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K«r«r of llahlt.
One of the neatest arrests on record wns effected by a policeman near Bourne, England, not long ago. Sus pecting two men of being deserters, Le stepped up behind them and called out sharply, "Attention" 1 Token unawares, the men sprpug to position In true mil itary style, only to find themselves the next moment In the arms of the law. Aa to flDihen. "My dear." said a careful mother to her daughter, "don't gush." "Very well, mamma." replied the dutiful girl, "but you know that In the oil regions It Is the gushing wells that are thought tbo most of." "I'.ut you must also benr In mind that It li> the utireiined oil which rushes."- I'ittaburg Chronicle. Wlilatlrd aa She Sane. The mat! who knew many things was instructing the new and verdant stenographer as to the use of the va rious office appliances, and finally he introduced her to the speaking tube. "Now, see,", 3a Id the man, "you put one tube to your ear and the other to your mouth, then whistle." "Into which one do I whistle?" asked the guileless stenographer. "Heavens." cried the man. "which one do you suppose you whistle in, the one at your ear or the one at your mouth?" "That was what I wanted to know," said the stenographer, "for 1 whistle as I sing, entirely by ear."— Memphis Scimitar. Dickens' Supremacy. "So this. then, is your husband's new library. Mrs. MuebroxV Ah, 1 Bee he has Dickens and Thackeray side by Bide. Which do you consider the great er of the two V" •Oh. my. Dickens! Joshua paid $2.40 more for them Dickenses than he had to give for Thackeray's books rltrht at the samo shop" Thinking of buying a camera? If so, pe"d ior our 1901 catalog containing :uLy Illustrated discription of every canien n:ad«*. Kirk, Geary & Co., 330 Sutter St., San Francisco, Cil. riTC Permanently Cured. No fits or iicrvousneis I 1 I I O after first day'Migof llr. Kline's Great Restorer. Bend for trUdbotOeandtreat jBeT DB.B.H. K.UNS. Ltd..«31 ArchSt.. Philadelphia, P». The Beat Prescription for Malaria. Chills and fever is a bottle of Grove's ..Mte lessChilTonic. It is simply iron and quinine in a tasteless form. No cure— no pay, Price 5oc Teacher: "How many command ments are there?" Small Boy: '"Leven." Teacher: "What is the eleventh." SmaH Boy "Keep off the graes." HERPICIPE'S MISSION New Remedy that Dratroy's the Dandruff Gerins Nothing Is more annoying to men or women of middle age when they notice that their hair is growing thin ner, when they must admit that the first indications of baldheadedness have' commenced to appear. Many would give a thousand dollars and more for a remedy with which to pre serve their natural head-dress. How ever, they don't need to, Newbro's Herpicide removes the effect of dan druff by destroying the cause, the only dandruff cure that actually destroys the dandruff germ. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ABB TAKING When you take Grove's Tasteless Chill Tonic because the formula is plainly printed on every bottle Bhowlns that 1b is Rlmply Iron and Qul- Ine In a tasteless form. No, r ur«. No pay. M<o. "Why, I had no idea you could be so gay!" exclaimed the echo. "Ah, you doubtless got your idea of me from the magazine which bears my name!" roared the hoary Atlan tic—Detroit Journal. CASTOR IA For Infants and Children. The Kind You Have Always Bought /r - Bears the X^Jr y/frt-A-ZLT Signature of (^ZaJ i 7Z/&Zi&M BS i (tine Boid toy drwmiw* -.—-J»| Imperial pxcoo " " .:.. j .— _~. -*„ "jaL'-i.. '^ - ""..'"' T7" t .i7."~ T~"T ~" '. ■--„ j , - in,.-..:. — ■ v^—^^ i«^HßHk^ I This is the Smallest I |WICKLES5 FF B .LmeOILSTOVE I WHAT MODERN SAILORS FEAR Not Winds and Sens, bat an Explo- sion Which Scuttles the Ship. "Boiler explosions are the terror of the seafaring man," said an old time deep water captain. "Such a thing is bad enough on dry land, out imagine a catastrophe of that kind at sea. In ninety-nine cases out of a hundred it means the absolute wiping out of the craft Itself and every soul on board. •'The aveinge landsman would be greatly shocked in looking over thn maritime records to see how many ves sels disappear each year and leave al'solutely no clew to their fate. They run well up to the hundred mark, and such a mystery is not to be explained away by storms. A Chinese typhoon may swoop down like lightning out of a clear sky and tear a ship to pieces, but some floating wreckage Is sure to tell the tale. A boiler explosion, on the contrary, will blow a hole as big a? a railroad tunnel right through the cen:f r of the hull, and the stricken vessel simply goes down like a shot. There is no time to unfasten a boat from thu davits or cut loose a spar. "In the opinion of seamen, that is the story of at least 90 per cent of the ships that leave port and are never heard of again. Luckily the modern system of marine boiler inspection is extremely strict and thorough, but It is Impossible to absolutely prevent carelessness and fraud, and often enough, no doubt, the fault lies with the engineer. "There is an old Ptory of a drunken Scotchman who mistook the ther mometer for the. steam gage and 'ens* ed out' the stokers because he couldn't get the pressure above 80. That yaru will hardly hold water, but I've seen cases almost as bad. I am glad to s;iy. bowevur. that during the past 10 years there has been v steady diminution of the number of vessels which 'mys teriously disappear.' That Is due. be yond all question, to the Increased stringency of boiler inspection and the greater strictness of examinations be fore v license is Issued to engineers. Nevertheless there is still consideruble room for Improvement in both branches."— New Orleans Times-Demo 01 at. A riliu-lior. Old l.ort'i-l know I tun old enough k o t>»* your BriiiHlfMtlM'i". i'«t. mj tlar i:i:i?. I luivt' mi immense fortune to l>e iiuw upon you Voiins llt-iiri — 1 hesitate to answer. Old Luvcr |io not keep im« lv sus nciisf I Inivi' lii'iul illxe.wi anil under ixcli.'UHiil I am likely to die at any luniiciit Yoiiug Heart- Thi'U I will be youra. Tni-lfty. A Canadian minister had Just niftr* ried a couple. The registers were signed, and nothing remained but the giving and taking of the fee. The bridegroom, a strapping young fellow, asked: "How much is it?" The parson glanced at the smiling bride and slyly answered: "Whatever you think it is worth." Now, It should have been worth a great deal, for the girl was young and pretty. "I reckon it's worth about 5 shil lings," said the swain, holding out two half crowns. j The clergyman looked blankly at the roins. then turned to the fair one. •'I'll leave It to you, madam," he said. "What do you think it's worth?" What did this young and blushing bride do? She reached out. took the coins, handed one half crown to the minister and put the other into her pocket! j "A thrifty wife," said the minister, I with a sigh, "Is her husband's crown." I Perhaps be ought to have said half I rrown.— London Ttt-Btto Blood Poison 3&& THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE OF JSlPi^ ALL HUMAN DISEASES. (jlSliki The poison ejected from the fangs of the rattle- S» >#v|k Jv/£^sA snake is not more surely fatal than the virus of /#/ Contagious Blood Poison, which pollutes and vitiates /*!, vVi j^w Ws*/ \J the blood, destroys the tissues and bones and eats like • / *>* N^ '.v^»- a canker sore into the flesh. This horrible disease appears first in the form of a little sore or blister ; soon the glands begin to swell, pimples break out on the body, the mouth and throat become sore, making it painful to eat or swallow ; dreadful ulcers appear on the tongue, copper colored splotches and other characteristic signs of Blood Poison come as the disease progresses, and the destructive virus takes deeper hold upon the system. The medical men are as sorely perplexed over the character of this blood poison as ever ; they tell you to take mercury and potash alternately for three years, but the stomach of no human being can stand this treatment long ; besides, they do not cure the disease permanently, as thousands who have tried it know. WELLINGTON, KAS., Sept., 1900. rjurdv v°eS I contracted Blood Poison two years ago this fall, &?w nurifier Ind and waa persuaded to try a medicine widely adver- ® w^J^SitS f£ tised by a remedy company in Chicago. Iwu re- the only antidote for quired to pay a large amount in advance, and can this particular virus; truthfully say that X was worse when the treatment it purifies the blood and was left off than when I began. Reddish pimploß builds up the constitu- would break out and fill with yeUowish matter ; oop- t j on T jj e apP etite im- per-colorod splotches of all sizes would appear on my " n i mO c t from the body ; my throat was so sore I could scarcely swallow, g^jleeX sores sSn and my mouth and tongue were seldom free from nrst aose, tne sores soon ulcers ; tonsils were swollen, and my hair was com- Show signs of healing, ing out rapidly. This was my condition when X began and the unsightly, dirty your 8. S. S. I have used twenty-two bottles, and splotches and eruptions am feeling splendid. Every sore on iny body has grow pai er an< j pa i er healed, anrtl my appetite good. JAKE MABTIN. | nd fin 7 Uy disappear. S. S. S. is not a new medicine ; for nearly 50 vears it has been known and used for this dreadful disease. It has brought new life and hope to thousands all over this land ; it will cure you as it has others. Send for our free book on home treatment and write our physicians about your case. We will help you if you will let us : we make no charge for advice, and all correspondence is conducted in strictest confidence. THE SWIFT SPECIFIC COMPANY. ATLANTA. CA^ This signature is on every box of the genuine Laxative Bromo*Quinine Table* the remedy that core* a cold In one day Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup the best remedy to use for tb*;ir children during the teething period. Vt-rf Hcrk. "Did you trump my ace. dear?" asked Mr. Meekton. who was his wife's part ner at whist. "I did." sue rejoined sternly. "What or ItV" "1 merely Inquired to relieve my mind." be answered, with a gentle smile. "It is ii great comfort to know you trumped it. If liny one else bad trumped i-t. you know, we should have I lost the trick."- Hxouange. TO CURB A COI.D IN ONK DAY Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. AH i iniKgists refund the money If it fall* to cure. |E. W. Grove's signature is on each box. ttc. 3