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THE BEE: OMAHA. MONDAY, OCTOBER 2. 1911.
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SILK HAT HARRY'S DIVORCE SUIT
A Judge Has So Many Friends, You Know
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Married Life the Second Year
They Leave the Beach and Return to Town on an Early Train
By MABEL HERBERT URNER
"Well, we'll never make that train at
this rate," Warren glanced at his watch.
't'a a quarter of eight now."
"Oh, If you had only let me. pack this
trunk last night. I
was afraid we'd be
hurried this morn
ing. "You had plenty
of time If you
hadn't dawdled so."
Helen was down
on her knees pack
ing the steamer
trunk with nervous
haste, while War
ren was pacing Im
patiently up and
down. He had Al
ready packed and
wrapped his two
suit cases, with
win precision. But
Helen was - still
struggling to get
In all of her own
and Winifred s things.
There bad been time to pack very care
fully before they left home, and even
.hen the capacity of the trunk had been
trained But now that she wu hurried
It seemed Impossible to get all the
"Could you put my bedroom slippers
and thia waist In one of your suit cases.
I don't believe I can get them In here!"
"Hum! I thought that was coming,"
as he swung suit case up on the table
to unstrap it. "Here give them here!"
ungraolously. He shoved the slippers
among his brushes and the waist In with
"And could you get In this powder
"Wrap It up then. I won't have that
Muff over everything."
"Now, that's all I've room for," as he
sloeed and restrapped the case.
Helen was crushing in the last few
things with desperate disregard of how
they would look when taken out.
"Now, if you'll help lock It," as she
out down the lid, which lacked several
Inchea of closing.
"You can't get that down. Borne of
those things will have to come out."
"But I've no place to put them. Oh,
dear, we must get this closed. Walt, I'll
lt on it. There now try!"
After much struggling it was finally
:losed and locked.
"Now, come on down to breakfast
We've only about twenty minutes left.'
"Oh, Warren, I won't have time for
breakfast. "I've all these little things to
put In the handbag. You go on down
don't wait for me. 'I'll get something
when I get home."
"You'll do nothing of the kind! You'll
come down and have some breakfast now
There's no sense of your fooling around
here all morning parking a few things.'
As Helen swept the last article Into the
handbag the porter appeared for the bag
"This all, sir?" as he dragged the
steamer trunk and suitcases out into the
"Yes, that's all. Now be sure to take
them right down. That train goes at
"Yes, sir, they'll be down there in ten
Helen was looking hurriedly about the
room, In the wardrobe and through the
"Come on, come en!" demanded War
ren, already out In the hall.
"I Just wanted to be sure we haven't
left anything. Oh. wait, here's my rub
bers on the closet shelf. Now, where will
I put them?"
"Put them on," curtly. "That's the
easiest way to carry them."
Mlnnls, the nurse girl, had alreadv gone
down with Winifred and a small satchel,
and was now waiting for them on the
veranda. In the dining room the break
fast Warren had ordered was on the
"Have you settled for everything?"
asked Helen, as she gulped down her
"Did that last night Everything's paid
The hotel bus was waiting to take
them to the station. The nurse girl,
Winifred. Warren. Helen and the two
satchels took up one side, while the two
old maid school teachers, who had spent
their vacations at the hotel, had the op
To Helen, with her home and wife-
lovlng instincts, a woman struggling
through life alone seemed more or lens
pathetic. And now she felt there was
something wistful in the eyes of these
two old maids as they watched Winifred,
who was holding tight to a small Teddy
bear. A sudden sense of gratitude filled
Helen's heart as she thought of how
much she had compared to these women.
Her husband and her baby! Ah, yes;
that was a great deal! She was proudly
conscious when Warren helped her and
the nursemaid out, and then courteously
held open the 'bus door for the two
The trunk and suit cases ware already
on the platform.
The train was Just due. Warren hur
ried into the baggage room to get the
checks, while Helen and the nurse girl
And again Helen had a feeling of pity
for the two old maids who had to get
their own tickets and check their own
Yes, It was good "to be taken car of."
And now the sound of the in-rushlng
train as it spent around the curve and
bore down on them with clinging bell
and loudly escaping steam.
'Here, don't stand so near!" Warren
pushed Helen mark roughly. "Don't you
know better than to stand ss close as
But Helen didn't mind the gniffness of
his tone, for It wss after all a part of
the "being looked after" that she so
Warren led the way through to the last
coach before they found two vacant
seats together. The nurse girl. Wini
fred and the two satchels were settled In
the first and Helen and Warren Just be
hind. "Oh, Isn't It close in here? Can you
raise this window?" asked Helen.
"You'll be covered with soot."
"But we must have some air It's stif
ling! Warren reached over to raise the win
dow but it stuck fast.
"I'll have to get there I caji't open It
She moved over while he put his knee
on the seat and strained at the window.
Still it refused to go up.
"Oh. than never mind, dear." seeing he
was losing his temper. Wslt until the
conductor comes by."
But to be thwarted In any effort always
Incensed him. And now as he threw his
whole weight against It, his hand slipped
and hit sharply against tbe woodwork.
"Oh! I'm so sorry did It hurt you?"
He rubbed his knuckles with a muttered
"Oh, dear, you've skinned the knuckle.
I'm so sorry. There's some witch haxel
In the handbag don't you want It?"
He shook her hand from his arm. "No,
I don't. All I want is to be left alone.
You're never content with things as they
are. You're always wanting something
else. I never saw such a woman. It's
either too hot or too cold, or too much
air or not enough. Now," drawing a news
paper from his pocket. "I'd UHe to have
the rest of this trip In peace."
Helen bit her Up and turned to gate
out at the flying fields, blinking hard to
keep back the tears. And she only asked
him to raise the window!
She was conscious that the two old
maids, who had taken a seat a little
further back across the aisle, were watch'
lng her closely. Warren's voice hail been
so loud that even through the noUe of
the train they heard plaln'y.
And this time their gaze mas the pity
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Portrait of a Gentleman By n?? Drmkiey
Copyright, 19U, National News Association.
.'t'.'X " .
She had risen several times to let a
gentleman pass out between the arts.
"I am very sorry to disturb you ma
dam," he remarked apologetically, as be
went out for the fourth time.
"Oh, don't mention it," she replied,
pleasantly, "I am most happy to oblige
you. My husband keeps the refreshment
Gentleman (to cigar dealer) Have you
any Si-and-So brand in stock? How are
Dealer First class, sir. This isst lot
Is an extremely fine one.
OeaUetaan (departing) Thanks. You
wrote that they were very poor, but I
am pleased to find you ware mistaken. I
am the manufacturer. Good day.
"I say, mamma." said little Tommv
"is It true thaf whan you first met papa
you had fallen into the water, and h
jumped to and saved you?"
"Quite true, my dear." replied mamma
with a smile.
"Then. I wonder If that's why papa
won't allow me to learn to swim?"
Dodged Corned Beef
, . CwVth' tVUC.'ny1 -7fl' i i
HV DOROTHY DLX.
At the beginning of the theatrical sea
son I desire to address a few earnest.
heartfelt, tearful words to men. Gentle
men, you have passed a law requiring
woman to remove their hats In the thea
ter, and to their
credit, women obey
this law without
proteM. although It
subjects them to
and Is a blow to
their vanity, slix-t a
woman s hat Is to
her face aa a frame
to a picture, and en
hance her good
looks an per cent.
recognise that it
makes for the com
mon good, and com
fort, and pleasure
of an audience for
them not to obscure
the stage by their
millinery. &6 t
the theater they
oheerfully wear their hale In their laps
instead of on their heads.
Now, aa the ordinance In regard to
woman's hats In the theater has worked
out so well.. I ask you. In the name of
Justice and humanity to peas another law
making it a misdemeanor for men to go
out between acts, thereby Inflicting bodily
Injury on women, and ruin on their
What women suffer from this nuisance
no tongue oan tell, but It converts the
ater-going from the Joy and pleasure it
was mant to be to a martyrdom that
calls for the display of all of the Christian
virtue of resignation under persecution
and forgiveness for undeserved affliction.
No one save a woman can realise the fear
ful anxiety with which a woman view
the men who sit In tbe same row with her
at the p'.ay, and how eagerly she scans
eaob face as It appear, to try to antici
pate whether It belongs to a gentleman
who la capable of sitting Quietly In his
seat for a couple of hours, or If It I the
mug of a well-dressed hoodlum who will
trample her underfoot ruthlessly six or
seven time during the evening aa he
passes back and forth to the neighboring
For on her seat neighbor's conduct de
pends tbe woman's pi assure and the state
of her wardrob. for It Is Impossible to
appreciate even tbe finest play when one'
toe are writhing in agony from having
had a 100-pound man step on them, and
on ha had one's beat frock mussed and
Jerome K. Sawyer of Oakland, Cal., la
accused of running away from a prom
ised feed of corned beef and cabbage;
also of wife desertion. One morning re
cently he asked his wife. Bertha, what
she intended to have lor dinner on hi
cabbage would form the chief portion of
the menu. Sawyer never came back.
Mrs. Sawyer testified to these facts in
a suit for divorce, and was granted an
Interlocutory decree. She declared that
she did not know what had become of her
return- Sh replied that corned beef and
hUHhiind other thsn thst the dsy follow
ing his disappearance his employer came
to her home and Inquired about her
health. When she asked for the reason
for such an Inquiry the employer told her
Sawyer the day before secured 100 jn the
pretext that his wife was about to die.
('Difihor for Health.
Camphor t highly esteemed for Its
medicinal virtues by the natives of
Borneo and Sumatra, who will often wear
It around their necks, waists, wrists and
ankles in smsll bags as sort of charm
torn by the clumsy elephant that lis Just
dragged over one Isp.
Ferhapa, If men realised Just how much
Inconvenience and annoyance they put
women to by climbing over them between
acts at the theater they would show more
confederation In the matter. Therefore,
I call the attention or any gentleman
who may chance to read these Unas to
two Important facts. The first Is thst the
space between tiie rows of seats In 4
theater Is not designed for a promenade.
In order for any person in a row to
pass out. every other person In that row
hSH got to get up and Ma ml up. flattened
ag thmt his or her own seat, and with hi
or her belongings clutched in hie or her
hand to prevent the destruction of said
artlrlrs. It Is s moat tiresome, awkward,
and Inconvenient position for anybody to
be called upon to asaume. and nobody ex
cept a human hog would be selfish
enough In ask such a sacrifice of his
The second point to which I direct my
readers' notice Is that at the theater a
woman Is encumbered with the following
articles a wrap, a fan, a handkerchief,
opera glasses, a bag and her hat. Six
articles In all, which she hsi to grab up
and hold above her head out of danger
every time the peregrinating pig makes
his pilgrimage to the drink trough. No
body short of a sleight of hand performer
ran make a lightning grab at all of
these different things, and keep them
from being torn, broken, or msahed. and
the result is that almost every time
something Is broken and destroyed, a re
sult which Is not atoned for by a grunted
Naturally men will deny that they all
scale the mountain passes of women'
finery at the thester In order to drink.
They say they wish to stretch their
legs, and thst they get tired and nervous
sitting still. I hsve the warmest sym
psthy for people with 6t. Vitus dsnce, or
any malady that renders it impossible
for them to keep quiet, but surely such
afflicted Individuals should have enough
consideration to always buy end seat
where they can get In and out without
disturbing the public, or else the thester
management should segregate them In
some section of the thester wher they
can step on each other without worrying
The truth of the matter is that there
Is no earthly excuse, except violent 111
nees, for any man not to sit out a play
without annoying every woman In hi
vicinity. There Is a law that makes
women take off their hsts In the theater,
and there vhould be another one to pre
vent men from going out between the
When a Man Marries
By MILES OYERHOLT.
Th polyggmlst peered through the ban of his cell, ,
And the Idle repqrter Implored blm to tell
How he eime to wed All the women he met till the thing grew to be a,
"Well, the i-eaton," he taLd. "that I grabbed my flrat wlte,
And sentenced myself to hard labor for Life
Was all brought about by a young lady'i name that appeared on a pack
age of cheese."
Then be told bow the courtship waa bandied by mail;
How he married ber; then bow abe lifted her veil,
And the shock th&t he got when be looked at ber face and the subsequent
fights that arose.
His second offense followed quickly, be said:
The girl's name was Mabel, ber hair scarce and red,
And her name and address tumbled out of tbe box when he brought
home a pair of silk hose.
The third one, It seemed, wrote her same in a hat.
And be married her, too, so be said, Just for that;
And tbe fourth was a girl with a practical mind, for her name waa en
graved on a ham.
While tbe fifth wrote a verse, which waa pinned on a tie,
And tbe sixth one's address was affixed to a pie.
Eo be married 'em all, though be couldn't tell why and 'twas then ha
closed up like a clam.
"There's another one ret; we would know about her
Tells us, bow did tbe seventh disaster occur?"
And tbe idle reporter with tears In bis eyes besought the poor geezer
At last In a voice that was wrinkled and weak,
Tbe much-married sinner decided to speak
Of the woman he said was the queea of th pack and be'd back ber to
win in a walk.
"Her motive and style were decidedly new;
The street car wss Jammed; 'twas a quarter past two,"
He said with a smile on bis husband-like face. "And she sat in tbe
seat next to me.
Her hatpin waa long. As she dodged in her place,
Sbe chiseled her name in the, rim of my face;
And that little caper embezzled my heart we were married at quarter