News and citizen. [volume], March 30, 1882, Image 1

About News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current

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JT IS A FACT
i
THAT
CLEMENT
o vrr.ui..u FOB. SALE, AT PRICES
AS LOW A3 GOOD WORK CAN
BE AFFORDED, A LARGE
VARIETT OF
FIRST-CLASS
FUMITUBE
CHAMBER SETS,
a gnat
Bedsteads;
Mattresses,
Lounges,
PARLOR FURNITURE
c, tfeo., fec.
A ffice Assortment of Camp Chairs
The bet place to buy
BPETS,
A ha ha over Twenty-five Different Styles to
elect Irom, at Boston Prices.
Paints, Oils, Varnishes
In Large Stock and Best Material.
AGENTS FOR THE AYERILl AND AS
BESTOS PREPARED PAINTS.
Ail kinds of PAINTING done at reasonable
ra'.ee, ana by the best of help.
SEWING MACHINES
For gale unci to Uont.
"o Call aid rxamina goods and prices be.
jure parcnaoin eisewaere.
W. E. CLEMENT,
MOKRESVILLE, Vr.
WM. H. BLAKE, 2d.
Wholesa'e rd R-ta'l Te !er in
Iiuillinr mimI Jiliel
1IA11OTAIIE
Iron,
jSTails,
Grlass,
PAINTS, OILS, WISHES
BRUSHES,
Brooms, Wooden Ware,
Tin Ware,
TABLE AND POCKET
Carriage lata' asJ IMmM
SUPPLIES
Of Kvory Xofsoi-ittion,
SARVIN
PATENT WHEELS.
ORIGINAL
Concord Axles.
HAZARD'S POWDER.
1 BLAKE BLOCK,
SWANTON, VT.
JOB
PRIMTING
Done at this Office
KOTE HEADS,
LETTEK HEADS,
STATEMENTS,
SHIPriNQ TAOS,
ETC., ETC.
f E,
Prices the Very Lowest
VOL, X. NO. 2.
LITTLE JIM.-
-The cottage was a thatched one, the outaide
old and mean,
Yet everything within that cot was wondrous
neat and clean ;
The night was dark and stormy, the wind was
howling wild.
patient mother watched beeido the death
bed of her child.
A little worn-out creature his once bright
eyes grown dim ;
It was a collier's wife and child, they called
him "Little Jim."
And, oh ! to see the briny tears, fast hurrying
down her check,
As she offered up a prayer in thought ; she
was afraid to speak,
Lest she might waken one she loved far better
than her life ;
For she had all a mother's heart, had that
poor collier's wife.
With hands nplifted, see, she kneels beside
the sufferer's bed.
And prays that He will spare her boy, and
take herself instead,
She got her answer front the boy, soft fell
those words from him
Mother, the angels do so smile, and beckon
little Jim ;
hare no pain, dear mother, now. bnt, oh ! I
am so dry,
Just moisten poor Jim's lips again, and, moth
er, don't you cry."
With gentle, trembling haste, she held a tea
enp to his lips ;
He smiled to thank her, as 'he took three tiny
little sips.
Tell father when he comes from work, I bid
good-night to him.
And, mother, now I'll go to sleep." Alas,
poor little Jim !
She saw that he was dying, that the child she
loved so dear
Had ottered the last words she might ever
hope to hear.
The cottage door is opened, the collier's step
is heard,
The father and the mother meet, yet neither
speak a word.
He felt that all was over, he knew his child
was dead ;
Ee took the candle in his hand, and walked
toward the bed.
His quivering lip gave tokeu of the grief he'd
fain conceal.
And, see, his wife has joined him, the stricken
couple kneel ;
With hearts bowed down by sadness, thev
humbly ask of Him,
In Heaven once more to meet their own dear
little Jim.
An Earthquake or a Boy.
From Onr Continent
In the early part of a certain summer
the selectmen of a little New England
town determined to erect a high pole,
on which a new flag was to be raised on
the coming Fourth of July. Accordirg
to the ordinance which they passed, this
pole was to be set up on the highest
point of land within a milo of the Town
Hall, provided the owner of such land
should consent.
The town people were very glad to
have the pole, and it was expected that
the raising of the new flag, with the at
tendant speeches aDd other ceremonies,
would be a very interesting event, and
would attract not only the town-folk !
but many persons from the surrounding
country.
Bnt after the matter had been talked
over for a day or two, some of the more
thoughtful of the inhabitants of the
town began to find an objection to the
ordinance.
"The selectmen did not think what
they were about," said Mr. Silas Markle,
the schoolmaster, "when they voted to
put the pole on the highest point of land
within a mile of the Town Hall. I have
surveyed pretty much all the ground
about here and I know that Mullein
Hill, on old Jimmy Hast inn's farm, is
higher than any other land in the neigh'
borhood. The next highest is the hill
on Mr. Upton's place, bnt that is at
least six feet lower than the highest part
of Mullein HilL Now it is my opinion
that if that pole is put up on Jimmy
Haskins's property he will levy toll on
everybody who goes to the celebration.
We all know he don't allow people to
walk over his fields, but he will jump at
a chance like this to make money."
"That's so," said a bystander. "I
believe he got the thing passed himself,
just to screw pennies out of his friends
and neighbors. He knows very well
that his hill is higher than any land near
the town."
The day after this Mr. Jimmy Has
kins was in one of the stores of the
place, where there were a good many
people collected, when one of his neigh
bors asked him a plain question. "Mr.
Haskins," said he, "if the pole is set up
on your landyou"U let everybody go
free to the hill, won't you ?"
Old Jimmy Haskins smiled and did
not immediately answer, and then he
said : "'When the flag-pole is set up on
Mullein Hill I want everybody in this
town and everyone within thirty miles
around to attend the celebration, and
they'll all be free to come through my
big gate and to walk np to the hill,
provided And I'll let you all know
the provision when the time comes."
And then he smiled again.
"You seem to feel pretty sure, Mr.
Haskins," said his neighbor, "that
your hill is the highest point of land in
the neighborhood."
"Of course I am sure of it," said the
old man. "I know just as well as I
know anything that Mullein Hill is six
feet higher than any other ground in
these parts, and nothing can change
that state of affairs except an earth
quake." "Or a boy," said a youthful voice
from the outside of the little group.
This voice was not very loud and few
persons heard it Certainly Jimmy
HaskinB did not The youthful voice
belonged to George Upton, a Jad be
tween thirteen and fourteeen years old.
George, as well as the other boys in
town, was full of enthusiasiasm about the
flag-pole, and he had had strong hopes
that that hill on his father's farm would
be found higher than Mullein Hill. But
on talking the matter over with Mr.
Markle he had been assured that this
would not be. He had thought a great
deal upon the subject, and while listen
ing to Mr. Haskins' boasting talk in the
store, had hit upon a plan by which he
would try and change the state of affairs
which the old man had said could be al
tered only by an earthquake.
"The pole ought to be on onr hi 1
anyway," be thought, "for it'B near
the road and everybody conldcomein
without walking through a long, dirty
lane. Besides I'm not going to stand
by and see old Jimmy Haskins taking
two or three cents from every person
who goes to the flag raising."
It must be admitted, however, that
Master George's plan was prompted a
a good deal by a personal feeling. He
would be very proud to have the great
pole on his father's land.
Mr. Silas Markle, who was the sur
veyor of the town as well as the school
master, had been informed by the com
tuittee having the matter in charge that
on the twentieth of June, which fell on
a Saturday, they would employ him to
ascertain the proper point of land on
which to erect the flag-pole. This gave
George but one week to carry out his
plan, and he therefore set to work with
great energy. HaviDg first obtained
his father's permission, he called
together a number of his boy friends
and announced to them what ho in
tended to do. If Mullein Hill was six
feet higher than the hill on their place,
he would make the latter seven or eight
feet higher than it then was, and if the
other fellows would help him. he
"believed this could be done without the
assistance of an earthquake. His plan,
as explained, was wildly approved by
the boys, and as this was vacation time,
George and hia companions began their
great work early on Monday morning,
Wheelbarrows, crowbars, shovels and
spades were borrowed, and Upton's
Hill soon became a scene of great
activity. Everything was done under
George's directions and he began opera
tions by wheeling all the large stones
tnat could be picked up in the field to
the top of the low round hill. These
were spread over a space of fifteen or
twenty feet in diameter, and formed the
base of the mound to be built. Earth
was wheeled np to fill in the spaces
between the stones; sods and smaller
stones and earth were piled np, layer
upon layer, until, toward the end of the
week, the top of the mound was about
eight feet from its foundation. There
were more than twenty boys engaged
in the work and they labored every day
with great enthusiasm.
George built his mound a good dea
smaller at the top than at the bottom,
and as far as possible he made it con
form to the general shape of the hill
The outside of it was covered with sods
and earth, and when finished it presented
a very creditable and solid appearance.
When the committee, with Mr. Mar
kle, started out on the following Satur
day on their tour of inspection, they
were met at Mr. Haskins's gate by that
gentleman himself. "You are welcome
to measure Mullein Hill," he said, "but
of course it is a mere matter of form. I
am perfectly willing to have the pole
set up on my land, but I intend to charge
each person coming here a small toll to
pay for the wear and tear of the ground.
There is nothing in the ordinance to
prevent that."
When the height of Mullein Hill had
been ascertained, the committee started
off toward the Upton farm.
'There is no use going any further,"
said Blr. Haskins. "We know all about
the other hills round here."
"There's a point of land on Mr. Up
ton's place I wish to measure," said Mr.
Markle.
"Stuff and nonsense," said Jimmy
Haskins, but he followed the party.
Nearly all the boys in town and a
great many other people were assembled
at Upton's Hill when the committee ar
rived there, and when Mr. Jimmy Has
kins saw the mound that had been
raised, his surprise and rage were very
great. He insisted that the height of
this mound should not be measured, for
it was not a natural formation. But
the committee declared that the ordi
nance called for the highest point of
land, without reference to the manner
in which it was formed. The measure
ments were made and the top of the
mound was found to be nearly three
feet higher than the summit of Mullein
HilL
On the Fourth of July the flag was
raised on the pole, which was firmly set
in George's mound. The pole was high,
the flag was a beautiful one ; everybody
cheered and was happy, and no one
paid a cent for the privilege of being
present at the celebration.
"I thought nothing bnt an earth
quake could make any of these hills
higher than mine, "grumbled Mr. Jimmy
Haskins, " but I forgot that there were
such things as boys."
Fbank It. Stockton.
A Brutal Sport.
A sad accident attended the close of
the recent carnival festivities in Borne.
When the Corso was supposed to have
been cleared at 5:30 the barberi, or
riderless horses, goaded by spiked balls
swinging on their haunches, were let
loose at the Piazza del Popolo and
started toward the goal in the Piazza
Venezia at a furious speed. When they
reached the Palazzo Piano, just below
the Queen's balcony, the crowd still
thronged the street and the horses
plunged into it, knocking down men,
women and children. The Queen fell
back sickened at the sight and one of
her ladies of honor fainted. Thirteen
persons were found to have been seri
ously injured, one of whom died im
mediately, bis head having been crushed,
and another the next morning. The
King witnessed the scene from a neigh
boring balcony, and visited the sufferers
after they had been taken to the hos
pitals, spending an hour with them.
Roman newspapers denounce this form
of sport as brutal, and call for its aboli
tion. Another Swindle.
It is reported that western farmers
are now buying experience in the guise
of patent wagon-tongue rights.
Sharper No. 1 comes along, says he
is doing a big business in wagon-tongue
patents, but is on his way home and
will Bell the right for that county for
$250. The farmer declines to be taken
in, and the discomfited visitor says .
"All right ; but if you think better of it
let me know ;" and insists on leaving
address. A few days later No. 2 comes
along. He has heard that the farmer
has the county right for the patent, and
will give $100 for it. The farmer sees
an opportunity to make 8150 in a quiet
way, and sell the right. No. 2 pays
$10 to bind the bargain, and goes his
way. The farmer seeds his note for
$250 to No. 1 and the circuit is com
plete. Then the farmer complains be
cause he is swindled.
Arabella No, powder will not make
your hair bang. Boston Bulletin.
MORRIS VILLE AND HYDE
THE LIME-KILJf CLUB.
"What I was gwine to remark," said
Brother Gardner, as the back end of
Paradise Hall grew quiet, "was to say
to you dat de pusson who expects to in
joy dis life mus mase up his mind to
strike de world on de gineral average,
He who neglects to do so will meet wid
daily sorrows and disapintments. Doan
expect dat de man who happens to
agree wid you on de weather am sartin
to agree wid you on politicks. It doan
foller dat de man who agrees wid you
on politicks will feel bound to accept
your kind of religion. De fack dat you
lend a naybur your shovel doan bind
him to lend you his wheelbarrer. He
who looks for honesty whar he finds
gray ha'rs, will be as sadly disapinted
as he who argues dat an old coat am de
sign of a thief or a beggar. Put faith
in human hatur", an' yet bo ebor ready
to doubt.
i expect to meet about so many
mean men in de course of a y'ar,
"I expect de summer will be hot an'
de winter cold.
I expect to have chilblains
in
December an' shakes of de ager
April.
in
"1 expect dat a sartin per cent of
dis world's populashun will lie to me.
steal my cabbages, frow stones at my
dog an' hit me wid a brickbat as I go
home from de lodge.
"On de odder hand, when I come to
strike de average, I kin put my hand on
men who will lend me money, go on my
bond, speak well of me an' sot up all
night to protec me.
"No man am perfeck. He may strike
you at fust sight as werry good or werry
bad, but doan decide until you average
him. He may beat a street kyar com
pany an' yit be honest wid a butcher.
He may crawl under de canvass to see a
circus, an' yit pay his pew rent in ad
vance. He may lie to you as to how he
woted, an' yit tell de truf about a spav
ined boss. He may cuss on de street,
an yit be a tender father at home. He
may incourage a dog fight, an' yit walk
a mile to restore a los' chile to its par
ents.
Accept no man fur his fine talk re
ject no man fur his old clothes ; stand
him out in do sunlight an' average him
Xou will be sartin to fin' eunthin bad
about him, but you will also be sartin
to fin sunthin' cood."
"Am Construction White in de hall
dis evemn ? softly inquired the Presi
dent as the hush came.
"Yes, sah," answered a voice from
the back end of the room, and Brother
White made his way to the platform
with a look of puzzled wonder on his
face.
"Construction White," continued the
President, after drawing a long breath,
X nnderstan dat you have become a
champion."
"I I I dunno, sah," stammered the
brother.
"1 nnderstan' dat you claim to be
able to lift mo' wid your teef dan any
odder man in America. One of de local
papers says dat you kin lift 280 pounds
wid you jaws, and dat yon kin sustain
your own weight sebeu mm its by cotch
in' a strap in your mouf."
" I I 'spects dat's so, sah."
"Brudder White, dis club doan' go a
cent on champions. Champion rowers
am simply crooks. Champion wrestlers
am only loafers wid clean shirts on. De
champion runner am, sooner or later, an
inmate of de workhouse. De champion
walker walks away from his bo'd bilL
Show me a so-called champion and I'll
show you a bad citizen. Brudder White,
you am a man wid an iron jaw ?"
" Yes, sah."
" Use dat jaw properly an' men will
bress you. You have a wide field befo'
you. Ycu kin help to tear down houses
wid dat jaw. You kin tow schooners up
an' down de ribber wid profit to yerself
an' pleasure to commerce. You kin help
de firemen you kin aid de police you
need have no fear of bitin' off mo' dan
you kin chaw. Do dis quietly an' mod
estly, an' widout any blowin' of ho'ns.
Bite honestly when you strike a rail
road spike, an' chaw on de squar' when
you git hold of a piece of sheet-iron.
Do dis an' we shall be glad dat you are
among us. Start out as a champion,
an' off goes your name from our books.
You kin now return to your seat an
analyze yer thoughts, an' decide what
course you will adopt." Detroit Free
Press.
Dishonest Officials.
Last year Angora, in Asia Minor, was
devastated by locusts, and, in order to
avert a repetition of the calamity, the
Governor decreed that every able-bodied
peasant should, during a certain period
preceding the locust-hatching season,
collect locust eggs at the rate of two
pounds' weight per diem, and deliver
them in person to the nearest local
authorities. The minimum quantity of
ova to be gathered in this manner was
fixed at 1,400,000 pounds' weight, and
it was prescribed that a daily fine of two
piastres should be levied upon each
peasant who should fail to fulfill the
duty thus imposed upon him. The
practical results were as follows: Dur
ing the first day or two of the period
appointed for the collection of the ova
a few rustics brought in their quota oi
eggs; but the large majority of the
peasantry, far too indolent to take the
trouble of digging them up, com
pounded with the powers that be by
privily purchasing the necessary
quantity of eggs from the officials at
one piastre per kilogram, and then
making public delivery of that quantity
to the employees empowered to receive
it. Thus the 200 or 300 kilos of eggs
really collected and delivered by law
abiding peasants were sold over and
over again to the shirkers. These
tricksters saved half the amount of their
fines, the officials pocketed a piastro by
each transaction, aud the crop of
locusts for the oommg season will in
all probability, turn out even finer than
that which all but ruined Angora last
year.
Together they were looking over the
paper. "Oh, my, how fnuny," she
said. "What is it ?" ho atkod. "Why,
here's an advertisement that says : 'No
reasonable offer refused.' " "What's so
odd about that?" "Nothing, nothing,"
she replied, trying to blush ; "only
those are exactly my sentiments." If
that young man hadn't taken the bint
and proposed right then and there, she
would have hated him.
PARK, VERMONT,
Oleomargarine and Butter.
THE MANUFACTUBFD ARTICLE DRIVING
THE DAIBY PBODUOr FROM the ex
POBT TBADE.
Among the amendments to the Agri
cultural Appropriation bill adopted in
the U. S. House of Representatives was
one offered by Mr. Piirker of New York,
providing for the collection of statistics
of the production, home consumption,
and exportation of oleomargine,
butterine, and imita 5ion butter. Mr.
Parker showed, by stitempnts procured
from the Bureau of Statistics and Census
Bureau, that during the six years end
ing June dO, 1881, tie value of oleo
margarine exported rose from $70,483
in 1876 to $381,556 in 1881. In 1878
the quantity exporte-l-as only 1,698,401
pounds, but in ifr'-ar e nding June
30, ISSt, was l&j'QM'ails. t
In the' year ending Deo. 31, 1881, the
quantity of butter exported was only
21,331,358 pounds, while on the preced
ing year it was more than 37,000,000
pounds. The value of the butter ex
ported was $3,250,000 less in 1881 than
in 1880. On the other hand, the sta
tistics show that the amount and value
of oheese exported were greater in 1881
than in 1880. The inference is, of
course, that the amount of butter ex
ported has greatly decreased because of
the remarkable growth of the oleomar
garine industry and the rapidly increas
ing amount of oleomargarine exported.
The Census Bureau furnished a state-
ment showing that in the cities of New
York, Philadelphia, Brooklyn, Chicago,
Boston, Baltimore, Cincinnati and
Louisville there are 'twelve faotories.
employing nearly 700 hands paying
$187,658 in wages, and using $4,740,941
worth of material. The oapital of these
factories was $1,600, 0C0, and the value
of the annual product 85.036.753.
Four-fifths of the material product of
these cities are credited to New York
City.
Mr. Parker asserts that at home every
consumer is liable to become the daily
victim of those who arei adulterating the
people's food by an imitation so artfully
made as to defy detection by any ex
cept experts, and that our market abroad
for the genuine proflnct is greatly
harmed by the belief that we are palm
ing off on consumers as a dairy produot
a base imitation.
What the Sunreyjr Missed.
The Detroit Free Press says: A sur
veyor who was running township lines
in a new county in this State last fall
was engaged by a farmer to survey the
line between his farai and that of a
neighbor. They had a line fence, but
had engaged in several dispntes as to
whether it was on the divide. The sur
veyor was making preparations when
the owner of the other farm approached
and inquired: .
"What are you going to do now?"
"Find the exact line," was the reply.
At this the man wheeled and went off
on the gallop, and he wis seen no more
until the line had been run. The sur
veyor and the first-nemed farmer had
jubt completed the work when the other
came up to within about ten feet cf
them and at-keel:
"Well, have you got through?"
"Yes ; all through."
"And is the fence a foot on his farm?"
"No; he has two feet of yours, and
the fence must be moved so that you
can have it."
The man sprang upon a stump, faced
a thicket about hve rods away, and
yelled out :
"You there Reuben and James and
Samuel I The survey is made and we
are all right ! You kin shoulder them
shotguns and go back to the sawmill,
and if you meet the old woman comiDg
with the pitchfork, you kin tell her to
turn back and get up ' a squar' dinner
for the surveyor !" 1
To Cleanse a Soiled Chamois Leather.
Many workshops contain a dirty
wash leather, which is thrown aside
and wasted for the want of knowing
how to clean it. Make a solution of
weak soda and warm water, rub plenty
of soft soap into the leather and allow
it to remain ia soak for two hours, then
rub it well until it ia unite clean. After
ward rinse it well in n weak solution
composed of warm water, soda and yel
low soap. It must not be rinsed in
water only, for then it would be so hard
when dry as to be unfit for use. It is
the small quantity of soap left in the
leather that allows the liner particles of
the It-other to separate and become soft
like silk. After rinsing, wring it well
in a rough towel and diy quickly, then
pull it about and brash it well, and it
will become softer and better than most
new leathers.. In wring a rough
leather to touch" ufSJfeiished sur
faces it is frequently observed to scratch
the work ; this is caused by particles of
dust, and even hard rouge, that are left
in the leather, and if removed by a clean
rougy brush it will then give the bright
est aud best 'inisb, which all good
workmen like to see on their work.
Under the Sea.
What most astonishes those who visit
the boring for the British Channel
Tunnel is, first, the complete dryness
of the rock, and, secoudly, the marvelous
ventilation of the lo:ag and narrow
tunnel (it is only seven feet in diameter),
which extends now 1,100 yards under
the sea, and which, it ii promised, will
by Easter be fully a milo long. The air
at the head of the boring is far purer
and pleasanter to breathe than the air
of any London street, aad the reason is
obvious. It is, in f aot, the very healthiest
Seabreeze, caught just below Shakes
peare's Cliff, and, after compression,
conducted thence in a five-inch iron
pipe to the boring machine 1,100 yards
off; there the air escapes in the most
inoffensive and even agreeable manner.
A young friend of mine, says Labou
chere in the London Truth, was dining
with his father a few nights ago.
" George," said the fond parent, when
they next met, " you took my cverooat
instead of your own, and I regret to say
I found the pockets of your coat full of
cigarettes and matches." "I discovered
my mistake, father," replied the son,
"directly I got outside,, for I found the
Dockets of the coat 1 had on contained
chocolate creams and three pairs
ladies' gloves,"
of
THURSDAY, MARCH 30, 1882.
The Terrible Floods.
Little Rock, Ark., says a letter from
that point, is thronged with refugees
from Desha and Chicot Counties, nearly
all of whom have interesting accounts
to give in connection with their pilgrim
age. One of these, named John McEl
yen, said :
"I live near what is known as Cypress
Bend, in Desha County. I had a cabin
situated on an elevation which had
never been overflowed, and I thonsrht
never would be. Some days ago the
Mississippi began to rise, and I stopped
my children from going to school, fear
ful that they woald be drowned in the
bayous with which that county abounds,
I had several head of cattle further
down the river and I brought them
home. My wife got very uneasy, and
suggested tnat wo had better go to
Arkansas City or to Little Rock, as she
felt in her bones that there would be a
big flood. I laughed at her fears, but it
was not long before I felt that I had
better have followed her advice, for in a
snort time the rising water cut off com
munication in every direction. One
night, over a week ago, we went to bed
oppressed with dread, though I still
thought the water would fall. I had
secured a dugout and intended to make
an effort to reach Arkansas City with
my family unless there was a change by
the next morning. It began raining
early m the evening, and by the time
night set in the rain was coming down
in torrents. I think it was abont ten
o'clock when my wife cried out, 'Jack,
J. I- 1 .
me nouse is giving way r and, sure
enough, it was. The cabin slowly went
to pieces, the water pouring in at every
crevioe, while my wife and children
shrieked and cried. Looking out you
could see nothing bnt a wide expanse of
water, and I knew that we would all be
engulfed in a short time, and so I took
the bed cord of an old-fashioned bed
stead and tied some of the logs which
had fallen in from one end of the cabin
together, and on this raft I placed my
family, taking only a few quilts, and
leaving everything else. With a fence
rail which had been intended for fire
wood I pushed out through the opening
in the house, and the next moment we
floated away. I have been in a good
many perilous escapes, but that night's
adventures surpass them all. How we
escaped, how we got entangled in tree
tops, how we were picked up late the
next day not far from Arkansas City I
can hardly tell. It is enough to know
that we all were saved; but I lost every
thing oattle, horses and farming tools.'
Fancies About a Millionaire's Money.
A correspondent sends the following
calculations with regard to the reputed
Wealth of William II. Viinderlilt: Esti
mating it at, O0, 000,000, to oonnt it,
at the rate of $2 each second and ten
hours a day, it would take 11 years, 151
days, 5 hours and 40 minutes. In gold
it would weigh 781 tons aud 500 pounds,
requiring a train of 79 cars of 10 tons
capacity to move it ; in silver, 10,714
tons and 571 pounds, requiring 1,072
cars for its transportation. In $1 bills,
lying lengthwise in a continuous line, it
would reach 34,919 miles, 162 rods, and
7 feet, or entirely around the globe and
along its diameter with 1,919 miles, 162
rods and 7 feet to spare, or more than
one-seventh of the dialauce from our
planet to the moon. If laid " width-
wise," these $1 bills would reach 14,6UU
miles, 151 rods, and 8 feet, or from JNew
York City to more than 30 miles beyond
Cheyenne, added to half the circumfer
ence of the globe. In $1 bills it would
spread a carpet 103 feet and 3 inches
wide and 80 miles loDg ; a carriage drive
4 feet and 11 inches wide and over 1,806
miles long ; or a comfortable promenade
2 feet and 5 inches in width, and more
than 3,612 miles in length. In $20 gold
pieces, lying side by side, it would con
struct a sidewalk 43 inches wide, but a
few rods short of 10 miles long; in silver
dollars, lying contiguous, a boulevard
100 feet wide and 8 miles in length.
A Heathen Fuueral.
From recent reports of funerals of
Chinamen who have died in the United
States it appears that the heathen Celes
tial escapes some unnecessary nuisances
and sufferings to which the Caucasian
subjects himself on mortuary occasions.
To begin with, the funeral cortege is
preceded by a brass band that plays
merry music significant of the late la
mented's joy at leaving this wicked
world for a better one. This view of
death is never expressed when an Amer
ican dies, for the mourners think only
about themselves. Following the music
are friends carrying baskets full of care
fully written directions for reaching the
better' land. At the grave mo6t of the
deceased's personal effects are burned,
ostensibly that they may assume a
spiritual form and accompany him to
Paradise, b.ut really, we suspect, to pre
vent the unseemly squabbling that
usually occurs over the personal prop
erty of dead men. No floral pillows are
provided, so nothing is done to dishgure
cemeteries. Lastly, in the dead man's
hand is placed a passport, fully entitling
him, by virtue of an exemplary life here
lielow, to unlimited ramblings in a
world where there is no trouble.
Set Back Ten Years.
Gen. D. McRae, Assistant Secretary
of the State of Illinois, says that the
terrible floods have set Arkansas baok
ten years. It would be impossible, he
thought, to raise crops on the over
flowed lands this year other than cotton,
and that could not be done unless the
waters subsided shortly and allowed the
ground to dry out somewhat for spring
planting. .Experience demonstrates
that corn will not grow on land immedi
ately after an overflow, and thus thou
sands of acres will be worthless un
less the water recedes and gives plant
ers an opportunity to plant the lands in
cotton. General McRae also said that
the effeot of the overflow would be to
drive hundreds of people from the
State ; that colored people in the over
flowed districts were already beginning
to migrate to Tennessee and Missouri in
large numbers, and that others would
follow whenever they could get a boat
to carry them over.
A stibbino dwarf we do allowance
give before a sleeping giant.
A YICTIJ1 OF CHARITY.
The Bashful
young
Fair.
Man at the
It was at a charity fair, and he had
come there at the special request of his
"cousin," who was at the head of the
flower table. He opened the door bash
fully, and stood, hat in hand, looking
at the brilliant scene before him, when
a young lady rushed up, and, grabbing
him by the arm, said:
"Oh ! you must ! yon will take
cnance in our case, (jome right over
here. This way.
Blushing to the roots of his hair, he
stammered oxt that he "really didn't
have the pleasure of knowing "
'.'Oh, that's all right," said the young
lady. "You'll know me better before
you leave. I'm one of the managers,
you understand. Come, the cake wiil
all be taken if you don't hurry." And
she almost dragged him over to one of
the middle tables. "There, now only
fifty cents a slice, and you may get a
real gold ring. You had better take
three or four slices, it will increase your
chances, you know.
"You're very good," he stammered,
But I'm not fond of cake that is, I
haven't any nse for the ring I "
Ah, that will be so nice," said the
young lady, "for now if you get the
ring you can give it back, and we'll put
it in another cake.
Y-e-e-s," said the young man with a
sickly smile. "To be sure, but -"
Oh, there isn't any but about it,"
said the young lady, smiling sweetly.
"Xou know you promised 1
"Promised ?"
"Well, no, not exactly that; but you
will take just one slice !" and she looked
her whole soul into his eyes.
"Well, I suppose"
"To be sure. There is your cake,"
and she slipped a great slice into his
delicately-gloved hands, as he handed
her a $1 bill. "Oh, that is too nice,"
added the young lady, as she plastered
another piece of cake on top of the one
she had just given him. "I knew you
would take at least two chances," and
his $1 bill disappeared across the table,
and then she called to a companion:
'Oh, Miss Larkins, here is a gentleman
who wishes to have his fortune told."
"Oh, does he ? Send him right over,"
answered Miss Larkins.
I beg your pardon, but I'm afraid
you're mistaken. I don't remember
saying anything about "
"Oh, but you will," said the first
young lady, tugging at the youth's arm.
It s for the good of the cause, and you
won't refuse," and once more the beau
tiful eyes looked soulfullv into his.
'Here we are. Now take an envelope;
open it. There 1 you aro going to be
married in a year. Isn't that jolly?
fcieventy-fWei ooutu, pleaBQ." This time
the youi was careful to hand out the
exact change.
" Oh, I should just like to have my
fortune told. May I?" said the first
young lady.
Of course, you may, my dear," said
Miss Larkins, handing out one of her
envelopes. "Oh, dear, you are going
to be married thLa year, too. "Seventy
five cents more, please," and the poor
youth came down with another dollar
note. "No change here, you know,"
added Miss Larkins, putting the green
back in her pocket.
"Oh, come, let's try our weight,'
said the first young lady, once more
tugging at the bashful youth's coat
sleeve, and before he knew where he
was he found himself standing on the
platform of the scales. " One hundred
and thirty-two," said the young lady.
Oh, how I would like to be a great
heavy man, like you," and she jumped
on the scales like a bird. " One hun
dred and eighteen. Well, that is light.
One dollar, please."
" What," said the youth, " one dollar ?
Isn't that pretty steep ? I mean, I "
' O, but you know," said the young
lady, "It is for charity," and another
dollar was added to tha treasury of the
fair.
1 think I'll have to go. I have an
engagement at "
" Oh, but first yon must buy me a
bouquet for taking you all around,'
said the young lady. "Right over
here," and they were soon in front of
the flower-table. "Hare is just what
I want," and the young lady picked up
a basket of roses and violets. "Seven
dollars, please."
" Oh, Jack, is that you ?" cried the
poor youth's "cousin " from behind the
flower-counter, " and buying flowers for
Miss Giggle, too. Oh, I shall be
terribly jealous unless you buy me a
basket too," and she picked up an
elaborate affair. "Twelve dollars,
please, Jack," and the youth put down
the money, looking terribly confused
and much as though be didn't know
whether to make a bolt for the door or
give up all. hope and settle down in
despair.
"You'll excuse me, ladies," he
stammered, "but I must go; I
have "
"Here, let me pin this in your button
hole," interrupted his "cousin." " Fifty
cents, please," and then the youth
broke away and made a straight line
for the door.
" Well, if I ever visit another fair,
may I be be swindled !" he ejaculated,
as he counted over his cash to see if he
had the car fare to ride home.
Getting Away Fbom Sibebia. An
ex-Professor of mathematics in a Russian
university, who escaped from Siberia a
few months since, says that to an exile
in Siberia, under certain circumstances,
escape offers no great difficulty. It is
more an affair of money than anything
else, the distances being so great and
the population so sparse that very close
police surveillance is impossible; but
escape from penal servitude is a terrible
undertaking, and is very rarely ao
complished. Sophia Bernia, who re
cently found her way into Switzerland,
is the only woman that has yet per
formed the feat.
There is nothing in this wide world
that makes a young man crazier than,
after arriving at a party with a young
lady, whom he has got there at consid
erable expense, to have Borne old bald
headed individual get her off into a cor
ner and talk to her all the evening on
the peculiarities of the Gulf Stream.
Puck,
TERMS SI. 50.
A Farm-Yard Fable.
One day the poultry belonging to a
larm-yara were idling about, with noth
ing particular to do, and evidently just
in the burner to observe and comment
upon each other's movements. On the
other side of a wire fence lay a luscious
looking snau, which presently caught
me eye or one of the ducks. Not a
quack did she utter to announce her
intentions, but waddled silently up to
me fence. The other birds watched
her with lazy curiosity, and the turkey
gave a sudden gobble, which probably
meant, " What on earth takes her
there? I'd lay my wattle she can't get
through those wires ; they re much too
close together ; there can't possibly be
rooin for her between." She popped
herihead through, and made one effort
to fjrce her body after it ; but it was no
use, and the attempt was clearly hope
less. What will she do ? Will she let
herdiscomforture become apparent, and
submit to be jeered at for having tried
an impossibility ? Not she ! Promptly
recognizing her failure, and drawing her
head back, she whisked herself round
immediately, and looked about her with
perfect aplomb and a gentle chuckle of
satisfaction and self-complacent waggle
of the tail, which were inimitable, and
could hardly fail to impress the specta
tors with the belief that her object was
fully accomplished, and that she had
never intended to do more than to poke
her head through the wires just to taste
the grass beyond. An observer, who
had perceived the snail, had bis doubts
about the matter ; but we quite believe
that she succeeded in imposing nnon
CJ A
her equals, and was regarded by them
with undiminished respect, as a prudent
and judgmatical duck, who knew better
than to undertake any impractical en
terprise. As we reflected upon the little inci
dent, we wondered whether the lower
animals may not have discovered the
great truth that whoever is known to
have suffered failure is apt, on that ac
count, to stand less well in the opinion
of his fellows. And it seems to us that
here and there in the world noisy boast
ers are to be met with who might profit
by the example of the duck, and learn
that whoever aspires to be hitrhlv con
sidered among men must beware of an
nouncing beforehand all the great
things he hopes to accomplish : and in
case of rebuff, must be careful to pre
serve so unruffled a serenity that no one
may be able to discover that he has any
cause for mortification London Spec
tator. Action of Ice Upon Rocks.
In a recent number of Naturen, Mr.
Bergh has drawn attention to the
severing rocks, of which he gives a
triking instance occurring on the Aale-
Blind iu West Norway v,V,T .
ledge rising out of the fjord is all that
remains ox a ouoe extensive rjieia iru-
montory, which in the year 1717 waa
suddenly blown up and precipitated in
to the water by the force of the ice
within the interstices of the stone. The
winter had been mild, aad during a
rapid thaw a considerable stream had
swelled up from the ice-covered summit
of the fjaeld, and carried its waters into
every orevice of the rock, when a sudden
change of wind brought about a sharp
frost, which turned the descending
waters of the newly formed stream into
ice, arresting tneir course witnin tne
interstices of the rock. The result was
the explosion of the entire mass of the
fjfeld below the outbreak of the stream,
and its projection from a height of
more than 1,500 feet into the neighbor
ing fjord, which engulfed the whola of
the promontory, with its cultivated
fields and farmstead.
Simultaneously with the disappear
ance of the land below the surfaoe of
the fjord, a huge mass of waters was
propelled against the opposite shore,
carrying with it rusty anchors, boat
rafters, and numerous other objects
whioh had long lain at the bottom. The
disturbance extended a mile beyond the
point at whioh the land was submerged,
and the waters in retreating carried with
them a wooden churoh which had stood
fifty feet above the fjord, besides sweep
ing away all the fishing boats for a dis
tance of two and a half miles. Before
this occurrence, which was attended by
loss of life to about a soore of persons,
the headland had been much resorted
to on account of the halibut, which
abounded in the neighborhood, but
since that period the fish has never re
turned, a circumstance which, acoord
ng to local popuUr belief, is due to the
covering up by the infallen rock of cer
tain submarine cavities and springs fre
quented by the fish.
The Bankruptcy Bill.
The Bankruptcy bill, reported by the
Senate Judiciary Committee, will doubt
less give rise to muoh discussion in
mercantile circles. The bill fixes the
amount of indebtedness necessary to
filing a petition by the debtor at five
hundred dollars, and under certain
specified circumstances allows the ma
jority in amount and numbers of credi
tors to throw a debtor into bankruptcy.
It does not recognize registers or as
signees, but provides for the appoint
ment of ft receiver to take charge of the
bankrupt's property and wind up his
affairs. The bill is very favorable to
the debtor, and appears to have been
drawn more in his interest than that of
the creditors. By establishing a fee
system, although the Supreme Court is
authorized to fix the fees, it is a ques
tion whether it does not open the door
to one of the gravest abuses that flour
ished under the old law. A serious de
fect in it, as it seems to us, is the face
that it does not reach property exempt
under State laws. This puts it in the
power of any State virtually to annul
the law by excessive exemptions. In
some of the States property to an im
mense extent may now be exempted,
and there appears to be no limit to which
a State may go in this respect. It is
also a question how effectively the bill
may prevent the preferences under State
laws which often work so much injus
tice in the absence of a satisfactory
national law of bankruptcy. In such a
law uniformity is one of the highest
considerations. But it can hardly be
said that the bill reported secures this
end. To make a good bankrupt law is
one of the most difficult achievements
of statesmannhip. The Senate commit
tee has apparently thought
leave this task to the courts.
Herald.
it beat to
New York
AT THE
1 QTHING STORE !
r
produce BublimerJia I
best
Count that day lost in
have not had a good laugh. .
Chamfnrt
"I occasionally drop into poetry,
as the man said when he fell into tha
editorial waste basket.
By contracting a disease you help to
spread it. Queer, isn't HI New Haven
Palladium.
Ninb per cent of Yale graduates be
come clergymen. Probably this la
caused by remorse for tha crimes they
committed when they were on the foot
ball team. Columbia Spectator.
Db. Holland once said that "the
greatest blessing that a young man can
enjoy is poverty." Still, it is one of
those blessings that "brighten as they
take theif flight." Lowell Citizen.
It is the little things that fret and
worry us. A three-year-old boy may
keep a man ia perfect misery, whereaa
no such trials would accompany the
presence of his eighteen-year-old sister.
Philadelphia News.
The office of Postmaster at Norwalk
Depot, O., pays a salary of $4 per year,
and yet no one will have it There ia
once in awhile an office that an Ameri
can won't touch for either dignity or
money. Detroit Free Press.
Louisville talks of establishing an
art gallery, where citizens may pass the
time between drinks. Chicago News.
Chicago would have one, too, but she
has no time between drinks. Ixuis
ville Courier-Journal.
A Philadelphia editor bears the
name of Comet He 6hould have no
difficulty in providing a tale for his pa
per, but it is hoped he will not get out
of his orbit, and pitch into the Sun or
the World. Norristoivn flerald.
KPITAFH 0!f A CAT.
"Here lies a mewer Immured,
Fells In felicity.
Her molars immolated many a mole,
A micer, my sir, was slie." '
Buffalo Expreu.
Mb. Tisklepocgh has just returned
from Washington, and told his wife that
he was permitted to sit on the floor of
the House. "Well. I declare." said Mrs.
"them Congressmen never had any
manners. Couldn t thev give ye a chair,
'd like to know."
" Pbevious good character," counts in
Texas. A man who was on trial for
arson brought forward witnesses to
prove that he had neglected two good
c'lances to steal horses, and the jury de
cided that no such man could be guilty
of burning a barn.
Fbiend of the family to the boy
twins : " I'm afraid you little fellowa
don't always agree. You fight each
other sometimes, don't you ?" Twins:
'Yeth, thir, thumtimth." F. of tha
F. : "Ah. I thouchtso. Well, who
whips ?" Twins : " Mamma whips !"
The Christian Advocate, mentioning
the case of a girl who said she joined
the Methodist Church "on suspicion "
for six months, says : "We don't know
about the propriety of taking people
into tha church on suspicion, but we
think a considerable number might be
let out on that ground."
Bkattng the devil round the stump :
Was there ever a better example of the
m t- iV,-.
I ... . , ... . .
",B "UBWl:l 1,1 lue 8" mail ui mo
Sierras, who, when asked about the
o).raaf.r rtl nsiVt, l.rr. - A.... i-,.-n nl
r&pliecl r JV!wter, X cloti'fc Jc now zuuoii
abont bias, but my. impression ia that
he'd make a first-class strangor."
"Chem," the caraca(urist, entertained
views on vivisection whioh would have
delighted Mr. Bergb. "I do not op
pose vivisection," would he say; "on
the contrary, I fully recognize its util
ity; but as our organs differ materially
from those of dogs, why experiment on
the inferior animals? Come, gentle-
en, be logical, vivisect one another I"
Claba Lousia Kellogg says she can
make good hash, and Annie Louise
Gary announces that she can make de
licious bnckwbent cakes. This is all
well enough as far as it goes ; but can
either one of the sweet singers sew on a
suspender button to stay two days in
one inning, and make a fire without
getting soot on hor nose 1Norristown
Herald.
PBESENca of mind : A few Sundays
ago a Western church was discovered to
bo on fire, but the preacher, with great
presence of mind, said nothing about
it He merely remarked: " This build
ing is heavily burdened with debt, and
I wish some one would lock the doors
until the amount is raised." Every
one volunteered to do the locking, and
as everybody forgot to come back there
was no panic and no one was hurt
Detroit Free Press.
It is related that when the Massachu
setts Legislative Committee on Charities
visiied the Taunton Insane Asylum, ene
of the patients exhibited an automatio
toy of his invention, in whioh a pros
trate wooden man was receiving
severe kicking and thumping by
others. "Don't you think it rather
severe on that poor fellow to be mauled
and kicked in that way ? ' asked a legis
lator. "Oh, no," was the reply;
" you can't hurt him he is insane."
W. E., Rockdale, Texas: "What au
thority has the Lpgislature of Arkansas
for deciding the difference of pronunci
ation in the name of that State, Arkan-
. A T - - t 'I
saw or Aiaansas r i saw i -
sas, why not say Kansaw for Kansas,
Texaw for Texas ?" As the people oi
New York are called New Yorkers, and
the inhabitants of Michigan are called
Michiganders, possibly the Arkansas
legislators were afraid they mishtbo
called Arkacsasses, and so changed the :
pronunciation of the name of the State
to Arkansaw.-Thra Sifting.
Town and city authorities will be in
terested in the following answer of a
tramp to a question as to how he man
aged to beat his way on railroads. He
says: "No, sir, I never try to beat
rides on railway trains. When I want
to get a ticket to a town, I go to the au
thorities of the place where I am stay
iug and say : See here, I'm a pauper.
I belong to such a town. I think I am
going to have the small-pox and I waut
to go home.' They aro so anxious to
get me out of town they shell out tha
ticket quicker than a cat can dodge."
Thomas and James bad new suits of
clothing at tho same time. Thomas
kept his iu tho wardrobe nice and clean,
but James put his right on and wore it
every day ; so it became shabby after a
time. Thomas's suit, on the contrary,
was as good as ever when James's was
worn out. When the boys' father saw
the condition of his sous' clothing, he
.i.ioM.wnv rmrchased a new and
nobby suit for James ; but s Thomas's
was as good as ever, Thomai got iio new
clothes. Both boys now have suits
equally good, but tho cut f Thomas's
is somewhat archaic. James says
Thomas is an awful guy, Boston Transcript.