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NEWS AND CITIZEN, THURSDAY, AUGUST 8, 1895.
2 MR. HAZLETON'S TRICK. By Adeline Tophara in Springfield (Mass.) .Homestead. Mr. Thomas Ilazleton had just one fault to find with his wife aud that was her hopeless soft-heartedness as regards beggars. Not but what Mr. Ilazleton believed in charity discrimi nately applied, but when it came to decking out every lazy, hulking vagabond in good clothes and filling him up on the fat of the land it was certainly carrying things altogether too far. Then there was the ever present danger of such villainous characters into the house and Mr. Ilazleton firmly believed that his hospitable quarters were lamed from one end of the state to the other, for 110 sooner did one ol the strolling fraternity strike the town than he seemed to make a bee-line for the Ilazleton domicle. In vain had he coaxed, argued, protested, stormed, even orderd; Mrs. Ilazleton would sometimes promise amendment, but the very first ragged wayfarer who presented himself with a tale of woe was certain to not only wheedle her out of a square meal, but to depart with substantial additions to his wardrobe. Finally, one morning as Mr. Hazleton was preparing for a day's fishing trip, the discovery that his wife had presented hia last sum mer's cast-off suit to some more than usually dilapidated specimen sent the faint remnant of his patience flying to the winds, and in language more forcible than elegant he expressed his opinion of tramps in general, and a woman who was fool enough to swal low their lying yarns in particular. Then, robed by necessity in his regu lar business clothes, he flung himself out of the house, slamming the door behind him. It was the first serious quarrel in their two years of married life and according to all traditions in such matters he ought to have been ashamed of himself and gone back to make up. He didn't, however. In stead of that penitent proceeding he nursed his grievances all day long as the bushes, branches and brambles on the edges of the trout brooks .scratched and frayed his fine clothes, and as they drove home in the twi light he was mean enough to tell Jack Vance the whole story. 'She's got my wardrobe pretty well cleaned out now," ho concluded grimly; "not much left but my dress suit and I wouldn't be at all surprised to get home anytime and find that missing." Jack Vance laughed. The idea of one of these traveling gentry shed ding his rags in the Hazleton kitchen and resuming his pilgrimage clad in his friend's seventy-five dollar swallow-tail coat, tickled his fancy im mensely. He quickly restrained his mirth, however, for it was plain that the injured Tom was in no mood for levity. , "I say, old man!" he suddenly ex claimed, after a moments silence, " why don't you rig yourself up as a tramp and give her a fright?" She's too sharp. I never undertook to pull the wool over her eyes yet but what she found me out," rejoined the husband dubiously. Still the notion appealed to his imagination, and gradually the two fell to discussing ways and means as to how the thing might be managed, while, as they talked, Mr. Hazleton grew more and more excited and charmed with the project. Of course it was rough to frighten Marjorie, hut really this thing had gone far enough, and if he could only, so dis guise himself as to impose on that astute young woman and give her some inkling of what might happen should an evil-disposed rascal get into the house, he believed the whole nonsense would come to a sudden end. Mr. Vance proffered every assis tance in his power. He would borrow a large part of his necessary outfit from Tim Pickett, the gentleman who sifted ashes, cared for the lawn and rendered other like services for his establishment, while wig, beard, paint and all Buch accessories could be readily obtained from a costumer. "I tell you what, Tom, these women always pretend to have about two hundred per. cent, more brains than they really poseess, and I guarantee to get you up so yon would be willing to swear you were the genuine article yourself." Tom resisted for a while, but his imagination was fired, and in the end he agreed to put the thing through. By the time they drove into the city the details were all planned, and the buoyant Mr. Hazle ton was almost persuaded to believe that the final settlement of the vexed tramp question was only a matter of a lew days. Ihursday was the time fixed upon for carrying out the scheme, as that was the kitchen girl's afternoon out, and the prospective periormer desired to have his victim alone and completely in his power, and thus doing away with anv chance of a convenient emissary who couia rusn tortn to call in assistance, It must be confessed that Mr. Ilazleton felt slightly uncomfortable as he entered the house that night, hut Marjorie met him with a smiling countenance, evidently bearing no malice over the morning's explosion and for the next few days no fresh objects of charity happened to pre sent themselves at the hospitable kitchen door. Mr. Vance who was greatly in terested in the proposed experiment, took good care not to let his friend's arder trrow cool, and, on Thursday noon, Tom casually ascertained that the maid would be out and the mis tress in for the afternoon. Then, hurrying through his work, he rushed over to Jack's private office, which cozy appartment was to serve as green room for the occasion. Every thing was in readiness and the two confederates had great sport as Mr. Hazleton donned the not overclean and barn-smelling garments which had been obtained from the ward robe of Mr. Tim Tickett, and over which at any other time his fas tidious stomach would have rebelled. There were coat, vest and trousers, all different in material and color, also a blue cotton shirt from which most of the original hue had faded, and showing here and there an artis tic patch of red and tan striped bed ticking, which Mrs. Pickett had evidently thrown on with her eyes shut when the spirit moved her. This latter article of dress had no collar, and Mr. Hazleton proceeded to top it off with a dingy red bandanna, thus effectually concealing the un tramplike whiteness of his neck, after which he adorned himself with a pair of openwork shoes brought in from the ash-heap in the rear of the block. Then Jack bound up the expectant performer's left hand in a soild rag wound round and round with wrap ping twine, helped him adjust the bushy black wig, mustache and straggling beard and surmounted the whole by another importation from the convenient ash pile in the shape of a straw hat minus band and part of the brim. Sundry dabs of mud applied here and there with an old tooth brush helped out the de sired effect, and at length Mr. Vance, after a critical survey, pronounced the transformation perfect. At the last moment, however, Mr. Hazleton produced a pair of blue glasses which he fitted triumphantly over his nose, and at this latter touch his friend most strenuously objected. ''Who ever heard of a tramp In spectacles?" he demanded in dis gusted tones. But Mr. Hazleton knew no reason why a tramp should not be troubled with weak eyes as well as any one else; at all events he knew better than to expose his own uncovered orbs to the eagle vision of his wife and he stuck obstinately to the glass es. The two confederates shook hands with many congratulations over the success of the make-up and the star actor than set forth on his mission. Left to his own devices and away from the sustaining influence of his coad jutor his spirits began to flag and as he sloucned along through one street after another, misgivings of all sorts began to as sail his perturbed spirit. Poor Mar jorie, it was a mean kind of a trick to play on her alter all. VVnat it ne should frighten her into hysterics or she should go off into a dead faint? Worse than all, suppose there should be a hitch in the program, and she should succeed in calling in the neigh bors before he could get away? But he reflected that Marjorie was a brave little soul, and besides, there was Jack. If he should back out at this stage of tha game and after all the trouble they had been at, he would never hear the last of it from Jack Vance. This latter thought braced up his failing enthusiasm, and casting all doubts to the winds he proceeded on his way, and shortly alter 3 o'clock knocked boldly at his own back door, the call being promptly answered by his wife. " Please, mum, would yer give me a bite of somethin'ter eat?" he in quired in a horse voice, and with as good an imitation of the regulation whine as he could manage. "Well, I don't know I" responded Marjorie, looking him over with an unfavorable eye, "you look strong and well. How is it you are not at work?" Drawing forth his bandaged hand the suppliant glibly explained that he had always been a hard-working man, but a few days before, while working on the railroad, that member had been crushed by an iron bar, which accident had since wholly in capacitated him for labor. "I ain't used ter beggin' and I wouldn't now," he concluded, "only I hain't had nothiu' ter eat for two days and my insides is er knawin' on me so." Tom felt that the speech would do credit to the professional, and it evidently softened the heart of his wife, for she invited him in and soon set a substantial meal on the kitchen table, lie had managed when her back was turned to look the door and slily abstract the key, and as she put a glass of milk before him, he demanded pie. "Pie!" said Mrs. Ilazleton severely and with a quick look toward the outer door; " I haven't any pie in the house. If you are really hungry, you can eat good bread and butter and cold meat." " Now look ahere, youner woman 1" tbegan the visitor. "I ain't goin' to nave no nonsense. That doors locked and the key's in my pocket. You just trot out cake and pies and then you can be gittin' yer spoons and forks ready for me. And if you holler or make any row I'll squeeze yer windpipe." Marjorie s lips trembled, but she gave no other sign of fear. "Very well," she said, "thpre is the pantry; if you are not satisfied with what I have given you, you can help yourself." "All right!" he responded sus piciously, "but yon march rio-hr, along, too; you don't come none of your gum games on me." Marjorie followed meekly, but as the pseudo-tramp reached out after a plate of currant tarts on the pan try shelf he was startled by a sudden slam followed by an ominous click. She had shut and bolted the door and he was a prisonor. No one knew better than he the strengh of that bolt, for ho had put it on himself, be sides having small iron bars placed securely across the window, in order to get plenty of air and at the same time prevent the depredations of such characters as he was just then personating. In besechingtone he explained that he was only joking, and begged for release. But the voice of his jailor on the other side of the door in formed him that she did not admire that sort of a joke, and that she should leave him there for her hus band to settle with when he came home. In spite of the hopelessness of the situation the captive gave a faint sigh of relief at this assurance. At least she wasn't going to raise a commotion and call in the neighbors. Of course the game was up and he should doubtless have to own up the whole scheme through that infernal door, but there was no hurry about it. Fully two hours muBt elapse be fore she could expect the valiant hus band, of whom she had made men tion, and, in the meantime, he would patch up as plausible a story as pos sible out of the scant materials at his command. If only he had been brilliant enough to tell Jack to hap pen round to the house on some pre text or other, in case he didn't turn up within a certain time there might have been a chance of crawling out of the scrape even yet. However, it was too late to think of that now, and with a groan of misery he settled himself to the composition of his hu miliating confession. He could hear Marjorie moving about occasionally; she even sat down to the piano and played "Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay," with the loud pedal down. Then there was a long period of absolute stillness, and Mr.' Hazleton was just preparing to shout the opening remarks of his carefully-made-up story, when he was startled by the loud ringing of the door bell. " Callers 1 by the lord Harry! and she'll tell them she's got a tramp caged up here," groaned the panic stricken captive. "Say, Marjorie," he called desperately. But it was too late. There was a sound of voices, followed by heavy footsteps moving rapidly in his di rection, and then Marjorie's clear tone broke ominously on his listen ing ear : "Well, I thought at first 1 would wait for Mr. Hazleton and then I was afraid he would insist on trying to manage the awful creature himself, so I decided to send for you." The next instant the door was throw open and two burly policemen stood before him. Mr. Hazleton could never quite remember the events which immediately followed. He knew he was dragged from his lair to the front door, where the pa trol wagon stood waiting, while all attempts at explanation were silenced by threats of handcuffs and the ap plication of the billy. Into this hu-. filiating vehicle he was unceremoni" ously assisted, and with a blue-coated guardian on either side, driven rapidly to police headquarters, where he was landed in a cell and left in solitude to ponder the situation. Some time afterward, hours or days, he had no idea which, his reflections were broken in upon by the entrance of Jack and the captain of the police. This latter functionary accepted of Mr. Vance' box of sigars, listened with an air of ill-concealed amuse ment to the explanations, and prom ised to hush the affair up as far as possible and keep it out of the pa pers. These preliminaries over the two conspirators sneaked through the side streets in the darkness to Jack's office, where the process of disrobing began, with the absence of the hilarity which had reigned a few hours before. Mr. Vance himself seemed nervous and uneasy. With saint-like meekness he accepted all his friend's invectives for leading him into such an idiotic performance, showing no resentment whatever as Tom's wrath waxed hotter and hot ter, and not once lifting his voice in his own behalf. In the midst of an emphatic tirade there came a knock at the outer door and a note was handed in for Mr. Thomas Ilazleton. Tearing open the envelope Tom ran his eye quickly over the contents, then striding across the room he clutched the trembling Jack by the shoulder. " You infernal blabbing idiot !" he shouted, "just read that." And this is what Mr. Vance read: Mv Beloved Husband: After you are once more clothed in your own liabilimeiits, and have otherwise removed the traces of your highly successful afternoon's masquer ade, I should advise you to come home and get a square meal. I will give you pie. And Tom, dear, you know, in business matters 1 never considered myself competttit to offer suggestions, but in regard to this little affair 1 would like to give you a bit of advice. The next time you undertake to hoodwink me, don't take a married man for a 'confidant. You know -Irssie Vance is a purticulur friend of mine. Yours forever, Mahjorib. i " Oh ! Tom, kick me if you want to, groaned the culprit, but you know I sometimes talk in my sleep. I had this thing on my brain last night, and I must have babbled just enough to put my wife on the scent. Of course she routed me up on the spot, and there was no peace till she had wormed the whole thing out of me. She promised, by all that was holy, not to tell, though," he concluded mournfully. " Promised 1" snorted Tom; "and then no doubt rushed over to the houBe this morning and give me away to Marjorie. And she must have known mo nil the time I was making a blamed donkey of myself." "I suppose that is about the Bize of it," sighed Jack hopelessly, "any how, Mrs. Ilazleton came round here shortly after they loaded you up, and told me I had better go down to hendqunrtes and help you out of the scrape I had got you into." "And I've got to go home and face her," groaned Tom. "By George, I've a great mind to shoot myself." Nobody knows just what took place in that interview between Mr. and Mrs. llwzleton, but Maijorie soon after appeared in a brand new pair of di-Jinond solitaire enrings, and went for a month to Lake George with some friends, while Tom stayed at home and grubbed in the office to pay expenses. II is cigar bill, too, was enormous that summer. The "great tramp act" leaked out, spite of all precautious, and not only inti mate friends but bare acquaintances were forever dropping down upon him with all manner of sly allusions accompanied with grins. At such times the only course to take was to treat the whole affair as a huge joke and to pass around fifteen-cent cigars with a lavish hand. One thing is certain, beggars may come and beggars may go. Mr. Hazleton might find a whole kitchen full banqueting at his expense and never by word or deed will he venture an expression of diapproval. Still Marjorie herself is more careful in her dealings with stray unfortunates. Perhaps she sees what might happen should some unscrupulous scamp get; into the house to find her defenseless and possibly she feels that the punishment she meted out to her liege lord was rather severe after all. Electric Bitters. This remedy is becoming so well known and bo popular as to need no special mention. All who have used Electric Bitters sing the same song of praise. A purer medicine does not exist and it is guaranteed to do all that is claimed. 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The facsimile signature of Children Cry for LAMOILX.E COT72TT7 Ml 11 TRUST COMPANY Hyde Park, STATEMENT Capital Stock, - Surplus and undivided Deposits, - Total Assets, - Every Dollar of the Assets of this Bank Is Invested in Vermont. T O those who deem absolute safety bigh rates of interest, the following facts will be of interest : First : IT IS SAFE. It has never lost a dollar by bad investments, nor has it now, so far as known, a single dollar of poor or doubtful paper. It haa never loaned a dollar outside of Vermont, but every investment is either in Lamoille county or counties adjoining. No dividends are paid to its stock holders, but they are held for the security of depositors. Second : IT TAKES CARE OF HOME INTERESTS. It always haa money to loan to the people of Lamoille county and of such portions or adja cent counties as constitute a legitimate field for the investments of this bank. During the panic of 1893 no responsible borrower from Lamoille county was refused money on good paper, and, in fact, since its first organization no home borrower has ever been denied a loan, if the security offered came within the rules of the bank. TniKD : THE PEOPLE BELIEVE IN IT. During the panic of 1893 it had the confidence of the depositing public to such an extent that it actually gained several thousand dollars in deposits, while the other savings banks in the state, as a whole, showed a loss of more than a million dollars. Fouinn:-IT IS ABSOLUTELY" EQUITABLE IN ITS INTEREST RULE. Most banks compute interest from the first of the month only on such deposits as are made on or before the fifth. This bank allows interest on all ' deposits made on or before the mi Jdle of the quarter. Quarters commence on tht first of January, April, July and September. Fifth : IT IS MANAGED BY A1EN WHO BELIEVE IN VERMONT. Men who believe Vermont money should be kept in Vermont to foster Ver mont industries, feeling assured that such loyalty to home interests will com mand for the bank the patronage not only of those who love Vermont and have her prosperity at heart, but of those who believe that safety is always to be pre ferred to large rates of interest, and desire that their money be invested at home where they may see the security with their own eyes and personally know that the bank is a painstaking, careful and conservative steward in the investment and management of the funds entrusted to its care. Sixth: FOUR PER CENT. INTEREST TO DEPOSITORS IS ABSO LUTELY GUARANTEED. If not withdrawn it is compounded semi-annually without any action on the part of the depositor. Seventh :-COMMENCING BUSINESS JANUARY 21, lS89.the deposits have been as follows : January 1, 1890, I 99,780.61 ; January 1, 1893, f 293,22-5.62 ; January 1, 1891, 182,107.89; January 1, 1894, 31S,753.(! ; January 1, 1892, 235,078.37; January 1, 1895, 361,522.40. TIUSTEES. CARROLL S. PAGE, Frest. S. A. FIFE. II. M. McFAHLAND, TT.-Frcst. H. P. ST0WE. PHILIP K. GLEED. 0. F. GATES. C. A. KNIGHT, Treasurer. HOT WEATHER IS HERE ! Keep Cool by Drinking Healthy Drinks. Taken us a beverage will put new life into those all run down, tones up the system, and is the most valuable tonic and delicious beverage ever offered to the public. No other fancy drink compares with it, glUBS or water is all that is required, sold by tne pint or gallon. i TA1TGEBETTE. Nothing like it. Delicious, cooling and Invigorating. Sweetens the breath cleats tha Complexion. All kinds of Sodas and Tonics, Dirrh Beer, Ginger Alo, Cream Soda. 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