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Advertising Rates. THE FEMININE SMUfiGLER. One column (3D Inches) 9ATm Inreo-fourths column OSKl'nchiio '? S One-(hird column ( inches) ST 2 One-suth column (4WinchR S. One-riehth column tacL) 2?'2 One-e W-venth column (54 inches " 2 One sixteenth column S One-twenty-ixth column (1 inch) lg2 One-fifty-sccond column Otlnch": ....... II'.'.'.'. Lot toCtiOMl Prt' of will be chilied M fol FtaM months. V th. prlc. of full sl. .V Moths " Fonr Mutns Thres 4i0ths Two " ULths One 2-lrths One Insertion. Moth butn.?h0iLce8- V cent." rer "ne acn insertion, inrt ?h,a,p? mi"'? ' " than Probate i'bf.mn p ?ners.not,c"' (S insertions) 2.o. fc.?fI2. ,J"s-Est.ry!,'c-. insertions) 41.S0.Leus! notices (3 insertions) 10 cents per line. Mr BOY STILL. Io yon think I've forgotten the day I carried him at my breast ? Many fair children I've loved since then, But I think that I loved him best. Tor he was our first-born child, John, And I have not the heart or will To love him Jess; whatever may coma He's my boy still. 1 remember when he was a little lad. How ho used to climb on my knee; How proud we were of his beauty. -.. Of his wit and his mimicry. . am i know quite well he s a man now, - .With a wild and stubborn will; But wfca'eyer he is to you, John, He's my boy still .' He was jiwt like sunshine about the house, In the days of his happy youth; Tou know we said that with all his faults He had eoura'-e ami love and truth. And thongh he has wandered far awav r.i .i ... - - v ittbuii tou u wiv no in? He is sure to come back to his moTlnr He's my boy still ! I know there was never a kinder heart, " And I can reruembt r to-day How often he went with me apart And knelt at my kiiee to pray. And the man will do as the boy did, Sooner or later he will; The Bible is warrant fi r that; so He's my boy still ! A mother can feel where she can't see, She is wiser than any sage; My boy was trained in the good old way, I shall certainly get my wage. And though he has wandered far away, And followed his wayward will, I know whatever, wherever he is, He's my boy stilt ! I'"liin,'polis Xeics. OLD DRESDEN. Old Dresden paused for a moment in nation, for his wife's anxiety over Mere his task of braeking up the gnarled I dith's prolonged absence was the subject "fwil;UB roots, ana witn a long breath of satisfaction and the air of a counois- eeur viewed the pink-tinted heap bo- fuc inning 011 nis dilapidated bat, he allowed the cool morning breeze to piay among tho somewhat raised muni 11 iing- over his forehead. The sun, like a great crimson ball, hung sleepily above the Eastern horizon, cas ng a faint glow upon the turretted face of the Floridas. and eildinsr th distant peaks of the Tres Hermanas, standing in ilnonlir,lnJ 1 U1 . 11. 1 tinels ruarding the Mei v..iv-uua.i cmuiiu;e, ime auiea sen- l In the long, level space w hich stretched between the mountains, born aloft on the curling fingers of the morning mist, appeared a phantom city, its castel lated heights and stately domes rearing themselves as if in prophecy of the years to come, when a noble civilzation shall redeem the barren southern territories, and raise the mon. . - " nments of art and architecture amid the arid, plains. The echo of human voices fell upon i i' ii a t ill . "Oh, John, why mnstyou go ?" A wo man's voice, Jow and sweet, with a tre mor of pain. "Come now. Helen, don't be a babv. lear. Hire weeka w iV fly y in no time. And who knows now rich a strike I may make." "But I don't want it, I need you John." Old Dresden addressed himself to the woodpile with redoubled energy. A flying knot of mesquite struck his band. The sting of the wound refresh ed him, and a little later he heard ths door of the cottage slam, while the clink of a horse's hoof sounded on the gravel ly soil. As he watched horse and rider disappear at length in the direction of the mirage, which had shifted its form bo as to resemble a huge beast ol prey couched for a spring upon its prey, something like a very hot German oath rolled like stifled thunder from his lips. "A teufel of a fellow," he murmured more calmly under breath an instant later, accenting the qualification with stout blows of the axe on an obstinate root, which had as many contortions as a dying serpent. "A tenfel of a fellow. Leuf a little frau like dat alone to go to Mexico to tig golt in mittel de win der. It might be ferry goot for him," he added meditatively, leaning upon the axe-helve, his face screwed into into a quaint grimace, "as old Jn should take off his scalo for him but de little frau." .With a sudden indrawing of his shoul ders ahd an accompanying droop of the corners of his mouth, he seemed to protest against his own harsh judgment as he renewed the combat with the ob stinate fact. Old Dresden was not the only one who disapproved of John Meredith's journey through the wild Sierra Madre at that season of the year, when storms were frequent in . the mountains and Apaches skulking in the valleys and passes. His partner, David Powell, had entered & vigorous protest, but to no avail. John Meredith had the pugnacity of determination peculiar to men of genius. From early boyhood his career had been signalized by a series of daring and headstrong exploits, and when, as a crowning feat, he had captured pretty Helen Gresham by an audacious move, if David Kowell felt any soreness of heart over her capitulation he choked it bravely down and harbored no bitterness in his honest heart. . A week after her husband's departure Mrs. Meredith received a- scrawl from Mesilla, where he had expected to meet a friend, written just as they were taking the trail. "And don't be worried, my dear," he wrote in conclusion; "the days will pass quickly, aud three weeks will soon be up. But you must count from the date of our departure." She dried her eyes and counted the days from the 10th of February. On the- 1st of March a warm wind ewept over the southern table lands. Under its breath the snow npon the mountain peaks vanished as if by magic and the dry bed of theMiombres leeame the course of a surging torrent, sweeping onward for a final plunge into the waters of the gulf. The fern-like foliage of the mesquite commenced to cautiously un fold, and the wild verbena and lupine made tiny patches of purple and magenta over the sterile wastes. On the 2d of March Helen Meredith rose with tremulous eagerness at dawn. The morning was calm and still, but a peculiar obscurity alxtnt the horizon presaged the approach of the New-Mexican sirocco. Stationed at a bull's-eye window in the attic, with a field-glass in her hand, the young wife kept her eyes steadily fixed on the winding, silvery ribbon attenuated to a thread in the distance, which marked the line of travel pursued by passers to and fro over the Mexican 1 ne. For upward of an hour nothing rewarded her vigilance ; then a long and blurred mass developed into a train of hay wagons, each drawn by a score of stout limbed oxen and attended by a deputation of half-clothed swarthy Mexicans. Another hour passed, and the rough wagon of a Texan rancher ap peared, the horses strolling leisurely along, while man and wife, perched on the high driver s scat, smsked their clay pipes in placid content. Absorbed in her anxious watch, little Mrs. Meredith had not observed that the wind had risen, and for a moment was almost appalled to see road and landscape disappear from view beneath a dan colored cloud, which, as it drew near, eiFectually concealed every trace VOL,. XV. NO. of the cottages across the street, and swauowea up trie form of a passer-by on her own sidewalk. Shreds of cloth bits of pasteboard, and great sheets of paper were caught up by the wind, along with the clouds of dust and gravel, and borne onward in its mad flight. In a lower latitude the great velocity of the wind, coupled with the force of a far weightier atmosphere, would have given the storm the force of a cyclone. As it was. it would do little mischief beyond aroufiing the tempers of mankind and unrooting sundry out houses built upon nnsecure foundations. Mrs. Meredith, with a coolness and ra- tience born of experience, bore this as- sult upon her domicile with charming iuuiuui,y. luoviug aoout the house she proceeded to collect a number of j . long and slender sand bags, indisnens- able adjuncts to the tidv New MevWn housewife, and to arrange them in their accustomed places over door and win dpw sills, thus fighting the intrusive element on the honioeopathio principre. All that day, and the next, she waited in- melancholy expectancy, not knowing what minute the familiar step might be heard on her little porch. On the third day the storm subsided, and the tearless eyes of the despairing woman beheld only a desolnte plain, flanked by pitiless nuis, ana intersected by the white road, along which no sign of life could be detected. The mountains in all direc tions had renewed their crests of snow. Succeeding days moved by in tortur, ing suspense. As time progressed, the suu's rays beat ever more warmly upon the earth, and by the middle of March the heat at noon day was like a foretaste of summer. Passers-by, as they neared thes mall cottage, learned to expect to see a vision of a pair of imploring eyes at tioor or wmuow, or at mglitlall a woman form, enveloped in a worsted shawl pacing up and down behind the double cacth and trio of sickly cherry trees wiucn constituted the sole verdure in the garden. "Mariana in the moated gange," quoted a fe w of the more mis chievous, in wilful travesty of the sit- n n linn . Viin : l -r 01 general comment, meeting with little sympathy among those accustomed to tae uncertainties of frontier life, wo "ten tailed to snare in the pre vailing apathy, David Rowell, on his regular horseback ride before breakfast each morning, never failed to circle about his partner's house, and as the sad, questioning face presented itself to him a jocular inquiry left his lips. "Well, Mrs. Meredith, has that iQ lrl and master of yours turned up Un L miss' J" ' A faltering negative would greet him. "Exactly as I prophesied. You miht as well make up your mind you'll never see nun again. Home of those prettv Mexicans down there have led him cap tive." At which the lady he addressed, moved by her wifely fealty and love, would break out in passionate protest, and lose her anxiety in WTathful indig nation, while the horseman, as he turned toward the country, change his gay look i 01 oanier lor an expression 01 savage ferocity, and charged his steed upon the pncKly yuccas, and madly anathematiz ed the recreant spouse. At twilight an inma'nificant ficure with bowed shoulders and a shock of bushy hair, going' silently about his cliotea in. Ymmjc yard, Btole furtive glances at trie Bad -eyed young matron and returned to his lonely shanty to sit and brood over a weighty project incu bating in his troubled brain. It was generally understood throughout the community that some dark mystery at tached to old Dresden, the concealment of his proper appellation and adoption of the name of his native city being re garded as most criminating evidence. But the old fellow kept on the even tenor of his way, attending to his small stock of poultry and selling his eggs and chickens at an advance of twenty-five per cent on the market price, wholly in different to the praise or blame of the rest of humanity. Early in the third week after the young" prospector's promised return there began to be a little stir in down town circles. News of a fresh Apache outbreak had been received, which argued ill for any unprotected prospec tors in their vicinity. From laughing indifference the business men began to discuss the chances of Meredith's safety. "He was a gallant fellow," remarked one. It was noticeable that he employ ed the past tense. "It seems a piiy to be inactive," ob served another. "If any of the men want to go out and look for him, I'll be ono of them." But it was generally conceded that the time for help was past. David Howell, who was a silent audi tor on these occasions, persevered in his daily rides and never flinched in his es tablished programme; but the face he turned to the plains after these reoon tres ha J lost its savage expression and was fixed and stern in its pity for the young wife, over whose head was sus pended a Damoclean sword, liable at any moment to fall. II. One evening, at sundown, the doctor was summoned in hot haste to the Mere dith household. At midnight David Rowell, retreating with cautious foot steps from the door, whither he had gone to hold a whispered colloquy, was ' startled by seeing one of the row of twisted cacti in the yard apparently moving toward him. Drawing nearer, he recognized the stunted form of the German. "Will she bo bedder ?" "No change, Dresden." It would have been rank injustice to hold the clear night air accountable for thehusk iness in his throat. "Only one thing can save her. God pity him if he's dead, and curse him if he's alive," he piously added. Simultaneously with the intelligence of Mrs. Meredith's serious illness it was bruited about that old Dresden had dis posed of his chicken ranch and, buying a scraggy burro, set off with a pack of notions to visit some of the Mexican vil lages lying oontigions to the border. His departure aroused little comment, although some of the more enterprising of the masculine gossips hinted at dark and mysterious reasons which ruled his movements. A few days later a curious meeting oc curred in the pass of the Sierra Madre. A stubby little man, hobbling along be side a diminutive burro, with a towering pack, at a point where the narrow road wound about the side of a precipitous gorge, heard the well-known whistle in the distance, the usual signal warning travelers of approach from an opposite direction. From a note of warning the whistle glided gayly into the strains of a popular operatic air. The small man with the burro gave a sharp shout and pushed on to meet John Meredith await ing his approach at a place where a crescent had been hollowed into the rockv wall. "Veil, Mr. Meredit ?" The little man sat down on a rock and eyed the careless young horseman with the eye of a Nemesis. "Helloa, Dresden. What are you up to now 1 Going to turn the heads of those Mexican women with a lot of nery, eh ?" Dresden stifled a savage imprecation. By a great effort he composed himself. "I vas thinking you been hating a fery fine time in the moundains, Mr. Meredit." "Oh, so-so. A bit too much rain and snow. But I have some fine specimens NEW 35. here. People will open their eyes when they see them. Copper and native sil ver till you can't rest but, of course, you don't know anything about such things He broke on with a corn- passionate lauerh "Yon vas not afraid the little frau would drubble herself i and, indeed, dat is fery goot, as a voman should not make herself drubble ven der is not ting wort, I he man s voice was dry and meas ured, bat the swelling veins on his fore head betrayed a severe inward strain. The young man observed nothing of this. Not a bit, Dresden. To tell the truth," he said, in a burst of confidence. and with a mild air of triumph at the recollection of his brilliant artifice, "I flatter myself that I managed that pretty well. I told her to look for me in three weeks. I know a woman. They are all right as long as they have something A- 11 t -r i . . to ume up ineir niinas. l Know look ing for me would sort of break up the timsrand give her somothing to think of." "And what tmk you dat occupation will be already, Mr. Meredit f And in deet it is fery nice for voman to be tinn ing how the wild Apaches haf mrtrbe got 1 1 1 h ' T 1 r i i , . uiuu o oip, ur iiB is iery uiceiy to fall in under some big rock, or blowed in pieces by a plast." The speaker had risen to his feet, and his bowed form straightened as he confronted Meredith in his wrath. "Mr. Meredit, when your wn3 m unu your cmui is oi right mint, you need not tank yourself. " The man he addressed stared straight before him, as if he saw a phantom. His easy confidence had deserted him. and he trembled from head to foot. The possible results of his adroit strategy marched in spectral procession before him'. "Good Lord. Dresden I" he faltere.l "If anything has happened to her T had better go over the precipice now." x Know not dat de loss vood be ferv great," answered the other ooollv. H could not forgive the fellow in a mom ent Only dat she is a fool all vim men are fools," he remarked, senten tiously, "and if she lifs " Striking bis spurs deen into the flnnt-a of his horse, Meredith dashed around the bend in the road; and in a few sec onds the clatter of hoofs had cied awnv in the distance. Old Dresden, with a queer smile on his plain face, touched up his lazy animal and continued his i journey southward. At daybreak the next morn in cr Dnt-;I xvuwen, prowung auout like a wraith tii - t , . o m the dim light, heard a horse comin up the southern road. Meredith cnecKed his gait as he saw the tall fig- "Don't say it, Rowell," ho protested. " There is just one thing left to do. " He drew a revolver from his ease, in hia belt, and deliberately cocked it. David Kowell knocked it from his hand and it exploded harmlessly in a clump of sagebrush a couple of rods away. As he viewed the pale face and staring eyes and the gaunt figure, stiff and erect in the saddle, the words of renroneli if be had any ready, died upon his lips. "Courage, John," he said. "She's. olive, l wouldn't Jinve answered for another day." ' "Dresden," said John .Meredith, one xnorninfir a few months later, ns ho strolled into the back yard, bearing, in ins arms a Hmnn tutxitiit-, -wuioii lie nuiiti led with awknrd tendefness, " you haven't done anything in the. chicken line this summer, I hear." The little man was wrestling with a root shaped like a two-headed dog. "Nod much," he replied shortly, and brought down the axe with a force that cleft the heads m twmn. "Sony. We miss the fresh eggs aud sprinR chickens. I say, Dresden," he went on musingly, "you didn't make so much out of those cimcracks as you thought you would, now, did you? I've always wondered what in time sent you down into that forsaken country any how From beneath his bushy eyebrows Dresden stole a queer glance at his caro less questioner. Meredith sprang up as if he had been shot. " What? Confound yon." Dresden nodded. Meredith stretched out his hand to him. Two palms. one grimy and hardened with toil, met in a clasp over tl e sleeping babe. 1 he Ingktide. AN ARCTIC SURVIVOR. An Esquimau Io with a Strange and Event l'li! History. Wolf, the nierh lender of the dog team that drew the sledges in the famous Greelv Arctic expedition, says the Sun Francisco Chronicle, is now a resident of Oakland, having spent the summer there for his health. He may be seen at the home of John W. McNeil, a painter, living at No. 819 Lydia street, where he is kept at the expense of ben, Sherman, his owner. Wolf has a his tory. He is the only dog ever enlisted in the United States navv. and after the close of the expedition, Wolf was given his regular papers of honorable dis charsre from the Government employ. Lieut. Greely, in whose possession Wolf fell, presented him to lien, hlienn m, who has ever since kept him. The hot eastern summers have been very trying on Wolf s cold blood, and last summer he was sent to California that he might escape the heat. He was sent consigned to George H. King, of San r ranuisco, who had a brother-in-law in the expodi- tion. Mr. King plased him in the care of Mr. McNeil. Wolf is a large animal, with long, gray, silky hair, and possesses superior intelligence. A reporter who culled to see him the other day found him the good-natured victim of half a dozen children who rolled about him. Ho preserved the gravest demeanor, and was evidently weighing sime very serious matters, Wolf was born in the north some eight years ago, and taught to draw sledg. across the frozen sea by his Esquimau masters. When Liieut. Ureal y was lit ting out the expedition, he chose Wolf for his superior strength, and tue ani mal's wonderful intelligence, tin seemed almost human, won him the honor and distinction of "nigh" leader The off leader was Tiger, whos i name also often figures anions; the incidents of the expedition. These were the dogs who led that unfortunate band of x plorers northward, often at the rate 1G5 miles per day. Wolf is the sole survivor of the team Tiger being the last to yield to starva tion's demands. The story is told, too. that Wolf, by the laws by which one man lost his life, should have die.l, but because he was a dog he was permitted to live. After Lieut. Henry s death Wolf was caught in the aat of stealing a human arm from the corpse larder oi the starving survivors. Ho was only a iln.r fin d thev let him live. Wolf will bo returned to his eastern home this winter. A half-grown chicken in Richmond Mo., got into an altercation with a grass an.ilce eighteen inches long. The chicken pecked away at the snake furi ohkIv for a few moments, and then gathering the head of his snnkeship in Li mouth, essayed, to swallow him ,l,,,le But the snake obstinately re fused to go down. Finding he could nut awidlow the snake, which hud tightly curled its tail around his bill, the chicken disgorge ! it, and pecking at il a few more times, he made a second p.nt successful effort. MOKRISVILLE AND HYDE HOW TO GET RICH. A FKW IIIXTS UPO.V AN IXTEIt KSTIXG SI BJKCT. How to Invest Money and Make It Turn Itself Over. In answer to a request of the Boston Herald to write some practical hints for young men on the acquirement of wealth, Gen. Benj. F. Butler responds as loiiows: A difficult task is set me, as circum stances under which young men com mence life are so widely varied. But think that more young men fail in the investment ot what they earn or receive than in any other way to acquire prop erty. The temptations to speculate are so great, and the desire to become sud denly rich so strong, that I believe eight out oi ten, il not more, of young men are wrecked at the very beginning. If a young man is earning something more than the expense of his living, and has no object in view, he is likely either to increase those expenses carelessly or to loan his money to his friends, and in so doing in the majority of cases he will lose both friends and money. So that the best tiling that he can do is to have an object, gather up his money, and to have a call for it which shall be a profit able one. He makes no investment be cause, he says, "I have got so little money that it won't come to anything. x win wait until i get more; and in waiting, generally, what he has goes. When a young man has a very little money, let him buy some property, pref erably a piece, however small, according i i. -i , , , to ins means, oi improved real estate that is paying rent. He had better buy it when sold at auction, under a judicial sale, paving in cash what he can, giving his notes for the balance in small sums coming due at frequent recurring inter vals, secured by a mortgage on the property, and then use all his extra in come in paying up those notes. It is always safe to discount your own note, and if the notes come a little too filst, as soon as he gets anything paid his friends will aid him when he is putting his money where it cannot be lost, and where the property is taking care of the interest, and in a very short time he will find that he has got a very consid erable investment. He will become in terested in it, save his money to meet his notes, and he will directly come into a considerable possession of property, ana naraiy Know how' it came to him. That is, he will have had a motive for saving, and will get the result of that saving, and will not be tempted to enter into speculations. Nothing is so safe for an investment ns improved real es tate. Nothing is likely to grow in value faster. In the last fifty years 90 per cent, of all the merchants and traders in Boston have failed. Iu the last fifty years 90 per cent, of all tho business corporations have failed or gone out of business, so that their stock has been wiped out. Iu the last fifty years all the inmroved real estate on the averaee lias paid its in crest mid taxes and ouad- rupled iu value. Jf a young man's father can ivn him nnythiiift to stnrt him in tho world, lie Imd better invest it in that way and Jet it noeumuluto nnd than if ho had one into lmsiness. Jay tTOuld is said to have Htarted from a mouse trap seller to lioeome a million aire. Assuming that io lie time, he is onlv one of G0.000.000 of people; and if any young man thinks he is going to imitate Jay Gould, there are 00,000,000 chances to one that he won t succeed. The rule I would lay down for a young man is, never do a mean thing for money. Be prudent and saving of your money. Be careful to have no interest account running against you, unless you have an equal or greater interest account running in your favor. Work diligent ly, and you are sure of a competency in your old age; and as early as possible, if you can, find a saving, prudent girl who has been brought up by a mother who knows how to take care of a house, and make a wife of her. She will aid, and not hinder you. I claim no originality in this advice, and will relate you an incident in my own experience to illustrate it : In my earliest practice in my profession I was quite successful in earning money, and I had a "small balance in the Lowell Bank, at the head of which was Mr. James G. Carney. The bank was di rectly across the hall from my office. I stepped into the bank to deposit a little money on one occasion, and Mr. Carney said to me: "Why don't you invest your moneyl" "Invest," said I; "I have nothing to invest." "Oh, yes," he says; "you have quite a little sum of money, and I see that your young friends come with your checks occasion ally, 'evidently borrowing it. Now you had better invest it." "How can I invest it?" "Invest it in real estate." "I know nothing al)out real estate." "Go to the first auction and buy the property. You cannot be much cheated in that, be cause you will have to give very little more than somebody else will be willing to pay for it. Give your notes for it, save your monej', collect your fees, pay your notes as they become due. See that the property is improved property, so that the rent will keep down your in terest account, and when you get any other money, invest it iu the same way, and if your notes press upon yon a little faster than you can pay them, why we will, when we find that is w hat you are doing with your money, discount your note and give you a little more time, so that you can pay it up. This will neces sitate the prompt collection of your bills, for I know that you would rather work and earn a hundred dollars than dun a man for it, unless you have a pressing need for it. You have not yet asked for a little bill that we owe you on the bank, which shows me that you do not promptly collect your dues." HOW STOVES ARE TUT IX. The Old Story Over Again. This being the season of the year when multitudes of people are adjusting their heating apparatus, preparing for cold weather, some, will recognize their own experience in the following amusing description from th.e American Artisan of the way it is sometimes done : In the first place, the man puts on an old and very ragged coat. Then he puts his hands inside the place where the pipe ought to go, and blackens his fingers, anil then studiously makes a black mnrk down the side of his nose. Having got his nose properly frescoed, the man grasps one side of the bottom of the stove, and his wife and tho hired girl take hold of the other side, and in this way the stove is started from the woodshed to the parlor. In passing through the door, the man carefully swings his side of the stove nround and jams his thumb nail against tho door post. At last the stove is set down in the proper place, and the man and his wife and the hired girl set out in a tri angular search after the stove legs. Two are finally found inside the stove, where they have remained since spring, and the two others are found hidden under four tons of coal. Then the old man holds up one sido of the stove,' while his wife puts two of the. legs in place; then he holds up the other side sf the stove, while the other two nre be ing adjusted, and one of tho first pair AND PARK, VE1UI0NT, THURSDAY, NOVE3IBER 10, 1887. I . . . is displaced The trick of getting tho four lenfa 4-ln,- V . 1""1t place is prac ...... iesuits lor some .en minutes, and by tins time the man "V- . nna r'K'oss, nnd throw o.I his coat, regardless of the conse quences. 'I'lten t(lO moil rrrnr. il . i - . ... B,;r, lul lU0 stovepipe and gets a cinder in his eye. The stovo was put up in first-class sh by the stoye man, but this year the pipe proved to be a little too long. Sri the man jams nis hat down over his eves, taKes a piece of pipe under each arm and starts for tho tin slop to have i nxed. J. hen ho comes Jc.k, steps his muddy boots into one of tke best parlor -.1 . .- L 1 . 1 uiinub to see ii tne pipo-viii fit, when his wife makes him come down. Tn the act of descending he plants his foot square down on the hollow .of the cat's back, and cores within 'an ace of trampling the baby under foot. Then the man gets an old cimii from the Kitchen and climbs up to the chimney opening again, and inalajs the starring discovery that in cutting off the end of the pipe, the tinner had made the pipo too large to enter the hole rn" the chim ney. So the man goes into the back yard and splits one side of the end of the pipe with and old axe, and squeezes it between his hand until until he makes it smaller. .then the man gets the pipe into shape only to find that the stove does not stand true. Then the man and his wife and the hired girl move the stove to the left, and the legs fall out again ihe legs are replaced nnd tho stove moved to the right, and there is another sennre with the legs. Then the elbow is found not to be even with the holo in the chimney, and the man goes into the woodshed after some little blocks. Then the man and his wife and the hired girl essay to put the blocks under the legs, and the pipe comes out of the chimney. The pipe is replaced in the chimney holo, when the elbow commences to topple over. The man's wife is visibly agitated, and the man gets the dining table out of the kitchen and balances an old chair on it, and makes his wife hold the chair while he performs ncrobntic feats on the grand combine, in an effort to drive some nails into the ceiling. during which performance the man drops the hammer down upon his wife's devoted head, and b!ie surprises him with a yell worthy the emulation of a Comanche Indian. Finally the mau completes the grand act of driving tho nails, constructs a wire swing to hold the elbow in posi- ion, hammers the pipe a little on one side and theu a little on the other, pulls one joint a little here nnd pushes anoth er length a little there, gives vocal ex pression to a series of deprecatory and mildly profane adjectives, takes a long breath, breathes a deep-drawn sigh of relief, and proudly announces that the job is finished. A SPECIMEN OF MANKIND. Ella "Wheeler 2lale Flirt at ion. AVilcos Discusses t he in an Article on l-'lirt- From the Washington Tost. Tho mule, flirt who "plnys at court ship" is a niOKt refined and dtiiiororoiiH crejiture. lie leavt- -t to his Icwh okil- r.-;i i n . - 1.,.k.. rr-,-.T:-.-v to caeli pretty pirl ho meets. He knows the fair sex too well tor that. If all his lady loves meet and compare notes they will find tlmt he has never been puilty of repeating himself. He is originul and inventive, and suits his compliment to its recipient. To the young nnd sympathetic girl he talks much about "a wasted life, and says he should have been a different man had her sweet sympathy came into his life earlier, but there has never before been any one to stir his best impulses and now it is too late." To the religious young lady who yearns to reform the world he hints darkly of the sinful past which stands like an accusing spirit between him and a paradise which has just dawned upon him. To the heiress he talkes vaguely of barriers which fate builds between a man's pride and his hopes of happiness. He plays upon the emotions of women as upon stringed instruments, and the tender strains he draws fourth amuse and entertain him. Tho minor chords are music to his ears, too, but when they become discordant ho drops the instrument, for he does not like to bo annoyed. His standard for women is high, yet ho is forever tempting her to come down to the plains of folly, and dispising her for her weakness if she yields. If crime and heart-aches follow his footsteps he does not hold himself, but the frailty of women, in fault. The married male flirt is usually the outgrowth of his own vanity. He is like the old heathen gods, who required the fresh sacrifice of a human life each day to keep them ill good humor. The married woman flirt is first the result of a husband's thoughtless neglect or indif ference. A woman craves admiration or appreciation as naturally as a flower craves the sunlight. If the flower does not receive the sunlight through the open window it will strain toward a crevice in the open wall, even if it warps itself out of shape in the effort. If tho light comes freely and generously through the window it does not lean toward the crevice, unless it springs from a deformed root. Cloth Cloaks for Ladies. Cloth cloaks are so eW.avd; fjiis season says Harper's Jltiznr, in fabric, color, and design that modistes and tailors are commending them for dressy wraps for visiting and for carriage toilets. The cloths have grent waves and curves of deeper tone than tho surfuce brocaded upon them, or they are striped like vel vet, or there nre floral or geometrical figures sunk in their sm foue,. or, best of all, they are perfectly plain, with a velvet-like finish that gives them the name of velvet cloths. They come in the new stylish shades of Goleliu blue, fawn, copper red, vieux green, and browns of a dozen different shades. They are lined throughout with gay plaid surahs, or elsr? with black or a sombre hue, and nre trimmed with fur, with a changeable velvet, nnd rich cord passementerie. The long-waived As trakhan fur recihristenod Caracal such as was used for jackets twenty years ngo, will rival the more closely waved Persian lamb-skin as a black fur trim ming; and there is a new gray fur ns soft ns chinchilla, yet of firmer "fleece, that is very effective on the Gobelin blue cloths. The short clonks are merely mantles in cape shape, or else they have visite sleeves, and nre trimmed only ac ross the tournure with f ur,and down the fronts, where a bow or fichu is simulat ed. Lovely Gobelin blue cloth mantles dressy enough for any occussion have a boa and tournure piece of blue fox fur, with Vs in front nnd back of changeable blue and copper velvet edged witlAinsel cord; the lining mny be blue satin, or of cream white plnided with blue or copper red. Long full clonks cover the wearer as a great domino, yet , arc without sleeves, the fronts straight like the Kussiau circular, with the arms coming out over the middle parts, which avo closely buttoned, nnd the buck adjusted to the figure ns-low as the tourmmi ' has there great fuTness added for the skirt. When Boyton dines while floating on the waves, he never complains of his billow faro. SUPPED WITH THE PRESIDENT. The Ordeal of a Young College Student IV ho A as Trapped in Hen Roost. From the 'Atlanta Journal. In tho early years of this century. when log houses were good enoigh for the average Georgian, a certain doctor presided over Franklin College. The simple habits of their dignified sires did not prevent the boys of those days from having their fun indeed they carried on an amount of devilment which the college bovs of these times would not consider respectable. The boys thought that anything was iair wnicn would maKe one oi tho lac ulty the victim of a joke, and on one occasion they laid a dark plot to rob the doctor 8 poultry yard and afterward cel ebrate the event by a midnight bnn quet. The doctor's chickens were tho pride of his domestic establishment, and ui had built for their accommodation a lof house. The logs were "notched down' at the corners nnd held in pi nee by their own weight and the roof. At a late hour the boys repaired to the hen house, armed with a fence rail. It was an easy matter to insert the rail between the two logs nnd prize up those above, so as to mnke an opening through which a man could crawl. A tlapper young fellow, who had visited the doc tor's daughters, went in and legan to pull the chickens off the roost and wring their necks. While he did so the loys outside kept their weight on the rail, and so kept the crack open for his escape. The nice young man, whom we will call Bob, had dropped about a doz en chickens outside, and the whole crowd was in high glee over the pros pective banquet. Just then a big old rooster crowed. "Look out, Bob; break tho rooster's neck and stop his noise. ' "Sh! What's that ?" There was a low growl. "Boys, vou have let those logs down too low; lift them a little, so I can get out. Be quick about it ? At this instant there was a loud bark and a big dog bounded into the poultry yard. The boys on the outside for an instant stood their ground. xhey dropped the rail and grabbed chance weapons to beat off the dog, but before they could disable him the door of the doctor's residence opened and his tall figure appeared. The boys scattered, all but one. The logs had come together again and Bob was a prisoner. He crouched in a corner nnd held his breath, hoping that he would be overlooked, but the dog told where he was. By this time the doctor had come up and other members of the fnmily came out, eager to see who was caught in the man trap. "Why, it's Bob." "Who would have thought it?" The exclamations were heard in the house aud echoed by the young Indies. Then the door of the log house was opened nnd the young man was sent to the dor mitory. He was called before the fac ulty tho next morning. The poor fel- ow would hnve sold himself tor n song, fiiul xpot'.txl to m p riiiiioi-i ty t'x-- lled lllltl crliiim iut)Hi'fiit..l. "Vrnntiivie the doctor had thought the mutter over, lie whs h inau oi grwit sngnoity in tho miumpceiuent of boys, and he'recoRiiized this freak ns a piece of wild mischief which might not Ve mennness. He resolved to Rive tlie matter such disposition as would put a sober head on the young man. Accord ingly, when Bob appeared, looking like a criminal, the doctor lectured him se verely, but in a fatherly way, ahd told lim that such an ottence must not go without a severe punishment. Bob expected the sentence oi ins ex pulsion. With measured tones, lite a udgo pronouncing tne dentil sentence, the doctor said : 'Mr. . I will expect yon to taKe supper with me to-night, and, ns you show a fondness for chicken, the fowls you took off the roost last night will be on the table. Bob would rather have been expelled. But for the distress it would cause his parents he would have gone home. In spite of his larks there was good stuff in Bob, and with a tremenuous mm no esolved to face the music. It is impossible to describe the mental agony Bob went through that evening when he sat at the table where the doc tor presided with courtly dignity. 1 - , , f IT t 1 1 , 11 is elegant wne couiu nou iiave ut-cu , i ,i more courteous to uu iiuuumi t;ural thnn she was to Bob, and her daughters treated the young man ns cordially ns ;ver. Jot a word was saiu aoout wie uir air of tho night before, but the large dish of chicken was like a mountain in the poor boy's eyes. It was the refine ment of torture when tho doctor, with the utmost suavity, helped him to the choicest pieces. The situation, which under ordinary circumstances would have been ludi- i-ons. under the doctor s composure nnd his wife's tact, was carried almost to the pathetic. It was a lesson written on Bob's mem ory in burning letters, and he never for got it. Not for Her. "Madame," he began as the door opened, "I am selling a new book on Etiquette and Deportment." "Oh you are 1" she responded. "Go down there on the grass and clean the mud off your feet." " Y'es'm. As I was saying, ma am, I am sel " "Take off your hat ! Never address a strange lady at her door without remov ing your hat." "Yes'm. Now, then, as I was saying t "Take your hands out of your pock ets! No gentleman ever carries his hands there." "Yes'm, Now ma'am, this work on Eti " "Throw out your cud. If a gentle man uses tobacco he is careful not to disgust others by the habit." "Yes'm. Now, ma'am, in calling your attention to this valuable " "Wait ! Put that dirty handkerchief out of sight and use less grease on your hair. Now you look half-way decent. You have a book on Etiquette and De portment. Very well. I don't want it. I am only the hired girl. You can come in, however, nnd talk with the lady of tho house. She called mo a liar this morning and I think she needs some thing of the kind." Detroit Free Press A Clear Case of Caste. The Buffalo Times says: The stri'e for rank and distinction in social circles is ns fierce in small villages ns in largo cities. Two young women were discus sing tho claims of a candidate for tho highest social honors in the circle to which they belonged. One of them said : "Have you heard about Moggie D 's rise in tho world ?" "Oh, indeed I have !" "Won't she give herself nirs now ?" "Of course slit! will; I don't suppose she'll condescend to notice us common girls now." "I suppose not; she always did think herself some." "Yes, nnd now that she's got the plnco of forelady over the girls in thg new pickle far-tory there'll bo liviuo in the same town with her." ZEN, THE JOKER'S BUDGET. WHAT THK FITXXY MEN ARE SAYING. A Man's Brains She Could Not Stop Him A Hard Crowd Old Associations A Hasty Revenge She Came Back, Ec, Etc. MRS. MURPHY'S SARCASM. Mrs. Moorphy, ye certainly are no lady. The way yez jumped into my b'y Dinny an' all fur just holleriu' 'rats!' showost to me moind that yez are a dangerous characther." "Be aisy wid yer tongue, there, Mrs. Riordan. Oi'm nathrally as pacefnll as a goat, but don't you say another wnr rud av an uncomplimen'tery nature. It's bad enough to have to own vez for a neighbor, so-1 is, widout havin' to sthand an' be talked to by yez." "Niver you moind that, it's an honor ye don't deserve. An, oi'm thinkin' very seriously of puttin' the police onto your thrack." "Well, as for that, Mrs. Riordan, I mver had any dalins wid the police; but av I wanted an introduction to 'em I don't know av any wan that would be better qualified by long acquaintance to give it than your own self, Mrs. Rior dan. Good day to yez." Merchant Traceller. RICH MEN'S BRAINS. Omaha Lawyer. T have inst honrl of the death of your uncle, whom you know was an old client of mine. Nephew Uncle's dead, eh. Smart man that uncle of mine. Started on nothing and made million after million without half trying. "les. he was a smart man. there is no doubt of that." "Hmnrtest mfin T ever lrne-sr Ram him onlv n. few months ncn nn.l lua brain was as quick os a steel trap, old as . l 1 . r -. : :n -r ll was. xuu nitve uuivigtr 01 ills will, X believe. " "Yes: he left all his money to orphan asylums. " ""He did? That will wont stand. He's been a half idiot these twenty vears. Omaha World. SHE KNEW HE WAS FAXLTNG. "You are not as strong ns you used to be, John," said a fond wife to her hus bnnd. "I think it is nbout time that you were getting some insurance on your, life." "Insurance on my life! What nre von talking about? I am as Ijralthv as I ever wns. Insurance indeed." "Well, my dear, I only mentioned it out of respect for yourself. I thought yon were failing. "And what in the world put it into your head thatl was failing." "When you were courting me you could hold me on your lap three hours; now you cannot hold the baby on your lap three minutes." Our Society Jour nal. THE GO VERNOR BTiTJSHED. A good joke is told at the expense of Gov. Hill. In malting his speech at Olio of tlio nimnlv fi.ii-M tliin full ln lnl.1 iv Htoiy Liu-ci itiuK Iom noiylilior, liu-k Twain, of Elmira. It appews that 'X-....1., x. I-i.7Vr lit, Ir. 1... ii. .....I l.v Clio birth of a child, ereehs n wider trough in the eity upon which the name of the child is chiselled. The Oovernor was commenting upon this fiiet and nrrin his hearers to follow the good example, of Twain, when some ono in the audi ence exclaimed: 'Well, Governor, what nre vou doing i for the watering trough business?" ! Our bachelor tiovernor could do nothing but blush. Albany Journal. ANSWERED HIS PURPOSE. One of our attorneys tells a story of a money lender he once knew living in Denmark. Being approached on a cer tain occasion for money he told the lxn'rower to step into his room and he would cot it out of his safe and let him have tho sum wanted. As the borrow er went in nnd took a sent he saw no snfe there, but the money lender went to an old bible nnd, after turning over the leaves awhile, he found the amount needed. What, sir! do you call that a safe? asked the borrower. Well, it ain't exactly safe agnmst fire, but it's safe against the family, "said the money lender. OLD ASSOCIATIONS. "Want to sell that mule?" asked a quiet hxiking mnn on the sidewalk. "les, but 111 bo honest witn you, mister. I don't think you 11 want him. He's an awful kicker. Is he a full jewelled, thoroughgoing, first-class kicker?" "That's what." "Well, nnme your figures and I'll take him." "Great Scott, mister! What do you want of him?" Company. I'm a baseball umpire nnd I don't want to feel lonesome this winter." Washington Critic. A DOLTjAR JjESS IN THE CONTRIBUTION BOX. Good Minister It's rather odd that the collections are exactly $1 less than thev used to be. Minister's Wife Nothing odd about it. Wo haven t lost nny of our congre gation. ".No. but suppose you rememner that Mr. Pious never used to give less than 1. "Of course. "Well. Mr. Pious has been elected n deacon and he passes the plate now." -Omaha orl:l. MAKING HIMSEIjP SOLID. WTifo Why did yon send home a ton of conl to-day, dear? We have conl enough to Inst until July. Husband 1 didu t order any coal, and I wish you wouldn't pay gas bills. I went to the oflioc to-day to make a kick nnd was told the bill wns paid. Wife Why, I haven't paid any gas bills. Daughter (blushing) George is the responsible one, papa, and I think it was a very delicate thing for him to do. y. V. Sun. LOCATION IS KVEKYTHISG. IIou'jt Owner How many children hnve you, madam? House Hunter 1- lve. House Owner That alters the case. 1 can't let you have the house. House Hunter You are more partic ular nnd exclusive than the kingdom of Heaven. House Owner Possibly, madam, This house fronts on Prairie Good morning. Chicago T'ib- possibly avenue. vnc. SELF-INSURANCE. ' Bridget, did yez iver sthop to think that after yer dead yer niver safo from those middical students';" "That's so, Dinny. It's wan of the things that's prejudiced me very much aginst dyin'." " I've thought tf a way to get ahead av 'em." " How's that?" "(Vim' genu' to worruk in a powder mill." Wasliiutjto.i Critic. SHE CAME BACK WITH TWO PUIiSSHS. Do Haven T trllyou wind, De Young, I have the sharpest wife you ever saw in your life. Why, the other dny I gave hor just b.irely money enough to TERMS $1.50. buy one dress, and if you'll believe it she enme home with two. DeYoung That is sharp. How did she manage it? DeHaven Why, she bought one and the other she had on when she went out. Judge. GOES FAST WHEN BROKEN. At the breakfast table she asked him for a little change. "I haven't any, my dear," he said "nothing but a ten dollar bill." At the supper table she made the same request. . "I haven't a cent," he replied. "Why didn't vou cet tlmt ten-doll,.,. bill broken, John ?" she inquired. "I did," he answered with an intona tion of sadness. AVOID A HASTY REVENGE. Don't wreak your spite until after vou've flept; Tim wrong may look changed in the morn The reixwe of the nisht may its influence shed v.- i no cane ui yonr anger, auu HcorttinK. Lust evening I slept o'er a Blight I cmlnrrd; I was ruffled, hut shrouilml tr;u-(M: My spirit itas changed in the morn, :iti1 I And I licked mv aggressor like blazes ! Tid Bits. SENSITIVE TO DRAUGHT. Jack You are not looking well, Brownley. Young Brownley (a sensitive plant) No, my dear boy. I caught cold while eating some Schweitzerkase last night. Jack How could a piece of Schweit zerkase give you a cold i Young Brownley Why stwong tlwaught came thwough the holes, don't cher know. Harper's Bazar. Iil ABILITIES SMALL. Gentleman You say you have failed in the whitewash business, Uncle Ras tus. Uncle Rastus Yes, sah. Done clean busted. Gentleman What did you pay on the dollar? Uncle Rastus Didn't pay nuffin on de dollah, sah. Dc li'bil'ties wah only seventy five cents. SHE HAD HIM THERE. Young husband Mnria, what kind of a leathery mess do you call this ? Young wife This, George, is a French pudding made from that receipt of your mother's. You know you've always wanted me to Young husband Why, so it is.- It's superb, Maria, superb. (Eats pudding nnd silently commends his soul to heaven. SOME GIRLS ARE AWFUL. "Some girls are just too nwful for anything," paiel Miss Stormy Weather on her way homo from church yester day. "There's Ethel Marshall, she wears a set of false teeth. " "I can hardly believe it," said Mr. Swansdown, "I never noticed it." "Of course you didn't. Why, she is so deceitful that she, only wears them at night." ONE MAE KNOW TOO MUCH. Gentleman at Club Would you be lieve it, my dear follow, notwithstand ing nil my protests, my wife insists on vltell slio ffocH to 1C I Mv Dear Fellow (:disent-mindedly) A Know, my lenr cluip. IJon't tulk to (me d)ont it. It's simply dissustiiur. j V, lien one Kisses iier it tjistes just like . sniriii-. j sure don't rembmheb. Fashionable Young Woman (to dry ; goods clerk) I should like to look at sonic lace, please. Dry Goods Clerk Why, Clara, how do you do ? 1 haven't seen you since we parted in the Adiroudacks. Fashionable Young Woman Sir ! Dry Goods Clerk What kind of lace would you be pleased to look at. Tid Bits. WHY HE TRIED SUICIDE. Magistrate (to prisoner) What im pelled yon to attempt suicide ? l'risoner It was a conversation 1 overheard, sir, on the boat coming down from Troy. One of 'em said: "Who's 00 ducky ?" Tho other said: "I's oor duck, whose ducky is oo ?" I hap pened to have some deadly poison in my pocket and I swallowed it. A MILD HINT. They had been sitting iu contempla tive silence for a long time. When Will i:un musingly said: "I think Naomi, that there is a great denl of wisdom in that old saying: 'Silence is golden.'" "There mny be, but gold is unhandy. 1 would rather have a Bill." It took him an hour to "catch on," but he finally offered himself. HOME TO ROOST. Mr. Winks (with affected disgust) Whew ! This mince pie is terribly strong. Mrs. Winks Yes, Bridget got too much brandy in the mincemeat this tin'C. Little Nell Aren't it fnnny. Smelt jist like pa's mustache did when you was away. Omaha World. THE FOOLKILLER. "Whnt is a foolkiller, ma?" nsked little Johnny. "Go ask your father, my dear," she replied with a sneering intonation; "he knows everything." "A foolkiller, my boy," returned old Brown, glancing slyly under his paper nt his wife, "is a little thing called a cigarette. " Judge. nE EARNED HIS HARP. St. Peter (to applicant) What was your business when on earth ? Applicnnt Editor of a newsjiaper. St. Peter Big circulation, of course? Applicant No, small; smallest in the country. St. Peter rick out your harp. A HARD CROWD. "Farmers must be a dreadfully im proper set of men," remarked Mrs. Mo Swilligen. "How do you make that out?" asked her husband. "Why they shock even wheat nnd corn. " Pittsburgh Chronicle. A SLIGHT HOPE. "Papa," she snid, entering the old I man's room, "George is in the parlor, nnd I have broken the dreadful news to him that vou hnve failed." ! "What'did lie say f" j "lie wants to know what you paid on ! the dollar." -V. Y. Sua. THE SHOT. Young Simpkins If the devotion of a lifetime will prove to you the strength of my love, Gladys, it shall be yours. Can vou desire more '. C:m you Gladys That will be nil - Young Simpkins (instinctively) Ca a sh !- Tid Bits. HE DISCLAIMED UKSroNSJIH MTV. "How did you begin lifo ?" the young man asked the great man. "I didn't begin it," truthfully replied the great man. "I t was hero when 1 got here." Scrauton Truth. The Glens Fall Star says that Henry George reeentlv bought 200 acres of land in Essex' Comity, lis probably proposes to distribute it i-niong the members of the Anti-Poverty Society. It pavs to shirt a manufactory ' ' South, 'if it is kept going only long enough to sell out t ) a Western trust company who vill buy it t: shut up. WORK OF INSPECTBESSES NEW YORK WHARF. AT A Examining; a Woman's Trunks For Dutiable Goods A Valuable Bus tle Caiiffht in the Act. Indignant woman is not a pleasant per son to run against, and usually people give her a wide berth; but wait on the docks of New York for a European steamer andyo;i find bcr, not in the singu lar, but in the plural number. In former years it was an easy matter to rush through a few (?) presents, fifty or so. Now, with the advent of women on the docks as inspectresses, a sad change has come o'er the spirit of the fair traveler's cream. These inspectecsses arc twenty three in number, under the charge of Mrs. Mary E. Williams, chief of the bureau. '1 hey range in ngc from Hi years to that point where women fetop having birth days. Their hours nt the Barge Office on the Battery are from 9 and 7 a. m. on alternate weeks, to C 1. m. A com petitive civil service examination, such as any pupil in the upper grammar grades could pass, secures a position and a salary of $!)3 a month. AVhen a vessel is sighted off Fire Island its arrival is wired to the Bargo Oflice. At the Narrows the Cus tom House officials board the great steamer, and others, with inspectre3scs, prepare to meet her when safely tied to her landing. At one cud of the gorge ously fitted up saloon the men in brass buttons and white cans with gilt insignia, ' Feat themselves, and in Indian file the passengers come up to the impromptu desks. " Your name ? " asks the officer, " J. Helene Jones." Fo much is honest. "Alone or with an escort ? " Here comes the rub. If unattended. her ladyship must sut mit to the hundred eyes of the female Argus detailed to in-' poet the luggage cit lu'lu'i traveling lone. If wah a gen'.l'-u.an this is avoided, and al'bougli xho lias tramped all over the Continent, and bought from every shop in London and Paris without nny aid, the result, just being pulled up from the hold of the ship, nt the present moment she finds male protection a most desirable thing. Her answer, truthfully or no, goes down, and the next interro gation is regarding the number of trunks, boxes, parcels and packages. They must all be enumerated "big box, little box, bandbox, and bundle." "Dutiable or non-dtit ablc?" he is asked. Nine cases out of ten she smil ingly says she has nothing at all upon which duty can be charged in her judgment. Subsequent events prove that differences of opinion still exist in this cold, cruel world, where an unfeeling Gove nment persists in levying a tax on female friperie. Mademoiselle is then passed to the man opposite and signs her name to this paper. She has thus sworn to liosse.ssing no dutiable articles. If squeamish she may reply that she has a lew trifles nud is asked to name them and to place upon these a valuation. Seldom is the true cost given, and often . sales bills are produced (kindly arranged by parties across), substantiating her statements. The questioning closes with a number handed her on a check, corre sponding to that on her sworn deposi tion. With it goes a printed circular informing one that bribery is punishable. The stenmer reaches her pier. Mile. Jones, in a new seal jacket and Parisian bonnet, brings down number less small parcels, her steward, gracious under a final tip, in the rear with port manteau, rugs, and umbrellas. She em braces waiting admirers, announces she had a perfetly lovely time; actually gained sixteen pounds!'' this last fact corroborated by an apparent increase in volume and weight. Somehow her dress improver has swelled, but she accounts for this as the very latest from Regent street fashion models. But keys are called for. She is mo3t voluble, too much so for the cool miss in ulster now control ing all belongings. To the hnnd bag first dives tho woman official. Nothing tlieie. llcr Rteuiner trunk. Also empty, v,,WA of iviyt.iu ii.. n.ll,..,,l, liylllvc- t.iiH it i..k.-a into, lollut and boxes ditto. Stilt nihil. Bugs, fur rlouk, iinl iitnti-cll.-ia are now Ofioned. JVIiss Jones srartcti w.'th none, she now carries our of a recent ninfe. They jmss. A second key opens a Inline fcarntOra and each tniy comes under inspection. There is much head gear, suspiciously new, but it goes as personul belongings. Lingerie comes under inspection, but also passes. JJresses ot la e maKe arc tossed aside and into each corner go the quick hands. Ah! Something hard is struck I A box. Out it comes in a jiffy. Cover torn oil and through the packing comes a pair of lovely vases. The e arc quietly hud aside. During this the owner is all the time giving information, historical, of the origin and c ause of each article. But Miss Inspcctress is cooler than the traditional cucumber. Another trunk is unstrapped and un locked. Dresses, dresses everywhere, some but quarter made and one of dimensions twice Mile. J. Helena's size. The keen eye of the examiner observes this and the garment goes on top of the box, followed by a gentleman's mackintosh, and later a lamp in royal Worcester, the vase of the lamp stuffed wilh lace. Gloves arc plenty, hut give way to a silk skirt. On the principle 0f SCf n thief to catch a thief, put a woman to fathom a woman's ways, and you need not be sur prised to sec the inspcctress hold up the skirt to the light, rip open one of tho gores, nnd show round after round of heavy jet stitched inside. The pile is now of goodly size, its owner tearfully exclaiming: "It's a shame; they're only presents from friends in England !" But the inspcctress heeds her not but goes for the appraisement with the deposition, which she has all the time held in her hand. Mile. Jones begins to breathe easy. Po litely she is asked to place a value upon the goods and she does so. Just as she is shaking hands with herself, and wondering if she will have enough left iu her portemonuaie to put up at tho Brunswick or the Fifth avenue, she is in vited into a room on the dock. Farewell to sweet delusive hope. Pandora never left it in the box to be so cruelly crushed. A personal examination shows silk petticoats with braid and bullion, and lace ornamentation. Her pockets, jew elry by the yard, aud in her back hair, when unbound, are found two shining diamonds. Tho anatomy of the bustle should be reeds or springs with a tiny cushion of hair. But hers is a piece of velvet which she could not duplicate in the States, nnd a scissors thrust in tho cushion stabs three meerschaum pipes! Behold her shorn and in floods of tears. She calls a cnb, or some one docs for her, pays the duty on her little pile, amount ing to nbout three-fourths of their real worth, and loses what has been taken fomher person. 1'rocidrncc Journal, How Beeswax is Made. It is no mere extraneous substance which needs only to be collected for use ; it is a bit of organic lnme manufacture. If you examine tho under surface of a cell building-worker you will find be neath tho abdomen four pairs of white plates projecting from as many poc kets in the incasing rings of this part of tho body. These are the wax plates, mado from the life blood of the worker. Ex amine now with a lens one of the hinder legs. You will find that the stoutest joints are very square shouldered nt the hinge, nnd that the hinge is well over to one side, so that the shoulders form a pair of jaws, which op;-n when the limb is bent, and close when it is straightened. The upper jaw has a row of spines which bite on a plate on the lower jaw. With this apparatus, piercing it with these spine, the woiker withdraws a wax plate from its pr.cket, transfers it to the front legs, and thence to the mouth, where it is laboriously masticated with a salivary secretion. I'n'.ess it under goes this p:orcss it lacks the ductility requisite for cell makiug. Murray's Magazine. A Morning Lay. Peiipath my window, in the calm. Still autumn morn aroso A lay that strangely stirred my heart And ban s io 1 all repose. I called out to tho fanner's boy, "Say, whence tlint wondrous lay?" " 'Ti. our old spec'.vled hen," said ho, "Who" laid an egg to-day." The Judge.