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If. fil filr . ritunoM fn i'nhiii.M i , "' ' . - - - -S .i . j .. j TE II iTIS Three Dollars per aunum, in Advance. VOLUME I. YAZOO CITY, MISSISSIPPI, SATURDAY MORNING, SEPTEMBER 25, lM 4. f , rOR THE SOUTH- C. I. .HAMER W. V. HKNDKRSON IIAMER & HENDERSON, rfhk 0 0 s a oa cm y w aatj iii aa YAZOO CITY, MISS., WILL give prompt attention to all business entrusted to them in the Circuit and Probate Courts cf Yazoo, Holmes nnd Madison, and the superior Courts held at Jackson. Sept. 1. 1858. 1-yly J. R. BURRUS, J. M- ARM18TEAD BTJKItUS & AKMISTEAD, A1T0RNEYS AT LAW. YAZOO CITY, MISS. Sept. 1. iar8 lyly. W. S. UI'I'EUSOrY, Attorney at Law, Yazoo City, Miss, And Commissioner for Louisian TI7ILL practice in the Courts of Yazoo, and the V V other counties composing the Fifth Judicial District, and the Courts at Jackson. jT Office near the Court House. September 1, 1858. ly J. T. UUSSELL, Attorney and Counsellor at Law, Yazoo City, Miss., WILL practice in the courts of Yazoo and adjoining counties and the Superioi Court at Juckson, Collections promptly atte. fid to. fseptl 'f8 K. S. O. PEKKIINS, ATTORNEY AT LAW, Yazoo City, Mississippi w ILL practice in llie Circuit Conns Leake, Attala and Holmes counties, tli several courts in Yazoo County, and the Cour held at Jackson. Sept. 1, 1858. W. BHOOKE. A. K. 6MEDES BICOOKE & ftJUEOES, ATTORNEYS AT LAW, VICKSBURG. Mies., will continue to practice their profession in the Circuit, Chancery and Probate Courts of Warren county, at Vicksburg, Washington county, at Greenville ; Bolivar county, at Wellington; Issaquena county, at Tallula, and the Supreme and Federal Courts at Jackson, . Sept. '., I Soft WINSTON BANKS . W. T. HARRIS BANKS & IIAKUIS, A HAMiim-a nii1 a n no n I iiMd nf T n tit miiMiicja auu uunstiiuia ai uan Lriki and oller.lng Agents, QrlTMAN, WOOD COUNTY, TEXAS. X cnubled to locate Lands, investigate Land title!" and collect claims in any portion of Texas. Wilt aldo purchiiBeand certificate for Texas land. All Innd pArt'ifiratoc hmintv anrrnnta itrinv other kind o( clniin lor money or laud, ugainsi ' the Stale of Texas have to be presented to the ( proper Court for registry, by the. first day of Sep'ember, A. D. 185-, or else they will be null and void. We will present claims for those 't who desire and attend to their approval. oepiemoer i, iboo. , Or. A. F. MAGKUDEK, nAVING located permanently; prof fers his professional services to tfie citizens .. OJ ih7.hu i.ny ami u.e umjucumi, coumry. , 05" Office, the front room over Taylor's Ktore. October 1. 19-3m. ' Dlt. J. II. WILSON. OFFERS his services to the citizens of Yazoo City, and vicinity. u Office at P. B. Cook A Co's Drug Store. Hv can be found at night at the residence of Mrs. . Caradine. Sept. 1, '68 ly. ft, H. HOLMES. M. D H. YANDELL, M. D HA VE associated themselves In the prac tice of Medicine, and respectlully tender their services to the citizens of Benton a.ld sur vounding country. " Behtok, Miss., Sept. 1,1853. ly. ' HENRY LAURENCE, DEBTIf T, Office on Main Street, Yazoo City, , ' REFERENCES '. t Drs. Leake & Barnett, Yazoo City. E. Townseud, M. D., Philadelphia, J. B. McClellan, M. 0., " (t. V, Smith, Dentist, New Orleans. F. H. Knapp, ' ' J.C.Nott, M.D., Nbbile. Yazoo City, September 1, 1858. Sewing Machines. TJtfHEELER & WILSON'S Sewing Ma i chine, as now improved, is the mos simple, durable and heautilul Machine made' They do better and more work, are easier un derstood, and managed, than any other Machine before the pnblic. These Machines have now got to perfection, and are running all others out of market, as they are the only ones capa ble of doing every kind of work, from the ma king of a arpet to the hemming of a linen cambric ruffle. Call and see them at the rooms. C. SWAIN, Agent. Yazoo City, September 4, 185S, N. B. A large lot of thread, needles, silk.&c, constantly on hand. (yly CAUSOI EltWIS, t URVEYOR & GENERAL LAND AGENT tyiLL pay particular attention to tpe Sur " T veying. Examination and Location of Land in Icsaquena, Sunflower and adjoining counties, and the counties of Crittenden and Mississippi in Arkansas, , Will art as penernl lnml mni l .;n i... ?8, redeeming lands from tax sale, and for buy I ing and selling all lands.in the above named Counties. Special attention given to making out cor "act Maps of Lands. tW Business letters addressed to the care f W. J. Barrett, Yazoo City, will receiv ; rompt attention. Sept. 1, 1858. V. B. COOK, j, r. THOMAS, M. D PETER B.. COOK & CO, t Cry, JUj.t. I, 1 NEIGHBOR NELLY. I'm in love with neighbor Nelly, Though I know she's only ten , While I am eight-and-forty, And the marriedett of men. I've a wife that weighs me double; I've three daughters all with beaux, I've a son with noble whiskers, Who at me turns up his nose. Though a square toes and a Buffer, Yet I've sunshine in my heart, Still I'm fond of cakes and marbles, Can appreciate a tart. I tan love my neighbor Nejly Just as though I were a boy, And could hand her plums and apples From my depths of corduroy. She is tall and growing tailor ; She is vigorous of limb, (You should see her play at cricket With her little brother Jim !) , She has eyes as blue as damsons ; She has pounds of auburn curls, She regrets the game jf leap frog Is prohibited to girls. I adore my neighbor Nolly ; I invife her in to tea, And I let her nurse the baby, Her delightful ways to see. Such a darling bud of woman ! Yet remote from any teens I have learut from neighbor Nelly What the girls' doll-instinct means. 0, to see her with the baby, (He adores her more than !,) How she choruses his crowing, How she hushes every cry! How she loves to pit hit dimples With her light forefinger deep ; How she boasts, as one in triumph, When she's got him off to sleep ! We must part, my neighbor Nelly, For the summers quickly flee, And thy middlo nged admirer Must, too soon, supplanted be. Yes, as jealous as a mothor A suspicious, cankered churl I look vainly for the setting To bo worthy such a pearl. PATRICK'S SERENADE. Och ! Bridget, mavourncen, joost open the winder, Aud give me a glimpse av your beautiful face : My ancient dujeen it all burnt to a cinder, And boogs are quite thick in this murtherin' place. Suro, Biddy, my girl, it's no joke for a ganius To walk all the day 'nathe the botberiu' hod ; And then in the night, serenade a young Vanius, Clane up to his kuces in the muddy ould sod. I'm dyin' wid rapturo, my jewel of cratures, Aud niver a lovyer more willingly howled : But don't you let scorn wither up your sweet futures, Because your Paddy has got such a cowlJ. The lightniu' is roarin', the toonder is rl.isliin' The m .on is no bigger than nothiu at all ; j)d such an outrageous and divilish splashin' 1 never did hear since the days I was small. Thin open the winder, my queen av affection, Or, what is as good, plnso open the door ; Nor dhrame that you're sure of escapiu' detec tion , I know ye're awake by the length av yer snore! THE OLD PRINTER. BT C Yf. M CMJER. A Printer stood at his ease one night, In his office dark and drear, And his weary sight was dim as the light t Of the mouldy lamp hung near ; The wintry winds were howling without, And the snow falling thick and fast, But the Printer, I trow, shook his locks of snow, And laughed at the shrieking blast; He watched the hands of the clock creep rounl. , Keeping time with its snail-like tick, As he gathered the type with a weary dick, In his old rust-eaten stick. His hairs were as white as the falling snow, And silently, dny-by-day, He beheld them with grief, like the autumn leaf, One by one, "passing away." Time had cut with his plow furrows deep in his brow, nis check was fevered and thin, And his long Roman nose could almost repose Its head on his gray-bearded chin ; And with fingers long, as the hours stole on, Keeping time with the clock's dull tick, He gathered the type with a weary click, In the old rust-eaten stick. For many long years, through joys and through tears, That old Printer's tirae-battcred face, So ghostly and lean, night and morn had been seen, Earnestly bent o'er his east. In a few years more Death will lock up hit form, Aud put it to press in the mould, And a stone o'er the spot where they lay him to rot, Will tell as his name and how old ; And his comrades will light that old lamp by his ease, And list to the clock's dull tick, As they set up his death, with a solemn click, In his old rust-eaten stick. Second marriages I'vo heard it said weddings are like wine not to be properly judged of till the second glass. Jewels Its my belief that, when woman was made, jewels were invented only to make her the mora uir'chiovtni. ' " ' A wtJd.j'T p;ira-a,fier ail, there la Mstriltti c about weduiiift gown prettier Utaii any otiier rora ia tha PLATFORM 0T THK GREAT SOUTHERN PARTY- PREAMBLE, RESOLUTIONS fc CONSTITUTION AUGUST. 1858. After n consultation, of Democrats, Whiffs and Americans, the following Platform is recommended to the Southeiin People, by said CONSULTATION. 1. Whereas, The fiistduly that an bspo- ciation of men owts to Almighty God, to itself and to its posterity, is to assume, as far as possible, a position political!?, men tally and physically, remote from ail causes of ottuU3e to or from all other people, and that all alliances not founded on this first duty and fundamental rule of action are untenable, unsafe, and unreasonable ; that they are dangerous to tha prospentr, pence. aud happiness of the several contracting parties, and that they should be abandoned : Aud, 2. Wiiehea, In the alliance or confed eracy now existing between the Noithern aud Southern Suite?., the insiitutton of Ahi can Slavery, which exists in the latter and not in the former, has caused aud continue: to cause useless d scussmn, expensive lejis latiou aud iuot easing secttoual lmsiilitv And, 3. Whereas, Having experienced, for the last thiriy-ei;lii ye-trs, the impossibility ol preserving an honorable and peaceable union with our Northern Cout'wleiaies, it. now be comes our impeiaiive du'y to mala an hon orable and, if possible, a peaceable sepa'a lion : And, 4. Whereas, The dismvmheruient of the existing union btwe.'ii these United States is inevitable, and that, all past and existing propositions tor uniting the houth era people in one bond of brotherhood, up most mipotcut for consummating that niosi desired result. And, 5. Whereas, The South should sever the existing union of these States for past aggressions, as well as for the prevention of others which must inevitably follow uuder oxisting party organizations: And, G. Wueiieas, It is the natural and roas. ouable province of an honorable, peaceable and brave people, to preparo tor a contin gency so certain and momentous, without waiting to be abruptly forced uito a doubtful or an inefficient organization for the preser vatiou of those rights which the most sacred honor of man impels us to defend : And, . 7. Whereas, While it is neither our ia terest nor inclination to oppress, iusult or injure the people of any State or States composing l be present, but unfortunate confederacy, we will not longer submit to further compromises, conferences or laws, which may always weaken but can never strengtheu the. security of our honorable existence; And, 8. Whereas, The solemn belief, that neither the laws of God or the customs of man have established an umpire for the arbitrament of what shall bo or shall uot be property, has forced on our minds the firm couvictiou that all the cxaetious by the Northern aud all the concessions by the Southern people, respecting the increase, diminution or locality of African slave labor. are but the results of ill-advised, presuinp tuous and most -dangerous legislation ; aud for the amelioration and final extinction of such legislation, we mutally pledge our honor aud continued exertions: Aud, 9. Whereas, A life freed from undue molestation from man, raeu, sectious, parties or governments, is the first, most sacred and the most universally conceded right that can be claimed by man; aud this broad funda mental right having escaped the observation of the Northern people, or, if seen, has not been respected auu sustained by them And, 10. Whereas, A permanent separa'ion of conflicting interests, pui suits, habits, laws or unpleasaut alliance : lie it, therefore, Resolved 1. That, with that purity of motive, conscientiousness of rectitude, and noble determination to do right, we reconi mend aud will do all we can to bring about an honorable, and if possible, a peaceable separation of the southern slave btutes from the Northern free States. Resolved 2. That after having been denied a peaceable existenco in the present confed eracy, and in the event we now be denied the poor but Datural privilege of a peaceable separation, we shall then rely on our owu strength, the sau :tiou of the Great Ruler, aud the countenance of all properly disposed nations, for that separation, without which we cannot maintain an honorable existence, or secure to our children the continued respect of honorable men.. Resolved 3. That in this effort to separate peaceably from men and States, with whom we so widely differ in aoil, climate, institu tions and opiuiou, we will ask for nothing more, nor will we receive anything less than an equal division of all the Territories, im in unities, rights, privileges, obligations, treaties, &c., &o., now claimed or enjoyed by the Uuited States. , Resolved 3. That it is our solomn duty to recognize ull the peoplo of the several Sou thern States as a band of brothers, whose iuterests and feelings shall be sacredly ob served and respected by the Great Southern Party, bo long as those human virtues can be exercised without sacrificing or jeopard i zing those rights and that equality, for the regaining and the preservation of which this organization is formed. Resolved 5. That, now and henceforth, we will resist all umpiricism that shall arrogate to itsolf the prerogative of condemning, as unlawful or irreligious, any species of prop erty, whether consisting of African slave or other property j unless for the reasonable pi f ! vatiou, of a people, some municipal n,T,:, t-w Xvi,a'cJj to e?e our fellow wuu from a premature grave, ruinous vices or enlarged niquisitorial powers. Resolved 6. That this organization con demn the existing preference given by the South to the .Northern States in commerce, manufactures, books and learning, as unjust, unnecessary, and suicidal to the S'jath ; and tha Southern States having overlooked tbiu most gigantio cause from which so many bad ettects have resulted, it, therefore, be comes her imperative duty to establish ber own literature and commerce. Resolved 7.. That we reiterate the declara tion that all white men are politically free and equal. But, that it is an outrage acainst the laws of nature and the experience of sensible men to hold the Africau, Indian, lunatic, or minor, responsible for a nnn-con fortuity with the same line of systematic thought and policy observed by us. Aud that, therefore, the negro, Indian, lunatic, and minor, are not our equals, but should be the recipients of our constant humanity, care, protection and proper control. Resolved 8. That the laws of vitativeDess are the origin of self-preservation and all political economy are more universally impressed, and exert a more potent influence upon all flesh than all other laws withiu the perception of animated uature that these laws, inseparably, unite the powers of God and the duties of man, the fortunes and very existence of man and beast, master and slave, father aud sou, employer and em ployee; ami that any departure from these naturally domestic laws is but another name for rebellion against God ; DESTRUCTION to inferiors, and ANARCHY, FANATICISM, strife and death among men. CONSTITUTION. Art 1. This organization shall be kuown as the Great Southern Party. Art. 2. Its objects are an honorable and if possible a peaceable disineuibermeut of the present t outedoraey aud the formation of a Southern oue, securing all the rights, powers and equality to a free white popula tion that may bo exercised with safety to ourselves aud with justice to all other peoplo. ART. 3. In a General Assembly of the several Southern States composing this or ganizatiou, there shall be one President, Vice Presidents, Secretaries, and one Treasurer; whose duties shall be hereafter dosiguiited by sueh assembly which shall be convened by the State Conventions at the city of Columbia, S. C. In a State Convention, there shall be a Uoveruor, secretaries, and one lreasurer, whose duties shall be prescribed by said Convention. The State Convention shall be composed of delegates from the County Conventions, and shall assemble at the respective capitols of those States participating iu this organi zation. The County Conventions shall be com posed of delegates from the several couuty Clubs, which shall have a Chairman, Secretaries, ami oue Treasurer; und shall assemble at their respective Court Houses, unless otherwise determined by such Con volitions. The County Clubs shall bo formed by five or more members of this party, who havo previously pledged themselves to sup port the foregoing Preamble and Resolutions aud signed this Constitution, who shall elect one Leader, Secretaries, and one Treasurer. Art. 4. The officers of tho General As. sembly shall be elected for and serve four years, or uutil others are elected to their respective olliees. i The officers of the State Conventions shall be elected for aud servo two years. And the officers of the Couuty Clubs shall be elected for aud serve one year, or until others are elected- to their respective oflices. Art. 5. No member of this Great South ern Purty shall recognize any previous party lines, but shall use his elective franchise so as to accomplish, most, effectually, the ob jects set forth in the foregoing Preamble, Resolutions and Constitution. Art. 6. Any white Southern citizen or resident, over the age of eighteen years, may become a member of this organization, by pledging himself to support the forego iug Preamble, Resolutions and Constitution and signing the same; and ids signature to this Constitution shall be a suliicient indi cation that be approves the said Preamble, Resolutions and Constitution. What Cioabs Arh Mads Of. The New York correspondent of the Schoharie Republican, who, it may be presumed, is domiciled in the neigh borh 'od of tho custom house, gives the following revelation of the component materials of "real Havanas. We copy it for the benefit of those that inhale, or suppose they inhale, the fragrant weed. It shows the doubt which hangs over, not only what we drink, but wh it we smoke i "Talking of cigars, I wus to d by a liovernment Appraiser, a few days since, the following true story in connection with the cigar trade of this city: A large German importing house had re ceived an invoice of foreign cigars, which were appraised by the Custom ofliocrs at $4 per thou sand. The importers were dissatisfied, and isked for a reappraisemeut, which was granted : and, under the most positive evidence; supported by the oath of the dealers, tbe cigars were ad mitted at a valuation of $l,oU per thousand. Now tbe evidence alluded to was this that not a particle of tobaoco entered into the composition of said cigars, but that they were wholly composed of oak and other leaves soaked iu a strong tobao co lye. ' I understand that large quantities of these 'real Havanas" find their way into the in terior, nnd from some experience I have bad in that line, I am inolined to believe that a few spec imens might be found even among the primitive society of old Schoharie." "Art you the mate of the sliifi V said an emi grant to the eook, who was an Irishman. "No, I'm tha man who cooks, the mate," was tha reply. A eife'Tankce in Kansas sells liquor fn a gun barrel instead of a gliMO, that he Oiay avoid the law, and make it appea beyond di: pule, that he is emliug liquor by tbe ban el. THE QUAKER'S CORN-CRIB. A man had been iu the babit of stealing corn from his neighbor, who was a Quaker. Every uight he would go softly to the crib and fill Ins bag with the ears which the good old Quaker's toil had placed I here, livery moruiug the old geutleinau observed a dimi nution of his ooru piles.. This was very annoyiug and must be stopped, but how"? Many a ona would have said, "Take a gun, conceal yourself, wait till he conies, aud tire." Others would have said, "Catch the villain, and have him sent to jail." But the qnaker was not prepared to enter into any such severe measures. He wanted to punish the offender, and at the same time bring about his reformation, if possible. Su he fixed a sort of trap close to the hole through which the man would thrust his arm in geiting the corn. lhe wicked neighbor proceeded on his unholy errand at the hour of miduight, with bag iu hand. Unsuspectingly he thrust his hand into the crib to seize an ear. whn lo ! he found himself unable to withdraw it! In vain he tugged, and pulled, and sweated, and alternately cried and cursed. 1 llis hand was fast, and every effort to release it only mad it the more secure. After awhile the tumuli in his breast measurably subsided. He t'ave over his useless struggles, and begau to look around. Good meu were sleeDiiii? comfor tably iu their beds, while he was co i'glled to kdi-p a dieary, disgraceful watch through the remainder of that long, tedious night, hi. hand in constant pain from the pressure ol the clamp which held it. His tired limbs. compelled to sus'taiu his weary body, wouid fain have sunk beneath him, but lo ! there was no rest, no sleep for him. 1 here he must stand and walch the progress of the night, and at ouce desired aud dreaded the return of morning. Morning came at last, aud the Quaker looked out of his window and found he had " caught his man." What was to be done? Some would say, ' Go out and give him a 2ood cowhidin-' just as he stands, and theu release linn , hai II cure him." But not so. said the Quaker. Such a course would hive sent the man away embittered, and muttering curses ot levena-P. The rmod old man hur ried on his clothes, and started at once to the reliel aDd punishment of his prisoner. 'Uood morning, frieud, satd he as he came in speaking distauce. "How does thee do !" The poor culprit made no answer, but burst into tears, " Oh fie !" said the Quaker, rs he pro ceeded to release him. "I'm sorry that thee has got thy hand last. Thee put it in the wrong place, or it would uot have beeu so. The man looked creslfjillen. and bejrim? forgiveuess, hastily turned to make his retreat. "Stay," said his persecutor, for his course was now becoming such to the offen der, who could have re eived blow with much better grace than the kiu 1 words that were falling from the Quaker's lips; ' Be friend, thy bag is not filled. Thee ueed's corn, or thee would not have taken so much pains to get it. Come, let us fill it." (And the poor fellow was obliged to stand ami hold the bag while the old man filled it, luteispeismg the exercises with the pleasant- est conversation imaginable all of which were like daggers iu the heart of his cha- piiued aud mortified victim. ) The b;t" was tilled, the string tied, and the sufferer taped soou to be out of the piesenee of his tormtu lor, Dut again his purpose was thwarted. " Stay," said the Ouaker. as the man was about lo hurry off, having muttered once more nis apologies and thanks. "Stay, Ruth has breakfast ere this : thee must uot thiuk . f going without breakfast. Come, Rulh is cailmg. " This was almost uneudurable. This was " heaping coals" with a vengeauce. I., vaiu the mortified neighbor begged to be excused , ti vain lie pleaded to be released from what would be to him a punishment ten times more severe than stripes and imprisonment. The Quaker was iuexorable. aud he was obliged to yield. breakfast over, "Now," said the old farmer, is he helped tha victim lo shoulder loe bag, It thee needs any more corn, come in the day time, aud thee shall have it." With what shame and remoise did that guilty man turn fro u the dwelling of the pious Quiikei ! Everybody is reaity to say that he never again troubled the Quaker's corn-crib. I have sotnethiug still better than that to tell you. lie at once repented anj reformed, and lived and diud au honest man. Bk Truthful with Children. Some people tell Ins to children with a view of enjoying a laugn at their credulity. Una is to make a mock it sin, and they are tools who do it. The tendency in a child lo be lieve whatever 't is told, is of God for good. It is lovely. It seems a shadow of primeval innocence ghncing by. We should rever once a child's simplicity. Touch it only with truth, lie not the first to quench that ovely truthtulness by falsehood. In lantitnLtr A , 1 Q II A.QtVlA at '1 til nil ml nf , " 1. 1 e f l: 1 a mi iiemaiu on a neiguooring raruu. on au- dresses 'wefo rejected, and the disappointed swan i full of melancholy and reven ue, procur rope, went to the farm, and tied all ws' tails together. ed a tbe cows A ninncnlnnd lawver. noted for defending - - - J . . burglars and counterfeiters, had his horse stolen from a stable a few nights since s On learning by advertisement, who owned the horse, the thief immediately returned it, without claiming tne reward. tTf Ti dVeeti licalth v. Take a brandy tr v v - j sma.sh early in the nioru; g, aud throw it out of the window, after whits) take a walk aud thus eat your break fas'. THE BARBER OF DUNSE. A gentleman possessing an uncommon shaie of wit and humor, had occasion t. lodge for the night, in company with some friends, at the inn of a town which for cer tain reasons we shall denominate f)nn- Requiring the services of a barber ha w.-.s leeommeuded to Walter Dron, who was represented as not only skilled iu that pro- lesi-ion, out, excellent at cracking a joke or telling astorv. This-fum itionai'v lteintr fhrtl. with introduced, made such a display of his oral and manual dexterity as to have on the mind, as well as the body of his customer, very favorable impression, and induced the inner io mviie mm to sit down to a friendlv glass. The circulation, of llm Imitla tun.lJt lo show off the bin ber in his happiest mood, and the hicetious gentleman Hinid the "eiic ral hilarity thus addressed him: .Now Waller, I engage to give you n guinea on the following terms that you leap backward and forward over nmr ,! for the space of half Hn hour leisurely yei .cSU,,,y -uiymi. om ut every leap, " heie goes I, Waller Dion, barber of Duuse, bu; should you utter anything else in the time specified, you forfeit the reward." Waltei, though no doubt surprised at the absurditv ot the proposal, yet considering how easil v lie could earn the guinea, aud "the improb-i bilily that sueh an opportunity would ev.-i again present itself, agreed lo" the stipula tions. The watch was sol, and tho barber, having stripped oil' his coat, leanincr with nnu bun i on the back of his chair, commenced leaping over that sent, uniformly repeating iu a'i exultiugtouo the words prescribed. -tuiei mailers nan gone ou thus smoothly for about five mNiutes, the gentleman rang the beli and thus accosted the waiter: " What is the leasou, sir, you insult u-i.; by sending a mad fellow like that instead ..' a proper bather as you pretended he was !" Barber, (leaping) Here goes I, Walter Dron, barber of Dunse.' Waiter 'Oh sir, I don't kuow what is the matter ; I never saw him iu this .tate before. Mr. Drou, Mr. brou, what do you mean ?' B ii ber ' Here goes I, Walter Waiter' Bless" me, Mr. Dron, recollect these r gentlemen how can you make such a iiiui oi yoursell Barber ' Hole goes I .' Landlord, (euteriDg iu haste).' hat the devil, sir, is all this? The fellow i mad. How dare you insult geutlfinen iu my hou-e ly such-' conduct V B.uber ' Here goes I, Walter Droll' Landlord' I t.y Bob, run for his wit'.-, lor he can't be put up with, Gentlemxn, tho man is evideutly deranged, and I hop, you will not let my house be injured by th;s business.' Barber' Here goes' Wife, (pushing in) ' Oh ! Waller, Wal ter, what's Ibis, tlail's come owr v ? ll, you not ken yer ain wife V ii.iber Here goes I' Wife, OeeninffV-Oh ! Walter. Walter '. if Ve cafe nn f.,i- mu. min.l vm- l,.iiri t 1. ........ ami come away with me.' I5.il ber Here goes I, Wal ' The afflicted wife uow clasped her Im-- band round the r.eck. and htmc on him effectually as to resist his further progies-. .Mil. -ti nut poor Waller struggle to shake cif his loving but unwelcome spouse, but it wr,. now 'no go' his galloping was at an en-i ' Confound you for an idiot !' he bitter'' exclaimed, ' I never could win a guinea easily in mv lite. It is only necessary to add, that (lie - p amnion winch immediately ensued, v made much more sat isfactorv to mint, h ft-1 and the barber's better half, and that t gentleman restored Walter lo his usual go... I bu uior, by generously rewarding his ex1 -tions with tho well earned games. Scotch Paper. A Quaker having sold a fine-looking h':i blind horse, asked the purchaser, " Well, un friend, dost thou see any fault in him ?" " No,r was the answer. "Neither will he see any in thee," said old Broadbrim. 'I am so lame from the railroad crash f Inst week, I can hardly stand," said a limi ingchap. "Well, then I hope you intend I sue for damages," said his friend. "No, no I have had damages enough; if I sne . r anything it will be for repairs." "I say, Jim, what did old Grimes give j " i for drowning his dog ?" "Give me ! why 1 give me ono of the all-firedest licteiw'yi n ever heard tell on." "Boys," said a colored individual, disci -sing a small coffin which he carried aloi-g under his cloak, "boys, don't laugh I'se n funeral." One reason why the world is not reformed, i -because every man is bent on reforming other? , and icver thinks of reforming himself. Alwavsnractica cnnpAssinn. A lit,l ATnlnin..,! a little endured, a little tolerated as a foible aim lue jaggea atoms nt like smooth mosaic. That man will never erow fat who earriei faces under one hat. Tho world makes us talkers, but solitUuC makes us thinkers. It is nnhealt hy to fall in lote with another man ' wife. In Arkansas it usually "terminates ii death" the first year. TatAsox. Treason is like diamonds J tnere i nothing to be made of it by the small trader. Tbe sweetest plum In ill the wedding eak-.'. hope is the swaetest of all the plums. A Wir. How many temptations would or- info the house if the were not tiers toihut il ,)ocr against the.