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HOME AFFAIRS. Sp&OSt Wa IMP Tm One column CM Incnwi) , . ..... awTS) ThrM.foarth colnmn (19H inches) .". 85.M no-half column (is inches) .. 60.00 One-third column bi Inches) 60.00 One-fourth column (6 inches) 40.00 One-sixth column (4 inches) so.00 Cne-eirnth colnmn (3k inches) 96.00 Cme-eleventh column UK inches) 80.00 One-sixteenth column US inches) 15.00 One-twenty-sixth column (I inch) S.OO One-thirty -ninth column (V inch) 7.00 Une-nfty-second column O inch) 6.uo Fractional parts of year will be charged as fol lows : Kiirht months. Moths price of full year. Seven s-loths ' Bix " T-loths FiT aioths " " " Four " S-loths Three 4-10ths " Two Moths " " One S-loth " " " One Insertion, l-10th " Readier notices, 10 cents per line each lnwtlon, tint no cttartre made of less than 81.00. Probate and Commissioners notices (3 insertions) $3.60. Liberations, EXtraj-s,&c.,(3insertions)$1.60. Legal notices (3 insert ioui) 10 cents per line. H or FARMS, Village Ecsidcnccs. uilding laots, Timber Xsofs, Store, Hie, Efc. Mi Half Qkfn Rnoinoee ie wuu wrvi i tudinvgi uugui imy iiijf VtiLj Italy UIIIG CU 111 attention, and, having decided to close out all of my other branches of business as well as my miscellaneous personal property and real estate, I offer for sale all the land I own except, that occupied in my business and my dwelling, and will rlicnncn of" camn at iprv Inw finiiroc anr! nn oaev tnnmo payment . The Following is a OFFERINGS OF One 2 50-Acre Farm with fair dwelling, barns, sheds, etc., suitably di vided into tillage, pasture, wood, timber, sugar place and apple orchard; running water at house and barn, school house on land that was formerly part of the farm, aw-mill within one-third mile, soil strong and productive, and farm would be re garded worth S3, 000 as farms are selling. Will sell it for $2,000500 down, bal ance $100 per year. One 50-Acre Farm, fair buildings, good water, good sofl; price $750250 down, balance 50 per year. One 5-Acre Farm near Hyde Park village, suitable for a laboring man who wishes to keep a cow and raise his own vegetables; price $500 150 down, balance 50 per year. One Dwelling House In Hyde Park Tillage, location good, buildings new and good size; prioe $1,000 300 down, balance 50 per year. Sixteen Acres of Land just out of Hyde Park Tillage a choice desirable, meadow, not one-half acre in the piece but what is good; prioe $30 per acre by measure. Will sell part or alL Several Good Building Lots in Hyde Park Tillage. To enterprising and Industrious young men who can raise 200 dollars to put Into land and labor, I will furnish the timber, lumber, stone, brick, nails, glass, doors, sash, shingle and lime, wherewith to build respectable houses, and allow payment therefor to be made in $25 semi-annual payments. Land in parcels of one, two and three acres will be sold on favorable terms to those who want land with same near by Prioe of lots, $75, $100, $125 and $150 each. One Store In Hyde Park village, known as the "Corner Store," or "Page's BWi; t ia. rented tor five years at two hundred dollars per year, but ar rangements can probably be made to have the lease vacated if desired. . Price, $2,000 $500 down, balance $100 per year. Sixty Acres Timber Land in Johnson. This lot Is lease land and not sub ject to taxation, but is subject to an annual rental of $12. Will sell my equity for $125. I never saw the lot, but am informed that it is within two miles of a sawmill, no bad hills between mill and lot, and is represented to me to be cheap for any man desiring a logging job. Terms, $50 down $25 in one and $25 in two years, two dollars per M. stumpage reserved until I am paid. One Timber Lot of about one hundred acres, lying on the banks of the mill pond which supplies the new H. S. Haskins mill in Hyde Park. Price $300 $100 down, 25 per year. Two dollars per M. stumpage reserved till lot is paid for. One Building Lot in Belmont, Mass., Mass. and the Fitohburg depots at Waverly. Prioe $100 per yea. of the property will hsX good judges would An examination ation much below what good judgi close it oat and relieve myself of the care of iS at the earliest moment practicable. Parties desiring safe and paying Investments wGl find this property well worth their examination. To such as want for their own use either of the parcels of real state above offered, I confidently recommend A3 CHEAP any one of the above described lots. CARROLL S. PAGE. Hjtto Parle, Tt, Feb 2, VOL XIV. NO. ESTA.TE Sale! ohcnrhlnn m Aiml lim. A Partial List or my REAL ESTATE within a few rods of both the Vt. and 100 down, balance 50 I show I belier that I have placed valu- j appraise it, but I am determined tc j 18S5. 19. A PUZZLE. Old Nathan was out in the garden, One beautiful flower-sweet day, tniem t)orothy, golden-haired maiden, Came pensively wandering that way. "And isn't this very fine weather? I never saw finer," said he. But she made reply, "Why, I think it As cheerless a morn as oonld be." "As oheerless!" repeated old Nathan, Half in donbt if he heard her aright. Then he muttered, "She's daft," for bs Knew not She had quarrelled with Eobert last night. The day was departing; its sunshine Had vanished; th wind whistled shrill; The birds hurried home tb their nestlings, And the air grew quite heavy and chill. The gardener hastened to shelter His tender young plants, when again Dolly passed him this time with light footsteps And she called in the merriest strain, ' "Oh, isn't the weather just lovely?" While her face fairly shone through the mist. . " "She's daft," said old Nathan. He knew not The lovers had met and had kissed. Margaret Eitinob. X acob. TWO WOMEN AND A HOUSE. It is now nearly three weeks since we 7 V i e. t0 KeP- The family to whom he haionged were going to spend the summer ia Europe. We knew the Fletchers slightly. They called on us co see if we would entertain Jacob, their faithful steed. Thev said they knew if e uHu iiumney snould rest easy: and tney knew that our horse was lame now, and perhaps we might like to use Jacob for his keep. Afterwards we found out that though the Fletchers might rest easy, we could not. We inougnt well of this proposition. We decided we would have Kentucky's fihoes taken off and put her in our pas ture DacK 01 the barn. When these people drove over from the town where they live, they did not drive their own horse, but came with a neighbor. It happened that we had never seen the horse that we were to take until he came on the day his family left for New York to take the steamer. A man m a very narrow open buggy drove into our yard. Hitched to his wagon behind him was an iron-gray horse so tall that it made one gasp to look at him. It was not that he was so very heavy, but that his legs and neck were so long. Now we knew enough to be aware that it is not a good sign to "see too much daylight under a horse" One could see half the firmament under Jacob. The man grinned as he said he guessed this was the old Barton place. We said it was. "Well," he responded, iiimnincr Hmrn from his seat and beginning to untie the halter which Was fastened tntha roo w nf his buggy. "Wall, I've brought ve this ere railroad bridge, ye see." My sister and I both stood with our heads thrown back, gazing. I immedi ately suggested that it might be well to " nor.;. nom. tfra. I -dtda t believe we could take care of him, and my sister added that we had had no ex perience in the wants of a dromedary, or even of a giraffe. The man grinned still more. "Can't take him back," he said; "his folks have gone. Hadn't ye ever seen this critter before V "Never." Then he laughed, and laughed so long that we began to be angry. Jacob, meanwhile, had begun to graze. I saw he had kind eyes ; there was no vicious appearance about him. My sister re marked that if she had money enough to travel in Europe she thought she should afford to sell Jacob, where upon the man went off into another laugh, and I asked sternly how many tricks he had. As soon as possible I was told that he hadn't any tricks; he was a perfect horse, so far as he knew. The Fletchers set such store by him they wouldn't sell him at no price, and they thought we women folks would appre ciate him. Having said this with great solemnity and emphasis, he put the end of the halter into my hand, placed his foot on the hub of the wheel, and sprang over into his buggy. As he drove away we saw him swaying with laughter, and he kept looking behind at the group he had left. It was a good while before either of us spoke. Our Gordon setter now walked up from somewhere, glanced at us, and walked away again, as if washing his hands of this affair. "I guess we'll put him into the barn," I said cheerfully after a while. "You go in and turn Kentucky out." Gertrude did as she was told. In a moment I saw our horse walk out of the west door into the pasture. She had a loose box, and it was into this that I now led Jacob. The box was not the largest kind, but it was roomy enough for Kentucky to turn round in, and she was a good-sized animal. It never oc curred to us that this apartment was not large enough for any horse, or if it was not, that an 7 horse of sense would try to turn round in it. We closed the door and stood a mo ment, asking each other what we were going to do. We said we hated the i"let hevs. We snid we hoped they would drown; but we withdrew that "-ish for two reasons; first, because if they drov ncd we should have to keep Jacob forever; secondly, because the wish was wicked. As we walked toward the house we heard a great noise of hoofs, and then an ominous stillness, in which we fan cied Was W kind of choking sound. We ran back and flung open the box door. There was Jacob describing a curve across the room, his hind-quarters being one end and his head the other, both extremities being pressed so hard against either partition that he was curved nearly into a half circle, and ap peared to be smothering, so twisted was his neck. "Run for a man!"I cried out, looking wildly round for something, I knew not what. My sister started, while I recklessly caught up a whip and went at the horse, flourishing it across his back, lie made a tremendous movement and curved up still more; so much so that he released himself . and stood head toward me. I ran after Gertrude ' and told her to j come back, that we did not want a man; vine uativ, mail v c U1U HUt VV I the horse turne round. louder that we did not want She did screamed still t anv man. Now she heard, and turned, walking with great slowness and dignity toward me. Something in her aspect made me look about, and I saw a gentleman within a few ieet of me. He did not attempt to liigui.se his merriment. He said it did not appear to be a good time for him to call, and he would go on. He was not urged to stay, but he was invited to call some other time and see the horse that we had taken to keep. As soon as possible we hurried into the barn and found Jacob with his head in the meal barrel. We pulled him out and decided that he could not be loose in his box, so we tied him to the manger just as if he had been in a stall. He was all n-jht now. It being i " ' ; ' MORRISVILLE AND HYDE PARK,. VERMONT, THURSDAY, JULY 22, 1886. sunset, we placed him and left hiin. hay and oats before The night passed quietly. When 1 went t the barn in the morning I saw plainly that I had not fed th horse enough. He had eaten everything I had given him, all the bedding, and about one-half of the manger, which was made ot thick pine plank. Also a shallow hole was gnawed out in the Partition. hastened to give him his breakfast, and I gave him la my anxiety three times as mush as the usual quantity. I told my sister.- what -I had discovered, fthd she informed 'mflthat we should have to have our stable and eating-box lined through out with "Sine, for it was not because Jacob was" hungry, it was because he was a "cribber" that he had done this thing, She proved to be right. In less' than a week "we had, the zinc put on, and only bafcly in time then to save the walls and foundation. I watched the horse once; I saw him take hold of the wood and pull and grunt. He was lost and bewildered when he could not do that. I think it was for lack of this occupation that he got into trouble the very first night after his dwelling wa3 repaired. VVe were awakened about midnight by a noise which at first we could not place; but of course as we had had ho real freedom since Jacob had come, we immediately thought he was the cause of it. We dressed hurriedly, lighted the lantern and went out into the summer night, which was full of sweet odors and the hum of insects. A whippoorwill was singing on the grind stone under the cherry tree as we opened the back door. When we reached the stall our hearts sank. There was the horse sprawled out, with yards and yards of hind legs on the floor behind him. He was not struggling now, he was lying perfectly still, his head on its side. Although we had never seen a horse like this before, we were sure that he was in a fit. I ran to our nearest neighbor. I ruth lessly pounded and called until he came to the window, when I informed him that that gray horse was in a fit, and would he come right up f He said he would, and I ran back, being perfectly breathless and helpless when I reached home. Gertrude was sitting on a stool be hind the horse, looking at him. He lay just the same. "He is coming," I said, and sank down on the meal chest. "I wouldn't run myself to death," she said. "I don't know that it is required of us that we give our lives for this horse, though his family are in Europe. I wish they were here with us, gazing at their pet." The man came. He said the horse was not in a fit. He was well enough ; he was only cast. "Only cast I" cried my sister. "What more would you have f How long does a horse stay cast ?" "What you want is a good plank." said our neighbor. We found a good plank. He laid one end of it ever Jacob's hind legs, and theie was ample opportunity so to do; then he directed Gertrude and me to get on the plank and stand firmly, while he went in the stall. We did not see what he did, we were too much occupied with what we were doing, for we obeyed him. Immediately there was a movement, a lurch, an upheaval. The lopr were drawn up, and we flew oil across the barn. - Gertrude's nose began to bleed, but I only sustained general bruises, which I counted as nothing. The horse was standing. "I guess Ire's all right now," Bays our friend. "I'll hitch him up so high he can't git his head down; ef he can't do that he can't lie down. I guess he tried to roll. Better put him in a narrerer stall. Too much room. Horses don't try to roll in narrer stalls." When daylight came we harnessed our own horse and went for a carpenter to make a narrer Btall. But we never used it after it was made more than half a dozen times. We turned Jacob out to pasture and drove Kentucky, lame though she was. The reason why we did this was because to harness Jacob was more than we were able to do often. At our first attempt he got away from us six times as we tried to put his bridle on. The instant we slipped off his headstall he flung up his head even higher than usual, mountain high it seemed to us, and went out of doors if he could, or back into his stall. One of us led him out, the other stood on a chair with the bridle in complete readi ness to put on his head. No, his teeth were shut hard, and his head was, so far as we were concerned, miles off. Only those who have tried it on a hot summer day know how exasperated and how helpless we were. But we did suc ceed. Then we went into the house and rested. When we came out the sight of that beast attached to a low phaeton made us feel that our labor was thrown away. He looked higher than ever; he was monstrous. He would have looked tall in a T-cart or an omnibus. AVhen we sat down and I took the reins, they came to me from such a height, and de scended so far before they reached the little dash-board, that I was ashamed. I think we had sufficient reason fer putting Jacob to pasture. He tumbles down walls and fences, but we are in comparative peace. When Mrs. Fletcher reached Liverpool she wrote that she hoped we were enjoying that dear horse, and she knew v. e should be kind to him. She felt perfectly easy about him. JV. Y. Tribune. Had Been a Governor. The old story has started up and is going the rounds of the European diplo matic circles relating to one of our Con suls. "At a dinner given by a promi nent native official, at which the whole diplomatic corps were present, the American was seated by the side of the French Consul, who often addressed his American colleague after the usual French manner, as Monsieur. This did not please the temper nor suit the dig nity of the gentleman of the eagle coun try, md he stood the supposed undue familiarity on the part of the French man until his patience became quite ex hausted, and then his pent up indigna tion burst forth ia words more charac teristic for strength than elegance, and are reported in about this strain: "By thunder, Sir, I'd have you to understand, Sir, that I've been Governor of the Stato of , a State, Sir, larger than the whole of your country, Sir, and I'll be hanged if I'll be mounseered by you or any one else." That Settled It. George W. Vaughan, of Buffalo, has a big Confed erate flag that floated over the Richmond IHspateh office until Richmond fell. Some time ago he wrote to the DUpateh people, telling thorn that he had their old flag, and offering to exchange it for a Union flag. The answer came prompt ly and politely that they had had all they wanted of the rebel fag, and that Mr. Vaughan was quite welcome to it. Expensive. John Burkey, of Henry ville, Ind., has an extremely comical laugh. Benjamin Jenks. of New AlDa ny,Dheard one of his risibles the other clay and immediately offered him $2 a day if he would go to New Albany and sit around his place tor the benefit of his patrons. Burkey accepted the offer, but after three days of amusement for the guests bought him off with a ten dollar note. He was funny, but expensive. j THE HARRIET LAJiE's TKIP. ' ATStory or a. front; nd who Paid for It The Revenue Cutter Harriet Lane had been launched, and Secretary Cobb' con- "Tt uir; inui ir-ip oi rne new vessel ne would invite the Cabinet, the foreign legation, .the President" and others of his acquaintance to take a sail with him down the Potrjmac. H.e made all his arrangements without saying a word to the Pesident, and the matter was pretty well advanced before Buchan an neard of it. When it first came to his ears "Old Buck" sent for his At- tornny-Genetal, Jere Black, and Black, when he cane to" the White House, lound Buchanan flushed with anger. As Black entered he said: "Arc you going on this blanked frolic ? Iwouldliketo know what you think of Cobb's usincr our public property for his private en tertainment ?'' Attorney-General Slack replied that ne was not going-c.r i he Harriet Lane trip, and ihougd he did -oat like to criticise Cobb, still he was not backward in saying that he did not approve of it. "But," continued he, "Mr. President, Cobb has gone on with this affair and issued his invitations, and I don't see what you can do about it I" "Do about it," said Buchanan, in a rage, "do about it. Why, of couree I will stop it. It is a scandalous affair, and I will not be held responsible for it. I certainly will not allow it to go on." Black then placed before Buchanan the probability that Cobb thought he was doing nothing wrong when he was making the arrangement, and the fact that if he stopped the affair .now it would cause a great deal of scandal both in this country and abroad, as the for eign Ministers had been invited. Bu chanan appreciated this and finally said that he thought he would Jet Cobb go on if he wanted to and he would pay all the expenses cut of his own pocket. The excursion did go on, but neither the President nor Attorney-General Black were present. At the first Cabinet meeting after it Buchanan said to Cobb: 'Mt. Secretarv, I want vou to bring me an itemized bill of the expenses in curred during the trial trip of the Har riet Lane. I want a detailed account of everything the coal consumed, the salary of the officers, the wages of.the seamen and the cost of every bit of supplies used on the trip. " Cobb did not know what to make of this demand, but he replied quietly: certainly, Mr. president, I will do so." Shortly after this the Cabinet meet ing ended, and Howell Cobb and Jere Black walked down from the White House together. When they had gotten opposite where the Attorney-General's office is now, Cobb, who had been silent up to this time, burst forth: "What in thunder does the old squire mean?" Black made no reply, and Cobb went on: "iou know what he means, and I know you do, and now I want you to tell me frankly what he is up tol" Black then related his conversation with Buchanan, and concluded with the statement that Buchanan asked for the bill in order that he might pav it out of his own pocket. Howard Cobb alwr.-s whistled when he was surprised, t..! bo now eavn . loud, long-continted whittle, and said: 'That is what the oln stjiiire is up to, IS it? Well, I will -Fe whether I can t surprise him." " At this point the conversation dropped, and Black..pnd Cobb went on to the Treasury. Every once in a while Cobb would repeat his whistle, and as lilack left him he heard the whistle coming out 01 the lreasury door as Cobb' entered. The next Cabinet day came and with it came Cobb, who seemed to be the happiest man in the council. The President looked glum, but Cobb was cracking his jokes at everybody. The business of the meet ing was at last concluded, and the secretaries had arisen totaketteir de parture, when Buchanan turned to Cobb and said rather sharply: "Mr. Secre tary, where is that bill?" Cobb, assuming an innocent air, an swered: "What bill. Mr. President?" I mean the bill of expenses lor the trial trip of the Harriet Lane," answered Buchanan sternly, "have you got it with you?" 'Oh! that bill!" said Cobb; yes, I believe I have it somewhere about my clothes," and hereupon Cobb fumbled first in one pocket and then in another, and finally drew 'out a piece of crumpled paper which he handed to the President with: "I guess that is it." Mr. Buchanan took it and looked over it item by item. His face was full of disgust as he read, and he seemed to look daggers into the paper until he reached the end, when he almost "jumped to his feet as he exclaimed: "AVhy, it is receipted paid in full by Howell Cobb." "And who in thunder should have paid it but Howell Cobb?" broke in Cobb with an air of injured innocence ; it was my frolic. Who should have paid for it?" "Sure enough! sure enough!" was all that Buchanan said. But he brightened up at once, and in a short time became as merry as Cobb had been at the be ginning of the session.' Cobb and Black went away from the White House to gether, and as they were going down the steps into the yard Cobb said : "Didn't I come it over the old squire that time?" It i3 needless to say, in conclusion that the Government vessels were not used during' the remainder of Biichaivs Adhlici.ation for private purposes. Sain Toinler's Mad-Stone. The Raleigh (N. Y.) Kevs, says: Mr. J. A. Blackwell, of Reidsvilie was bitten by a mad dog some days ago. Mention was made oflt in this paper... He was bitten by his own dog the morning of the Cth inst. He applied the Sam Pointer mad-stone to the wound the evening of the Cth. At the first appli cation the stone did not adhere very tenuciously, but at the second applica tion, about two hours afterwards, it stuck very rapidly and remained stick ing tightly one or two hours, when it fell off. The pores 01 the stone were filled with a white, f rothy substance. The stone was put in a vessel of water, slightly warmed, wheti a green, greasy looking substance arose upon the sur face of the water. The stone was taken out of the water a few minutes after wards, and was appaisntly free from any foreign substance as before it was used. The natural colfr of the stone is black ; one side of it being hard, solid and glossv, while the other side is dull looking and porous. The stone was afterwards applied at intervals, each time the adherence to the wound be coming weaker and weaker, until finally it refused to stick at all. The stone did not become discolored after the first application. This stoue belongs to Sam Pointerand George W. Barnett, of Rox boro, Person County. Fisn on Cut Bait. If the Canadians won't permit our fishermen to buy bait in their ports, why don't tho latter dig enough worms before starting out on a fishing expedition ? We know how diffi cult it it to find a worm when it is wanted for fish-bait, but if our Ameri can fishermen will circulate around among men who are digging garden, they will find enough bait to last then? all summer. NorrMown JIt9lL THE JOKERS' BUDGET. S.ITTLE ni'MOROl'S READINR FOR THE LEISURE HO I U S. Not a ITome Run A Little Question A Very flood Reason -A Striking Dilemma Trial TripA Story of John Tan Bitren J)ots and Dashes, Ere., Etc A TRIAL TRIP. A stone-cutter, whose office adjoined his stone vard, was seated in his office when a friend called upon him and they dis"cussed several topics together, among them the question as to what extent ltiger beer was an intoxicant. The Stone cutter maintained that beer was not intoxicating, while his friend main tained the opposite. The stone-cutter said, there is a man at work in the yard (pointing to a brawny-chested German) who could drink a bucket ithree gal lons) of beer atone sitting and feel none the worse for it. Ihe friend doubted, and a wager was made and the work man called, who, when asked if he could drink that bucket (pointing to a large water bucket) full of beer at one sitting, replied, "Veil, I don'd know; I lets you know after a vile." The German went away, and after remaining about fifteen minutes, returned, ani said, "Yes. I can drink dot peer." The bucket of beer was procured and placed before the German, who very soon ab sorbed the last drop, and arose from his seat, wiping his mouth with his sleeve, and was walking away with a hrm step, when his employer recalled him and said to him, "See here, my friend and I have some curiosity to know why you did not drink the beer when you were first asked?". The Ger man replied, "Veil, I don'd know dot I could trink it, so I vent out and trink a bucked, den I know I could do it." Chestnut. A GOOD STORY. President Van Buren's son. familiarly known as Prince John, was a man of great natural ability, a good lawyer, and a ready wit. On one occasion he had taken some technical legal advantage by which his opponent's client in an action was non-suited. The man was furious, and declared his purpose to give John a piece of his mind when he saw him ; he would wither him. Happening to see John one day at Downing's, standing at the bar. he boldly confronted the Prince, and, being a small man. looked up at him fiercely and burst out: "Mr. V an Buren, is there any client so low and mean, or any case so nasty, that you won't undertake to defend him in it ?" "I don't know," said John, stop ping to put away another ovster : then bending down and confidentially draw ing out his reply in the little man's ear: "What you been doing?" A CLEAR CASE. "Charlie," said a Philadelphia girl to her lover, "what is the cause of the trouble between this country and Can ada about catching fish ?" "Why, mv dear," replied the lover, "Canada claims that Americans have no right to fish within three miles of the Canadian shores and that American vea- soln mustn't land at Canadian porta to buy Juiit. . "I5ut I should think that Americans would entice the fish down from the Canadian shores without any trouble." "flow V "Why, by scattering a little ice cream along the American coast. Oh, I'm sure ice cream would attract them, es pecially at this time of the year. Why, it fairly makes my mouth water to think of ice cream during the summer." Philadelphia Herald. WEAL INTERESTING. :'I say, Miss Belle, I think I can be weal intewesting to-night, even more eo than usual," said a young man who was born that way, and can t help it to the young lady on whom he was calling. "Is it possible?" was the response. "Ya-a-s. You see I made a conun- dwum the other day and I wote it down weal quick so's not to forget it. Heah it is : Why is it that when the weathah gets weal wahm, it's always s'mother evening? S'mother evening ain't that good?" "But what is the answer? ' inquired the listener. "Oh the answer er by Jove! Do you know I forgot to make any answer to it. I must try and think one up." Merchant Traveller. A FABLE. A Dog who thot he was awful Smart was walkin' along one day when he Seed a Bone on the Grass. "While I never eat Bones myself," he said, as he looked Around, Til bury this for some .Poor Dog Who can't get Beefsteak." He made a Spring for the Bone, but the Bone slid away from him, and somebody luffed and laffed in the terriblest man- The Boy in the back yard had a String tied to the Bote. "That's just the way of it," said the Dog as he dropped his tail and made a Sneak. Any i eller who tries to do a Good Action 111 this world is sure to get left." Moral I tell you it's just Awful how the Fish Bite this Spring, and now they Won't let a Boy go Fishin'. New Or leaiia Picayune. BUT THEY WROTE NO FISH STORIES. Many of the apostles were fishermen, my son, but you can read the isioie through and through and never find where one of them fills up a chapter of 15,000 words, telling how it took him four hours and a half to land a ten ounce trout with a nine ounce rod of split bamboo. Indeed, the largest fish story in the Bible was told by a man who, so far as we know, never caught a fish in his life, but was rather taken in by one the first time he went to sea. The same rule holds good unto this day. The man with the smallest string tells the biggest story. Buhdette. A TICKLISn QUESTION. Undertaker J. Lewis Good testified before the register of wills, yesterday, in the Mary Ann Rogers will case, that he knew the deceased. She was an old colored woman, upward of 80 years of age, and he had talked with her on various subjects. 'V hat was the state of her health?" inquired one of the counsel, who added : Ut course you inquired as to that?" "No, indeed," was the reply ; "people in my line of business never inquire as to the health of their acquaintances." 1 he hearing was continued. Phila delphia Times. AMERICA JUNIOR. Mr. Hopeful (to young Hopeful.home from Harvard) "Thomas, may I ask how much your cigars cost you ?" Tom Twelve dollars a hundred, Governor. 1 usually get a thousand at a time and get them somewhat cheaper." Mr. II. V ha what? Twelve dollars ? Why, I've got to be satisfied with tobies my self." Tom "That's business. Gover nor. If I had as many children to edu cate as you have, I wouldn't smoke at all." Pittsburg Teleraph. SITE WAS THERE. Bob Ingersoll recently was talking with an old colored woman in Wash ington upon religious matters. "Do you really believe, Aunty." said he, "that people are made out of dust?" cs, san; the Bible says dey is, an' so b lieves it." "But what is done in wet weather, when there is nothing but mud ?" "Den I s'pects dey make in fiduls an' sich truck." Puck NOT A HOME RUN. Woman (to magistrate) Me husband has left me, sorr, an' I want to make a charge agin him for desartion. Magistrate That is the proper course to pursue, madam. Is he your first hus band? Woman No, sorr; he is my third. Magistrate (who spends his afternoons at the polo grounds) Ah, yes, I see; got left on third." Life. A GOOD LITTLE BOY. "Yes," said Mrs. Hendricks to the minister, who was dining with the fam ily, "Bobby says his prayers every night, like a good little boy." "Ah, indeed," replied the minister very much pleased, "and do you pray lor papa and mamma, Bobby?" "Oh, yes, for both of 'em, although I've often heard ma tell pa that he is past praying for." THE MOST IMPORTANT. Sunday-school Teacher Can any one of you little boys tell me which of the commandments is the most important to keep? Little Johnny (whose father is an editor) I can, sir. What commandment is it, Johnny? Johnny Take you home paper! Texas SiJ'tings. AN EX-INDIAN FIGHTER. An Indian chief who is visiting Wash ington at Government expense was in troduced to a Senator recently who ha a very bald head. The chief looked at him for some moments with great interest. Finally he said : "Ugh! Where you fight Injun some time?" A BOY'S REASON. Mission Teacher The obiect of this lesson is to inculcate obedience. Do you know what obey means? Apt .rupil les, marm; I obey my pap. "Yes, that's right. Now tell me why you obey your father?" "lie s bigger n me." Chicago Neus. A 6TRIKING DILEMMA. Reporter Are yon going to Work to day, Pat? Pat Sure, I dunno. Me old woman says 6he'll break me head if I don't, and the union men will break me head if I do. Sure, these are hard times for dacint men. I think I'll just take me chances with the old woman. BE KNEW. Mr. nibred To what do you suppose the bard referred when he spoke of the "slippered pantaloon?" Mrs. Slapdash Really, sir, I have no idea. Little Bobbie I bet you I know. Mrs. S. My son, 2 ou were not spoken to. Rambler. A DECEPTIVE PHOTOGRAPH. 'The picture is very fair, Brown, but you look too sad." "les, 1 looked sad on purpose, iou see it s for my wife, who is in the country, and if it looked bright and cheerful she'd be coming home to find out what the matter wa3." A DRAW. I Smoker Look here, Isaac, this cisrar tlint I juat bought of you won't drawl lnaac Voii't di.wl Voll. 1 v , , , subbosel'se givin' avay sugtion bumps mit dem fife cent Vigtorias? Judge. ONS OF THJC BLICH OF LIFE. Said the widow, mendacious young &Ira.y I really don't know what a Krs. The lover, in haste, rut his arm round her waist, And promptly, but firmly, said "Thrj.' Life. DOTS AND DASHES. People generally write their names legibly to a subscription list. A cheese factory is to be started at Caraccas, South America. The natives will then live no doubt on Caraccas and cheese. A North Adams woman is spoken of as "quarrying stone like a man." Prob ably she thinks a stone man is better than none. People who always mind their own business in this world get rich faster than people of the other kind do, but they lose lots of fun. Nephew: "Oh, I say, uncle, as I was passing this way I thought 1 would drop in." Uncle: "Very sorry, my boy, but I haven't got any." A correspondent wishes to know how editors spend their leisure hours. Leisure hours? oh, yes; they spend them catching up with their work. "Time expired; man ditto," was the reason a country postmaster gave for notifying a publisher to discontinue sending his paper to a certain address. A 6ABLE citizen of Texas made a bet that he could est fifty watermelons in 1 fifty hours. He stalled on the thirty seventh. They inscribed on his coffin, "Aet 37." The children were playing at horse 1 railroad. Tommy suddenly exclaimed: "Look here, we've forgotten something, j We can't go on unless we buy up an alderman." What ridiculous ideas sometimes get into children's heads ! "Look here," said a man to the list ers as they were making their figures on his real estate ; "I want you to remem ber that there is a hereafter." "Yes," responded one of the listers, "but the tax collectors will take care of that." "For heaven's sake, Judge, how you do look!" Judge (all bandaged) : "Isn't it too bad, Professor? Twice I have been shot at, and finally my gun burst. Indeed, if it were not for my health, ten horses would not drag me to the hunting-ground." "Papa," said a 12-year-old miss to her paternal parent yesterday, "can you tell me why President Cleveland, since his marriage with Miss Folsom, is like an Anarchist?" He gave it up, and then she told him it was "because he loved Hervr) Most." "What a very pretty girl your friend is, Miss Constantina!" "Such bright eyes and clear complexion one seldom sees. Hasn't she Irish blood in her veins?" "Oh, yes," Miss Constantina replied; "she is a true daughter of Erin Go Bragh." "Well, all I have to say is," added Dumley, who greatly ad mires a pretty girl, "Mr. and Mrs. Go Bragh ought to be proud of her." Lazarus in Modern Times. A few days ago I heard a sermon on "Lazarus," and I've been thinking about what sort of a time Lazarus would have in this day. Lazarus, "full of sores," lay at the gate of the rich man, who was "clothed in purple and fine linen, and fared sumptuously every day." Lazarus wanted the crumbs that fell from the rich man's table. Now, we are all taught that the rich man was very wicked and hard-hearted, but sup pose a beggar in the fix of poor old Laza Ms should attempt to lie at the gate of an Atlantian, rich or poor, what would be done? The police would be tele phoned for, and the Black Maria would carry Lazarus off the highways. The rich man would have to give his share toward the support of Lazarus, but Laz arus would have to take his support at the poorhouse. If he could get a goat wagon, or if he were an idiotic para lytic,' pr'if he were even a little child, begging' first and training for the peni tentiary.'the wise authorities might let him i alone, provided, of course, he would consent to "move on" occasional Is. Atlanta Con$titution. TERMS $1.50. TIIE BOY WAS A TniEP. A Little Story of a Lake IStf amer and a Robber. From the Detroit Free Press. The boat was just casting off from the pier when a man in citizen's clothes who appeared to be greatly excited rushed up the gang-plank and Ehouted to the Captain to wait. Three or four minutes later it was understood that a desperate robber was on board, and that the ex cited man was his victim. None of us remembered of seeing "a ragged, desperate-looking chap" come aboard, but the man was sure of it, and we began a search. Nobody wanted a robber and desperado aboard, and the search went on with a will. After about ten min utes the man who had rushed aboard uttered shouts of exultation. He had discovered the arch villain hidden under some furniture on the lower deck ; and the mate produced a revolver and or-I'.-'-ed the fellow to come out ortakethe consequences. "Be prepared look out for him!" cautioned the excited individual, and three or "four more pistols came into view, and others secured bolts and bars. The desperado came forth. He was a boy of 15, ragged, dirty and frightened. He had something wrapped up. in a newspaper, but had no weapons. "He's the one who robbed me there's his plunder!" shouted the vic tim, and three or four men closed in on the lad. The package was taken from him and opened. We expected to tee bonds or money or jewelry, but instead of that our eyes rested on a half-eaten loaf of bread. "I hadn't anything to eat for two days!" said the boy as he looked from face to face, and his big blue eyes filled with tears and his chin quivered. "He's a robber, and I'll send him to Stato Prison!" exclaimed the man, as he seized the boy by the collar. "By gum!" growled a voice from the gangway, and a fat, red-faced man, who had armed himself with a heavy stick, threw it down with a crash and pushed into the crowd and asked : "Boy, who are you ?" "Tim Williams." "Where's your home "N-no where!" "Did you rob this man of (hat loaf of bread ?" "Y-yes, sir, but I was starving." "Oh! you young villain, I'll stop your thieving and robbing!" shouted the loser of the bread. "Someone help me get him ashore !" "By gum ?" said the fat man, as he felt in his pockets. He fished up a nickel, handed it to the baker, and continued: "By gum! I guess not I There's your money, and I stand by the boyl Yes, sir-by gum, sir t" "He's a thief!" "Can't help that, sir! He's a boy, and he was hungry and had no other means to get bread. I'm his friend, sir by gum, sir! Anybody who lays a haad on that boy has got to climb over me - by gum !' ' Fifty men cheered the fat man and groaned the baker, and the latter grip ped his nickel and walked ashore. ''C'!lIltlllT.,, till I t n- tat limn. 1 T t-i i boy fk chaQie to wnnh v.jt , .nil 1 V hunt him up some Ciothes. 1 m going to give him a show, sir by piim, sir! I was kicked and cuffed and stepped on mysell w, en 1 was a boy, and 1 can feel for this chap, sir by gum, sir, yes, sir, and I'll probably take him home with me. Come, Tim by gum but there's nothing desperate about you. and we'll have a talk and see how we can better your fortunes. Yes, sir by gum, sir!" And as the boat moved away every body gave three cheers for "By Guml" and Tim. Summer Silks for Ladies. The old-time summer silks are bein used again in stripes, checks, bars ang blocks, and these may be either thd smooth lustrous surfaces, the twillee surahs, or the basket-woven Louisined The entire dress may be of onematerias. but this is often improved by addinl, touches of a contrasting color in thg vest, the re vers, collar, and cuffs, while the skirt is prettily adorned by a sashe and, instead of flounces, one or two rows of scallops of a contrasting color are added at the foot. In such dresses the effect of a full skirt is given, flounces are avoided, and above the full skirt there is a very bouffant drapery. A pretty model of such a dress is of Louis ine, gray blue with cross-bars of red about a fourth of an inch apart, and all the accessories of sash, scallops, revers, etc., are of plain red surah the shade of that in the Louisine. Although this dress appears to have a full round skirt, it is nevertheless made on a gored foun dation skirt of red silk, finished by silk foot-pleatings. This skirt is, however, concealed by another of the Louisine, consisting of four straight breadths, each about twenty-two inches wide, gathered to the belt to throw a great deal of fulness in the back, and cut out scallops on the lower edge. These scal lops when finished are four inches deep and very nearly two inches w de. In the spaces between the scallops appears another row of scallops of similar shape, made of the red surah, and these are supported by the knife pleatings of the foundation skirt. A deep apron-over-skirt covers the front and sides, being caught up by the sash ends far back on the left side, and the back shows only the full gathered skirt just described. The drapery extends up the right side high on the hips, completing the apron, and drops down in a point behind. The short basque has revers of the red surah up each sido of a white crape plastron that is placed across the front, plain at the throat, and laid in three diagonal folds on the chest. Such dresses are similarly carried out in white China silk with dull red velvet, in black surah with olive green surah, and in black and white striped silk with moire, either white or black. Smooth silk in stripes of two shades of gray-blue or of dull red makes very effective dresses with cream white surah, or else with surah of the shade of one of the stripes. An Old Rebel's Two Sons. During the campaign in Georgia I met an old gentleman who at the oubreak of the war was one of the bitterest rebels of the section. He is unreconstructed even now. He had two sons, one of whom was at school in a Northern mili tary institute, and the other in a similar school in Virginia. When the news came that Sumter had been fired upon and that hostilities had actually begun, he made a speech in which he said that he was too old to go to war himself, but that he would givo both of his sons to defend his native State. He sent for his sons to come home. Much to his chagrin and rage, he found that one had entered the Union Army. The old man in public formally renounced him and pronounced his curse upon him. Both sons were killed in the war, and both were buried upon the battlefield. A short time ago the old gentleman made a trip noith and came back with the re mains. He buried them side by side in the family lot and erected a shaft. When the monument was unveiled thousands of people came to see the inscription. The shaft was of the purest white mar ble and covered both graves. I'pon it were the simple words, "God knows which was right." Wathinjton Lttttr. Canvas Slippers. , The old-fashioned slippers, worked in wool and silk on canvas, are coming in again, but they are improved upon ia' the designs. Tulips and other flower's are worked in embroidery stitch, the) ground only in cross-stitch. Griliins andJ heraldic devices, as well as crests, arc also placed on the front, while some of the) groundworks are shot with silver. Quito) the newest have large pieces of plush tied on the canvas, forming part of the pat tern. How to Disinfect Carpets. If any article of household furniture1 requires disinfecting occasionally, it is carpet; especially if it has been used a considerable time. The following is w method recommended by a lady house keeper, both as a disinfectant and a pre-' ventive of moths: Add three tabiespoon fuls of turpentine to three quarts of water. Saturate a large sponge with this mixture, squeeze it about two-thirds dry, and go over the carpet carefully. As often as the sponge becomes dirty,, cleanse it and take in a fresh supply of water. The Care of China. To season glass and chinaware to sul den changes of temperature, so that it will remain sound after exposure to sud den heat or cold, is best done by placing the articles in cold water, which must; gradually be brought to the boiling point, and then allowed to cool very slowly, taking several hours to do it.' The commoner the material the more care in this respect is required. The very best glass aud chinaware is always seasoned, or annealed, before it is sold. If the wares are properly seasoned in this way they may be washed in boiling water without fear of fracture, except in frosty weather, when, even with the best anJ ncakd wares, care must be taken not tar place them suddenly in too hot water. All china that has any gilding upon it may on no account be rubbed with a cloth of any kind, but merely rinsed, first in hot and afterward in cold water, and then left to drain till dry. If the gild ing is very dirty and requires polishing, it may now and then be rubbed with a soft piece of wash leather and a little dry whiting : but this operation must not bo repeated more than once a year, other wise the gold will most certainly rub off, and the china be spoiled. When the plates, etc., are put away in the china closet, pieces of paper should be placed between them to prevent scratches on the glaze or painting, as tha bottom of all ware has little particles of sand adhering to it, picked up from the oven wherein it was glazed. The china closet should be in a dry situation, as a damp closet will soou tar nish the gilding of the best crockery. In a common dinner service it is a great evil to make the plates too hot, as it invariably cracks the glaze on the sur face, if not the plate itself. We all know the result it comes apart. "Nobody broke it," "it was cracked before," or "it was cracked a long time ago." The fact is, when the glaze is injured,. every time the "things" are washed tha water gets into the interior, swells tho porous clay and makes the whole fabric rotten. In this condition they will also absorb grease, and when exposed to further heat the grease makes the dishes brown and discolored. If an old, ill used dish be made very hot indeed, fat will be seen to exude from the minute fissures upon its surface. These latter remarks apply more particularly to com mon wares. Recipes. Parsley fried in butter is a pleasant "garnish" for boiled beef. Pineapple fritters are a dainty dish Peel the pineapple, taking care to re move all the eyes; cut in slices nnd re move the core; dip in batter and fry a delicate brown. They may be eaten with a sauce made of sugar boiled to a syrup and flavored to taste. Try these cakes: Cream three ounces of butter with two ounces of powdered sugar and add three eggs, o,ne at a time, usincr one ounce of flour with each egcr. V wall xintiY ' i min it . Al pour the mixture into uuuereu cups or molds. Have an ounce and a half of currants nicely cleaned and sprinkle them over the tops of tho cakes. Bake in a moderate overi until light brown. Rhubarb jam made by this English recipe is excellent. For each pound of rhubarb allow the rind and juice of one small lemon, four bitter almonds, blanched and chopped very fine, and three-quarters of a pound of sugar. If preferred a few drops of bitter almond essence may be used instead oi tne chopped almonds. Peel the rhubarb and cut it in pieces an inch long; put the rhubarb and sugar in a deep ctish und let both remain twenty-four hours. Boil the rhubarb and sugar, the finely minced lemon rind and the almond until it thickens, and then add the lemon juice. Let the jam boil up once again and put it in glasses or jars. JYtuo York Com mercial. Obeyins the Letter. In "a government of laws and not of men," as the Constitution of Massachu setts puts it, the people strenuously in sist that the forms of law shall always be observed. A long while ago, the Burghers of Stralsund, a city of North Germany, were made indignant by seeing a notice, signed only by the Governor, posted on the Kathhaus, ordering every one passing through the streets at night to carry a lantern. As the streets were not ligntcd, tne object of the Governor was to secure public safety and convenience. But tho burghers were angry that he should issue - . : . l e the order oi nis own motion, nisicau oi transmitting it, according to custom, through the town-council. So on the nrst nignt auer xne puDiica- tion of the mandate, the citizens who went out into the streets, and an unusual number went, provided themselves with lanterns, but put no lights in them. The next morning another decree came from the angry Governor, ordering that each lantern should be furnished with a candle. When night came, tho candles were in tho lanterns, m strict compliance with the order, but not one of them was lighted, and again the Governor s pur pose was defeated. Another order was then issued, com manding that each lantern should con tain a lighted candle. The citizens obeyed, but hid the lanterns under their coats. Lponthis, the Governor became furious, and ordered the citizens, under. fcnnlty of punishment, to expose lighted' anterns to view. The burghers again, did just as they were bidden, but pro vided wicks so tiny that the lii;bt there by produced was no bigger than that of a glow-worm. The Governor then yielded, find com municated his order through the town council. From that time the streets were properly lighted by numerous lanterns. Moreover the burghers had won the victory finally, and thereafter all orders went through the process of ap proval. Youth' Vompan im. The English Royal Family. It costs a good deal to support Queen Victoria and her family. Here is a list of the amounts as near as they can bo got at in dollars : The Queen receives annually about $:l, 100,000; the Prince of Wales, $000,000; Prince Alfred, f 1 HO, 000; Prince Arthur,145,000; Prince Royal, $"0,000; Princess Helena, $:i0,(HI0; Princess Louise, $:!0,000; Princess Beatrice, $:J0,000; Duehesx of Albany, $30,000; Duchess of Cambridge, JtW.OOO; Princess Augusta,! 15,000; Dukeof Cam bridge, !110,000; Dukeof Edinburgh, !i;(0,000; Princess Mary, !',-i.Hi0; Prince Edward of Saxe-AVtimnr, !lf., 000; Prince Leiningcn, :1.000; Prince Victor of Hohenlohc, 1 0,000. There are two markets opposite each other in Gibraltar, the Spanish market .nd the Moorish market, for nothing of any account is produced in Gibraltar. In the Moorish market are all kinds of fruits, chickens and eggs, brought over from Morocco. The eggscoine in largo hampers made of grass and willow, and holding ;!,000. Eggs sell about ono hun dred for from five to six francs. Ono can buy 500 juicy oranges for f 2.50. Tho sellers sit in their narrow stalls in front of thousands of live chickens that ke p up continual clatter.