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THE BEE: OMAHA, WEDNESDAY, MAY 28, 1913. a zi n e if All Members of This Club 00. Service, Drawn for The Bee by George McManus tVE OPRNBo -n..Mrt ACCOUNT IH THE BANK IN YOUP MAMP .uem - ioor check hook: OV - YOU RE SURg TOO ONDER-.TAND Uftl rw r-v I J UU it: CA.K . lTt Very simple; I v v TD INFWM TOO THAT YOUR "WlFB RVE Mt A, CHECK AND The BAtfN, RETORNFn it a-. SHE OVERDRavn! Wt-VWT KIND OF A tms? r "THff OANK TUftNeD YOUR VFTT CHECK J r'flr. I KFAI IVa I I 1 I I MSB V ! ' MX DCAR- DO NtXJ KNOW THAT tOU HAVE OVtJtf DRAVtH YoOt? CANK ACCOUNT? OH? riFAO.C tHAT CANT BE M-LTHC CHECK IN THE BOOK YET- MITAKPW 1 V MARRIED MerVfc CLUP too juy should have hcar& my wife. Trying to e.xpumhyo me VHY hbk bank ACCOUNT COUUSNT TCXl KKKIN AOOUT-UOOK AT MY EYEf S AY -TOO DON'T Kun.i WHAT TftditM P IVroOJHOOLD ntbT MY Ijlrr 1 I (1 (" rcAET f ni.i . 7 A. si WW Z)o Foil Li&e to Read About? K. By WINIFRED BLACK. "What do you Hko to read about?" said the man to me. I stared. "1 mean," Bald the man. "what sort of folks people In castles, with retainers and 'heirs' birthdays,'' or people on yachts, with but lers and valets, or people out west, with sheriffs and bad men dropping In to supper, and the wind blowing In from the desert and the coyotes yelping on the great red moun tains In the dusky distance?" "O," said I, "I Won't like any of those people. I llko folks just plain folks. No, not folksy folks with dialects the women, with shawls on their heads, that, run la and' gossip all about 'What made Maria stay an old niald so loner and Who's goln' to git 'Miran'dy, how" sf's gone?' bore me to ears; and I can't bear the fair young schoolma'am who goes out west aiid makes the biggest boy fall In love with her, and then they go back i homo to visit, and he shocks the whole village by saying 'Dtxn It!' and wearing a red cowboy handkerchief Instead of a ' collar. "I like to read about the sort of people I know myself, every day In the week the woman with tho. fussy husband; the woman with the boy she hopes-will be a irenlus. and he turns out to be just a lazy dreamer; the woman with the little girl who won't take muslo lessons, no matter how she tries ,to make her; the man with the business down-town, and tho rival over the way trying to take it away from him; the girl on the stage who plays real parts and gets real criticisms; the newspaper man who doesn't beat the town the very first time he goes out on a story; the people who have comfy homes and a decent picture or two, and a Jot of good books and some doKs, and cither children or tho hope of children, "No, I don't care for butlers In mine, though if the butler belongs In the story I don't mind him at all; I only hate to have him dragged In by the' heels to prove that the man who employs him really Is no end of a swell. "Valets? Yes, a valet is all right. If ho Isn't Insisted on. Lots of fairly every day men have valets actors and musi cians and other helpless creatures. "Maids don't worry me nor chauffeurs -as long as they stay discreetly In the MAKES RHEUMATISM PROMPTLY DISAPPEAR Crippled-up Sufferers Find Relief After Fojv Doses of Croxona Are Token. It is needless to suffer any longer with Rheumatism, and be all crippled up, and Mvit, vuv m.ufv null am ncn, vniiiiivii" Ing pains, when you can surely avoid It Rheumatism comes from weak, Inac tive kidneys, that fall to filter from the blood, the poisonous waste matter and urlo acid; and It Is useless to rub on liniments or take ordinary remedies to relieve the pain. This only prolongs the rnlsery. The only way to cure rheumatism Is to remove the cause. The new discov ery, Croxone, does this because It neu rralixes and dissolves all the poisonous uubstances and urlo axld that lodge in tho joints and muscles, to scratch and Ir ritate and cause rheumatism, and cleans but and strengthens the stopped up, in active kidneys, so they can filter all the poison from the blood, and drive it on end out of the system. Croxono is the most wonderful medi cine ever made for chronic rheumatism, kidney troubles, and bladder disorders. You will find it different from all other remedies. There is nothing else on earth like it It matters not how old you are, or how long you have suffered it Is practically impossible to take It Into the human system without results. You will find relief from the first few doses, and you will be surprised how quickly all misery and suffering will end. An original paekago of Croxone cots but a trifle at any first class drug store. All druggists are authorised to sell it on a positive money-back guarantee Three doses a day for a few days is often all that is ever needed to overcome the jvorst batkache or urinary disorders. I background, but I must say secretaries and nursery governesses and under gardeners and special trains and too many yachts do disconcert me a little. I always have to stop and add up what It would cost to have an establishment like that, and that Interferes with tho plot "No, I hate the Dickey and the Algy story, with the 'little gell in In white' and her managing mamma. I never can quite believe there are such helpless geese In the world as that little gell, and If I knew anyone like that 'managing mamma' I'd have her locked up on a charge of disturbing the peace. "Yes, it's folks I like every-day folks plain Americans, with plain American troubles and plain American Joys, llko buying a machine after you've saved for It for a year; and daughter's graduating essay; and son's first love affair. "That's why I always choose a woman's stories, all other things being equal." The man looked at me moro in sorrow than in anger. "Are all women like you?" he said. "I don't believe It I be lieve they like to read about ropes of pearls and strings of emeralds and cables of real coral and gowns of filmy lace or a " "That', the . chocolate cream age," I said. They."do, of- course. That's- be cause they are always hoping they'll be one of those heroines themselves some day, and they want to have tho fun of Planning their filmy gowns and thinking now sweet they'll look In the ropes and chains and things. When the woman past wanting to read about people like herself, It heals her to reallte that sho Isn't the only human being who has trouble keeping the expense accounts within scolding limits. What do you like to read about. Mr. Man?" Tho man took a long pull on his pipe. "I like to read about damosels fair, and shady bowers, and nodding violets, and dashing cavaliers," he said, "and noble heroes, and soldiers of fqrtune and quests, and all that. If anyone dares to hand me a book about 'How I Made My Money' or 'What I Did to Down the J Lemon Trust' I'll make him wish he'd committed suicide that time he almost wanted to." And then we both began to reconsider and talk It over, and we both decided that wo really didn't care so much about who the hero of the story was. The main thing is, who wrote it? There's Bret Harte. He could take a bank clerk and cast such a sparkling veil of romance about him that his every pen flourish would mean sentiment. And as for the common little red-haired per son ho fell In love with why, she'd be a wood nymph, a fairy, a siren from tho cool, green sea, even if she lived In a hall bedroom arid ate 'weenies' and cholocato for supper. Cablet Do you ever hunt up Cable's houses down In New Orleans? Dirty old tumble-down places, seen with every-day eyes. look through the magic glasses of Cable, and you're in Elysla, the land of fair women and brave men. There's even something romantic about a piece of candled lemon peel when the right sort of man tells about It. No, It Isn't the subject; It's the way It is handled, after all, we agreed the Man and I. There's .so', and so; he' spe cial wiiter'on the Dally Enterprise. He'd write about a fife In a boiler factory, and make you hold your breath to find out whether the maltese cat got out alive or not. And there's his brother on the Dally Scream, would tell the- story of a plot to assassinate every beautiful woman in America, and keep you yawn Ing alt the way through. It Isn't the story; It Isn't the people In the story- it's the writer that matters. "But still." said I to the Man, "all things being equal, I want folks In my stories folks that I know." "Gossip," said ths Man. And we both went and got our own particular kind of book and settled down to our own parti cular kind of evening, and were perfectly satisfied. 'What fun It Is to talk these things over once in a while! Isn't ltt A "Snake Dress" That is Startling England Strange Things from the Air By GARRETT P. SERVIS8. A correspondent In Massachusetts writes that after a heavy storm recently he saw tho pavements of a town sprinkled with many small earthworms, apparently lifeless and looking as if they had been drowned, and, since it was seem I n g 1 y impossible that they could have crawled there In such numbers. he wishes to know If s c I e n o e can throw any light on their probable origin. The phenomenon to which he calls attention has long been known. In various forms, and has sometimes been the cause of panic fears among Ignorant or superstitious people. Tho so-called blood-rains" belong to the same cate gory. Most of these, occurrences are believed to be due to the carrying up into the atmosphere, by whirling winds, of quantities of dust, the colored pollen of nowers, and even small animals, which are transported to a considerable dls. tance, and then brought down to the grourrd during a rainstorm The power of an atmospheric whirl to lift light objects to a great elevation is orten astonishing. Buch a whirlwind passing over a swamp or pond may suck up considerable quantities of water, and with it small fish, frogs and worms. These ore retained in the air by the rapidity of their motion, and may be transported a mile, or even many miles, before they descend again to the ground. If they are caught In a shower of rain they are assembled together in multi tudes as they fall. Borne very curious instances of strange rains of this kind are on rcord. Many years ago a shower of small green stones Ml during a violent storm In the streets of Birmingham, England, causing much consternation among the inhabitants. In vestigation by a geologist showed that uiey nad been torn by the wind from a ragged range of green stone rock near the village of Rowley. In Btaffordshllr ttveral miles north of Birmingham. Hucn phenomena are more common in southern Europe than elsewhere, and it has been proved that the Teert rr fu. hara is usually their source. Colored sand and dust are raised to a great height in the atmosphere by the whirling winds, and then transported across the Mediterranean sea until in passing over Europe they are caught in descending rains, to which they Impart the color of blood or of sulphur, often staining any sunetance with which they come In con tact On March 11, 1813, a "bloody cloud," which probably originated in the Sahara, passed over Salabria and extended north ward into the klngrom of Naples, spread Ing terror everywhere and olorlng the whole sky as red as fire. Thunder storms broke out and the rain that fell from the cloud had exactly the appear' ance of blood. In 1847 a blood-colored rain fel at Chambery, at the foot of the Alps, while near the summit of the mountains, .around the Bt Bernard pass, there fell several Inches of "bloody snow." In the old days of superstition these occurrences were ascribed to diabolic in fluences, and there was no. one wise enough In the doings of nature to offer a reasonable explanation of then). ' Often it happen that Insects, and sometimes heavier animals, as well as the seeds of plants, are transported long distances by the wind and deposited alive upon the ground. Dr. T. U Phlp son. who devoted many years to Inves tigation of atmospheric vagaries, be, lleved that the sudden appearance of strange plants and insects in localities where they are usually unkown Is due to this cause. He himself observed several Instances of the kind. On one occasion a rare plant, called tho "bloody-flnger grass," suddenly began to grow in his garden, but It disappeared after a single season. His explanation was that Its seeds had been brought through the atmos phere, and that the plants, after flour ishing a single summer, perished for lack of proper nourlshement In the soil. On another occasion his garden, near London, was suddenly animated with the presence of a species of wasD. which Is never found In England, but abounds la France. These Insects also disappeared after a single season. The fact Is that the atmosphere is a wonderfull transporting agent ex tremely fickle in Its action, filled with unseen .current, and yet containing many mysteries, such aa the barome tric "holes" Into which aeroplanes sometimes plunge, that remain to be ausxactorlly explained. "J "n" a Bie tuoBo united Stateg before lone? Natural History Lessons- No. 2--The Lamb 1111 i By DOROTHY DIX HERE are few moro valuable a n 1 m nls than the lam b, whether you con sider It from the mint sauce or the Wall Street point of view. In either ca pacity It Is our meat, and furnishes glad raiment and diamonds to those who, but for It would not be nblo to protect them selves against the cold blasts of win ter. The name of the Individual who dls- covered the first Lamb Is lost In the mists of antiquity, but as a source of supplies he has got the Individual who made two blades of grass grow where only one grew before, beat a city block. Thus aro we called upon agau to marvel at the wis. dem or a tieneiicieni i-roviaence mat nas created Just tho proper thing to meet our every need. Lambs are found in all parts of the krown world, and appear to multiply with great rapidity, so that as one Is slain a dozen take Its place. Indeed the theory Is held on Walt Street that a now batch of Lambs Is born overy second, but this probably exaggerates the situation. At any rate, the Lamb crop for the last year or two has been so poor that mnny brok ers haVo been forced to prey on one an other. In appearance the lamb Is of a mild and pleasing aspect with a voice that sounds like the ama teur soloist who kindly consents to sing at a club din ner Originally the Lamb Is of a snow white color, but after a short so journ away from Its native haunts It Is apt to need a hurry trip to the laundry, quickly. In the matter of legs the Lamb Is eclectlo, some Lambs having four, one located on each corner, while other Lambs have only two, which are situated at the extreme northeast end of their anatomy, thus enabling them to stand upright after the manner of men. Also, some Lambs have alfalfa on their chins, while others have smooth faces, but this difference depends on whether they came from the middle west or not. We may dismiss the quadruped Lamb In a few words, merely stating, In pass ing, that It has. of late developed an am bitious and aspiring tendency to rise sky- It gets soiled very Little Bobbie's Pa i Bjr WILLIAM F, KIRK. Pa & me was In New YoA week to a horse market I dldent warn to go, but Pa wanted to go, beekause he edthat a frend of bis nalmed Ocorge Crowley wanted to go & buy a teem of horses for his farm. So Pa & me went to the horse market & looked at sum horses. Pa was the roan that interduced Mister Crowley to the man wlch owned tho horse market, & all the way down to the market he was telling Mister Crowley what a wunderful bargenn he was going to get Moast of the horses that thay have in this market, Pa toald Mister Crowley, Is old thorobreds, the kind that Mister Keene used to race at the track in the days wen racing was racing in deed. It is true. Pa sed, that moat of the horses I menshun has done a lltl rrt work laltly, such as on Bt cart, eta, butq J I am sure that you will find them of the good old stock that sent Colin ft Sysonby & Rosenben under the wire as winners. I doant care for any Wooded horses, sed Mister Crowley. All I want Is a cup. pel of old skippers for my farm. All I want them to do Is to drag a plow around kind of peaceful, &. not to think of the days wen the bookmakers had it all thare own way. I thot all the time that Mister Crowley was a pretty smart man, & I newer thought Pa knew vary much about horase. but for onst I was surprised in Pa. It turned out that he knew moai than Mister Crowley did. Pa ft the men In the horse market shpwed Mister Crow- ley a lot of good horses, but he kep say. ing no, I want a slmpel. gentel team for farm work I want a team that will not run away with the plow, a team, that myj wife can drive her guests around with after thay have done thare days work on the farm, a cuppel of horses that Is as traa-tabel & eesy to drive as I am. sed Pa's trend. Bo we all went to another stabel. I cud see that Pa dldent want to go to another place, & I knew that I wud rather be out eumware playing ball with the kids, but we went to this other place & thay showed a team of horses that was the moast tired looking team I ewer seen, oxcep Roosevelt A Johnson after eleckshun. The than that was showing the team to Pa's frend caUn rite oaver & leened his hed aggenst the hind heels of both horses. You see, already, he sed, that thay are gentle, yet As sure as my name Is August thay havent kicked slnco Sep tember. I think that Is a team such as I want, sed Mister Crowley, You may send them to Tenanah Lake tomorrow. How much are thay? Walt a mlnnit. sed Pa, let me explain. You doant want to buy a horse or a team of horses without trying them on a livery or sum other rig, to see If thay are gentel. So Pa's frend asked the man August to hitch the teem to a rig. I cud see that he dldent want to do It vary bad, but he did it, & wen Mister Crowley & Pa & me got in, the team ran away & we had to be stopped by a mounted policeman. I thought you toald me these horses was gentel, sed Pa's frend to the men that called hlsself August. What made them run away with me & my frendsT Oo & buy sum horses sumware elt then, sed August As sure as my nalm Is August nefftr seen them run away in July before. , ward under the tuition of Messrs. Ar mour and Swift, and that It has shown a coy disposition to stay In ootd storage that every one who has tho good of the country at heart must deplore. How ever, that great veterinarian, Prof. Wil son, late of Princeton university, we un derstand, has now undertaken tho moral regeneration of the Lamb, and the beef, and the pig, nnd we may hope to see somo needed reforms In stituted In this line. It Is In the two leqged Lnmb (genus sitcklbus) that the tritlned naturalist finds his most In terestlng study. a This amiable crea ture lives apparently only to give pleas ure to others, which It does by the simple expedient of suffering Itself to be sheared by any artistic trimmer that happens along. This Is great sport, and It Is a matter of prldo that our Wall Street brokers hold tho world's rcpord as thq champion fleecers of Lambs, Being so gentlo and kind, the Lamb, especially tho woolly ones from Pitts burgh, are held In great esteem by women as pets. There, was onco a chorus girl named Mary who had a little Lamb, with a fleece as white as snow, and every where that Mao went his money did surely go but that's another story, Lambs are generally of the masculln persuasion, though accastonally we ob. serve an elderly female mutton .dressed as spring Lamb capering around at ths dansant There aro many curious sights in na turc, and this Is ono of the curiousest Superfluous Hair Truths Stop Experimenting There nro but few depilatories sold, lou think thero are hundreds because you have used the same Identical preparations under several different rmmos. This Is easily explained. Women stop usin? So-Called Hair Removers when thoy learn that they are harm ful. Thereforo, th-y can not he sold under the same name for any length, of time. Then tho Identical, worth, less, harmful concoctions aro given now names and advertised again aa totally different preparations to Defraud the Same Foolish Women who innocently buy them over and over again under different names, and this will contlnuo as long aa women are so unwlso as to experiment with, unknown, so-called hair removers. T MSI 9 iraeie Has Stood the Test of Time De Miracle has been sold as Da Miracle for over eleven years, and Us name has never been changed. It to acknowledged the world over by emi nent authorities as tho ono safe, per. fected hair removor. therefore It 1 the only depilatory you can use with out experimenting. Leaves No TelUTalc Smell If you use Do Miracle Jt will be im possible for any curious person to know that you have used a hair re mover because DotMlracle evaporates Immediately after accomplishing its work, thoreforo leaves no odor what ever. On the other hand. If you use any depilatory with a distinctive odor, an offensive, tell-tale smelt Wilt cljns to your skin for hours. Avoid Permanent Disfigurement sm,!!i?-n8f btutB. If your dealer h.Shinnln.t,0., how 1 lotermlnS which depilatories are harmful and worthless sent In plain, sealed cnyc- New truths in next ad.vt, Do Miracle Chemical Co-, Nsw York Sold and recommended by SHKHMAN & McCONNEXJU. owl imvo companyT HARVARD PIIARMACTC, i' LOYAL PUAR3IAOX, 1 t1 6 i. : I i, 4.