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im BEE: OMAHA, THURSDAY, DECEMBER 11, 1913.
11 Bringing Up Father Copyright ISO. International News Service. Drawn for The Bee by George McManus i f V - ' M ' t ?V m WHAT UNDERSTAND I pi r f T OH. IT pz . ' i v TTB AVI:pAvi ., "f" , , . ife C- s ooce prcnch? cKjSllJ j f DOES" Tj ooTD ' ' " j1 5 TJ D,t lr 12,318,000 'Phones Used in the World By GARRETT P. SERVfS& The the "Voltaire of the planet , Jupiter, were made acquainted with the telephone statistics of the planet Earth, he 'might find therein material fpr the most biting sarcasm, which would' greatly amuEo his readers and yet bh founded, upon a complete misunder standing. ''Look at that Utile, tix-fcot world down there," he would say, snecr ingly; "It makes up in talk what It lacks 'In size'. Its diminutive 'inhab itants, l.ot content with the wagging' tohgues that nature has given .them, have invented a speaking machine to increase and spread thb deafening babblement. In -which ihoy delight ' There are l,S0O,0Q0,O0o tongues -on their planet,' Including those 6f tho babies' but to these they have' added 1I,K.00( machines, wh(ch enormously multiply tho talking power. yThey are not satisfied with the nat ural reach of their ears, as .ordinary asses are, but they must stretch 1h,era( electrically around tho whole circumfer ence of their insignificant globe, while they cockle and cjack and bray to tbts very heavens I ''There is one smalt trapezoid on their spotty globe, which, they call the United States of America, that seems to be the strm center of this cyclone of talk. It has 90,000,000 tongues and 8.000,000 talking machines, two-thirds of the entire num ber possessed by that whole little blbble bubble world! They have a city ' called is Angeles, which contains a machine for" every .four ilnhabltants. 'City of Angels' do" tney name' "It? City of Mag pies,' rather! "What ran they he talking about so much? How does It happen that they cannot rest content with the speaking apparatus that nature, already too lib eral to such petty creatures, has be stowed upon them 7 Are they wearying the gods with advice, or wearying their own weak brains with nonsensical chat ter? The next thing we hear perhaps, they will be sending their -yawp up to us. These- pestiferous little words -are enough" 'lo make a Jovian tlredWe only speak when, we have something large to say, and' among us only wise men .are- born with tongues." Such . might he "Hhe hasty ' remarks o'f the derisive philosopher oTHhe planet'of Jove upon.' learning 'or the vast 'k'Xtert-slon-of.the telephone-' systems of. l)ifi earth, ands the news that we 'are' now be ginning to talk through the..Jtner, to send our wandering voices out into space on the tireless wings of electricity, would, doubtless, Increase his irritation 'and' ac centuate his scorn. But what a sad error he would' commit! How his eyes would be opened if he could but pay us a visit! If he were 0 1 The Chapeau Chic Take Your Pic' Posed Especially for This Page by Members of the Hippodrome Beauty Chorus Head Stuffed? :Got a Cold? TryPape's "Pope's Cold Compound" relieves worst cold or tho grippe In few hours No quinine used. . Take "Pape's Cod Compond" every two hours until you have taken three doses, then all grippe misery goes and your, cold will be broken. It promptly opens i-our clogged-up nostrils and the air passages of the head; stops nasty dis charge of nosa running; relieves the headache, dullness, fevtrlshnesa, sore throat, sneezing, soreness and stiffness. ' Don't tay stopped-upl Quit blowing and 'snuffling. Ease your throbbing head 'nothing else in the world gives such prompt relief as "Pape's Cold Compound," which, costs only ts cents at any drug store. It acts without assistance, tastes nice, and causes no inconvenience. A Voept sts substitute. AdTertlserneat. Washington's Farewell to His Officers Ily REV. THOMAS 1J. GREGORY. Tho debt a. woman owes to her hat Is considerable. Fortunately, the girla In this picture have the looks that are under no obligation to any stylo of attire. They compriso tho Beauty chorus in "Our Own Land," at (heIIlppodrome, and their good taste in se lecting becoming hats makes their chapoaux descrvo hpnprablo" meritjonj, Beginning with" No. 3, there Is pictured the new modified sailor, so becoming to many faces. It is mado of black velvet and Is trlnimod with an ostrich plume ar ranged at what some women 'dcscYlbo tho "flirtatious" anglo. No. 4 Is of tho faehlonablo Cloche stylo, and the wreath of ostrich feathers, w'ltlv a bunch at one side, gives the French effect so much desired. ' No. 5 is a modified Gainsborough, and the pino tree plume with which it is trimmed and which Is so much the craio this season originated with no less a personage than tho duchoss of Marlborough. No. 2 Is especially bocomlng, as It pormlts a pretty nrrangomont of tho hair. It is made of dark volvot, the prevailing cloth In this season's stylos, and Ib trimmed with a lighter shade (or white) ostrich plumo. Follow ing an order of fashion, that no hat or garment is the latest call unlosa there is a touch of fur. No. 1 is the moat modish in tho picture. It is made of plush or vel vet, and tho bow In front Is of a contrasting shade of ribbon. Tho edging of fur gives It the touch that ranks it among tho prettiest hats of tho soason. Whose Children's Birthday Today? The See's "Utile Folks Birth day Book" answers that question every day for your boys and girls. frank he would confess that he had slandered us. If he were really wise ,ha would admit that speech Is good for others besides philosophers. And then, too, he would perceive that instead of multiplying vain talk, the telephone re Stra)psr It. In' extending the reach of speech 'it restricts its volume, lofcalfyand teaches brevity, succ4ntneVs ' 'arid clearness. No doubt telephone girls arc gossip sometime, bttt itis a kind , of' re-flnedr--abbreviate, gossip an Improved variety; TJiiquesttd'nably love rrfessagea are bC8Jj5rtalb;.flpolcn toyer the iwiree, but who. coujd object to thatT They. too. are . refined, abbreviated Jand nn3e -more pointed. , .( The elepndnaa done a gre'ftt deal tor freedom -of-speech.- 4c)earfnfflT; of oil. 4curtty, or prolixity: of pretensj. oVfalsA modesty, and especially, of, that element of personal shrinking which affectsthe sincerity of utterance, face to face, of all' but the niqst frank and 'fearless spirits. Very few.men express their real thoughts as boldly and straightforwardly In ordinary conversation as they do In .the ijuaal Impersonal converse that oc curs at. the; telephone. Of course, there is another side to the picture. The man who has something to conceal behind his speech of the penetrating eyes of his interlocutor when he talks by telephone; he Is, as It were, protected by a screenl Still, the advantage remains with sin cerity and frankness, and one can say a painful, but necessary, thing much more easily by telephone. Perhaps If the right of woman to propose marriage Is ever put Into practice dee Hearst's magazine for October on this subject). It will first be done by telephone. The truth would be told, and the blushes and confusion spared. It is unnecessary to refer to the enor mous saving of time, and the tremendous facilitation of business that the telephone has effected. At the close of -131Z the whole world contained lX.il8.000 telephones, of which the United States had 8,S47,2S. and all Europe only S.1M.00O. The city of Itew York alone possessed U1.128. al most exactly oouoie ma number pos sessed by London. Chicago stood third among tho great cities of the world with Zn.ZSZ telephones. But Los Angeles and Ean Francisco held the percentage rec ord, each having one telephone; fpr about every tour wnaoiianis. . After the Jovian Voltaire had studied the facts ot tbe spot he would go back and change his tune; he would then de clare that he X'nlted States was not the storm center of useless babble, but the great focus of talk to the purpose of ' speech concentrated to' Its real essence. Where Do the Women of the World Belong? In a Happy Home, If They Have One, Says Dorothy Dix, But If Not, They Certainly Belong Among the Workers, Nofc 1 f., ...i the Hangers-on By All Means Send the Women Back Where They Belong. By DOROTHY DIX. - t ' A man, was expressing great satlsfae- jlon dver' the $acf thjit the . new Penn sylvania law limiting 'the hours a week that a woman may be worked has re- ryuea ,n uirowing thousands of -women $ut of employment Ills rejoicing was not the result of any sympathy or compassion for the poor Industrial slaves that have been forced to toll far beyond their strength. Nor was it inspired by any humanitarian senti ment toward the weakly, neurotic children that these exhausted mothers would brln g into the world. He was one of the me n happily few now who had the ancient faith that women are a species of animals, created solely for the service and pleasure of man; that they have no rights In the world, not even the right to make an honest living by their own labor, and that It Is a sacrilegious thing for them to dare to compete in business with men. Therefore, he was delighted to hear of anything that would cripple their earn ing power. "It serves them right." he exclaimed jubilantly; "a lot of them have been sent back already where they belong, and a 'lot more will have to go, too. I wish they would pass a law that would send every woman in the world back where she belongs." So say we all, brother. We would all ! llkr to see a law passed that would send every woman in me. wona dsck wnero she belongs. Before you could pass that law, 'how ever, you would have to' pass another law that would usher in the millennium, and, unfortunately, you can't create the Ideal conditions of kingdom come by en acting a statute. The plactt where every woman belongs Is In tho center of a happy home, with plenty to eat and plenty to wear, and a liubapd..who jQves her, and la good to her, and faithful to her, and with little children, amply fed and clothed, playing In the sunshine about her feet. That's where every woman belongs. It if a dlsgrac6 tn civilization, and rtn outrage on, posterity, when women nre forced to Med the race as well as to bear It, that young girls exhaust every' ounce of their vitality in 'store or factory he fore ever they come to the great work qf motherhood, and that married women nre compelled to give their strength to performing the work they are hired to. do lnstecud of giving it to their chlldrden. Certainly every woman belongs' in a home where she It cherished and cared"! lor No one will dispute that. Neither will any one dispute the fact that ninety nine and nine-tenths of, the women who. aro out of their homes are out because they havo no homes to be In, If there are any women so madly industrious that they have left a. luxurious home and a generous father fir husband for the pleas uree of standing all day behind of eoun. ter, or poinding a typewriter, or speed ing up a machine In a factory, all I can say is that I have never met one. All the worklqg wpmen that I know work for uicau, nn ppi jor run. Kvery woman belongs in a sheltered home. Bu .suppose she hadn't got the. pome, wnere, floes sue belong thenT Where does the old maid belong, for Instance? The' last' census report showed there were 1TJ00.OOQ unmarried men In the United States. That means a cor responding number -.at old maids, slnco no woman can make's, man marry her unless he wants to. 'Are these 'women to become parasites on other people, or are they to be self-supporting T Is It an old maid's place to settle herself down on among the hangers-on, don't you? Not every man Is eminently successful In business. Many men toll honestly and. faithfully all their lives, and never suc ceed in making more than a bare living. Suppose such a man has grown old and feeble, and he has a houseful of able bodied daughters. Where do these young women belong? Isn't the place where they belong some place whore they can make a good liv ing for themselves and help their parents instead of working their poor old father to death to try to feed rfnd clothe them? In a family where there are healthy, In telligent girls, are they where they be long when they hang like a millstone around a brother's neck, keeping him from marriage and establishing a homo pf his own, because he has to support them? Or are they where thoy belong when they devote their energies to work Instead of playing golf, and leave their brother free to. live his life unburdened by his female -relatives? It Is often suld that the reason that men can't marry nowadays Is because of tho competition In business with women. The reverse of this Is true, for every sister who goes out to earn her own living leaves her brother free to marry soma other woman. Where doeo a womaq belong If her Advice to the Lovelorn Dy HKATIUOR PAIRI'AX. No. Dear Miss Fairfax I am IS and deeply In love with a young man three years my senior. He declares he loves me, and me only, but he flirts with every strange girl he sees. He has been known to give presents to some other young girls of his acquaintance, and also takes them to entertainments. Do. you think he really loves me as he says he does? J. M. B. tits great love is lor himself. A man some family that doesn't want her, or to ! who flirts Is vain, weak, fickle and silly. tlll.fl ... .. . L. . . If. M.l . V, .... t, . .,v -v . . . kj uv luim li j iiivi g iiiuu Vila hustle out and get a job of her own? Which way will the woman bf jumpiest and most useful to society? I think she woman, a characteristic in a man which spella woe for every woman who la J husband Is invalided, or If he dies. leiv. Ing her with little children and not a dollar to support them on? Doesn't she belong out In the working world then, whero she can earn the money to sun- port those dependent upon her? Surely sne is in her appointed place doing whatever work comes to her hand, and the pity fof It Is that the place is oftn so hard and its wages so poor, nerni the women back to where thoy belong." They go there, brother. Wherever there Is need and want; wherevor there la sickness and suffering; wherever there are Infirm old people to be cared for, or helpless little children to be fed and clothed, there la whero a woman belongs, and there you will find her. , . To begrudge a woman the right to earn an honest living for herself and thoso dependent on her Is the quintessence of human meanness. That any man could do It passes comprehension. A billion souls the size of his could exist on the point of a cambric needle and not be In telephoning distance of each other. sbbb'-bbbbbI VassSBStBBSTSSM It was 131 years ago, December 4, 1783, that Oeneral Washington said farewell to his officers at Fraunce'a Tavern. lie had fought the good fight, ho had fin ished his course, ho had kept ihp faith, and h e n c n f orth thcro was laid up for him tho Wgo and radiant fame which he had so fairly won. The Continental army hod been dis banded on the 3d of November, and on the SSth of the month Blr Quy Carleton's redcoats had embarked from Now .York, The long fight was over and the audacious bravado of July 4, 1778. was made good. The United Cot onlea w'ero free, and ould soon "assume among tho powers of the earth' the' sep arate and equal station' t6 which the laWa of nature and of nature's Ood entitled them." With deep emotion the great and good man, who for seven years had led the patriot soldiers, met his brother officers to say goodby, to look Into their eyes, to grasp their hands, to hear the sound pt their voices, perhaps for the last tlmo. One after another, says the historian, they embraced their beloved commander, while there were few dry eyes In the. company. The meeting over, they fol lowed Washington down to the south ferry, . whero Ills barge awaited ,hm, watihed the departing boat with hearts too full for words, and then In solemn silence returned up the stret. Those officers had performed their part nobly. Many, of them had mado great personal sacrifice In order that they might serve their country In Its time of need, and all of them had shown the coursge and constancy, the obedience and discipline that characterise the patriot and the soldier. They adored their commander; and we may be euro that tho commander felt for them the warmest affection and the most exalted esteem. From the meeting at Fraun'ees Tavemi Washington went on to Annapolis, whero he resigned his command. At Philadelphia he handed over to the comptroller of the treasury neatly written manuscript, containing an accurate statement of his personal expenses In the public service since the day he took command of the army, The sum amounted to H315, Tor this he was reimbursed, but for his per sonal services he would take no pay. SCIENCE CANNOT EXPLAIN What sleep Is. How an eye sees. What electricity Is. How a firefly lights Its lamp. How a seed grows Into a tree, How a rose makes Its perfume. Whence the sun gets Its heat. "Why -the compass points to the north; What makes a bird build Its first nest What causes the sex of a baby or an animal. What happens when food Is oxidised In the system.. What change takes place In Iron when It Is magnetized. What makes rain fall In some places and not In others. How a bloodhound tracks a man by the smell of his footprints. What makes an apple fall to the ground and not fly off In the air. How a bird can fly In the dark through a forest without hitting the trees. How glands that are identical in struc ture ecret absolutely different fluids, New York .World. Girls! Grow. Lots of Beautiful Hair! Lustrous, Charming, 25 Cent Danderine belong among the workers, and not weak enough to care for him. Removes every, particle of dan druff, stops falling hair and is a delightful dressing To be possessed of a head of heavy, beautiful hair; soft, lustrous, fluffy, wavy and frre from dandruff Is merely a mat ter of using a little Dhnderlne. It Is easy and Inexpensive to have nice, soft hair and lots of it. Just get a 25 cent bottle of Knowlton's Danderine now all drug stores recommend It apply a little as directed and within ten min utes there Will Be an appearance ot abundance, freshness, flufflness and an ImcomPArable gloss and lustre and try ax you will you cannot find & trace of dandruff or falling hair: but your real surprise will be after about two, weeks' use, when you will see new halr-fm0 and downy at first yee-but really new hair sprouting out all over your scalp Danderine Is, we believe, the only sure hair grower; destroyer of dandruff and euro for Itchy scalp and It never falls to stop falling hair at pnee. If you want to prove how pretty and soft your hair really Is, moisten a cloth with a little Danderine and carefully draw it through your hair taking one small strand at a time. Your, hair will be soft, glossy and beautiful In Just a few moments a delightful surprise awaits I everyone who tries this. Advertisement.