THE BEE: OMAHA. THURSDAY. JANUARY 25, 191
Harry Says Woman is a Thing of Beauty and an Expense Forever
Coprtght. mt, National N'twf Association
man has. a
8e.N foA NTMiCU
"WOMEN HAff wo lOQ
Or- monEV. ftfiHV6
m i-ooie as ashes y
TKSV Al-l- i
Slfi- AVNAT 0O0PVVN
5ASJ tHES&'S HMO
TIMES IN A MAN S
UK ViMCN iff ,
OHOEs. STAND VNOtMEN
TrC WO. ti AfTE-
V MtJ MAAAifiO
THE tirwir; Twrj l
MOANlNCr AT THE I
THEK AT NOON VwHEN
i fro home se pars
THE pEET Of m roit.
J CAN VOM I
The Fable of the Wise Dame
.", Br DOROTHY DI.T
One upon a tlm a worthy but Impe
cunious youth fell Id lev with maid
whoa father was a rough creature, who
had accumulated a tainted million In the
The financial dl.
' herself and her
steady cut no Ira
' with the maid, who
lent a willing ear
to all of the youth'
calarlo talk, and
believed that the
wa loved for her
self alone, but pap
looked at the suitor ,
out et the slants '
. of ' hi eye and I
passed daughter the
he said, "for If you .
marry this Weary ,
, WIlUe, you will
stand a swell
' chanos ot starving, for If you think that
. I am going to feed a on-ln-law on my
dough, you- have missed your guess. En
dowing able-bodies young golf players is
ot or - line of philanthropy, ner am 1
giving away any genuine government
bonds, as a matrimonial Inducement, this
"I am surprised that a daughter of
mind ha aot more business sagacity than
to fall for such a gold brick, but 1 am
. passing you a straight tip U Is you for
the six by eight Harlem flat and the
. hand-me-down ralnment. If you tie up
, with the bum Romeo, for nlxwlno of
. plunk do you get from me." . . , I
Thesa cruel words greatly distressed
the maid, and when the youth came
. to call that alght she turned the weeps
upon his Bosom until she wilted down
. his shirt front.
"Ala!"' ah orled, "when It comes to
sentiment and romance my father la
a dead one. Love a young dream does
not thrill him parry a thrill, and he
wants ate to pas you up because you
,re short on the long green, but never
'wilt I eonseng to be urn (rum w heart's
Idol. ' I will marry you If we have to
live on bread and water'
I' "Noble- creature," returned the youth,
getting a strange hold on her sinuous
figure.- "let u share the care and re
sponsibilities of life together. If you
win furnlan the bread. I will hustle
, around and try to find the water. How
tver. w will not begin upon our vege--tarlan
menu until we' have ascertained
that there 1 no way of holding pap- P
for Lobster Newburg and Champagne
Freer. - -
With that the youth, who waa In r-,j
ailty a slick Algle. went forth and hiked
down, to the Joint where papa did stunts
with inert weight In hla grocery.
Now the grocer supposed that (he
youth had com to ask for hi daughter'
hand, and he prepared to throw him
out. but- Instead of beginning a spiel
shout )ils undying affection the youth
pulled long faos and thus ddrsssed
him: - . . ,
"I hare come," he said, "bersus my
conscience tell m that I nave not
treated vou on I he level, and 1 wtah to
aquar myself with you. I feel that I
have been raising falsa hopes In your
breast and have led you to believe that
you would be able to Vrl m tor a
"Ot course I know that I am a mat
rimonial prise that anybody would break
their neck to get. and I sympathise
with you In your disappointment In miss
ing me, but It 1 my sad duty to tell
you that such Is your misfortune, and
that that glorious dream eaa ovr be
Perceiving that hla audacity bad ren
dered th grocer speechless, the youth
do not deny that your daughter has
mad a hit with ma. but It would b Im
possible for me te condescend to marry
into a family so fsr below my own, r to
ally myself with a creature who sell
mackerel by th flah instead ot th kit
Moreover. I apprehend that my sainted
grandmother, who was a Daughter of
the. American Revolution and a Colonial
Dame, would execut flip flap In her
rlfln at th mere Idea of, my esouslng
wife .who grandfather' clock cam
from Fourth avenue Instead. o( over on
the Mnyflewer.1' i '
"But." said th grocer. he got
back hla breath, "my dsughter will
have th wad as big a an lphsnt"
"Faugh," exclaimed th youth, "what
Is vulgar wealth compared to blue blood
and aristocratic lineage? Back to the
peanut stand for your.'
' "Hi." said tb grocer to himself. "It
appears that In framing up the situation
I have made a rnHtake. and tht Instead
of giving the youth th frosty mitt, he
hss handed It to me. I opine that thr
must be something tbst Is a cinch In
the blood business that I am not wise to,
and. nyway. If my daughter wnt a
family tree, sli shall bav one.
to th grocer began making passes at
the youth, who beld off until at last so
much money wss shaken at him that he
allowed himself to b persuaded to over
look th maid" a pedigree, and to accept
her band In marriage In consideration of
a heavy bonus.
Mors!: This fable tesches that none but
the nervy deserve the fair.
Little Bobbie's Pa:
T- uitttiU V. KIRK.
Mais all the Urn. bringing funny folks meal. H. mit. gH. .Ungy. Ilk. Harry
t,p to th nous last nit she brought Lauder. . . , .
v " -i-i. ha. nude uo a new Rule II. Doant give your husband any
. ... .!.. th. Pmovender minee .Me. Huabaads shud aot b
It I a etab that is msaevp vMnumorca.
k. ik.t Hk to est k eat light.
u. ii v ia etc loo. but he likes to
moarat nlte than he does In the daytime.
Pa always ed that anybody can eat In
ihmsrnlng. bt It Uikes a her to wait
untM ulte. 1 '
Wea the ladles all calm up to tb house
fc. Ma tnterduced them to ms Pa. Thee
girl Is here. Ma aed. to spread the gos
pel good cooking. The wsy you have
been cooking laltly. sed Ps. yure trends
will sure bav a grand mission. Th ham
' that you cooked for me th other morn
ing was a much Ilk real ham as the
pltdhlng arm f Hub Waddelt Is like the
Titrhlng arm of Christy Malhewson.
- I do not follow you. sed Ma, neether
y, my friends follow you. What do you
Well, sed Pa. I will explain. Kube Wad-1-1
1 Is a left-hander ft Matty Is a right
hander. I used It for a allegory. Pa sed.
1 wanted t show that yon gurts aren't
:ne only folks thst can get to gether k
give yur brains a bit of exercise.
J am Bolng to show you. Ma sed, that
the gurls beer gathered is the brUest
minds thst was vrer gathered together
en Washington Heights. One of them
quit her has bend k went W be a milliner,
sed M. It served her husband rite. He
was only a tiperiter salesman, sed Ma,,
all he cud ewer say to her wa if yon
Bee(j Btw ribbon for yur hat, be sure
to maik U a IndeUbeL But I digress. Ma
sed. This Is the bunch of gurls thai
Wants to meet yea so bad. We want to
KII you our new rule wleb w bav made
uw for our dub. th rVovender Peepul.
, yv, .way. Pa sed. this Is what
d tit ' TV.. at finis, vnr husband's
coffee In. his cup. It him pour It on th
Rule IV. Doant eat J ure napkin ring.
Keep It for a souvenir.
Wife, sed Pa. yoa are a oualnt comedian.
I bave did on funny thing, sed Ma, 1
f ' Waterford j
i. Itaant feed yure husband oat
My blessing be on Waterford, the town
For It's what I love to be streelilng pa
Watching while the boats g out, watrh-
i n w t Mima In
And thinking of a on I know that's
It' well to be i Waterford to see the
The great big mats of them against
the evening sky.
Seagulls flying round, and th men aa
With nuare. xrange talk among tbesa
eJve the tiro you're psesrng by.
I love to be In Waterford to see th ship
com In. -
Bringing fas their cargoes from west and
east and south.
Some day on I lor will stand her upon
He'll take my two bands la his wa and
stcup to kiss my mm a .
Easy With the Whip, Phil! , -:- By Tad
Xnl VILIIAN WA4 l-ASHftO
nTrm Kwt-fttMSD TfeACK..
0NtEMEBl DlETHU XXrlTrt
DF-rt ONION - fcyT, 3oST
fiS Te Thmn PfrVHr;TH
ME LIT A CISARfrTe.
WlTM fm r)lR of NWCMLNCE.
JF ARNt-Y IS fbLiTt
IS GERTRUDE .
" ! incl
Quick! hoTmer BkHno
Te hammer. "JTiEHE'S a
FLY ON BABY'S MOSfc
3uT 'BtC-QOa'E FiM jwtelt
iT'i NO 5lN MP 2RINK,
(t-A PM A WATXrfMAW
m a Lwcmw Jr tLS. r3y
A KfE. - Gtrr JVey-rT
TT q AT-N(6r1
PSOSrCCT TMtt OOTTtO
ifiirM A r4gmft lntH 0
SKATKHJ, tuOfi WNitUArVtC.
VvAimCVC NlfHHi! FANCV
JfUFP CuTTNfr n WAPCIKNS
AnO 0Teir i1UNTJ.3UlT Ai
US' WAJ MAltiNfir" 00 WlW
D l0 H 00PFC0 TWC JrTAl!
ANf PORVTED rrU BCAri
16SWAACJ the jrMET CAg. .
HRTOf-B UKC AtVf.U3NC
AHO 7U1TAJ ht JCpuATTeTP '
DC COH OUtTOft ASCtTP
UpVffTH WENAPJC'H, BOV
CTP PdWH 30 Ho JEt
10 A LATE COlTtjrXEfU,
U frrtf AU. THC Lff9S
ciOsM ntg mAAf4j'
1VlQrWfiA4 AW.ACCfNf THt?
rro in ti wr AT-m? urn
cmifuauiAt vnrhTN m v.aucso
AnO OLOOBtlis y,,m
CAV Ma0 Ar.6 A AL0 SosrC'
SteezH, Speech, Fipsp o. .
Bovi am TMe jinpuNirt una
VNAArfO TVrttMtffLvej AAOUr0
yvu r PurtfcM of Que.
voice ft pep.
OJi N0UU TMc CreVS
EAV WfTH THEWHrp PHlL
AiAJjAfre nte nao-x
att ri-M. neLpHKti
THE TTtt t f.v.
HEUf ACAC QAfJ ArX
Sherlocko the Monk
Pf CX$ .MAGEH. " .. , '
Copyrlglit, llll,''NatlooJ titm Assn.
The Strange Adventu re of the Two Friends
r j TOU'VC Go TO MC THAT C lTXaV
F0M 8HH.Nt, A I SEB BY TViE BUrV) Uw T6 f NAME TOUfc.
f , . ' .. , I OUOHHIM1
J'tts. and rr coMtt ) L" ; v r
ATA bAO TIMS.. TOO, . , X V. : r X
VNH6M I bAS OUT ' LSV
BO0ft A FfcttNO - Jt-) V
POW ,THf Pw. DfeKCT . Y
C iVmu't hsvict AT r"raj-
XU8K)If, WAT50, UUE
VMIHiONO, TO WMCftfc r- Mrmtl DC my WitSCMO
HONE WE A sit 30lHA. 'yjN m, MfjMtNT
MY 6EST f ttNf
li MT ffAMCXOsTe ' .
AMI I bein rn
THERE fe tOUR. ASSAILANT,
nUerlHRW, TOU BEST
KreNp WILSOMO. A&
. f .
i lAtxjcto at oce :'
tfiiiil H MOPE I flN
Wih . ISltO MARK)
NrfM THST Ortt
i - n. f i -. i
' ' '-U
The Great Expansionist j
mi i a hi in in xcsaarxsr3Ey
By BKV. IHOM.
Janaary 85, 1TK.
On hundred and twenty-als year ago
today January tu, KM Thomas Jeffer
son, at the tlm our minister to France,
wrote a letter I Archibald Stuart, call
ing hi attention to th condition at af
fair between th
Alleghanie and the
Miaalaalppl. and In
th cdurs of hli let
ler Mr. Jefferson
aid: "I fear that
th people of Ken
tueky think of
separating, not only
irom Virginia' (In
which - they ar
rightl. but also
from th confrder-'
acy. I own I should
think this a most
and such a on
as every good ritlsen on both sides
should sst himself against. Our present
federal limits ar aot loo Isrg for good
government, nor will th Increase of vols
In rongress prndiir any III ffect. On the
oontrary. 'It will drown th llltl dlv.
Hons at present existing there. Our oone
federacy must be viewed a th neat from
which all America, North and South, Is
to he peopled." 1
W bav here In thl teller of Jefferson
th fountain head of tha eipanaton idea
not "Imperialism" (that wss a word that
Jefferson would ha scorned and de
tected), but th broadening out of Amr.
lean Ideas and prindples until they eov.
ered th whol American continent.
Jefferson' sxpsnslonlat Idess wsre
strongly expressed In tats first Inaugural
address, when he said:
AS a CREOURV.
"My countrymen, w are rapidly sd-
vanclng to destinies beyond th reach f
mortal ya' ;
Several years before hs hsd said to
Madlion: "f venture to say that tb set
which abandon th navigation of tha
Miaalaalppl Is an art of separation ba
tsmen th eastern and western country."
With subllma desperation Jefferson held
onto th great river, and h did it be
caus he felt that th great west waa
destined to be a part of but country.
II waa thinking of I.oulslans long be-
tcr that great prortne bsram aura;
nd when he found cut that Napoleon
was ready to part with UVe vast area ha'
Immediately authorised It pure has with
out walling for th consent of anybody.
11 knew thst curses and Impracatlona
would be heaped upon him fur hi act.
but he ale knew that, fundamentally, he
was In the right and h want ahead,'
regardless of what might com to him,
In the way ot rbuse, ,
Tha mora w learn of Thomas Jeffer
son th bigger does h (earn to us. Dis
tance only add to th maaalvenaa of tha
man. And tha mora thoroughly tb ar
chive are searched the clearer become
hi patriotism. II waa a genuine AraerU
ean, believing In, and ver contending,
for, tha enr bedrock principle po
which trua Americanism rests, and must
ver rest. '
H had faith In th peopl. and waa
not afraid to trust them In the great un
tried experiment f salf-govemment.
Whll other trembled, h stood firm in
th conviction thst th people ar abut
t tab car of themselves; and that,
with an educated electorate, th futura
Her Bluejacket Brother
. e .f-
t remind your
I By sV ISU'RK
t have a brother-ln my estimation the
dearest fallow In the world. He la an
honorable, straightforward, trustworthy
gentleman; lever of home, mother and
slater; does not smok. chew or Indulge
In Intoxicants, and, ,
In short. Is lust th
sort of a chop sny
sister would be
proud of; but. alaa
to say! tha people
all sneer at hint
and several of my
snobbish girl friend
rerun to stand and
talk with m when
I am with my
brother bocausa he
Is an American
bluejacket and con
sequently wear th
Mis 'Black. It you
ars kind enough to
write en this srllcle,
will you pleas try
reader that th sailors lire? for them,
fight for them and would willingly die
Also ask them In time of war on whom
would they depend to defend thesr coun
try. Burely not the civilian who frequent
our pool parlor and lounge on our street
corners. A 8AI1X)K EIHTER.
Well, for goodness sake, sister, what
sort of a place do yon Hv In, anyhow
th FIH IslaadsT No; I see your totter
comes from Brooklyn, N. T. What on
earth Is tb matter wKh Brooklyn and th
A Plea for the bluejacket, eh? Now. If
I were your age It would be th civil
Isns who wuld nav to plea for nolle
when there was a sailor or a soldier any
where In th landscape.
What do these haughty girls wsnt for
a sweetheart, anyhow a grocer's clerk?
Or perhaps they would prefer a young
man who drive a wagon somewhere,
or a proud and domineering guard on sn
What's th matter with Uncle Bam'
bluejackets? I never see en of them
wlbout wsntlng to stop and say: "Bless
your heart, Jackie; how' your mother?
When did eu write to her last? Dors
he rain you? What did you serxl her
home from China? And whisper who
picture rs that In tha locket yoa carry
so close to your heart?
"Unci Psra's bluejacket, are you?
Well, here' good luck and good time
go with yon. I know there' a mother
somewhere would give her eyes to see
you for Just a minute end sne's proud
of yon, too. And well, well: mothers ar
so foohsn she's even proud of the uni
form yen wear, like the color et It, says
It means true blue: Ukes the sailor collar
and loves th sunburn In jreur frank face
and th glint of th open air In j our
honest eyes. Fh even loves th color
of th Dag you" love thinks there' noth-
0 BLACK. I
tag so pretty In th world a th r4
and whit stripes and tba star twinkling?
on th blue. Why, what an old-fsahMned
creator ah must be, ta be sure. Where I
on earth do you bid her?
"She ha th picture of your ship on
th wall nt home and knows Just which
porthole I nearest to your own apeclal ,
bunk.. That's Just like a mother, eh j
doesn't blush to remember that yoa fcav
to keep decant hour and that yoa actu
ally saluts your superior officer Ilk a
sailor and a soldier. Well, that mother f '
yours Is certainly eccentric.
"A eccentric as ywi were when yon
preferred t enlist In th navy and sea
th world and learn something about
good old I'ncle Bam and hi service, to
sticking around hem and getting a Job
witching at th railroad station or set
ting brake on th overland freight.
"Eoeentrle. 1 wish there were a few
more like you, Jackie, all over the coun
try." Ashamed of brother. Illtl Miss Brook
lyn? Well. If any girl I knew waa such
a gooae ah wouldn't speak to me whan (
I went abroad oa the arm ot Unci Sam'a
decent, sober, straight-backed, braad
houMered bluejacket, I'd be Just (tupld
enough never to want to spesk to bar,
gain as long a I lived. She Just a
dunce, that all and a narrow-minded,
dull-witted, little-hearted dune at that.
I'd b proud of my bluejacket brother--,
so proud that my heart would stag every
tlm I bad a chance ta walk lata tb
sunshln with him end I'd bold my head
so high that I'd look aa If I were oq
parsds myself with Old Glory, tb fitt
est flag of th finest country In all tha
world, snapping In th tree air store ass
all the time me and my dear old true
hearted bluejacket brother.
Step high. I'd walk as If there were a
thousand bands playing every foot at the,
way and a thousand cannon firing a.
thousand salutes. And. oh, how sorry I'd
fed for a girl who didn't know enough tb
appreciate tbe Joy and pride that wsra
mine, ail on account of my blue Jack
Me ffled Kaaclua.
"I don't wonder you keep your shapely
arms bare. Mildred, even If they da look
"I'm rather glad you dropped In, Boras;
when a fellow feels blue and Inniaiuasj
he's ready ta welcome almost anybody.
"Tea, ot course I can recommend yo
for that position. McComTc Fortunately,
perhaps. I don't know yoa very well."
"Tour new Job win take yoa out of th
country for three or four years, will it,
Blngley? Well, m glad yu got lt."
'Tm enjoying your call so muck.' fr.
Spurlong. ' thst I bate to remind yow
that the next car will pass here In
about five minutes, and then there won't
be another oa for half aa hour.- Car
cago Tribune. , ,
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