The Yale Expositor!
T. A. Mi:.vzirt Tujlisher.
YALE,
MICH
Even tho vcru will turn jcrha
into a butterfly.
j The best place for practical Jokes
and Lolls Is on ethers.
"When marriage Is a failure tho hua
foand sometimes liquidates.
Tho man who has no price 13 tho only
one really worth buying.
A woman never forgives a man his
failure to ask to be forgiven.
. There are people who actually be
lieve their troubled Interest others.
Some feminine matchmakers seem to
make a specially of friction matches.
' It's a sad blow to the boxer when
the box-office receipts fall to pan out.
A man should never tell his wife to
hurry up when she is coming down
Etalrs.
' A man may be able to write a dozen
volumes an-l still le unable to fill one
pockelbook.
. Women are naturally given unto
eelf-denlal. No cne ever heard of
"Jennie the Kisser."
' The Btock operator who buys and
tells for future delivery evidently be
lieves In a hereafter.
An Ohio man wrote a 300-llne poem
entitled "Ccme Back to Me," and every
time he sends it to an editor It doe3.
Colonel Ingcrcoll has a new lecture
ready for delivery end the pulpit will
relieve him of much anxiety concern
ing the most thorough way cf getting
it before the public without expense.
The broad-minded wenan who un
derstands the science of cookery was
the Ideal generally, approved at the re
cent gathering cf collegiate alumnae
In Philadelphia, an Ideal In nowise lim
ited to collegiate alumna?.
; In a recent report, United States Con
sul Hughes, stationed at Coburg, saye:
'I would respectfully suggest that a
warning be given to American gras3
raisers and dealers that they should
not ship hay in any shape on con
signment to this part of the Cerman
Empire, as tho crops of all kinds of
grasses have been enormous, and to
consign for tale here will entail not
only the loss of the hay, but heavy
additional expenses."
It would seem to be an appropriate
season for congTecs to awaken to the
Importance of improving its consular
service. It Is not to be expected that
this republic can adopt a diplomatic
school similar to that of Great Brit
ain which really has developed into an
cClce-holdlng aristocracy, but the
United States government can do much
in the direction of Improvement by
eliminating common office-seekers
from the rolls of the consular Ecrvlce.
There are now seventy-five cotton
spinning mills in Japan, says tho Pall
Mall Cazette, with an aggregate cap
ital of 4,000,000, half paid up, with
1,000,000 spindles working and nearly
200,030 more In course of erection or
projected, giving employment to over
14,000 men and over D0.CC0 women,
the wages of the former ranging from
Ed. to d. a day, and the wages of
the latter ranging from 2',id. to Cd.
a day. Of the 115,000 tons of raw cot
ton worked up by these mills last year
C2 per cent were Indian, 18 per cent
Chinese and 17 per cent American.
The amount of native-grown cotton
was under COO tons. Down to the last
year or two the only market for the
output was found In Japan Itself. With
the removal of export duties, how
ever, a foreign outlet was found in
China, where Japanese yard Is now
competing severely with that of India.
' William T. Stead, editor of tho Lon
don Review of Reviews, is at Llvadla,
in the Crimea, where he has had an In
terview with the czar regarding tho
autocrat's peace plans. In a letter to
the Lokal Anzelger Mr. Stead says that
the delegates to the peace conference
of the powers next spring will not be
long in finding out that the Russian
emperor means business. The practi
cal aim of tho conference Is directed
only to putting a stop to further mili
tary armament and to settling the
question whether it Is not possible to
prevent the sudden outbreak of war
before neutral powers have tried peac
ably to settle the matters in dispute.
"The czar Is different," Mr. Stead adds,
"from what he U commonly supposed
to be. He Is healthy and active and
self-contained, with a constitution
stronger than that of his father, the
late Alexander III. His main Idea
indeed, his life object 13 to carry out
the purpose with which In view tho
coming congress has been called."
. We regret to observe that Mr,
Thomas Sharkey shows symptoms of
a willingness to "hippodrome." His
match with Charley Mitchell will be
a palpable and obvious attempt to get
the public's money under false pre
tenses. If Mr. Sharkey wants to di
vide gate receipts, with some puglllst
antlquo why not give John L. Sullivan
or Jake Kllraln atchancc? Why go
to England for a ."back number" and
a particularly unpopular and .of
feneive "back number" at that? Mr.
Sharkey ought to be ashamed of him
self. I
TALJTAGE'S SERMON.
"THE SHUT IN" LAST SUN
DAY'S SUBJECT.
From fleiienla vll. JC. hh Follow t "TUm
Lord Klmt Htm In" Adlre to
China ot l'craoiis Ferliapa Not Ueforo
AUilrcMvd In a bcruiou.
Cosmogony has no more Interesting
chapter than tho one which speaks
cf that catastrophe of the ages, tho
fcubmersion of our world in time of
Noah, tho first ship carpenter. Many
of the nations who never saw a Bible
have a Hood stcry Egyptian Hood
story; Grecian Hood story, of which
Ducallon was the Noah; Hawaiian
flood story; New Zealand flood story;
Chinese flood story; American Indian
flood story all of which accounts
agree in the Immersion cf the con
tinents under universal rains, and that
there was a ship floating, with a se
lect few of the human family and
with specimens cf zoological and or
nithological and reptilian worlds, al
though I could have wished that these
last had been shut out of the ark and
drowned.
All of these flood stories represent
the ship thus afloat as finally strand
ed on a mountain top. Hugh Miller,
in his Testimony of the Rocks, thinks
that all these Good stories were Infirm
traditions of the Biblical account, and
I believe him. The worst thing about
that great freshet was that it struck
Noah's Great Eastern from above and
beneath. The seas broke the thaln
of shells and crystal and rolled over
the land, and the heavens opened their
cloud3 for falling columns of water,
which roared and thundered on the
roof of the great chip for a month and
ten days. There was one door to the
fhip, but there were three parts to
that doer, cne part for each cf tho :
three stories. The Bible account says
nothing about parts of the door be
longing to two of the stories, and I do
hot know on which floor Noah and
his family voyaged, but my text tell3
us that the part of the dcor of that
particular floor on which Noah stayed
was closed after he had entered. "The
Lord shut him In." So there are many
people now in the world who are a3
thoroughly shut In some by sickness,
some by old age, some by special
duties that will not allow them to go
forth, some surrounded by deluges of
misfortune and trouble, and fcr them
my sympathies are aroused, and this
sermon, which I hope may do good
to others, is more especially Intended
for them. Today I address the shut-
in. "The Lord shut them in."
Notice, first of all, who closed the
door so that they could not get out.
Noah did not do It, nor his son Shcm,
nor did Ham, nor did Japhcth, nor did
either of the four married women who
were on shipboard; nor did despera
does who had scoffed at the idea cf
peril, which Noah had been preaching,
close that door; they had turned their
backs on the ark and had in disgust
gone away. I will tell you how it was
done. A hand was stretched down
from heaven to close that door. It
was a divine hand as well as a kind
hand. "The Lord shut them In."
And the same kind and sympathetic
Being has shut you In, my reader or
my hearer. You thought it was an
accident, ascrlbablo to the careleso
ness or misdoings of otters, or a mere
"happen so." No! no! God had
gracious design fcr your betterment,
for the cultivation of your patience,
for the strengthening of your faith,
for the advantage you might gain by
seclusion, for your eternal salvation.
He put you In a schoolroom, where
you could learn, In six months or a
year, more than you could have learn
ed anywhere else in a lifetime. He
turned the lattice or pulled down the
blinds cf the sickroom, or put your
swollen foot on an ottoman, or helJ
you amid tho pillows of a couch which
you could not leave, for Eomo reason
that you may not now understand, but
which he has promised he will explain
to you satisfactorily, if not in this
world, then in the world to come, for
he has said, "What I do thou knowest
not now, but thou shalt kuow here
after!" The world has no statistics as to
the number of invalids. The physi
cians know something about it, and
the apothecaries and the pastors, but
who can tell us the number of blind
eyes, and deaf ears, and diseased
lungs, and congested livers, and Jan
gled ncrve3, and neuralgic temples, and
rheumatic feet, or how many took no
food this morning because they had
no appetite to eat, or digestive organs
to assimilate, or have lungs so delicate
they cannot go forth when the wind
i3 in the east, or there Is a fog ris
ing from the river, or there is a damp
ness on the ground or pavement be
cause of the froit coming out? It
would be easy to count the people
who every day go through a street, or
the number of passengers carried by
a railroad company in a year, or the
number of these who cross the ocean
in ehlp3; but who can give us the
statistics of the great multitudes who
aro shut in? I call the attention of
all such to their superior opportunities
bf doing good.
Those of U3 who are well and can
ieo clearly, and hear distinctly, and
partake of food of all sorts and ques
lions of digestion never occur to us,
fend we can wade the snowbanks and
take an equinox in our faces, and en
dure the thermometer at zero, and
every breath of air is a tonic and a
stimulus, and sound fcleep meets us
within five minutes after our head
touches th pillow, do not make so
much of an Impression when we talk
about the consolations of religion.
Tho world says right uway, "I guess
that man mistakes buoyancy of nat
urr.l rplrlts for religion. What does
b know ibout it? He has never been
tried." But when ono goes out and
reports to the wotM that that morning
on his way to buslncs.j ho called to
see you and found you, after being
kept. in your room for two months,
cheerful and hopeful, and that you
had not one word of complaint, and
asked all about everybody, and rejoic
ed in the success of your business
friends, although your own business
had almost come to a standstill
through your absence from store or
office or shop, and that you sent ycur
love to all your old friend.3, and told
them that If you did not meet them
again in this world, you hoped to meet
them In dominions seraphic, with a
quiet word of advico from you to the
man who carried the message about
the importance of his not neglecting
his own soul, but through Christ seek
ing something better than thU world
could give him why, all tho business
men in the counting-room say, "Good!
Now, that is lellgion!" And the clerks
get hold of the story, and talk it over
so that tho weigher and cooper and
hackman, standing ou the doorstep.
Eay: "That is splendid! Now, that is
what I call religion!"
It is a good thing to preach on a
Sunday morning, the people assembled
in most respectable attire and seated
on scft cushions, the preacher stand
ing in neatly upholstered pulpit, sur
rounded by personal friends, aud after
an inspiring hymn has been sung, al ,
that Ecrmon, if preached in faith, will
do gcod; but the most effective ser
mon is preached by one seated in
dressing-gown, in an armchair into
which the Invalid has with much care
been lifted, the surrounding shelves
filled with medicine bottles, seme to
produce Elcep, some for the relief of
Euddtn paroxysm, some for stimulant,
some for tonic, some for anodyne, and
tome for febrifuge, the pale preacher
quoting promises of the compel, telling
of the glories of a sympathetic Christ,
rs:v:irg the one or t-'o or three por
ter.;; who hear it of the mighty rein
forcements of religion. You cay that
to such a sermon there are enly one
or two to three hearers. Aye! But the
visitor calling at that rocm, then clos
ing the dcor softly and going away,
tells the story, and tho whole neigh
borhood hears It, and It will take all
eternity to realize tho grand and up
lifting Influence of that sermon about
God and the soul, though preached to
an audience of only one man or one
woman. The Lord has ordained all
such invalids for a style cf usefulness
which athletics and men of two hun
dred healthy avoirdupois cannot affect.
It was not an enemy that fastened you
In that one room or seat you on
crutches, the longest Journey you have
made for many weeks being from bed
to ecfa and from sots to looking-glass,
where you are shocked at the pallor
of your own cheek and the plnched-
nezs of ycur features; then back again
from mirror to sofa and sofa to bed.
with a long sigh, saying, "How good
It feels to get back again to my old
place cn the pillow!" Remonber who
It is that appointed the day, when,
for the first tlmo in many year3, you
could not go to business, and who has
kept a record of all the weary days
and all the sleepless nights of your ex
ile from tho world. Oh, weary man!
Oh, feeble woman! It was tho Lord
who shut you In. Do ycu remember
that some of the noblest and best of
men have been prisoners? Ezeklel a
prisoner, Jeremiah a prisoner, Paul
a prisoner, St. John a prisoner, John
Bunyan a prisoner. Though human
hate seemed to have all to do with
them, really the Lord shut them in.
Do you forget when, in childhood.
you danced and skipped because you
were bo full of life you had not pa
tience to walk, and In after years you
climbed the mountains of Switzerland,
putting your alpenstock high up on
glaciers which few others ever dared,
and Jumped long reaches in compe
tition, and after a walk of ten miles
you came In Jocund a3 the morning?
Oh, you shut-Ins! Thank God for a
vivid memory of the times when you
were free B3 the chamois on the rocks.
a3 the eagle going straight for the
sun. When the rain pounded the roof
of the ark the eight voyagers on that
craft did not forget tho tlmo when It
gaily pattered In a summer shower,
and when the dcor of the ark shut to
keep out the tempest, they did not for
get the time when the door of their
heme In Armenia was closed to keep
out the spring rains which came to
311 the cups of lily and honeysuckle
and make all the trcc3 of tho wood
clap their hands.
Notice, also, that there was a limit to
the shut-in experience of those an
cient mariners. I suppose the forty
days of tho descending and uprising
floods, and the 150 days before the
passengers could go ashore must have
seemed to those eight people in the
big boat like a email eternity. "Rain,
rain, rain!" said the wife of Noah.
"Will It never step?" For forty morn
ings they looked out and Eaw not one
patch of blue sky. Floating around
amid the peak3 cf mountains. Shem.
and Ham, and Japheth had to
hush the fears of their wives
lest they should dash against the
projecting rocks. But after awhile
it cleared off. Sunshine, glorious
sunshine! The ascending mists were
folded up into clouds, which instead of
darkening the sky only ornamented it.
As they looked out of tho windows
these worn passengers clapped their
hands and rejoiced that the storm was
over, and I think if Uod could stop a
storm as that, he could stop any storm
In your lifetime experience. If He can
control a vulture in mid-sky, he can
stop a summer bat that flies in at your
window. ' At the right time he will put
the rainbow on the cloud and tho
deluge of your misfortunes will dry up.
I preach the doctrine of limitation, re
lief and disentbrallmcnt. At Just the
right time the pain will ceaBe, the
bondage will drop, the imprisoned wll!
bo liberated, the fires will go out. th
body and mind and soul will bo free
Tatlence! An old English proverb ro
ferrlng to long-continued invalidism,'
says, "A creaking gate hangs long on ;
its hinges," and this may be a pro-1
tracted case of valetudinarianism;
uui you wm navo taken the last bitter
drop, you will have suffered the last
misinterpretation, you will feel the
gnawing of the last hunger, you will
have fainted tho last time from exhaus
tion, you will have felt the cut of the
last lancet, you will have wept under
the last loneliness. The last week of
the Noachian deluge came, the last day,
the last hour, the last moment. Tho
beating of tho rain on the roof ceased,
and the dashing of tho billows on the
side of tho ship quieted, and peacefully
a3 a yacht moves out ever quiet Lako
Cayuga, Como or Luzerne, tho ark,
with Its Illustrious passengers and im
portant freight, glided to its mountain
wharfage.
Meanwhile you have all divine and
angelic sympathy In your infirmities.
That Satan thoroughly understood poor
human nature was evidenced when, in
plotting to make Job do wrong, tho
great master of evil, after having failed
In every other way to overthrow the
gcol man, proposed physical distress,
! then the bo!!; crjue which made
him Ewear right oat. Tho mightiest
test of character Is physical suffering.
Critics are Impatient at the way
Thomas Carlyle scolded at everything.
His seventy years of dyspepsia were
enough to make any man scold. When
you see people out of patience and'
Irascible and lachrymose, inquire into
the case, and before you get through
with the exploration your hypercrltl--clsm
will turn to pity, and to the di
vine and angelic sympathy will be ad-.'
ded your own. The clouds of your In
dignation, which were fall of thun-
d-irVclts, will bcsln to rain tears of
Pity.
By a strange Providence, for which
I shall bo forever grateful, circum
stances with which I think you are all
familiar, I have admission through tho
newsparer press, week by week, to tens
of thousands of God's dear children,
who cannot enter church on the Sab
Lath and hear their excellent pastors,
because of the age of the sufferers, or
their Illness, or the lameness of foot,
or the.'r Incapacity to stay In one posi
tion an hour and a half, or their pov
erties, or their troubles of some sort
will net let them go out of doors, and
to them as much 0.3 to those who hear
me I preach this sermon, as I preach
many of my sermons, the Invisible au
dience always vaster than the visible,
some of them tossed on wilder seas
than those that tossed the eight mem
bers of Noah's family, and Instead of
forty days of storm and five months of
being shut In, as they were, it has been
with these Invalids five years of "shut-
In," or ten years of "shut-In," or twen
ty years of "shut-in." Oh, comforting
God! Help me to comfort them! Give
me two hands full of talve for their
wounds. When we were three hundred
miles out at sea, a hurricane struck us,
and the life-boats were dashed from the
davits and all the lights in the cabin
were put out by tho rolling of the ship
and the water which through the
broken skylights had poured in. Cap
tain Andrews entered and said to the
men on duty, "Why don't you light up
and maka things brighter, for we are
going to outride this storm? Passen
gers, cheer up! Cheer up!" And he
struck a match and began to light the
burners. Ho could not silence either
the wind or the waves, but by the strik
ing of that match, accompanied by en
couraging word3, we were all helped.
And as I now find many in hurri
canes of trouble, though I cannot quiet
the storm, I can strike a match to light
up the darkness, and I strike a match:
"Whom the Lord loveth he chnsten
cth." I strike another match: "Weep
ing may endure for a night, but Joy
ccneth In the morning." I strike an
other match: "We have a great High
Priest who can bo touched with the
ftellng of our infirmities, and he was
in all points tempted like as we arc."
Are ycu old? One breath of heaven
will make you everlastingly young
again. Have you aches and pains?
They Insure Christ's presence and sym
pathy through the darkest December
nighta, which are the longest nights of
the year. Are ycu bereft? Here Is a
resurrected Christ, whose voice Is full
cf resunectlonary power. Aro you
lenely? All the angels of heaven are
ready to swoop Into your companion
ship. Here Is the Christ of Mary and
Martha when they had lost Lazarus,
and of David when he had lost his son,
and of Abraham when he had lost
Sarah, and of your father and mother
when in time of old age they parted at
the gates of the tomb. When last I was
in Savannah, Georgia, at the close of
the Sabbath morning service, I was
asked to go and see a Christian woman,
for many years an Invalid. I went. I
had not in all that beautiful city of
splendid men and gracious women seen
a face brighter than hers. Reaching
her bedside, I put out my hand, but she
could not shake hands, for her hand
was palsied. I said to her, "How long
have you been down on this bed?" She
smiled and made no answer, for her
tcnguo had been palsied; but those
standing around said, "Fifteen years,
I said to her, "Have you been able to
keep your courage up all that time?"
She gave me a very little motion of
her head in affirmative, for her whole
body was paralytic. The sermon I had
preached that morning had no power
on others compared with the power
that silent sermon had on me. What
was tbe secret of her conquest over
pain and privation and incapacity to
move? Shall I tell you the secret? I
wll! tell you: The Lord shut her la.
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
SOME GOOD JOKES. ORIGINAL
. AND SELECTED.
A Variety of Jo!ci Glbea aud Ironle
Original and Selected iToUatii and
Jt-Uain front tlio Tide of Uuinof
Witty Kajrlu-. '
Kcr Secret.
"Here 13 a faded roao," ho salj
"That you let fall, ono day
A flower that your lips had touched
Beforo you dropped it by the way.
Ah, you knew not that I was near;
You knew not that I loved you when
I placed It In my bosom, where
I've worn It for your cako Elnco
then."
It was their Joyous honeymoon;
She looked at him awhile,
And then across her features broko
A knowing little smile,
Tho while she said unto herself,
"I wonder what he'd say
If ho could know I watched him when
He picked it up that day?"
Tlie Wlieclinu'a Curse.
Tho following Is from tho Etching
ham letters in the Cornhlll Magazine:
Here beglnneth the excommunicatlou
of the dog.
Cursed be this dog of infinite wick
edness who upset our scholar from his
wheel.
Cursed be he with all evil dog3
which have been cursed from the be
ginning cf the world.
Cursed be he with the dogs of Sa
maria which ate tho body of Queeu
Jezebel.
Cursed bo ho with the barking god
Anubls and all other dog-headed devils
that ever barked in Egypt.
May all the blessings earned by good
dogs in heaven or earth bo far from
him.
Let him in no wise see the ago of
Argus, nor walk with the angels Hko
Tobifs dog.
Curccd be he by the heavenly dogs
Sirlus and Procyoa and by the Hunt
ing Dog9.
Cursed be he with a threefold curse
by the hell-houtd Cerberus and his
three heads.
Cursed be he before our lady the
queen and before the county council
by all and every the muzzling orders.
Cursed be ho likewise by all wheel
ing things which tha Lord hath maJe,
by tbe prime mover cf tho firmament
and his rotation, by tho stars, tho
planets, the pole, the sun, the moon,
and the earth, and by the powers of all
tho angels who govern their revolu
tions. Cursed bo he in cyclones and cursed
In whirlpools.
Cursed bo he by the driving wheel ct
the universe, which is matter, aud by
the steering wheel, which is spirit,
and by the chain, which Is the pre-established
harmony thereof.
Cursed be he forever by the wheels
of the winged living creatures which
Ezeklel. the prophet, saw and by the
swiftness of their rolling.
Let tho wheel of Fortune In her
wrath crush hira and ever Cist him
down to tho meanest fate.
Let him be whirled upon Ixion'3
wheel and broken even as the wheels
of Pharaoh's chariots.
Cursed be he in a whole and perfect
round of cursing. So be it.
Frightful.
"I never saw a man go to the pains
to elaborate a Joke that Tufflelgh does."
"What's the latest?" "Why, the other
night he drank Rhine wine and then
he drank gin. 'Now,' said he, with
that knowing smile, 'of what famou3
pecra do I remind you?' Nobody could
guess, and Tuffielgh looked hurt.
'Didn't you notice what I drank?' ho
asked. Yes, we all noticed It. 'Then I
should think said Tuffielgh. 'that
somebody would say it might have
bccn-gln-on-the-Rhlne.' "
Harking Hack.
Mrs. Ackllns "I don't want to bo
Impertinent, but how old are you
anyway? Some of the ladies were dis
cussing your age at the club the other
day, and several of them claimed that
you were at least 33, but I insisted
that you wcro not more than S3."
Mrs. Biswick "I'm glad you wero
so kind. Of course, you didn't men
tion tho fact that you wcro ready to
leave tho grammar grado when I was
In tho primary class at school, did
you?"
Bare.
Sobby, you've been fighting.
1 know it. But Tommy Traddles
called me a Spaniard and I had to
prove I wasn't. "
How did you prove It by fighting?
I licked him. Truth.
ccccccccccccccccocccccccc?
We are not enthusiastic!
about tbe 4
0
0 vCb Wiii
, v turn.
simply earnest
Wo do not claim much, only tliat Jt I tlm
I
Best Bicycle Lamp on Earth.
ITS Strr-EItlolEITYlo shown in throe prL'ift!;ul tioInU
TTqfOIVES THE MOST LTCnT 4
5 STAYS ALlOnT IS SIUK OF VHTJD AN") J.v:i i
ii ii 18 HANDSOME IM AITKAUAXCU J
n Kvnd for circular or, lx Iter "! 1 3. CO which (
V) Ii the rcnsonnblti pricw ut, wUcU ii sell uuc, Uc.i. - 4
v tirctl fcuywlitro. ii
i r.e. detz co:?any I
i Co Laight Street
5 Fihllihd In WO In tljo Mann- ;rtir V.TRK r!TV 4
5 fttctureof LHinrmlLnuru. wtn
REVIVO
rwt RESTORES
" VITALITY.
-' r - r v-:riS ;tr' . k ::h ..... . -
tit L3
TKE
FRENCH REMEDY,
Pro'luccs th above results in 30 DAYS. It acU
powerful'. and quickly. Cures nlicn ail others
Mil. Young men and olJ mtn will recover their
youth ru! vigor by using RCVIVO. It quickly
and jurcly restores from effects of srl!-abue or
excel? and indiscretions Lost Manhood, Lost
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00KOOC000-C000000-CC00
Webster's g
: Isateinniatioiaail
Dictionary
SuccesBor ofth " Unabridged."
The Oatt Great Standard Authority,
Fort-rtf-illon. 1. '. lirewor,
JimUco L. . Supremo Court
BtnndurtI
of the 1". R.CoT'irrlnttnt
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ftliiul wll "iil tttimoer.
Invitluab'io
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O CAPTION. l not "0 deceived in
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Hi front dbrvr fcjtiowj la vb cuU.
Wanted-An Idea
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taul Uclof to buuUrt4 luttaUont aai. r
if
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A Vim-Tiwwr Vuctibjw nLntm i.nm I