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Advertising Rates. wiea. uiimnti 0n column OS Incaea) iM M ftare-fonrtns co turn o (is lnchw).......... , S K On.-b.lf column (13 niches) M'M One-third column (S Inches) ........... to t Ono-fourth column (Vf Inches) 41101 - On-txth column 4Sj inclr " 30 , Oae-eishth column (.iW inches) " js'nt OneTnth column (2 inches) " 00 01 One sixteenth column (IS incnes) n'ot One-wenty-iith column (1 inch) tut "On-htrty-nlnth column inch) ?'m On-iUty-econd column (it inch) lii'ii" i.ot m motional psrts of year will be charred h fol 'F!h months, H' ths pries of full year 'Persa " 8-lit'is " Pirn 7-luths Fit " t-lorha Tour i-ltths Three sloths Two " tilths " One tlitha One insertion. 1-luth Kes4inv notices, in cents w line each Insertion. " no chsrwe msde of less than tl.oo. Probate nd 1 omuiissioners' notice (3 insertions) i60. UbersUoni.Estrys.(kc.. (3 insertious) 1.W. Leal oUcos (8 insertions) 10 cents rwr line. D joiiie reonie 01 BOUT My hair is turning grey too fast and I am admon ished in many ways that I cannot stand as much pres sure as I could 20 years ago. Sound judgment die" tates that I close some of the many branches of busi ness which I have tried for many years to carry on, and I have decided to commence the cutting-off process by closing out my stock of Stoves, or at least so far re ducing it that some young man with moderate means can step in and buy the balance and continue the busi ness. I well understand that to do this will require a large Sacrifice, but as compared with health, any sac rifice however large is small. I shall therefore com mence ? Thursday, 1887. and continue until the bulk of my stock is disposed of, io Offer My entire Line of STOVES AT LESS THAN COST, some of them MUCH LESS, but every one, with out reserve, at less. I know how little such oilers too often mean in advertisements, so let me put myself so squarely on record that there can be no mistake about my meaning. Here is My Guaranty in Square English, vis.s EXCEPTING FOR SECOND-HAND STOVES, WHICH, BEING TAKEN IN EXCHANGE, HE ALLY CAN HAVE NO CERTAIN Oil DEFINITE COST, I GUARANTEE THAT EVERY STOVE IN MY STOCK SHALL BE OFFERED AT LESS THAN THE SAME ACTUALLY COST ME IN CASH, WITH EVERY DISCOUNT DEDUCTED. If my reputation for meaning what I My counts for anything with the people of Lamoille County, aud I hope it does. 1 pledge that reputation over my signa ture that my above offer shall be conscientiously and faithfully lived up to until further notice or until I close out this branch ofiny business. Remember this offer is for cash only. 1 shall ask a profit if I give time, but will make low prices even when time is given. My line of Second-IIand Stoves will be closed out at surprisingly low prices. 1 trust I may be favored with numerous calls from my old friends, for until this stock is closed owt we can certainly make it for your interest to buy, so come, and come quickly, ind we will do you good. The public's most obedient servant, HYDE PARK, Vt., Oct. 5th, VOL. XV. NO. e Conn Oct. 65 1SS7. NEWS 41. ACROSS THE SXOW. Across the snow and over the sand, AVhcre summer lingers with song and bloom, 1'he festooned oaks of Florida stand Enshrouded in odorous gloom; Over the mountains, aerosa the snow, The blue sky umileth and bondeth low. Across the snow and over the sea. Italy laughs, like a child at play; Aad her rivers that sing incessantly Are wooing the soul away ! Over the sea and across the snow Across the snow and over th tears, Tiie wonder-world of our childhood lies, And voices echo across the years With whispered question and low replies, Over the graves and across the snow, The children are calling who loved me so. Across the snow and beyond the doubt, There lieth a land so sweet and fair That none who enter will turn about To bring ns tidings of loved ones there; Over the doubt and across the snow The dear ones beckon and I shall go. lie nj. S, Parker. DEAR MR. MORTON. A CHARMING STORY IX WHICH LOVE FIG URES CONSPICUOUSLY. "Tom's widow is coming to tea tliis evening." "My dear, don't speak of her in that way. lorn s widow ! there is something ghastly in the very sound." " 1.011 needn t be afraid, mother: she never shall be my widow." "1 thought you admired her. Tom said Hilda. "So I do, immensely; she's the iolliest little woman that I kuow, but I mean to leave a difl'erent sort of widow.' "One whose appearance will be better adapted to weeds t" "One who will show a little more feel ing when I am gone," said Tonu ''Mrs. Morton's husband can scarcely be a year dead, and yet she is the gayest and the merriest of you all. " "T?rvc llll't jmrtriMrt rT1 ,1111 'r. 1 . . . , 1 widow I A broken-hearted cteature all crape and pocket handkerohiek. who will be forever talking about her lost darling." "My dear," said my mother again. "The mater thinks it unlucky to talk about my widow. How do you know that it is not I who am to be the bereav ed one, bewailing the loss of my sainted wife, and expecting sympathy and con solation from mv sisters " "Well," said Hilda after a few min utes' reverie, "I admit that it does sur prise me to see Freda Morton, loving and warm-hearted as she certainly is, appearing to feel the loss of her husband so little." "Perhaps she disliked him." "Rose ! disliked 'dear Mr. Morton !' " "Oh, that is merely a little convention al way of speaking of him; she evidently considers it the correct phrnse. It is quite compatible with indifference, if not dislike." j 'I think she was fond of hiai," said j Hilda. "She avoids speaking of him, I fti 11 it pained ner to do so: sometimes tions him. "And at other times she makes the most flippant remarks about him and his tastes and habits. She certainly is a puzzle to me." "I am sorry you do not care for her, Tom; I often thought how pleasant it would be to have her as a sister-in-law." "Your visions may be realized without victimizing me." "Do you mean Edmund?" "I do; I think Edmund is very mnch smitten, and that she knows it, and does not object." "I never thought of that," said Hilda; they never seem to speak to one an other." "No, but when either speaks to some one else, the other listens. Watch, you win see. "I would rather she was married to you than to Edmund." "Sorry I can't accommodate you, Good-bye, mother, I'm off. " "Are you coming home to tea, Tom,' asked my mother. vjertainiy, mottier. l woman S miss Mrs. Morton on any account," Mrs. Morton aud her sister, Mabel Heath, had now been settled in Long- mede for some months. They hud brought letters from an old schoolfellow of Hilda's and mine, who had now mar ried and was living in Liverpool. Ma bel Heath and her sister were dear friends and neighbors of hers, she wrote, and she was very sorry to lose them, but they had now no reason for remain ing in Liverpool, and their means being diminished by their recent loss, they were anxious to nnd some quiet country place where they could live economi cally. She had advised them to try Longmede, having heard much of it from Hilda and me, and feeling that she might trust to our kindness to make them welcome. The letter was hastily writ ten and seemed to take for granted that the circumstances of the two sisters were already known. However, this was Ethel Fordham's way; her letters generally were some what incoherent. So Hilda and I went at once to call upon the newcomers, whom wo found established in pretty rooms in the house of the late doctor's widow, who had managed to retain her old home by letting part of it. We were somewhat surprised to find both sisters mere girls, Mrs. Morton, al though in reality the elder, appearing the younger of the two. They were in striking contrast to each other, Mrs. Morton being small, fair, and childish looking, while Mrs. Heatli was tall and stately, with dark hair and eyes. Both wore deep mourning, Mrs. Morton's very becoming little cap constituting the chief titlerenee in their dress. We soon boeame very intimate with both girls. They refused our invitations at first on the plea of deep mourning, but after a little time they consented to tea, and later on to a quiet game of ten nis. Mrs. Morton soon proved herself an excellent player, and she and Tom fraternized over the game. Tom made no secret of his admiration for her, and Hilda and I soon decided that it would be very pleasant if Tom's widow, as we had begun to call her, were to become Tom's wife. Now, however, Tom's man ner, even more thanhis words, put an end to this castle iu the air, leaving a new field of speculation in the sug gestion he had thrown out concerning Edmund. Edmund was a surgeon, and had been for some years on board ship. He was now at home, recovering from a some what severe illness, and looking for suit able employment on shore. He was far quieter and more reserved than Tom. and the possibility of his being attracted by the pretty little widow never occurred to any of us. Now, however, enlight ened by Tom's hint, we watched him closely, and before the close of the even ing had discovered that Tom was right, and that Edmund was absorbed in study ing her every movement and listening to her every word; while she, on her part, was fully conscious of his admiration, and did not apparently dislike it. It was rather a disappointment to us, as we would have preferred her marrying Tom; however, we resigned ourselves to the inevitable, and began to speculate on the course of events and make plans for Edmund's future, with Mrs. Morton as his wife. MORRISVILLE AND HYDE One day not long after this we called at Mrs. Morton's lodgings to ask her and Mabel Heath to join us in a walk. The ladies were up stairs, the servant said, and she asked us to wait in tlie drawing room while she went to seek them. The drawing room door was partly open, and wo went in without making any noise. There was a deep bay window at one side of the room, looking into the garden; it was partly screened off by heavy curtains and con tained a writing tablo aud couple of basket chairs. We did not at first per ceive that this recess was tenanted, but presently we saw, by means of the re flection in an opposite mirror, that Freda Morton was standing by the table arranging the contents of her" little writ ing desk . Presently sh took up a small case, evidently containing a photograph) and looked long and earnestly at it Then she raised it suddenly to her lips I and hissed it passionately many times. jumu uuu a wmilcu oieuwiiessiy lur a few moments, then I moved across the room and greeted Winifred as though we had just come in. She came for wardjto meet us, her radiant smiling self, although I could see there were tears in her eyes. After a few minutes sho went up-stairs to put on her bonnet and to look for Mabel, and then Hilda and I stole over to the table on which we could still see the little case lying where Freda had put in down. Our first feeling was surprise at seeing the photograph of a young man, having always supposed Mr. Morton to have been middle-aged; if not elderly. Indeed we had inferred ns much from Various little speeches made by the girls. We were so absorbed in tho contem plation of the photograph, that we did not perceive Mabel's entrance until she stood beside us "Oh," Bhe said, "so Freda has shown you that. Is he not a handsome man ?" "Very handsome, "I said. "What a terrible grief his death must have been to Freda!" Ah odd sort of look came over Mabel's frtce. "People got over such things," she said, after a pause. "Was he fond of Freda?" "Exceeding! v forwl of hnr nnrl kIia nf him. But here sho is," as her step was heard on the stairs. 'Put down that picture, Rosa." And Freda came in, dressed for walk ing, in her coquettish little widow's bon net. "How cool and comfortable you girls look in your hats !" she said. "I think I must get one, too, aud leave off this horrid bonnet. I'm sure, dear, Mr. Morton would not like me to get sun burnt. Would he, Mab ?" "You know best," said Mabel, short ly. "I certainly think you ought to get the hat," she added, after a moment. During the walk Freda was the gayest of the gay, laughing and talking inces santly. As we parted from her at her own door, she said : "So, Mabel tells me that tou have seen my husband's picture. What do you think of him V I muttered some commonplace about the portrait, in the midst of which Freda suddenly snatched away her hand, which she had left in mine, and ran into the house. One day my mother and I were sitting j ot work in the drawing room, Krlmaii-l ' being seated, book iu hand, in a low chair, which was partly concealed by ft couple of tall palms. Suddenly Hilda burst into the room in a state of the wildest excitement. "Mother, Rose whom do you think I have seen just now at the po3toflice ? Dear Mr. Morton." "Do you mean his ghost?' "I mean himself in the flesh asking where Miss Heath lived. Ho has a pleasant voice." "But, my dear," said my motherj "didn't he die? Die of an illness, I mean? Was he lost lit sea or anything of that sort?' "I never heard particulars of his death," said Hilda, considering; "t be lieve he was a sailor, bo probably he was lost at sea. Anyway he is in Longmede at the present moment." "How do you know it is he?" "Rose and I once saw his photograph. I could not mistake him, he is Such ft striking looking man-." "Could this be his brother?" "Dont you remember Freda's once telling us that she had no people-in-law? Besides, this man has a slight scar across his forehead, which I also noticed in the photograph. No, no, it is dear Mr. Morton. I wonder if Freda will bo glad to see him," she added, sig nificantly. Then I suddenly remembered Ed mund, and glanced in his direction. He was very pale, and tho hand that held his book trembled When my mother and Hilda had left the room, he said: "Rose, I shall go up to London to night nnd try if the berth that was of fered to me on board the Veuetia is still to be had. I wrote a refusal yesterday, but by going up to-night 1 may still se cure it." "Must you go, Edmund?" "I cannot stay here," he said, "and I think life would be more endurable at sea than on shore. Come and help me with my packing, Rosie, there's a good girl. Edmund went to town that night, in spite of his mother's remonstrances, and Hilda nnd I remained, devoured by curi osity concerning Mr. Morton. We de bated as to whether it would be right to call, but disliked intruding. However, on the third day, we heard nothing, either of Mrs. Morton or her newly found husband, and we decided that it would be only kind to call, and were just setting out, when a ring came to tho door, and in walked the two sisters, accompanied by the original of tho pho tograph, the latter displaying a goodly length of limb in addition to the hand some bearded head with which we were already familiar. Mrs. Morton was still in mourning, but she had discarded the widow s bonnet, and wore a small straw hat, similar to Mabel's. My mother went over to Freda and kissed her affec tionately, speaking some words of con gratulation, and then, turning to the stranger, greeted him also, addressing him as Mr. Morton. "My name is Heatli," he said, in a quiet, well bred voice; and then Mabel, seeing tho look of blank astonishment in my mother's face, struck in Our brother. Mrs. Leslie. Just come home from Australia." "Your brother i Winifred, mv dear. I beg your pardon. I am sorrv for hav ing distressed you," for Freda was sob bing hysterically, with, it seemed to mo, more laughter than tears in her eves. hlie is distressed, because she is ashamed, Mrs. Leslie," said Mr. Heath. "I have come hereto-day to insist upon both my sisters making full acknowledge ment of the deception they have prac ticed upon your family, and beg that you will kindly make it known to anyone whom it may concern.' "Deception?" "Winifred's passing herself as a widow. She is not married ." "Not married! then Mr. Morton " "Is a myth. The girls fancied, T be lieved, that living alone thev would have more freedom if one of them were a widow, and AVinifred, being already in mourning for my grandfather, whose re cent death had left them homeless, bought a widow's cap, and culled herself Mrs. Morton. The false position once assumed was not easily abandoned, al though it led them into more absolute deceit than they had at all foreseen. They now wish ifo explain the matter to AND PARK, VERMONT, yon as their chief friend in Longmede, and to ask your pardon for having de ceived you. "The deception has not affected us much," said my mother. "Your sister would have been quite as welcome here under her true name. How did such a plan enter your head, Winifred ? What suggested it to you ?" "It was only on our way through Lon don that I thought of it," said Freda. "Mabel aud I went into Jay's to buy liatsj and while we were choosing them, I saw a little widow's bonnet on the bi ble, and I tried it on. It suited me ex actly, and Mabel said: What a pity you are not a widow, Freda! you look so nice in weeds, and if you were, we should both be far more independent than we can be as young ladies. The idea of pre tending to be a-widow came into my mind then, and I thought it would be Vtw-vT fm, TtLtLiELi'1''1--' ''i -'-f- I made her eansc we Doughs a widow's cap and bonnet-; we. were already m mourning for grandfather, and I deter mined to call myself Morton. It really is my name Winifred Morton Heath. We talked so much to each other about Mr. Morton that we came half to believe in him, and to be rather fond of him. We did not understand at first how diffi cult it would be to keep up the pretense, or how many lies we should have to tell. I was many time longing to tell you the truth, but I was afraid." "I am sorry you did not, my dear," said my mother gravely. "However; that cannot be helped now. Did you expect your brother?" "No, not at all. His coming was quite a surprise. He walked suddenly into the drawing-room, and found me in a widow's cap" she laughed somewhat hysterically. "You must have been startled, Mr. Heath?" 'I was startled at first," he said, "and when I learned the truth I was shocked. I did not think either of my sisters wonld have been capable of such syste matic deceit. I was determined that I at least would not be a party to it. This visit is also to say good-bye, Mrs. Leslie," ho added. "My sisters accom pany me to London this evening. They will scarcely find Longmede a pleasant residence, once the truth is known. I am remaining in England for a year, and for that time, at least, they are better with me. I cannot understand why," he added, "you were so ready to assume that I was the late Mr. Mor ton," with an expression that made him for the moment like Freda. "We saw your photograph," I said, hesitatingly. "Did she show me as Morton?" he asked. "Mabel did." "I beg your pardon," said Mabel's grave voice. "You assumed that the portrait was that of Freda's husband, and I did not contradict you. You were so much struck by the photograph. I remember, aud rather scandalized st Freda's having survive?! her loss." It was now my tura to looked con fused under the amuseu scrutiny of Mr. Heath's brown eyes. The Heath's "soon after went away, leaving Hilda and me much saddened, both br their departure and the man ner of it. "Poor Jvlmund."J said, "what ft pity th if. ho fj"v-t-pi . tmVnir f ' T must write aud tell him the truth. Per haps he has not yet finally arranged to sail in the Venetia." "My itear," said my mother xery ener get'cally "I would rather ft thousand times that he sailed in the Venetia than that he married that deceitful girl. Her conduct shows a want of honor and vh-inciple such as I should be sorry to Bee itt Edmund's wife." Nevertheless; t thought it dne to Ed mund to let him know the state of af fairs. The only notice taken of the communication was a postscript in the iiext letter td my mother: "Tell Rose I received hers of the 22d." Wo had heard nothing of the Heaths after they left Longmede; In the sur prise and confusion of our parting we had forgotten to ask then! to keep us in formed of their movements, while they probably felt chary of writing under the Circumstances. At the end of a ysar Edmund came home; looking older and browner, his quiet, reserved manner suiting him bet ter now than it did in his boyish days. He had bought a practice in a little town on the south coast and intended settling there. The first time he and I were alone he asked if I knew anything of the Heaths. I was somewhat ashamed to confess that 1 did not. "You and Hilda imagined yourselves attached to those girls, 1 believe. " "So we were, hiit mother was so much annoyed at the deceit " "A mere bit of childish masquerading undertaken without considering the con sequences. I do not know how you call it by such a hard name as deceit." "I have often felt sorry since that we did not ask their address. Do you think you could find it out, Edmundl" "I have found it out. I met Australian friends of Heath's on board ship, who gave it to me. ' "Have you seeff"them?'' "Not yet. I came first to my mother." "Give me the address and I will write to Freda." "As you did without news of them for so long, you can exist without it a little longer. You shall have the address soon." Edmund went 'away in a day or two on busiuess, and about a week later there came a letter announcing his en gagement to Miss Heath. Poor mother was in great trouble at the news, and we had considerable" trouble in persuading her to look upon the former escapade as mere childishness, and not as a sign of innate depravity. A little before the wedding, I went to stay with the Heaths at Kensington. Freda was looking pale and thin, but very happy. "Rosie," she said, as soon as she had got me into a corner by ourselves, "I have been punished for my deceit all through the past year." "Punished i" "I have been so unhappy. I thought he was ns disgusted with me ns the rest of you, and that I should never see him again." "Then yon loved him all the time ?" "Yes. I used to think I should never care lor any one ns mucn as 1 did for Richard, and now Mabel is going with Richard and I am staying behind. "My mother did not go to Edmund's wedding; but she was very kind and affectionate to Freda when the young people came to stay nt Longmede. She jonlided to me, however, that she could never look at her daughter-in-law with out remembering the widow's cap in which she hod first seen her." "It seems to mo an omen," she said. That was many years ago, however. and no shadow of the widow's cap has fallen on Freda's golden head. The gold is still undimmed, I believe, but this I only know from hearsay, not hav ing seen my sister-in-law since the day on winch J, Kose Ueath, sailed from Southampton with Mabel nnd brol her. Cum ll'n Mtiriazine. her Learned it. A traveling man savs he learned for the first time the mean ing of the phrase "within an ace of his life." The phrase is said to have origi nated with a French officers in Abvssin , who was struck smiare in the breast by a bail from the carbine of an enemy. 'l!' I i ll- 1.1- . . . J ' iicu piMieiraieu nis cunning and then struck a pack of cards in his pocket, and spent its force just before reaching the ace oj spades ut the lini.tom ol the pack. THURSDAY, JANUARY 20, 1888. TIIE JOKER'S BUDGET. STKAY BITS OF HUMOR FROM OUR KXCHAXGKS. Found in the Baske t Short-hand Business The Delegate's Hat They Ate Bluegrass, &c, &c. COASTWISE. She John, what is a coastwise steam er ? He One that knows how to keep off the rocks, darling. Pack. ' UNCLAIMED. Pastor (looking in collection basket) "Dey am seberal coins in dis yar basket dat I nebersaw de denonvinashi-m befo'. Dey am made ob bono about as big as a half dollar: some am colored white an' some am blue de most am white. As dey am no use to de church, deyll be re turned to de owner if lie conies fonard.' (Nobody stirs.) Judge. THE SHOES. "Mabel, what does your father do?" "He is a shoe merchant." "Does he deal in the kind of shoes he wears?" (thoughtfully). "Of course." "Think I'll have to patronize him They are good strong shoes." THE CAUSE. Lady What can I get a divorce for? Iowa Lawyer Nothing. Lady Why, how chenp! I always thought it took piles of money; Lawyer Money! Oh! it will cost you just $200 counsel's fees. I thought you were asking about the cause; Chicago Ledger A CONFLAGRATION. "Papa, what is a conflagration?" "It is a big fire, my son." "And what do thev call a little fire?" "There is no special name for a little fare. Oh, tliey sometimes call in an in cipient fire, and let's see well, it is sometimes called an inconsiderable fire, Why?" "Well, I see your coat-tail is on fire, and I was wondering whether it was a conflagration or an incipient fire. " In a few minutes the young man ha 1 reason to think it was a conflagration. Chicago 2iew. A BROKEN HEART. "Papa," she said, as the old man came in late, "young Mr. Sampson offered himself to me to-night and I refused dim. And oh, papa, I am afraid his heart is broken." "He told me about it," said the old man. "Then you met him ?" "Yes, he is down at the Eagle playing billiards." AN ACCOMPLISHED WIFE. "Well, Nellie, does your husband still drink ?" "Yes, mother, and it's worrying the life out of me." "Did you try the plan of breaking him of the habit that I suggested to you " "Yes." "Did you put whiskey in his coffee V "Yes." "What did he say ?" "He said I was the only woman ho had seen wince it in mother ifc'ed who knew how to make cofiee as it should be made. ' DEEP THEOLOICAL DISCUSSION. Their grandma had just given them a tiico dinner, and the children, feeling grateful Were discussing tho question of thank S; "How nice it was of grandma to buy all those nice things for Thanksgiving dinner; We ought to thank God for the dinner." "No," said another little tot, "We must thank grandma for the dinner and thank God for grandma;" "Let us do all the thanking at once, and thank God for grandma and the din ner." "No," said the first, "we must thank grandma for the dinner and God for grandma; 'cos there's plenty of dinners, but we've only one grandma." HIS HAT. At one of the hotels in New York a colored man takes the hats of the guests ns they go into the dining room, and hands each man his hat without hesita tion or mistake as he conies out. "How did you know," asked the won dering delegate, "that this was my hat?" "I didn't know it wuz your hat," was the quick response; "I only knows it wuz de hat you gub me." a guest's ulunder. Eastern Hotel Clerk What did 938 want ? Hall-Boy Nothin'. He didn't ring. Must a been some other number, sir. He said he didu't ring an' didn't want anything, an' he says he's very comfort able, sir, "Very comfortable ! He's got one of the cheapest rooms in the house. Go turn the heat off." Oiauhn World. A PRECOCIOUS DIPLOMAT. Oh, mamma, I upset the Boy- salt cellar over the clean clothes. Mamma That was careless; go and brush the salt off, and see you don't soil the clothes. Boy But, mamma, when any one spills salt they have a quarrrel, don't they? Mamma So they say. Boy Well, then, if they don't spill the salt, they don't have a quarrel, isn't that so i Mamma Yes, that is so. But why do you ask? Boy Well, because, mamma, it wasn't the salt I spilled, it was the ink. CAUGHT ON. A Dexter 5-year-old was put to be d the other night a little earlier than she herself thought desirable. Soon after she called for some bread and milk, and got it. After eating" a few spoonfuls she looked up to her father with a most un concerned air and remarked: "Papa, I believe I heard j'ou say it wasn't a good plan to retire immediately after eating. I guess I'll get up. Dexter (Mc.) Gazette. THEY ATE BLUEORASS. Customer Is your milk really pure! Milkman Perfectly pure, ma'am. C. (dubiously) It may be, but M. But what, ma'am? C. It looks mighty blue. M. That's easily accounted for. The cows are feeling blue. They always feel blue at this time of the year when their supply of fresh grass is cut off. lionton Courier. SIIORTnAKD RUSlN'IiSS. "You must do a great credit busi ness i" remarked a reporter who happen ed to bo in an up town grocery store when the collector came in and tossed a big bundle of I. O. U.'s on the desk in a discouraged way. "Yes, far more than I can afionl. Those are some of my hardest customers. See how this bill is marked in pencil !" On the back were the letters G. T. S., C. B. S., G. I. II. C, and tho merchant explained. , "The first means, 'Gone to Seashore; the second, "Came Back Strapped,' and the third, 'Getting In His Coal,' which, of course, is a further excuse for stand ing us off" "But here is one marked 11. . . w. G. A S.,' " continued the reporter. "Well, I'll tear that up That moans, Hopeless Case Wife Got a Sealskin Haoquo' this fall. That settles it. and the bill will never be presented again,' Detroit Fred Press. 'TWAS EVER THUS. (just alter getting acquainted Adam Aviili F,ve1 Will vou go with me to night to see the animals ? EveI have nothing to wear. Button, Courier. AN AGGRAVATED CASE. Patient I've taken all the medicine you sent except this one bottle, and I don't seem to feel any better. Doctor Yours must be an aggravated case. Farmer Acorn's cow was took down at the same time you wuz an' I giv' her just the same med'eine exactly, an' it cured her. Life. A MISUNDERSTANDING. Father (who has given his consent) I hope, young man, that you know the value of "the prize you will get in my daughter? . T Vr..,,r TUnu Well er no, sir; I doii't kiiuw the exnc ,lue, but as near. ns T nn h find out it 8 in the nejgUOox- hood of fifty thousand dollars. RETURNED. A business man of Somerset, Ky., wrote to a man in the country, and on the envelope that held the letter was tho usual "Return in ten days to , Som erset, Kv." A couple o weeks afterward the letter came ba.-k n ;companied by a note in which the writer said that ac cording to request he returned the let ter, though for the life of him ho didn't see why lie was so all-fired particular about having it sent back. A TRAVELED MAN, Mr. Overtheline (a Cincinnati drum mer) Yes, I've been an extensive trav eler, Miss Waldo. For the past twelve years 1 don't believe I've spent more 'than one month of the twelve at my home. ... Miss Waldo (a young lady from Bos ton) Oh, I think traveling is so inter esting and it improves one so much, you know. lrou have visited Talis, Mr. Overtheline? Mr. Overtheline No; we have another1 man for Kentucky; my route is all north of the Ohio River. JVr. Y ?un. A SCRAMBLE. Mother (to daughter, who has been out) Why, Clara what is tho matter? Your hat is all askew, your wrap torn, and your general appaarance dishevelled and disreputable. Daughter l'es, mamma; I've been to the matinee. I got a seat, but you out to have seen some of the other ladies. iV. Y.Sun. SON AND HAIR. Mrs. Youngmaster Do you know, Emily, I think baby has inherited his father's hair ? Mr. Y. (prematurely bald) I'm glad to hear somebody's inherited it, my love, for I often wondered what became of it Texas S if tings. A MISUNDERSTANDING. Citizen (to coal dealer) Send a ton of coal and charge it. Dealer Chestnut. Citizen No, stove. Dealer (louder) Chestnut ! Citizen No, stove, and here's the monev for it, Dealer (lower) Stove it is. A . Y. Sun. HOME-LIKE PLEASURE. -Sparrow Cop (to loiterer on City Hull Park bench) Ynre long enough hef-e ! Move mi ' Loiterer 1 don't know that I am do ing any particular damage, sir. What time does the boat come iu on this foun tain ? I'm from Boston nnd would hate to lose my Usual Publio Garden sail. Tid Bits. A COOLER. Ml'. Moreliead (who has been waiting an hour for a reply to his invitation) Well, Tommy, was Miss Sitef at home ? Tommy Yes; she was at home, but she says she's got tt previous invite to the straw-ride from Mr. Casenove, an' she wants to know 'f you hadn't jest ns lieves come 'round an' wind yarn with Aunt Abigail. She says, she gets ter rible lonesome when she's away. Bad Outlook for Papa. "Please, how much is that very large doll ?" asked a beautifully dressed girl; about two feet six high, yesterday of ft salesman in a Woodward avenue estab lishment, standing on tip-toe to get a glimpse over the counter. "That is 25, miss," was the amused answer. "Isn't that a good deal for one dolly?" sho asked wistfully. "Yes, but it is a very large one, its eyes open and shut, it cries, says 'mam ma' and 'papa,' can sit in any position, aud has a beautiful dress." "The frock is pretty," said the little one, dubiously, "but it is a lot of money, and I'm afraid I haven't got enough. Here is my purse, sir; will you please count it ?" The clerk did as requested and an nounced the result: "Two dollars and forty-seven cents." "That's lots too little, isn't it?" asked the small lady. "Yes, a good deal." "Well, let me see; I have some money in my bank at home and there is some more coming to me for not eating des sert, and oh, I'll tell you," she exclaim ed, brightening at the truly feminine idea, "you may send it to the house and charge it to papa." About this timo mamma appeared iu great anxiety and reclaimed the little truant, who had escaped from the car riage at the curb to go on an indepen dent expedition of her own. Detroit Free Press. Divided the Earning. A Connecticut girl who went to South ern California early in the fall for health's sake writes home that she is well again, and, what's further cheerful news, she has, by a real estate investment near Los Augeles, netted a profit of over $5,000. Her parents are poor, and the trip she made was by their self-sacrifices. The investment she made amount ed to $125, which was part payment up on $1,000 worth of land that for some remarkable reason suddenly spurted upward in market value to five times what she contracted to pay for it. "You know," she writes to her father nnd mother, "that 125 was just about all the monev I had, but somehow the nix out here sort o' makes everybody specu late, and I couldn't help taking the chalice. And I'm Yankee enough, you iL'nond. to sell out right away. I'vo ,,nt th. in-ofits in the bank, and I want you to take hail gift. of it as a Christmas The Story -T liiiis? Fieiul. Tho Nebraska SCite Journal says: There is no more disagreeable man thnn the one who always wants to tell a story. When he is permitted to unfold a narra tive he generally digresses so widely that it would take" a civil engineer to keep track of the thread ot the story, but ho i wanders laboriously along and stumbles over himself, nnd twists tho epilogue of the story into the dialogue, and finally, in an enthusiastic dash, ushers in tho alleged ioke. which is supposed to ex cuse the long and desolate preamble Then the people are expected to laugh, although they would prefer to cry. And when it is all' over the infernal bore says: "That reminds me of another story," and he launches into a second wilder ness of digressive chestnuts, nnd so on until bloodshed results and the story teller is gathered to his fathers, TERMS $1.50. SELECT SIFT1NUS. The invention of petards is ascribed to the Huguenots in 137'.). A Paris barber advertised a liquid war ranted to color the hair or anything else a pure white. The first dye-house for scarlet in Eng land was established at Bow, in 1043, by Kepler, a Fleming. Taper is now to be used in the manu facture of bottle. Their weight is less than gla?s or stoue ware, and they are less liable to break. The first successful cultivation of corn by the English in North America was on the James Kiver, in Virginia, in 1G0S. The fir-t profile taken was that of An tgonus, m 330 B. C, who, having but one eye, h.slikeness was so taken to con ceal the deformity. A new sort of lnrse race recently took Place. The distance was a miio and a nn .it. The horses walked the first half mile, trotted the second and ran the last. Fifteen started. A resident of India has discovered a tree which is really a weeping cornus. I or ten days in spring drops of water fall from the tree, which do not appear to interfere with its natural vigor. The first savings bank established in the Imted btateswas the Philadelphia baviog I und Society, organized in 1816. The second was established at Boston in 181C, aud the third at New York in 1819. A little pamphlet advocating a new system of condensed printing states that it costs the London Times $2,000 a year to use tho superfluous "u'' in the Eng lish spelling of such words as favour, colour, endeavour, etc., counting mate rial, labor and space at advertising rates. An Albany (N. Y.) jeweler says morn ing is the best time to wind a watch. The spring Is tightened aud it is not so apt to suffer from changes of position. If wound at night the spring becomes loosened and there is more liability to derangement. At Toronto, Ohio, James Williamson captured a live crow in his corn field. On the way home with it hundreds of other crows came to the rescue and at tacked him. He first tried to run away, and then to defend himself with a club, aud was finally compelled to seek shelter in a shed, where the besieging crows kept him a prisoner for more than an hour. In New-Guinea. The houses on (his part of the coast, as also in the villages inland, are built upon piles varying from four to eight feet in height. A few steps up a rude ladder ieaa to a platlortn, on which some of the family generally recline. A baby, and often a young pig. in nets suspended from the eave, are gently swinging to ana iro. fishing nets be in a corner, with shells attached for weights. Nau tilus shells, with grass streamers or hid eous carved pieces of wood, hang before the bamboo door, which is low nnd nar row, and leads into the common room where all the family sleep. The common room is about twelve by eighteen feet, with a bare flooring of rough planks. generally tno side ot old canoes. Through the chinks the garbage is thrown upon the plentiful remnants of cocoa husks below, for the pigs to eat or the sea to carry away. In the middle of the room is a fireplace, a pile of ashes on some boards, with a spark-protector of bamboo stick hung about three feet above. On the central pole is hung a tom-tom, while here ana there on the grass walls are suspended gourds for lime, bamboo pipes, tomahawks, adzes, spare grass petticoats and net bags. There is no window, but a movable shut ter can generally be opened on the sea side, and plenty of air enters through the walls and the holes in the floor. Then, as to clothing, the natives cer tainly affect sincere simplicity in the matter of dress. A baud of grass, which serves as a pocket for tobacco, knives and decorations of cotton leaves, is for the most part worn upon the upper part of the arm. Some have head bands of red braid or small rounded pieces of shells, while a few wear necklaces of shells or teeth, and carved bones through the nose. Their hair, thick, matted and long, is drawn up by a comb of bamboo cane. The women wear petticoats of woven grass, sometimes stained with a red hue. The married and betrothed have short hair; the majority are tat tooed with a V-shaped mark and other designs. Their figures are squat and not so erect as those of Hindoo women, as they generally carry weights on the back and not on the head. All the Year Bound. Suowbirds on Toast. Hunting snowbirds on South State Street and the avenues is a. more profita ble employment than hunting ducks in the Indiana marshes. But few persons are familiar with this fact, but it is true nevertheless. The palate of the epicure must be tickled in some way; ducks and reedbirds are too common, but the snow bird, it would appear, fills the long-felt want. There are millions of them on tho south side, aud they are being shot and trapped at every opportunity. The small boy does considerable towards supplying the wants of proprietors of restaurants, but the business has so suddenly devel oped that grown men have turned snow bird hunters, and with reasonable good luck can make from $1.50 to $2.50 per day. The birds are wholesaled at 50 cents per dozen, and four of them go to make a meal, which costs the purchaser 60 cents. The restaurant man, it will be seen, has a profit of $1 on an investment of CO cents. So it is apparent that there is money in the busiuess for every one directly interested. In a "restaurant window on State street the sign "Snowbirds on Toast," was seen yesterday. The proprietor was asked if there was much of a demand for such game. He said there was at pres ent, as there always is at this se.ison of the year. The birds are plump as can be, juicy and wholesome, but a working man would eat a hundred of them at a meal without having his appetite ap peased. The birds feed on the grai a that falls from cars and vehicles. Ihe nunters are in the immediate vicinity, and cither kill the birds with guns or trap ttiem. They go in flocks of hundreds, and a shot tired into their ranks brings down nt least a dozen. The hunter has a bag at his side and into it are tumbled the victims. The supply is enormous, and as long as the demand is kept up, so long will the south side hunters continue to make a good living. There are not half a dozen in the field at present, but when the snow comes down for keeps the ranks will be considerably augmented. That a man can make a good day's wages nt the business is evident. Chicago Tri lune. i A Ouaint Epitaph. In the new cemetery at Stirling.. Scot land, there is a tombstone to the memory of a "Chief-Constable of Stirlingshire," which, though erected a-i late as ISO', has in the epitaph a most quaint and sug gestive illustration of mortality : " Our life i-i Vmt n winter day: Some only breakfast anil away: Others to dinner stay, anil nie full fol; the ol.ii st in in but sups, niul free; to tie.l: lartie in his '.iebt. that lingers out ilia day: lio that tops so n st. hosthe least, to pay." THE EXTBAORDlNAEy CASE OF A WESTERN MAN. Totally Blind, and yet Able to Travel Without- an Kscort by Perception Some Tests. Many instances have been related show ing that defectio l in any one or more of the human, senses often results in de veloninf the eor;'Csr)ondinr inner sense. This has been more frequently observed in persons alHicted with loss of sight and hearing. One of the k'-id is interestingly described in a late issue of the Chicago IJrra'J, which can be safely taken as one o the most remarkable on record. ;Mr, Henry IIendrick---on, born in Nor way forty-three years ago, but who has lived in this country forty years, was de prived of sight when six months old. lie was educated at the institution for the blind in Jancsvilie, Wis., and is the author of a book entitled "Out of the Darkness," somewhat iu explanation of the mediuuiship with which he is bo coming endowed, filthough unable ti? account for it in any manner satisfactory to himself or conformable to the knowa laws of physical science. The narrative states that he is well educated, a brilliant conversationalist, and, with glasses which hide his com pletely closed eyes, one would scarcely recognize him as a blind man. For tho last twenty vears he has seldom used an escort, except when iu great haste, and when going on territory entirely strange to him. Many people who have ob served the facility with which he moves from plate to place doubt that he is totally blind, but he has been put under the severest tests, and these who have made the investigations f.re convincad that he cannot, see. Describing his habits to the reporter, he said: "When in a tram at full spec I I can distinguish aud count- tue tele graph poles eas'ly, and often do it as a pastime, or to determine our speed. ( 'f course I do not sec them, but I perccne thera. It is perception. Of course my perceptive qualities are not in the least impaired on account of my blindness. am not able to explain it, but l am never in total darkness. It is the same at midnight as at midday. There is al ways a bright glow of light surround ing me." A practical test was made. A thick, heavy cloth was thrown over his head as he sat in his chair. This hung down on all sides to his waist. It was impossible for any one to see through it. Then be fore him or behind him, it mattered not, an ordinary walking cane was held up in various positions, nnd in answer to tho inquiry: "In what position am I hold ing it?" he gave prompt and correct answers, without a single mistake, some times describing acute or oblique angles. "I have never," he said, "by tho ordinary tens? of sight seen an ob ject in my life, not the faintest glim mer of one. Uy siyht or discernment does not come in that way. This will prove the idea to you: Take me into a strange room, one that I have never been into, and never heard about, and no matter how dark it is, I can tell you tho dimensions ot the room very closely. I do not feel the walls; I will touch noth ing; but there is communicated to me by some strange law of perception the size and configuration of the room." He then related that being in New York in 1871, he walked from Union Square to a friend's house on Forty-first street, a long distance, with several turns, and did not make a miss. He said : "I knew the house when I came to it. I did not see it, and yet I did. I am studying shorthand, and as my hear ing is very good, I expect to become an expert. I had a little trouble with my writing at first, but am now able to write very well." Another remarkable illustration of his power to see without eyes is this: If one make motions in the air like beatiug the time for a choir, but describing phonetic characters, he tells the characters, and interprets them. What might be termed a "crucial test" of this was given the ITer dd reporter. Mr. Hendri'cksonfiiitlinr naid: "I'm a very Pernod skater, and r nn whsn gliding ver the ice swiftly, see every pRrtielo ou tho lY-e, every e.-rnelr nnd rouerh spot, no matter how smalt find in- distinct. The faster I go, the plainer I can see. Well, I don't mean that I can see, but I perceive, or something. It is light to me, and I discern everything." Eating 100 Ejgs at One Sitting. At the Hoffman House last night a party sat at a table in the art gallery making wagers each on his own particu lar trick. A a young broker who spent last summer with his grandmother in Jersey, won a pocketful of greenbacks on a trick taught him by the good old lady, lie had lost considerable money on catch bets when he offered to wager any one in the party that he could eat more eggs than any olhcr three men present, providing he was permitted to nave the last turn. A doctor, a coroner and a bank teller took the bet. After a brief d scussion the three gentlemen de cided to tackle fried eges. lie repaired to an all-night restaurant in Sixth ave nue, famous for the encounters which men about town have had within its portals and ordered a batch. Every man ate and the waiter handed a check for several dozen. Then the youngbroker that had learned a thing or two from his Jersey grand mother directed the cook to crack and spill into a largo pan 100 fresh eggs. Be fore putting the eggs into the pun, how ever, he ordered that it bchalt'liiled with vinegar. His instructions were carried out. After allowing the mixture to cook a reasonable time the cover vtai lilted and the eggs p'accd inab'gdish. By permission of the proprietor the gentle men interested had watched the cooking. When the eggs were brought forth every one except the man with the Jersey grandmother gave vent to ejaculations of astonishment. The 100 eggs could be conveniently put into nn ordinary teacup. Then the owner ate them in half a dozen swallows. "There's a hole in the pan,'" yelled one of the party. "No there ain't. I'll explain. The vinegar hns eaten them. lt is a fact. You can drop a thou-and egg into a boiler with a little vinegar in t .in i you will find that when cooked in it the eggs will disappear as if by magic." Sao York Mill mi I Erprw. 1 Somnambulism. The phenomena of somnambulism and their connection with the nerve-centers have not been satisfactorily accounted for. They probably depend primarily, snys the J.auyt, upon a directing im pulse of sensory origin. Some of our actions often become by practice so nearly automatic that partial s'cep or stupor does not arrest their unconscious performance. Iu somnambulism the in tellect and controlling will are torpid, while the sensori-motor man wh mi they should govern is awake and active. As in dreams the intelligent sensoriun is alone drowsily active, with possibly a noticable tendency to rc-tless movement, so there may be other states of dreaming, in which the eentc sof motion aiestimu lated to a more powerful but unconscious action. 1'a tial counteractives to som nambulism may be found in throwingo'T worries, and iu tho proper regulation of evening meals. Popular S. ience Moii'ldy. A Who:)piiig-Co!igli Cure. Dr. Mohn, of t hristian'a, commun icates to his Nowegian iu:'r.rc a new method or treatmc.it for whooping-cough for which ho ehv ms remarka'ile results, the disca c being c tied in a single night. His plan consists simply in the thorough disinfection, by means of burning sulphur, of the rooms, clothing, etc.. u el by the nflec-ted children. Tho children are taken out of the ro un, the bedding, furniture an 1 playthings are exposed, and two ounce of sulphur are burned forcve.y 100 cubic fe -t of space in the room. Afte;- the room has been thus exposed to the sulphurous acid funics the affected children are al'owed to return and occupy it. As a re-ult of th:s treatment it is claimed that attacks of coughing are immediately 'alleviated, and often entirely disappear. In the I'nitcd States there is published one paper to every -1,4:55 inhabitants.