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10 TJTE OMAHA DAII < Y BEE : SUNJAY , FEBRUARY 7 , lb92-SIXTEEN PAGES.
BY MARK TWAIN. \Cowriqhtcth \ 1SOS , by < / Author. ] HIS plar'o U the vll- I ago of iMnrlonbad , Holiomla. K oomsuo very Rrcnt distance from Anneoyln Htuito Savole , to this place you make It In loss than thirty houw by thcso continental ex press trains but the cbanaos In thosccncry are ( treat ; they nro qulto out of propor- tlon to the distance colored. Krom Annecy by Alx. to Geneva you have blue lakes , with bold mountains springing from their borders , and far glimpses of snowy wastes lifted ngalnst lee bonzon boj-ond , whllo all about you Is a Rur- ilon cultivated to the last possibility of grnco arid bonuty a cultivation which doesn't stop with the bnndylowcr lovoli , but Is carried right up the sheer stoops nnd propped there with ribs of masonry , and niado to stay there tn splto of Nowton'a law. Beyond Gonovn beyond Liusannontnny : rate you hnvo fora whllo a country whiub noticeably resembles Now Knglaud , and soenu out of place and llko an Intruder an Intruder who Is wear- mi ? his ovary-day clothes nt a funcy-drtm ball. Hut presently , on. your right , lingo green mountain rampart * rise up , mid after that for hours you are absorbed In watching the rich shadow effects whlcn they furnish , and are only dully aware that Now Ungland Is gene and that you are tlylnft past quaint and unspeakable old towns and towers. Next day you have the lake of Zurich , and presently the Uhlno isswinclnp by you. How clean It Is I How clear It Is I How blue It U1 How green It 1st How swift and rollicking and Insolent Is Its gait and style I How vivid and splendid its colow beautiful wreck and chaos of all the soap bubbles In the unl- vorsol A poraou born on tbo Hhlno must woralilo it. I saw tlio hlnolllilno sucou along ; I hoard , or scomud to hour , Thu Gurnmn songs wo used to alas In churns sweet mid clour. Yes , ttmt Is where his heart would bo , that- is whore his last thoughts would bo , the "soldlor of tno legion" who "lay dying In Algiers. " ' And by and by you are 111 a German region , which you discovov to bo qulto different from tbo recent Swiss lands behind you. You have a sea before you ; that is to say , the green land goes rolling away , in ocean swells , to the horizon. And there 1s another now feature. Hero and there , at v/iila intervals , you bavo islands , IiilU 200 anil : ICO feat high , of a ha ) stack form , that rlso abruptly out of tbo green plain , aim are wooded solidly on the top. On the top there is just room fur a ruined castle , imd there It is , every time ; above tbo summit you see the crumbling arches and broken towora pro jecting. Beyond Stuttgart , next day , you find other changes still , By and by , approaching and leaving Nuremberg and down by Nowhaus , your landscape is hurnpod everywhere with r.i scattered knobs of rock , unsociable crnus of a rude , tower-like look , and thatched with grass and vines and bushes. And now and then you have gorges , too , of a modest pattern - torn as to size , with prcciplco walls curiously carved ana honeycombed by I don't know what ; but water , no doubt. , 'Jl'bo changes are not douo yet , for the in stant tbo country llnds it IB out of Wurtoni- berg and Into Bavaria it discards ono moro thickness of soli to go with previous disrob ings , and than nothing remains over the bones but tha shift. There may bo a poorer soil somewhere , but It is not likely. A couple 'of hours from Bayreuth you cross into Bohemia , and before long you roach this Mar ion bad and rccounlzo another sharp change the change from the long ago to to day ; that is to say , from the very old to the spick and span now ; from an architecture to tally without shapeliness or ornament to an architecture attractively equipped with both ; from universal dismalness as to color to uni versal brightness and beauty of tint ; from a town which seems made up of prisons to a. town v.'Uichis miuleupof gracious and grace ful mansions proper to the light of heart and crlmolcss. It is llko jumping out of Jerusalem into Chicago , Tbo more I think of these many changes , the moro surprising the thing poems. I have never made so plcturetquo a journey before , and suruly tboro cannot bo another trip of Ilka length In tbo world that can furnish so much variety and of so charmlnir and Inter esting a sort. Tboro uro only two or three streets hero in ttaisjmup pocKet in the Hemlock huts , but they are handsome. VVhou you stand at the fool of a htreot , and lookup the slant of it you sea only block fronts of graceful pattern , with happily broken lines , uud tbo pleasing accent of bay projections and balconies In or derly disorder and burmoulous confusion and always the color is fresh , and cheery , various shades of cream , with softly contrasting trim mings of whltu and now and then a touch of dim rod. Those blocks are all thick walled , solid , massive , tall , for this Is Europe ; but it is tbo brightest and newest looking town on tbo continent , and as pretty as anybody could require. The steep hills spring high aloft from the voiy back doors , and are cJothod densely to their tops with hemlocks. In Bavaria everybody is in uniform , and you wonder where the private citizens are , but hero in Bohemia the uniforms are very race. Occasionally ono catches a glimpse of an Austrian oftlcor , but it is only occasionally. Uniformsure so scarce that wo seem to bo In a republic. Almost the only striking iiguro is the 1'ollsh Jew. Ho is very frequent. Ho is tall and of grave contonunco , and wears a coat that reaches to his ankle bones , and bo u a little woo curl or two In front of each oar. Ho has a prosperous look , and seems to bo at much respected as anybody. Tbo crowds that drift nloug the promenade at mutlu time twice a day are fashionably dressed after tbo Parisian pattern , and they look a good deal alike , but they speak a lot ol languages whlnbjou huvo not encountered before , and no ignorant persona can spell their names , and tuoy can't pronouuco thorn themselves , Morienbad Mary's Bath. The Mary is tha virgin. She Is the patroness of those curative springs. They try to euro every thing ; trout , rheumatism , leanness , famass , dyspepsia , and all the rest. The wnolo thliif U the property of a convent , and hat bean for GOO or 700 yean. However , tboro was never a boom hero until a quarter of century ago A Touch IliMtltli Drill. If a person baa the gout , this U what they do with him : They have htm out at DU : ! ) in the morning , and give him an egg and It ) him look at a CUD of tea. At 0 ho roust bo at hit particular spring , with hit tumbler hang. Injr at hU bolt and ho will have plenty of company there. At tbo llrst now of the or cbestra ho must lift bis tumbler mid begin to lip bis dreadful water with the rost. Ho ainst sip slowly ana bo n long tlma at it Then he must tramp about tUaJillls for an hour or so , and < got all the exorcise and frosl air passible. Thou bo takes his tub or wal low * in his mud , If mud baths are his sort By-noon bo has a tlno apnoUte , and the rules allow him to turn himself loose now and sat isfy It , < o long > u ho U careful una eats only suoh things as ho dooan't want. Ho puts 11 the afternoon walking the hills and tilling up with fresh air. At night ho is allowed to tak throe ounces of any kind of food be doam't like , aurt drink one ctaxs of any kliu of liquor that ha hat a prejudice atrmlnst ; he mfcy * Ho ( moke ono plpo if bo Isn't used to it. At 9:30 ( burp he must bo In bed and his can die out. Uepoat the whole thing uoxt day I don't ice any advanUgo in this orer bav lap the gout. In the case of most diseases that Is abou what QUO U required to undergo , and if yo- oaveanv plouautbabit thai you value tuoy want. that. They want that the first thing. They make you dropovorythlngthatnlvos an interest to lite. Their Idoit is to reverse your whole system of existence and muko a ro- trcneratlno revolution. If you nronrepub- llcan they make you talk free trade ; If you are a Democrat they make you talk protec tion ; if you are a prohibitionist you have got to go to b < ? d drunk every night until you get welL They spare nothlnr , they spare no body. Reform , reform , that Is their whole song. If a person U an orator they sag him ; if ho Hues to read they won't lot him ; if bo wants to sing they matte him whistlo. They say they can euro any ailment , and they do scorn to do It ; but why should a patient como all the way hero ) Why shouldn't ho do these things at homo and save tbo money I No dis ease would stay with a person who troalcd it llko that. 1 didn't como hero to Uko baths ; I only came to look around. Hut first one person and then another began to throw out hints and pretty noon I was n peed deal concerned about myself. Ono of tboso coulees hero said I had n gouty look about the eye ; next a person who has cnlnrrh of the Intestines nskod tno if I didn't notice a llttlo dim sort of Rtomnch ucho when I snoozed. I hadn't be fore but f did seem to notice It tbmi. A man that's hero for heart disease said ho wouldn't como down stairs so fast if ho had my build and aspect. A person with nn old gold com plexion said a man died hero in a mnd bath last week that had a pctnllod liver coed deal such u looking man ns I am and the same initials. And so on and so on. Of course then ) was uothluu to ho unoasv about , and I wasn't what you may call really uneasy ; butlwus not feeling very well that Is , not brisk and I wont to bod. I suppose - pose that that was not u gooa idea , because hen they had mo. I started in nt the tipnor nd of the mill and xvent through. I nm said o bo nil right now and free from disease , tut thin does not surprise mo. What I hnvo eon through in tbo-io three weeks would reo a Man of pretty much everything In hid and imprison , in A poem , or a ploturo , or a song their adored Woldelnsmkclt , loneli ness of the woods. But how cixtch III It has not n body ; It U a spirit. Wo don't talk about It in America , or dream of It , or sine about It , bocfioso wo haven't it. Certainly there Is something won derfully alluring about It , bnguilinp , dreamy , unwordly. Whcro the gloom is softest and richest and the pence and stillness deepest , far up on the sldo of that hemlock mountain , a spot where Uootha usud to sit nnd dream , Is marked by n granlto obelisk , nnd on Its sldo Is catvod this famous poem , which is the master's Idea of Waldclnsmkolt ; Uobor nllrn Clpfoln-Ut Ittili , In alien \Vlpfclti Rimrustdu KRUMI ulnon Hundi ; Die Voftloln In schwolKon I in NValde \Vurto nur-lmldo Itnlieitdu ( inch. It Is raining again , now. However it was doing that boforo. I have been over to the Kstabllshmont nnd had A tub bath with two kinks of plno Julco In It. Ihoso fill the room with a punirontnnd most pleasant perfume - fume ; they nlso turn the water to the color of ink and cover it with snowy suds , two or three Inches deep. The bath Is cool about 75s or 80 ° IT. , and there h a cooler shower bath after it. Whllo waiting in the rorop- llon room all by myself two mon came In and boiran to talk. Politics , literature , religion 1 No their nllmonts. There Is nd other sub ject hero , nppnrentlyi Whorevortwo or three of those people nro gathered together , there you have It. every tnno. The first that can got his mouth open contributes his dis ease nnd the condition of It nnd tbo others follow with theirs. The two men Just referred to were acquaint ances , nnd they followed the custom. Ono of them was built llko a gasometer nnd Is hero to rcduco his girth ; the other \\ns built llko n , derrick , and U bore to fat up , as thov express It , at this rosoit. They were well satlslled with the progress they were making. Tha gnsomntcr had lost a quarter of n ton In ten davs and showed the record with prlda on his belt , and ho walked briskly across the room , .smiling in a vast ana luminous wav , like a Imrvojt moon , nnd snld ho couldn't have done that when l > o arrived Imre. Ho buttoned his coat around bU equator cud showed how loose It was. It was pretty to sco his happiness. It was so childlike nnd lionust. Ho sot his foot together and loaned ever his person and proved that ho could see them. Ho said ho hadn't aeon them from that point before for fifteen years. Ho had a hand llko n , boxing clove , and o.i ono of his Angers ho had just found a diamond ring which ho hud inUsod eleven years ago. The mlnuto the derrick got n chance bo I.IA.NXESS , FATSCS1 bat wasn't nulled thoru-mir loose thing , cny unattached frapmant of bone , or moat , or morals , or dlsdaso , or croponsltlos , or ao- crimplishmunts , or what not. And I don't say but that I fool well enough : I feel hot ter than I wnulu If I was dead , I reokon. And besides , they say that I am gointr to julld up now and como rlcbt along and bo nil right. I am not saying aiiythlup , but I wish I had enough at my disease back to ualco mo aware of mvsolr , and onougn of my tiablts to malto It worth whTle to llvo. To imve nothing the matter with- you and no liablts Is pretty tnmo , pretty colorless. It Is lust the war u saint feels. I reckon ; It U at least tue way ho looks. , I never could stand a saint. That reminds mo that you see vary few priests around hero , and yet , ns 1 have already suid , this whole hig cntorpnso is owned nnd manured by a convent. Tbo few priests ono dooa sea here are 'dnmcd Ilkn liuumn boings. and SQ there may bo more of them than t'imagine. . Fifteen priests dressed llko those con In not nttraut as much of your attontloo asyould one priest at Aix- los-Balns. Yea cannot pull your eye loose from the Frnnch priest so long as bo is in sight , his dross is so fascinatingly ugly. A Slngnlar Cllmiilc. X seem to bo wandering from the subject , but 1 nm not. Tbia U about the colilon pluco I ever saw and the wettest too. This August seems like an English November to mo. Rain ) Wby , It seems to like to rain hero. It seems to rain every time there Is a chance. You are strictly required to be alnncr and ex- crcisinz whenever the sun Is shining , so I haw to sco the run sblno because I bate air and exercise duty atr and duty oxcrcisn taken for medicine. It seems ungonutno , out of season , degraded to sordid utilities , a sub tle spiritual something cone from it which ono can't describe in words , but don't vou undor&tandi witU thatsomothlnic gene what is loft Is but canned air , canned exorcise , and you don't want it. \Vben tbo snn daes sblno for a few mo ments or a few hours these people swarm out and /lock / through the streets and ever the hlllx and through the plr.o woods nnd tnako the most of the chance , anil have Hocked out , too , on some of these occasions , but as a rule I stay In and try to got warm. And what Is there for moans , beside * heavy clothing and rugs , nnd tbo polished wblto tomb that stands lofty and bourtlois In the coner and thinks it is a steve ) Of all the creations of human luennity this thlncr Is the most forbidding. Whether It is heating the room or isn't , the expression is the same cold Indifference You can't tell which It Is doing without gome and putting1 your bund on It. Tbey burn little Imnnfuls of JUnallnga In it. no substantial wood , and no coal. Th Uro bums out every fifteen minutes , and tlioro U no way to tell when this has happened. On tfiosa dismal days with tbo ram steadily falling , It is no better company than a corpse. A roaring hickory lira witn the ilnmoj leaping up the chimney but I must not think of such things , they makoa person homesick. This is a moststrango place to get rid of disease. That is what you think most of the timo. But in the Interval ? , when the sun shines and you are tramping the hills and are com paratively warmyou get. to bo neutralmaybe oven friendly. I went up to tbo Ajsilchtttiurm the other day. This In a tower which stands on the summit bf a iteop hemlock mountain here ; a tower which there isn't the least use Tor , because the view Is as good at the base uf it us it is at the top of it. DuC Germanic peoples ere Just mad for views they never get enough of a view If they owned MonntBlano , they would bullda tower on top of 1U The roads no that mountain through that hnmlock forest uro hard packed und smooth , and tbo erodes pro easy and comfortable. Tbey are for walkers , not for carriages. You move through deep bllenco and twilight , and jou scorn to be in a million-columned temple ; whether you look-up the hill or down It you catch glimpses of distant figures Hitting without sound , appearing and disap pearing in the aim distances among the stems of the trees , ana ( t is all very spectral and solemn and 1m- prejilve. Now nnd then the gloom is ac cepted and sized upto your comprehension In a striking way ; a my of sunsblno lliids Its way down through and suddenly calls your attention , for whore it falls , far up the hill- lope in the brown duskiness , it lays a stripe that has & glare like lightning. The utter itillneis of the forest depths , the aoundleta hush , the total absence of stir or motion of any kind in loaf or brunch , are things whlcn we hare no experience of at homo , and con sequently no name for In our language. At homo tbnre would be the plaint of insects and tbo twittering of bird * , and the vagrant breetos would quiver tha foliage. Here It i * th silllneis of death. This li what the Ger mans are forever talking about , dreaming about , and despairingly trying to oatoU AXD ALL , TUB REST. broke in nnd began to toll how ho woi"p\llng \ on blubber right along three-quarters of nn ounce every four davs ; and b"o was still pip ing away when 1 was sent' for. I left the fat man swelling and collapsing llko a balloon , his next socecb all roaily , you ace , and urgent for delivery. The parlonts am always at 'thatsort of thing , trying to talk each" other todoith. Tbo fat ones und the loan ones are nearly the worst nt it , but not-quito ; the dvsneptics nro the worst. They are nt it day and niihtand all along. Tney have more'symptoms than all the others put togotliorruul so there is ' moro vnnety of experience , more chance of j condition , more ndvcnturo , add consequently J more play for the imagination , morn scope for lying , and in every way a bigger field for talk. Go whore you will , hide whore you may , you cannot escano ttiat'wonl liver ! you overhear U constantly in1 thd'itrcet. In the i shop , In the theater , in the music grounds. Wherever you see two or a dozdn "people of ordinary bulk talking together , tyou Jcnow " they nro talking about their" livers. When you first arrive hero , your new ucquatntancoi seem sad and bard to talk to , but prettv soon you got the lay or the luili and. tm' ( hang of things , and after that you haven't ' any more trouble. You look , into th'o dreary , dull eve , and softly say : "Well , How's Your Liver ? " You will see that dim eye flash up with a gratotut flame , and you will see that jaw be gin to worn , and you wilt rccognlzo that nothing Is required of you from this out but scrofuloui , buTu now kind. That WAS as much ns thor foU , nbto to inv. Then thoj made stothcscoNq examination nnd decided thatlfnnythlnft-1 would dlslodgo It , n mud bath was the tnlnft. It was a very Ingenious Moo. I took the tnuil bath , nnd It did dis lodge it. Horoltis : OVIJ.OTB sr > Ni , I nsknot , "IstliyJieixrt still sttro , Thv love RtUIVSriit. thr fultli nooiiro ? " I ask not , "Droam'st then still of me ? I.onz'sl nlwa > to Ily to mo ? " Ah , no but a * ilie Mill inclmlctn all The Rooil ( JlfM-of tlio Olvor , 1 sum all these In asking thcp. "O awcotho.irt , hoW's your llvor ? " I'or If thy llvor orkoth rlftlit. , , Tliy fnlili stnnitfttinro , thy hope 11 bright , Thiilr drcnnm iiro. voot iinrt 1 their apil. DnubtthroalsTnViklii thotl scorn'sthls roa. Keen only tby Hicostlon flour. No other foe my love doth four. Hut Indigestion Imth the honor To innr the lonl soronoit hour To crumble mlamanllno trunt And turn Its cerUilntlei to dust. To dim tno eye with numclcss snot , To chill the hoiirt vrlth nnbollnf. To banish IKIIM ) . nnd f.nltli. nnd love , 1'lnce hoiivoii below und luillnhovo. Then Hat dot-ills arc nauxht to mo So tlinu'st the 8inn-ilft of the Ulvor I n < k thro all In nsktim thoo. "O darling , liow' yonrllvur ? " Yes , it is easy to say It Is scrofulous , but I don't see tbo signs of it. In my opinion it 11 ns good cootrv at I Have eVer written , im ports sny it Isn't poetry nt nil , bocnnso It lack > tlio clement of ( lotion , but that Is the volro of envy I reckon. 1 cull It good med ical Dootry , and I consider that I nm n Judge. Strung ! ) Stroct .Aluiinrrfi , Ono of tbo moit cunotts things in these countries Is the street inunnors of the men ami women. In incotlnir you they como atrnlpht on wltlioutsworvltiRti Hair's brc , ith from the direct line nnd wholly ignoring your right to any part of the ro.id. At the last moment you must yield tip your share of it nnd stop nsldo , oV Ihoro will bo a collision. 1 notlcrd this str.itjgo baroailsm llrst In Geneva twelve " yours ngo. In Alx-les-Uulns , iwlisro sldnwnlks nro scnrco nnd os-orybody walk * in the streets , I there Is plenty of room , but that U no mut ter ; yon nro nlwnv.s escaping collisions by mere quarter inches. A man or woman who Is lio.ideci In such n w.iy oa to cross your course iirusonllv without n collision will nc- tually niter hU dli-octloit slmHo by stmrto and compel a collision union nt tlio last. Instant you jnmiioutof the way. Thee folks are not drusseU ns ladles und , cent lumen. And thov do not seem to tie consciously crowding you out of the road ; they seem to bo Inno contlyand stupidly unaware that thuy arc doing It. Hut nofbo in Ucnova. There this class , cspovlnlly the men , crowd out men , women nml girls of ell ranks and raiment consciouslv and Intentionally ciowd thorn off the sldounlk nnd into the sutler. There was nothing of this kind in Bay- reuth. Hut. hero ivell hero the thine Is astonishing. CollUlons nro unavoldablo , un less you do rtll tno yielding yoursulf. Another odd thlng doro thU s.ivagory U conllned to the folk \vho wc.ir the line clothes , the others uro courteous imd consid- crato. A ulg burly Cnuuncho with nil the signs nbout hint ofvcallu , nnd oduiMtlou , will tranquilly force ynuugl.idiOH to step off Into the gutter to avoid being run uown bv him. HUn inlsUko tbnt there U no bath that will euro people's tntiinor * . Hut drown ing would help. However , nci'Iif , } ) } ono can't loolc 'or nny icnlly showy umount of delicacy of fcoling in a country \vh'6tfi'a , person i ) brought up to contemplate wUJibut a rthudder thj spoctade 'o'vomon tmniQsseilaip with dogs nnd haul- ingcarts. Tiio-iwtanaii is on onosiilo of thu Dole , the dog oil-lhe ether , und they bend to the work and tujs and pant and stniin and the mnn tramps' leisurely alongside nnd smokes nis pipL-'Often the wom.in is old andgiayand Wifttunn is her grandson. The Austrian imtiwal ornithological device ought to be repl.icqd by n grandmother har nessed to a slusls curt with n dog. ThU moruly in thA iwtero t of fnut. Hor.ildlo " fancy "lias been a liulo too much overworked In thcso counties , any way. sncn Lately ono o'f tl ese curious things "hnp- pened near hci'o w liuh JiHtlfy the felictltlous oxtravncnnces'of ' t lo stage und help us to at- : ccpt them. A i [ .pnndcnt mnn , oanlcrupt , friendless nndjdc nornto , dropped a dose of strvblmia into a b < ttle of whUky and wont -Out Itl the dusli ( o ftpd ti hanuy placo'for his purposeAvhicb Was suicide. In u lonely spot be wns stopped by a tmmo , who said he would kill him if no.dld > i'tgivo up his money. Instead of jumping -at the uhanco of getting hlin. elf killed und thus saving himself tbo Impropriety and uuuovanco of suicide , he forgot all noont his late urofect-and attacked the tramp in n mo ° tiiturdy audvaliant , fuah- lon. He made a good fight , but. failed to win. The night passed , the morning came , and ho woke out of unconsciousness to Una that be had boon clubbed naif to death and left to | perish nt his leisure. Then ha reached for J his bottle to add the finishing touch , but It j was gone. Ho pulled himself together and I wont llmplnj ; away , and presently came upon ibo trump stretched out Mono dead ; with the empty bottle beside him. Ho had i drunk the whisky nnd committed sul- 1 cido innocently ? Now. whllo the man I who Ind been Oboalcd out of bis hul- I cido stood there bemoaning uli harJ luck and wondering how ha micutr mauago to ralsn money enough lo bur some moro whisky I and Doinon , some people of the neighborhood came bv and ho told them about his curious .idventuie. They ( .aid that UiU lrar.it ) had been the sourgo of the noicliborhooj anil tbo dread of the constabulary. The inquest passed off quietly and to everybody's satis faction , and. then the people , to testify tnoir gratitude lo tbo hero of the occasion , put him on tbo police , on a good enough salary , nnd ho Is all right how , nnd is not meditating suicide anv n.oro. Hero are all the elements BTItVXOK BtnBKT MAXXKIl * . to listen as long as you remain conscious- After a few days you wlllbeglu to notIce that out of thcso people's talk a gospel U framing itself , and next you will IInd yourself bollov- ' ing lu It'is this that a man'li jiot what his rearing , bis schooling , bU bollols. his princi ples miika him. ho Is what his llvor makes him ; that with a healthy liver he will have the clear seeing eye , tbo honest huart.'the sincere mind , the loving spirit , the loyal soul , end truth and trust ana faith that are based as Olbralter Is based , and that with an un healthy llvor bo must and will have the oppo site of all tuoso ; bo will see nothing as It really Is , be cannot trust unybcdy or believe in anything , bis moral foundations nro gene from under him. Now , Uu't that interesting ! I think 4t Is. Two dvra ngo , perceiving , that there was something unusual the matter with mp , I weut around from doctor to doctor , out with out avail ; they sala they hud never seen this kind of symptoms before at least , not all of them. Taby bad toea some of them , but dif ferently arr&uirod. U was a new disease , as far u they could ice. AiH ) reutly , It was lf. lf.J331 of the nnivo'st ArAblaq tale ; a man who resists robbery Ivhea bo hasn't anything to bo robbed of ; does uls Very best to Bavo bis life when ho has come out purposely to throw it away ; and Dually U victorious in defeat , killing his adversary In an effectual ana pootio fashion after a ! road v hors du combat himself. And now , if .TOU let him rlso la the service and xnurry the chief of pollen's daughter , It has the requisite elements of the occidental romancelaoklng not a detail as fur as I can soo. MA u ic Cook's Kitra pry Imperial Champagne Ii naturally fermented ; there Is nothing lu it out the Julco of grapes. Try it. SomerTllIe Journal : The oceau Is Tory blue , but It Isn't half ao much so nil tlio ord inary touriat on the urar to Europe when the deup sea ivtell liugloj to set In It * work. Dr. CulHiuoro , ooulitt to Mo. Pac. Ry. Tim t.oo.itixa Kins. Frcddlo Srrku Information. A llttlo boy traveling on the Allo- pho'nv Vnlloy nxllroad on tlio way to Bpotid Tlmnksfjlvlng nt his Undo John's , jnjoyod the ride very much. At lonst 1 judge so from the way ho noted nnd , ho questions ho nskod. A portion of , ho conrorsatton bo two on him nnd his nether \vns something llko this : "Say , ma , ain't cars good ? " "Yos , Freddy , " replied ma , who was so busy reading n novel that she did not notice tlio singular character of the question , "It's nicer thim rldln' In n wagon , ain't It ? " "Much nicer. " There was slloneo for twenty-throe oooiids and then Freddy remarked : "O , loolc at that funny mnn by the store. Ho hnsn't got any nose ! " The unCortutmto individual referred to tad lost a portion of his nasal nnpondago ) y aomo accident. HusliI Froddyl IIo'll hear yonl" "Why. don't ho know Ifr" asked Freddy In surprise. " 'Shi ydti mustn't talk that way. " "Didn't God have any noses loft when 10 made him ? " " 'Shi 1 expect ho mot with nn nccl- lout , " said mamma , "But you mustn't tnlk about It. " "Do you s'poso It was bit off by a dog ? " "Perhaps. Now bo still. " "Adoglikoour Fldo ? " "Quito likely. Now bo still or talk ibout something olsoV" "Did the dog swallow ItV "Freddy , don't lot mo have to speak to you again. " Freddy was silent for a minute nnd a mlf by actual measurement , when the train stopned. "What are wo stopping for , ma ? " Mn was Interested in her novel and did not hear. Freddy repeated the question In it louder tone. "What are wo stoppimr for ? " "For xvatar , perhaps. " "Butthere'svater In the cooler. " " .It's for tbo engine. " ' Does tbo engine got thirty and drink , \vato ! ? " ' Yes/ ' "How ? " "O , 1 don't know. Ask Uncle John vlietMvp got thero. Don't bather mo my more. ' ' Mnnmm , became again absorbed Inlet lotbooU. . and Freddy gave bis atton- .ion to the lady in tbo seat before him. lie Imd gi\vn her hair a few pulls when she turned and objected. "Madam , I'll thank you to keep that ild'tPhaiuls off my ho > id. " "Hog ptmldn. I'm sure ! " rcnlied Freddy's mamma , as she jerked her olT- spring' back Into his toat. , "Freddy what Uo you mean ? " "Only wanted to boo if her hair comes olT like , yours1 whimpered Freddy. iTlio passengers grinned , and Freddy's mnmma turned pale as she mentally charged an ardent spunking up to Ficd- dy'H account. Presently the llttlo Irro- iircssiblu biioku again : "Mamma ! " No answer , "Ma'mma ! " "Well. " "llow boon'll wo get to Uncle John's ? " % 'Oh , pretty soou. " "How coon ? " 'About an hour. " "Uo you suppose Aunt Suoll have chicken for dinner ? " "I don't know , Freddy. Now I want you to keep still or I'll have the conduct or put vou in the baggage c.ir. " "Whore's that ? " "fn the front end of the train. " "Whore they put the trunks ? " * Yes. " "What do they put trunks In tbo bag- tin go ear for ? " "O , CUllbOl' ' " 'Cause why ? " ' " 'Cause- there isn't room for them in this ear. " "Is your trunk in the baggage car ? " ' 'Yes. " "Is that iria'n' * ) trunk what's got no nose in the bnggngo ear ? " " Evcddy , will you shut up ? " .lust , then the retail vendor of peanuts made his semi-occasional raid on the defenseless pass-tjupers , and Freddy screamed : "Main'milT want some peanuts. " 'iYou "can't havo. any. You've been bad , * ' "I want some peanuts ! " "Well , II1 get some for you will you bo good ? " Yep ! J"Want some peanuts. " The peanuts were transferred to Fred dy'slap and during the process of their installation in his interior u'ePJrtn'ont : ' there was comparatively quiet in Freddy's scat. ' Then his attention was attr.uneil by the entrance of the brakeman - man , who proceeded to recite a short speech In'"omo dead language. * "What did ho siy : , ma ? " "Ho' announced the name of the sta tion ' , ' "What was it ? " "I'm sure I don't Know. " "Who was it ? Does ho own the train ? " "It was the brakoman. " 'What does bo break ? " "Tho train. " ' . ' Then who mends it ? " "Oi donr , ho doesn't break it ; ho only btops.it. " "But you wiid ho broke it. " "Tnev call it breaking. " "Whiit do they civil it breaking for ? " "O , dear , you are enough to drive a porfcoii wild. 1 think I'll leave you nt Uncle John's when I como back. " Freddy looked at his mother with a pained expression. Ho could not under stand why his thirst for Information should , be so summarily quenched. Ho had not decided this point to his satis faction whor. the train stopped at Uncle John's btation , nnd Freddy nnd his mama alighted. No IiKliU'uniimt. Washington Star : She was ono of the precocious little puoplo who are con tinually ombarasoing their elders. "I mil glad to see you go to church oaeh Sunday , " said the pastor one Sun day , ' 'can vou rcmombo. * the text ? " "Yes , sir. " "Wh'it was mine today ? " "Oh , " she replied with confidence , "I said I can remember them. I never try lo. " Baby's cheek is like a poach , In it Madame Hupport'a bleach ? No ! but baby's mama's cheelc ' Volumes , to Its praise doth apeak ! Call for Mme , lluppert' * hook , "How lo be lleaull. ful" iK Mrs , J , lluiuon. 210 P. Utu UU. Omnlm , No A fiK.VUINK MIL-llOIIIIKII.LKUIl KIlHVrt ( JKUSt jltAIIUATOIl"l urcjnlt clotua.ui Ijeciuio ItkllU tliu uiicrolnorgtrni. 1'ut up ami retailed Inf. , lluuj IJizus , the latter IMiinllnni. Hout imrwliero pro- pnld on receipt of prlco at C. O. I ) . WuUuiu n uunr- nnloo to euro. Tlio public trade nntl Jubberi > 'ip- ullB'l br HID Klniler Druit Company , Oamhn ; ( X A. Jtelrliur , lion aril Mejer and K. I' . Bjfkora , Koutli Omaha ! A. I Koilerand H.J. _ Bllli. Council Ilium CONSUMPTION. 1 liAie a poailifo rcmodjr ( or tbt ahuie liUiuuui ; by 1U u llion nd ofct > 9 of the wont kind and of lone tUuJinK bate been curixl. Indeed K > itronn U luy faltU 'lo lit elliucr , tUU I rlllflimjTWGlOTTLK8 > Tll Iwim VAI.UAHI.K TIlKA'n.SK on tint dineisa to tar of ferer who nlll itml moltioir Kipru iand I * . O , addrnii , T. A. eiocuinaiC. , IS3 1'tmr Ht. . N. V. FOR MEN ONLY ! or LOSTprFAIUHO MAHHOOD IWeakaeu of Bod/ and Mind , Effect * Jof EmnorEiccuu ID Older Younr. l.ul , kl JUXIIIHIU full ! IU > l r > 4. ! ! U * liri .4 . ibtol.olr .r.li ( . UUIKTKIUTBElT-D ] > MlUUi > r , Bra IxllrInm td DlaUi > 4 r li I H rin. HriU | ! .M > . lintitf UK Bwt , c > plu > U a U4 profi H4ll > 4M ( > b < ) In , A4lmi ERIE MEDICAL CO. , BUFFALO. * ! , V , COMING INTO A KINGDOM I I nm oirnrr of llx | v > Mr Itahtt , I lfawr&il > Nini rjMMipmif | < n itfmi/r / ; WISCONSIN M. . > rW.tnoi ; < i ifn lW Him/ / * , , , Miiititrr\Untlit\ct \ < icwtl < i-irr , Myintfcnvtrt , tngtnn nnd r fto of tttl ( , ' ' * The Great and Growing METROPOLIS at the'HEAD'OF im SUPERIOR , For Investments in Real Estate. For Manufacturing. For Loaning Money , For Merchandising. FOR EVERYTHING The Best Place in America , Superior Real Estate will advance 500 per cent in the next 10 years. LAND & RIVER IMPROVEMENT CO ; ra = = W6st Superior , Wisconsin , The UNPRECEDENTED SUCCESS that the Behr Bros. & Go's. PIANOS HIM e attained , and llio hK'li prnlso they luiro elicited from the worltl' % MOST RK NOWNEU ARTISTS , from tlic press anil from a publir long prcjmllrcil In furor o ( lilor ninkos , it Is UiCo to assume Unit the Instrument must be possess 1 of UNCOM MOX ATTltlHUrKK. ATTltlHUrKK.MAX MEYER & BRO. CO. , Sole Agents , Omaha , Nebraska , Establ'-hed rS66 , 1316 Douglas Street , Omaha , Neb. The rnilncnt xp iUUst In nerTuno * chronic , prtvnfo. blon ! , kln iui < I urinnry ilheriM * * * . A ro/ulnr nnd ro l"U riMl urntlunto In miMlclm * ' n illnitmin * nnd rprtlllctuo' show. N Hint troutlntr with tint ffruitCH BUCCCM rntnrrht pi'rinutorrhoeu , I nit tiwnhoo l , scintnulWnknon. . nlulit I ( ) < " * , Impotvticy , aytilillt * . stricture , con * orrhooii , uloot , vnrlt'tuHc.ctC .No nu nnry ttoil. Now tro'itnuMit fnrhit of vltnl power. Parties iinnhlo to vlili mo may bo tr jnto 1 lu liomo by ourn potidonco. Alotlittno or InMriiincnlt f > ont l > x in all oroxinvss o . nmrk I ml lento ontuntH or t'ndor. Ono otml . cutely n ickccl. no * to t per interview proforrod. Conitillatfon free , t orrcKp'Hulciu'D strictly prtvato. Unu'-c ( Matorlus of I.lfu ) sent fruo. Olllco hours'Jii , in. toUt \ , m. nanj-n Uiv. nirto 12m Suiul atnmp lor reply. WOOD'S. ' ICE TOOLS RUN IRON , ROPE & BLOCK'S Send for catalogue. Jas. Morton Son & Go Dodjre IS 11 Street. THE ! 1011 OF OMAHA. ABSOLUTELY INCANDESCENT FIRE PROOF , ELECTRIC LIGHTS PERFECT NOT A DARK VENTILATION OFFICE IN THE BUILDING NIGHT AND DAY ELEVATOR 68 VAULTS , SERVICE , DIRECTORY OF OCCUPANTS : GROUND FLOOR : NAUGLK COMPANY. Telegraph Pules , OITY THEASIIHER. CrofisTloH , Lumber , uto. OMAHA HEAL ESTATE AN.D. TIlUST CO. MUIU & OAYLOltf ) , Itcal Estate. J. D ANTKS. Itotundii Olgar Stand. urry WOMEN'S EXCHANGE. FIRST FLOOR : mi : OMAHA nnn COIJNTINO IIOOM , Ad KKANO L. IlEBVia ft CO. , Contractors. vortlslng and Subscription Department. * . WESTERN UNION TEHIIOKAIMI Ol-'I-'lOE AMKUIOAN WATER WORKS COMPANY. CENTRAL LOAN AND TRUST CO. SUPERINTENDENT UEC I1UILBINO. SECOND FLOOR. TUB PATRICK LAND COMPANY , Owners THE EQUITABLE LIKE ASSURANOE S C of Dundee I'luue. OIETY Ol- ' NEW YORK. DR. CHARLES ROSE.WATER. CHRISTIAN SCIENCE ASSOCIATION. i'ROVIDENT SAVINGS LII'T ' , of Now York ANGl'D-AMERICAN MORTGAGE & TRUST MASHAOIIUSHTTS MUTUAL Lll'l ! INSUR- COMPANY. ANOE COMPANY. 11EE HUREAU OK CLAIMS. OMAHA TIRE INSURANCE INSPECTION DR. Ii. 11. JIIRNEY , Nose and Tluo'it. liUREAU , O. IIARTMAN , Inspector. GRANT CULLIMORi : , Oculist and Aurlst. THIRD FLOOR. JOHN GRANT , ContractorforStroutamiSldo- MANHATTAN LU'n INSURANCE COM- wcillf Pi\umuntH. " " PA NY. ROIIERT W. PATRICK. Law Offices. M. R. TRAUERMAN. Attorney. EQUITY COUHT NO. 1. - WiAVKW KtJlIITY COIJRl' NO. i lia-l INSURANCE CO , LAW COURT ND. 4. of Mmv Yorl ( . .1. M. ( JIIAMIIEItS , Abstracts. E. W , SIMEUAL. W.M. SIMIMCAL. H. R. PA'ITCN. Dontl t. FOURTH NonruwESTnuv ! MUTUAL LIKE INSUR p. M.ELLIH , ANUKCOMPANY UEOKUi : W. SUES & COMPANY , Holloltors of 1'a tents. CONNECTICUT MUTUAL LIFE INSUR H.A.WAONERAsrontforUnltedSUtoiMutuul ANCE COMPANY. Auuldunt Inuiirnnou Conip.iny. I'ENN MUTUAL Ml'Ii INSURANCE COM- 1'ANV. JOHN LETHEM. Publisher. UAHTrORD LIFE AND ANNUITY INSUR OMAHA COAL EXCHANGE. ANCE COMPANY. P. F. EKENUERG , fresco Pnlntor. MEAD INVESTMENT COMl'ANV. ALEX MOORE. Itiul KJtatj ami LOIIH. WRIISTEK & HOWAIU ) , Inaiirunce. II01IN SASH AND DOOR Cl ) . EDISON OENKHAL KLKOi'UIC COMPANY THE MERCHANTS RETAIL COMMERCIAL WE8TKICN OAK HnitVIOi : AHSOOIATION. AGENCY. ANDREW RO8EWATBU , Olvll Knglnoor. dTAPUC'l'ON LAND CO. . L. ULAOK , Olvll Engineer , FIFTH FLOOR. HEAD QUARTERS. II. S. ARMY. DEPART CHIEF PAYMASTER. MENT OK THE PLATTE'ai OIIlcoj. PAYMASTER. DEPARTMENT COMMANDER. ASSIbTANT QUARTERMASTER. GENERAL. ADJUTANT . INSPECTOR SMALL ARMS PRAOTIOli INSPECTOR GENERAL. JUDGE ADVOCATE. CHIEF OF ORDNANCE. CHIEF QUARTERMASTER. ENGINEER OFFIOEIt. CHIEF COMMIbSARY OF BU11SISTENOE AIDESDE-OAMP. MEDICAL DIRECTOR. ASSISTANT SURGEON. SI X.TH FLOOR. 11AHTMAN fc COLLINS. Cast Iron Gas uud UNITED STATES LOAN tt INVESTMENT Water Pipe. COMPANY. C. LAMIIERT SMITH , THE IMPLEMENT DEALER. U C. .NAill. Lu'ins. 0. F. HEINDURFF , Arohltoot. HAMILTON LOAN AND TRUST CO. REED PRINTING CO. EDITORIAL ROOMS OF THE IIEK , C'ompgs- U. S. ARMY PRINTING OFFI025. liifr , Hori0tyliiz ( [ and Mailing rauwn. MANUFACTURERS AND CONSUMERS AS M. A.lh'TON (30. . lto.il L'atutu. SOCIATION. I1 : A , DAWr.S. SEVENTH FLOOR. \ LINCOLN CLUU. ENGINEERS. UAUIIUU BIIUl * . A few more elegant office rooms may be had by applying * ot R. W. Baker , Superintendent , office on counting room floor