Cordova, Mexico. It was this picture which led to the discovery of his niece. She has since her father's death sup ported herself and mother by her school-teaching in the little Texas town. A few months ago she went on a visit to Brazos County. There she met a young man, Lee Payson, who told her of her marked resemblance to the portrait of a beautiful woman whom a friend of his loved in his youth. "And it is a curious fact," the young man added, "that his name is the same as yours Doubleday, Maximilian Dou bleday." "Why, I wonder if it can be my lost uncle!" the girl exclaimed. Further In quiry proved that such was the fact. A reconciliation followed. The wealthy Doubleday found his boyhood sweetheart, who is now his wife. He has made his niece his heiress and she is soon to wed Payson, the young man Instrumental in bringing about all this good fortune. A Sand Bow. A curious phenomenon was recently witnessed from the Antelope Island, in the Great Salt Lake, U. S. One after noon a gentleman saw what appeared to be a fine rainbow between the island and the mainland, yet no rain was fall ing anywhere In the locality. The bow was double the breadth of an ordinary rainbow, and there was a secondary bow above it On looking Into the mat ter he traced the bow to a cloud of sand from the shore of the lake. The sand Is "oolitic," to use a geological word, and the pearly spherules reflect ing the sunlight produced the bow. A Wonderful WelL M. E. A. Martel, the French explorer of caverns, whose discoveries under ground have attracted much attention, reports that he has found in the De partment Hautes Alpes a cavity in the form of a "natural well," the depth of which exceeds that of any other known. He has sounded it to the depth of about 1,027 feet, but the actual bot tom has not been reached. Whenever you hear a girl refer to a man as an Idiot It's dollars to dough nuts that she Is In love with him and he is in love with some other girl. True, wit never gives birth to 1U thoughts. 4 - t JL. Am wil sans mr thmtw Sum" M0r MM) s" XJ 11 mow ne ,' t il ii iav f-rr -I T'tfWIIMtefciJ It fdtfS-. FROM STAR" TMR WORM (PLUG 3 M OKI N G.J ESE.0E lUIJLiai'ltolljBaf m H 1AB" I.CK8 (PLUG SMOKING.) la "mm hiipS 4)C LfS. ma fen mot: tt ruts. HIT JACK" OIEVAR6IJ3T (PLUG SMOKING.) E. Rice, areenvlllc." -J. T" Oood Luck," , "Cross Bow," "Old Honesty," Brandy wine," ' "Jolly Tar," "Standard Navy," "Planet," "Nep tune," "Razor," "Tennessee Cross Tie," "Granger Twist." o (Two ' Granger Twist" tags being- equal lo one of others mentioned) TAOS. MAY. BE ASSORTED IN SECURING: PRESENTS. Our new illustrated CATALOGUE OF PRESENTS FOR 1902 will TlncTudVlnany article not shown here. lit will contain the most attractive List ol Presents ever offered for Tags, and will be sent by mail on receipt of postage two cent. (Catalogue will be ready for mailing about January lit, 1902.) .1 " 1 Our offer of Present for Tag will expire Nov. 30th, 1902. CONTINENTAL TOBACCO COMPANY. Write your name and address plainly on outside ot packages containing Tags, and send them and requests for Presents to C. Hy. BROWN. 4241 FolBonf Ave., St! Louis, Mo. fl(Q2eA vet ur. L $4 n. erfl in ras. turrit mhh Mnn' umu tVUtVtU'ttt' ttlAU, trim mimi 13k ttmu. two ue. L 0a CAr, Mil iu MjAitrsiMiiu. v II ' lfa i""" tSO TSt 1 1 , gg' IV MOO TAU. 1 - - - 7tTA(t. Jf i . t m.n iWuyWu,iy,.w.i,i. nrrypyw n " in. ''.in m I'm niii i mi imtmmammmimmmmx'mA ) " -J' ugp ,u yj "";"".' T.T.ii''S'WKfSJJ.'JfVB'l l'"!',.'l1.y"!"' -1 Br..-.r. . - .. ., .c-... 111 " 1 " xnmmmmammmMamiMMtmmimmaiaMim mi ttlmi mm b4wm M mini mmmMtmm,fi t u nmm. tM mow nmmami t i ririinrT Terrible Pressure. "The barbarians buried their pris oners in a kind of cement that con tracted as it hardened. You can't imagine how horrible it must have been." "Oh, yes I can. I bave been in a tight bathing suit when it started to shrink." Chicago News. Pain, Snftering, Wizard Oil could not live together, bo pain and Bufferm; moved out. Ask your druggist about it. A Sure Cure. that Jorkins was of insomnia by "And you say cured of a had case suggestion?" "Yes, purely, by suggestion. His wife suggested that since he could not sleep lie might as well sit up and amuse the baby. It worked like a charm." Chicago Record-Herald. Sore On the Old Man. "He said ho'd rather go to jail than pay his divorced wife's ali mony." ' "Did she let him go?" "Yes; ahe said, sho'd rather see him save his money behind the bars than spend it over them." Cleve land Plain Dealer. A Light Repast Hungry Horace Kind lady, can't ye gimme soniepin ter eat?" I ain't ate nothin' sence day before yester day. - r ' Kind Lady And what did you out. t.Vipn ? Hungry Horace Nothin' but do market report in an old paper. Net Entirely Mule. He What I feel for you, Muriel, I can never tell you in words. True love is silent. Muriel Oh, no, I assure you. It speaks to papa. Colonies as Kingdoms. Queen Elizabeth was commonly spoken of as queen of Virginia. Vir ginia and Carolina were kingdoms under the Stuarts. Massachusetts was recognized as a sister kingdom by Cromwell's parliament. ESTABLISHED 1870. INCORI'OBATED 1899 7. P. RUnmiEUH & SONS. 12B Smoortd St., Kmi- Washington, Portland, Orogan. Tito leading and Reliable Furrlora of tho Northwest, Fur Coats, Capes, Collarettes, Boas, Etc., Made In all the Fashionable Bura Fur TrimiulnxH. Kobe and Kugs. bend for Catalogue. sMB-Fnrs remodeled and repaired. Write ua THE. BEST IN THE V03LD MW MADE IN BLACK MmUM ON SALE EVERYWHERE carnccuttrcK SMOWINflTUUL LINE OP GARMENTS AND HATA AV.TOWgB CO.,BOSTOM.r1ASA, s Patents Send no Money But a model or drawing with a description. ad we will advise yon. J. B. Duflle Cnpp fe Co., (Dept. A) Washington, D. C. 1 v11- faTllJHtS WHIM All ELSE FalLS. t 4 l;i Best Couhb Syrup. Tastes Good. Use 1,4 in time, coin or ciniMms. SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES. 1 mmvmimimip v$tmmtmvvmu su ...Columbia University... Academic and Collegiate Halls. COURSKS-Classlcal. Utersry. Sclenllno and Commercial. For particulars apply to REV. E. P. MURPHY, President, University Park, Portland, Oregon. Bright Man Wanted WANTED A bright young man or woman to renrr Bent ns in each local ity. A goodopportuni'y for steady and lucrative em plovment. Address, UNION PUBLISHING CO., 10 Lowis Building, 8th and Morrlxou Bta.. PORTLAND, ORE -T ! nnltr i Summer Resolutions TAK 1UH K Keeicy Cure tuis relief bom Honor, opium and toMOM habits. Bend lor particulars to Kealsy Institute, THE STAR OF STARS i r STEEL STAR WIND -MILL. Has ball bearing In turn-table,' . Turns Iroely to the wind. Ball bearings thrust In wheel, Insuring lightest running qualities, and reserving greatest amount of power for pumping. Galvanized after making. P.ut touethor with galvanised bolts, duuble-nuttej j no part can rust or get loose and rattle. Weight regulator; perfect regulation. No spring to change tension with every change of tomperatura, and grow weaker .with age. Kepalrs alwavs on hand. These things are worth money to vou. Then why not buy a STAR? MITCHELL, LEWIS & STAVEIi CO. PORTLAND, OREGON. JOHN POOLE, Portland, Oregon, foot of Morrison street, . van giro jvu iu ucne uargaiug in Buggies. Flows. Boilers and Kngiuea, Windmills and Pnmps ' and General Machinery. Bee us before baying. "WP. N. V. - Jio. 48-1901. . 1 1 -i WH kn writing t advert! sen pleat mention this paper V - ..