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THE BEE: OMAHA, THUHSDAY, DECEMBER 18, 1913.
1 TBS OMAHA DAILY BEE Bounded bv kuwabu noss water VICTOH ROSRWATEH. EDITOR J3EB HUll.Dl.NO. FAlt.VA.M A.NU 1TT1I. Entered at Omaha postofflc as ieeond. clata matter. . TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION. Sunday Bee, one, year tiM Saturday Bee, one rear 1-M Ball Bee. without Sunday, one year.. 4.00 Pally Bee, and Bunday, one year 6M DELIVERED BY CARRIER. Krenlnx and Sunday nee, per month... 40c Evening, without Bunday, per month. ..SSc - Dally Bee, Including Sunday, per mn..Bc bally Bee, without Bunday, per month.tSo , Address all complaint of Irregularities In deliveries to City Circulation Dept. REMITTANCE. Remit by draft, express or postal order, payable to The Ilea Publishing company. Only 2-cent stamps received In payment of small account. Personal checks, ex cept on Omaha and eastern exchanges, not accepted. OFFICES: OmahaThe Bee Bulldlnff. Kouth Omaha-31S N Street. Council Bluffa-lt North Main Street Lincoln Little Building. ChlcaRo-Wl Ileartst Building. New York Boom 1106 2Sfi Fifth Avenue. Bt IjuIs 500 New Bank of Commerce. J Washlnston-TS Fourteenth Bt.. N. W. I ' CORRESPONDENCE. Communications relating; to news and editorial matter should bo adressed Omaha Bee, Editorial Department. NOVEMBER CIRCULATION. 52,068 State of Nebraska, County of Doucla. s. : Dwljht Williams, circulation manager ef The Bee Publishing company, being dulr sworn, says that the nverage dally circulation for the month of November, 1M3. was 62.068. DWIOHT WILL-IAMB, Subacribed In my presence and sworn w colore mo mm i ay or uccemoer. IMS. ROBERT HUNTER, (Heal) Notary Public. Salxertbera leaving- (he cUy (emperarily afcoald ha. re The Bee maJIed to them. Address Trill he esssfi m often ns reauestrel. 1 la case of doubt or foe, look both 1 ways ud go stow. Moa& Lisa's thoft was a sonsatlon, but her rccorcry merely a bit of , routine. KInsr Mcnollk Is dead again, ac cording to an African cable, or cabal, we are not suro which. "Shall we bathoT" asks tho Chi cago Inter Ocean, Suro, come on in, the water Is fine at 'robber" meter rates. Oh horrors! Our great reform Water board boss voting with "Boss Barnes and Senator Smootl Who would have thought It? As a true chip "off tho old block, Sylvia Fankhurst has gone her mother one, better by adding to her repertory a no-sleep strike. To be beatee by Just one vote, of course, it particularly and especially , liumltlatlag, but to win by one vote .would cwflUUt. a glorious victory. In this free, eentatry It should be understand that "Jerry' Howard has as muck right to circulate a pie counter petltioa as aay other demo crat. No sadder picture was ever drawn than one showing little children with empty stockings on Christmas morn lag wondering how Santa Claus camo to si them. The. steps toward harmonious re publican realignment are diabolically dlMppelntia; ta tfi democrats, who may' fee ieWtided. upon to manifest their iee displeasure. It weuVd aot he a fead Idea for the street ' eesmlwMBer to get busy on seme ot the reeldeatlal thorough fares, and have another clean-up be fore the 'fiwt" falls. y rapUe, urdr, ,aad ctaOaca tloji ta s-Jld ceastltutleaallits la Mxle m to be -faat making themselves' as Impossible as Huerta, a si kfs faHwW, If not more so. Kits Jaaa AdJama desires to know "What's sillier than a -derby hat?' JHaw a front one of those hoods with a dagger sticking out sldewieo and p bswhoo plume rising' a few feet up ward? Milwaukee medics balk on making the examination of parties to soi caljed. eugenic marriages for the f 3 statutory price. How foolish l Why net furnish 3 worth, of health cer Utfets, and stop there? The house rejected a Dill apt proved by Postmaster General Burtesda favoring aeroplane malt delivery. The postmaster general should be content for. a while with elghty-slx houra from New York to 8an Francisco. The votes-for-women campaign in Nebraska will have-no side issues or entanglements with tho promoters of otuer propositions. In other words, the women suffrage seekers will helu no One else, but will be glad to accept help from eyerybody. Of Ellhu Root as u candidate for president there may be divergent be lief. tut mighty few will dissent from the opinion that as president. Elthu Root would bring to the White Houso as rare ability and rjpe .statesman shlj as any who have' occupied that office. The animus of that double-barrel assault on the New .York World may be fpund by.coftsulting a back file of the same paper about the middle of November, when a similar tirade ap pealed aias the World for having laid vieleat sands on Senator Hitch cock's pet currency and trust-busting Ideas. "There's a reason." Santa Clans Officially Alive. Who are those who insist on dis pelling the Santa Claus Illusion In tho child's mind? Every year at this time thoy vent tholr notions and attempt to prevail upon Uncle Sam to cast aside tho mall addressed lo tho Good. Saint Nick. Suppose tho government rebuffed tho chil dren who wrlto letters to Santa Clans, and did all It could to dissi pate tho fancy, What, will someono tell, would bo gained by It? What and who would profit by robbing tho child mind of this age-long source of Joy and anticipation? What, on the other hand, docs it hurt to let the Uttlo folks go on Indulging tho belief? They havo boon doing so for cons, and where is a slnglo evi dence of resultant harm? What is all tho remonstrance about, anyway? Can thoso making it tell? The postmaster general deserves tho commondatlon of ovory man with rod blood in bis volns for offi cially declaring that tho government will not publish abroad to the chil dren of Amorlca "There is no Santa Clans" by refusing to accept their pitiful llttlo letters addressed to that great being. Destroy tho illusion and you destroy tho spirit of the season, and who cares to ossumo re sponsibility for that? Until it can bo proved that America and other lands humoring this fancy and this spirit havo In tho years gone by pro duced races of simpletons or dissem blers, it is idle to say, as eomo do, that fostering tho illusion Inspires deceit. Thoro is a Santa Claus, and long may ho llvo, with tho fiat of the federal government to add to his legitimacy of being, Our December' Dandelions. "Panslcs aro blooming, gross la groon, lilacs and trees aro budding and spring plowing In progress In Nobraska," says a gontle breeze floating out from Omaha in the form of a dispatch to newspapers of other cities. But why discriminate against our Docomber dandelions that havo boen In full bloom for wooks? To somo extent the dis patch may present a case of going away from homo to learn tho news, for one hates to think of trees sub jecting their buds to exposure at thla tlmo of tho year with all tho withering blight of winter before them. And what pansloB are bloom ing must be In some carefully kept hothouses, but the dandelion there he has been standing in full view of all who look. It Is the same little yellow thing that, though fondled and admired in the middle of De cember, is acoursed by the lawn .keepers in the summer, our oae .perennial flower. Thay say dande lions only grow where the soli Is very rich and fertile, which Is ex planation enough for their never- ending ubirrulty in Nebraska, fie at Rome and Abroad. Reporting on conditions 'in the Philippines observed during a recent islt tbore, Congressman C. B. Mil ler of Minnesota, of tho house insu lar committee, says: Tried and trained men have iin r. moved from positions of Importance; they have, figuratively, been kicked out In a way that Is nothing short of 'bar barous, and as a result it Is not golnff too far to say that chaos exists In the Islands. Evidently, the ravenous hunger for pie has swept the party in nower past all thought at its high-sounding platform express-lea that "merit and ability shali be the standard of ap pointment and promotion rather than service to a political party." The investigation Congressman Mil ler helped make is unofficial, though nonetheless significant, wo take it, for that reason. A party that incessantly for fourteen years has dinned into our ears Its denun ciation of so-called Imperialism, as spoliation of a subject people will require but a short time to stultify ltBelf in this frenzied pursuit of po litical plo at home and abroad. Re publican rule never produced chaos In tho island, but, on the contrary, overcame chaotic conditions with or der and peace, a growing measure of contentment based upon tangible evidences of good faith and service unselfishly rendered, In the mean time men who went to the Islands years ago, many at personal sacri fice, to help elevate the natives to a point which they might better swim the tldo of civilization, have learned lessons of experience valua be to the Filipinos, which are now to be ruthlessly thrown away by the democrats despite all their fine soundiog professions. Piffle! It is to Laugh 1 The offense (of the Carabaos) Is fla grant. The president In withdrawing his membership, and ordering an Investiga tion, will have the sympathy and aupport of the American people, World-Herald. Piffle! It is to laugh! Just try to imagine the shafts of satire and ridicule that would bo coming from, the democratic hyphen ated if the incident had occurred un der President Taft or President Roosevelt, For a republican presi dent to bo devoid of appreciation of satire and humor would be a venal pffense, but, of course, much more Is to be expected of a democratic presi dent if he Is to uphold and defend the dignity of his high office. Big a task as the Christmas shop ping is, it is a snap to most people as compared with paying the bills I that come on New Year's (Jay, If t u i lopKing,yacKwar I TPsy Omaha commix rsoM au nus DECEMBER 18. Thirty Years Ago - Menator aiandorson has introduced a bill Into congress to charter another bridge across the Missouri. The names of the persons o whom the privilege Is lo be accorded are 8. IV. Johnson, Charles Turner, Milton Rogers, Joseph Barker, V. A. bchneldcr, John McCrary, John B. Collins and William A. Paxton of Ne braska; Oeorgo T. Oliver of Pennsyl vania, J. H. Cook of Ohio, A. E. Leavltt of Michigan. O. W. K. Griffith of Kan sas, William M. Pnow of Massachusetts, J. M. Parker and Oe6rge IL, ' Marsh of Iowa. Tho city council voted leave of absenco to City Attorney Connell ,wlth the under standing that C. R. Kcdick was to act durlrur his absence. The Boston Ideals made another hit In "The Musketeers." The headllnera were J. W. McDonald, Hcrndon Morsell, Ger aldlne Ulmer and Marie Stone. It was Intended to open the new skat ing ring tonight, but the water broke through the northeast corner and ran across the ravine due to the weight of the lec, so the opening was Indefinitely postponed. Miss Ellratetn Poppleton has gone to Boston to visit her brother, who is at tending college there. Mr. and Mrs. Patrick Gurnet, Mr. Thomas Bwlft and Mrs.,T. J. Fitsmorrls went lo Columbus, Neb.i to visit old ac quaintances. This morning the mercury got below the xero mark for the first time. Mrs. Dr. Wooley of Davenport Is visit ing relatives In this city. A. J. Totter, late manager of the St. Charles hotel, has gono to New York for a month's sojourn. Twenty Years Ago Hungry, homeless and without work, 200 men, white Bnd black, stretched out for a night's rfeep at Rescue hall, pre sided over b'y Rev. A. W. Clark, indicat ing something of the lengthening bread line winding Its way through the coun try. Through the crfort of Mayor Bemis, the Omaha Oas company made some con cessions to tho consumers of Omaha. The mayor held a conference with rresldont Frank Murphy and Attorney Morgan of the company lastlnsr flvo hours lln nr. slstod for $1.60 per 1,000 cublo feet for illuminating and $L2S for fuel gas, and the company finally agreed to compro mise on It.CO for Illuminating gas and $1.35 for fuel. Beth had been sold at $1.76. The Thurston Rifles, fifty-nine strong, were mustered Into the ranks of the Ne braska National Guard by Adjutant Gen eral Oago and some of his staff at the armory, 1510 Harney street. Governor Crounse and Hon. John M. Thurston, for whom the rifles were named, promised to attend, but were unavoidably pre vented. The officers wcro: 'Captain, Arthur H. Bcharff; first lieutenant, Wil liam J. Foyei second lieutenant, J. John son. A large number of representative men met Count Ltiblenskl of Warsaw, Poland, heading a syndicate willing to finance a sugar factory In Omaha. The meeting! was at the Commercial club and presided over by W .A. liTGIbbon. W. n. Rober son was secretary, The count said it was action, not talk he wanted. Asked by James Walsh. to submit a definite, propo sltlon. he said he wanted tha rliizona r Omaha to subscribe $109,090 worth of stock in the now enterprise before he moved. Many plans were discussed. An executlvo committee with. Eraatus A. Benson as chairman was named to pro ceed to tangible action. Tch Years Arc weivln H. uhl was named as admin istrate of the estate of his father. Charles A. Uhl. I D. Spalding was named as admin istrator of the estate of c. A. Parks. Mrs. Catherine Christy, SO years of age, mother of three children, died at her home, 2030 Burt stfceL Prof. Nathan Bernstein of the high school was preparing to leave for Cin cinnati and Louisville, to visit a brother attending theological seminary at tho former city and his birthplace in the Kentucky metropolis. Charles Robel. who came here from Duluth. and his associate. Rev. K. A. Potter of Milwaukee, were preparing to Incorporate the International Christian Institute and buy the Dellone hotel" build lng at $50,000 as headquarters. Mr. Robel was drawn to Omaha through Dr. W. O. Henry, whom ho met In London. Dr. Henry learned of a similar work carried on by Mr. Robel in Duluth and deter mined that such might be done In Omaha with excellent results. Prank Dunlon to General Agent Thomas of the Chicago u,t" "esiem railroad in Omaha, Dun lop to look out for nuiini hn.u , , . - . I II Omaha, South Omaha, Council Bluffs nd ... -.0us.. um appointment was understood to havo come directly from President Btlckney. People and Events Mrs. Marie Louise Elklns de Gubma is to receive a Christmas present of tim from the estate, of her grandfather William U Elklns. Mrs. Clara La Tourelle Larsion, daughter of an Oregon pioneer, was re contly elected mayor of Troitdale, Ore , with a plurality of five votes. Mayor Mltchel or New York is obllge-1 to defer his Initiation Into the "Don't Worry club." He has about 9.000 Jobs to dispense around the first of the year. Chief John Kenlon of the New. York City fire department recently attracted Attention by wearing to a fire a napkin which he had left his noonday meal too hurriedly to take off. Mme. Kin Beno Is the only woman to have been elected a bank president In Japan. In taking the position she was fulfilling the wish of her. husband who died several years ago. Pool and bowling alleys In the base menta of sohoot buildings Is being urged In Cleveland. Probably the authors of the idea need relaxation from the strain on their domes. Captain Charles K. Halsey, who for more than half a century was master of whaling vessels and sailed around the world twenty-two times, died recontly In Orange. N. J. He was i0 years old. Hats oft to the American duchess "loafing around the throne" or Britain! May Ooelet of New York, now the duchess of Roxburgh?, has been ap pointed "mistress of the robes" by Queeq Mary. i. Twice Told Tales Too Stmnsr, Mrs. Van Alen Thorripaon, whose entry Into the country gave her much difficulty with the customs officials, was recount ing her experience to a few friends in Boston. She said: "it was all very unpleasant, but not the least unpleasant part was the atti tude of the cujtoms officials. I hope they don't Intend to bo as rude aa they appear to tho returning traveler. "But," continued Mrs. Thompson, phil osophically, "I suppose It would bo dif ficult to be popular as a customs in spector. Everybody dislikes these poor men. Everybody fecla toward them llko the old skipper. "The aklpper, after undergoing se eral hours of suspicious cross-questioning ifrom two Inspectors regarding his cargo, waa at last leaving the wharf when a young official, unaware of his previous grilling, accosted him. "Have you anything to declare, alrP he demanded sharply. "Furious, the old skipper glared at the young man, and shouted: " Tes, young man, I've a good deal to declare, but I'd be ashamed to say it before a boy like you. You're too young to hear what I would like to declare!' '' New York Bun. Wanted Information. Here Is one that wa told nt a tea by -Miss Oeraldln Farrar, the singer, when one of the party referred to the Judiciary and tho peculiar cases that frequently come before the courts: "Some time ago there was n homicide cae in a western court In which there was considerable doubt as to the guilt or the accused. Tho trial Judge seemed to share the popular belief." Gentlemen of tho Jury, said he. In concluding his charge, 'If the evidence In your minds shows that pneumonia was the causo of tho man's death you can not convict the prisoner.' "Whereat the Jury retired and In about ten minutes the constable returned and presented himself before the Judge. "Your honor,' he remarked, 'the gen ttemen of the Jury want some informs Hon.' "On what point of evidence?' asked the Judge. "None, Judge,' was the rejoinder of the constabe. 'They want to know how to apeu' "pneumonia. -Philadelphia Telegraph. Nothing Doing, Girls Des ilolnes Register and Leader: Pres ldent Wilson, more than most men who have preceded him, is his own platform, and the modesty with which ho has as sured tho women that he could do noth ing for them- because the democratic platform writers had neglected to say anything in their behalf Is the measure of his Judgment that this is not the time to agitate their reform. New Tnrk Wnr11 TJn nr tu. United Btatea will confer the ballot upon women. No teongress of the United States at this stage of the agitation will attempt to confer the ballot upon women.' It women are not content to urge their cause in the various commonwealths, where they have already won notable victories, 'It Is highly probable that the movement will soon be halted. New York Tost! President Wilson's ex planatlon to tho suffragists of the sharp line which ho draws between his private opinions and those which he feels at lib erty to urge upon congress would have delighted tho heart of Monsieur ni. tlnguo. It Inevitably recalls the school ooy wno, when asked to define the art of logic, said that lode wu nM n but a dodge. Wo say this quite irre spective or the particular demand made upon the president. Bt, Louis Globe-Democrat: Waiving) such points as that the Baltimore plat form does not lay upon the president elected upon it, such a recommendation as he mado to congress in his recent messsge for a federal law establishing presidential primaries and that if a obligate him to recommend a constitu tional amendment limiting presidents to one term, which he didn't, do. he was nonetheless adroit In putting the blame upon that instrument for his Inability to comply with the women's wi.. w are wtlllnr to loin hoartiiv itv. v,i calling attention to tho defects in that document. Among these defecta we would place Its demand fat iflnaHlitel-. t vwttnvimwVIIIU amendment limiting presidents to one irrm. Editorial Snapshots Washington Post: The lncnm. nY .m. step Is regarded as more difficult and less graceful than the tango. Philadelphia Ledger; Another for guaranteeing bank denrndts l n,.t some of the political banks havo not fceen taking In so much money nx thv used to. Chicago Record-Herald: President Wilson caused a sensation at the capltol the other day by walking In unannounced and looking through the building. For tunately he was not mistaken for & lobbyist and bounced. Brooklyn Eagle: With the teas that puxxle we used to import puxsles that tease from China. The income tax has changedvall that, a home-made and In comparaKi puxxle that drives men from ten to all sorts of oblivion-concoctions. Cleveland Plain Dealer: A physician says: "Don't eat eggs. Eggs contain lime; lime la dead matter. Eat live mat ter." This Is cheering and timely. Now, one wouldn't eat an egg, even though he was assured there was something alive in It, New York World: The house by an overwhelming vote passed the Hensley resolution favoring a navy-bullding holi day. A noble bit of true idealism Is this! and very far from lacking practical ef fect Some day the example will have imitators. Houston Post: Mr. Bryan managed to elude the corner In which the cuffs Im prisoned him. The women are resource ful, but In politics they roust expect to find the. paymasters equipped with a side door to escape through In case of fire or other emergencies. Springfield Republican: Physicians and surgeons, because of the risk of blood poisoning they incur, will have special reason to hope that a cure is at bond. Dr. Lewis Hart Marks, an American who liaa been assistant to Dr. Ehrllch, Is re ported from Germany to have Invented a chemical compound with which he has auscssfully treated small animals. 7&r ffi Fear Folk Can't See the Joke. OMAHA, Dec. 17.To the Editor of Tho Be: I notice an article in Monday's paper purporting to describe a celebra tion Sunday at the home of Nick Dar gacxewskl, in which he referred to as the "mayor of Sheelcy," "tho leading Polish cltlten," etc. Of course this article nas written In a humorous vein and peo ple were supposed to take It ns a Joko. I wish to say, however, that the Polish citizens of Omaha seo no Joko In the matter, but rather a sorlous reflection on their nationality. If you hove read history carefully, you know that for centuries tho leaders of tho Polish people have been men of hralns, of high Ideals, of education, of tcflnement and of Intense patriotism. T think our people In this country nro also possessed of these characteristics In at least as great a degree as any other nationality and hence the Implication that the Poles of this city arc led around tiy a nian of Nick Dargaczewskl'a caliber Is highly displeasing to the better class or people of this nationality. jsow, we havo nothing wlintover against Mr. Danraczewskl nrftnnfill v. He Is a good citizen as far as we know. but wo are sick and tired of his con stantly posing as a leader of Ills rnr.A tho mayor of Sheelcvtown. ptople need leaders, and we havo a num ber of them, men who by nature, by ex Iericnce and "by education are fitted for ral leadership. Thoy are called to their position by their fellow countrymen nnd ao not have to foist themselves onto the community. A little Intelligent Investigation In Sheeleytown wilt convince anyone that nick Dargaczewskl Is not a leader of tno l'oies, nnd that tho people of that nationality resent his presumption in giving It out to tho press that ho is tho whole thing. It Is reirarded as a loltn by well Informed people ns well as by the Poles themselves, but Its constant repotltlon by the press mnv fool nm The Polish people want It distinctly un derstood that they repudiate that kind of leadership. They demand brains, loyalty and Intelligence In their leading men just the same as other nationalities. NICKODEM MADRATSTA, Twenty-ninth and Elm Street J. H. PACHKOWSKI. Twenty-ninth and Walnut Streets. J. WOLUGAR8KI. Twenty-ninth and Walnut Streets. Committee. The "White Sin-re's, Lament. OMAHA, Dec. 17. To the Editor of The Bee: I am a poor woman of the under world. When I waa only SO years old 1 waa drugged and taken to the ball room and forced to dance the "bear claw,' tho "chicken dip" and the "Kangaroo.' I struggled hard to earn my bread like an honest girl, but my $S a week hardly paid my powder and laundry bills, and oh, how I suffered. Little does the world know what overwhelming temnta tlons assail the poor working girl. Many a summer's evening while taking exer cise In the crowded parka I havo been kidnapped by a vllllanous white slaver and automoblled until sunrise the next morning. I have been In this horrid place for flvo long years, and every time I have tried to leave off my wickedness and folly and earn an honest living I found that as a dishwasher or a waitress I attracted no attention, and that unless I made dates with thoso cruel patrons of the restaurant I would be laughed at. I nover was strong enough to scrub floors, and often after I had tangoed seven or eight houra I would be completely ex hausted. I havo Just read an article by Mr. Brutality, who says that it tho city will build a large, roomy workhouse and In stall htm as manager at a good salary ho will undertake to cure every "soiled dove," every poor, homeless, beggarly tramp ana every incorrigible dope fiend In thb city. Ho says he can make a washtub so interesting for a woman that she will have no time for tears and no lndinhtlon to blow out the gas. He will guarantee a lasting cure, he says, for every delinquent that the police will bring into this workhouse. But, thank heaven, wo "down-and-outa" have the sympathy of the public, and such a dray-horse program will never be adopted. The people know we are not to blame. They know wo are all victims of tho "poisoned needle," and that we havo all been kidnapped, starved, im prisoned. I ask the sympathy of all tender-hearted people. SALLIB SAPHEAD. By B. O. M. Industrial Uplift More than 400,000 pianos are built In this country annually. Value, nearly $70,- 000,000. A new Minnesota law requiring the safeguarding of machinery became ef fective last month. An English sportsman works his auto mobile and yacht In combination. When the latter la aboard it drives the boat. One Idaho county has more than S3) boys and girts organized In sewing, cooking, potato and corn club work. The, largest motor vessel in the world Is the Slam, recently built at Copen hagen, with a displacement of 13.200 tons. During the first seven months of this year 143, JM persons left the United King dom for permanent residence outside of Europe, Large deposits of sulphur have been found in southern Texas and are to be developed In a similar manner to the development of' the Louisiana sulphur fields. The two self-propelling railway cars acquired In England by the khedtve of Egypt have arrived in Alexandria. One car for the khedlve's personal use con sists of observation room, a sitting room, a bedroom and usual offices; the other for his staff contains sixteen second- diss and thirty third-class places and a luggage van. Stories in Figures Fuel oil consumption this year by the United States navy Is estimated at 39.00,- 000 gallons. Imports from the United States into Belgium In 1912 amounted to $7,S6S,997, as compared with JS3.S94.eS) in 1911. The trolley lines of Qreat Britain dur ing 191! carried S,1S7,000,00 passengers on 1J.000 cars and M2 miles of track. While there are no reliable statistics of the pastoral Industry In BraxH, It Is estimated that there are S0.0W.000 cattle In the country. JOLLIES FROM JUDGE. s "What did he get for confessing?'' "Immunity from the district nttorney, 2 cents a word from the magazines and fits from his former friends." When he put on her skates, he tarried, For she tins quite a charming elf. I notice now, slnco they are married, She's learned to put them on herself. Mentor Consider tho owl. He's the bird of wisdom, nnd he gets his reputa tion by keeping silent. Stentor How about the screech owl? "It must be great to be a manl One dress suit lasts you for years and years, and a woman must have a new gown for every party." "That's why one dress suit lasts a man for years and years." "IIoW much allmonv did she demand?1' "Twenty dollars a. week more thnn his salary-" now rooiish!" "Well, she said she ttuessed ha could afford It, since he always had spent twice what he earned." Nurlch (furnishing his gallervi Let me seo. I've got lots of tho old masters now, uuvrn ill Clerk-Yes, sir. Nurlch Now I'll want something for myself. What havo you In enrtoons and funny pictures? .iftpW1-" ISO rkVtV .-CYV- L..f P.S "GET THERE FIRST! It's la the blood of every American, and really it's a very practical thing if tho old saying; "time Is money" counts for anything. Much depends on punctuality, therefore business men In a hurry, thoae who want to make sure of connections with trains beyond and all other hustlers use the Great West ern's Twin City Limited TO ST. PAUL AND MINNEAPOLIS. Leave Omaha 8:30 P. 31., arrive St. Paul f 7:30 A. M., Minneapolis 8:05 A. M. Day Train Leaves Omatia at 0:30 A. M. Use Your Telephone It's Handy. Ask P. P. Bonortlcn, C. P. & T. A., 1023 Faroani Street. Omaha, Neb. Thono, Douglas 202. THE advertised line makes a good salesman a better sales man, because it overcomes the resistance that every sales man must meet to get a hearing. CHRISTMAS QUERIES. New York Times. If you were Santa Claus, would you Do as he docs and hitch You reindeer to the chimneys of The overladen rich? If you were Santa Claus, would you Kill up your sled with what They didn't need at atl because They had already got? If you were Santa -Claus, would you Go past the open door Where you might enter In nnd leave Some Christmas for the poor? If you wcro Santa Claus, would you Neglect tho ones who need Some merry Christmas iu the lives Of poverty they lead? If you were Santa Claus. would you Bo glad If you were fpund Dividing up the gifts you had, To make them go around? If you were Santa Claus, would you Be passing out tho stuff To them that hadn't anything, i Or them that had enough7 , If you were Santa Claus, would you In going through a block, Mako any dlfferenco If It were A silk or cotton sock? . If you were Santa Claus, would you - Consider that your hike Had failed because you didn't treat Tho rich and poor allko? If you were Santa Claus, would you ' Of course you wouldn't. Say, If you wero Santa Claus you'd do The same old Santa way. ,,n .,o60 ( v - TSTOPo60per mile ior improvements 99 A Telephone the Ideal Christmas Gift A telephone combines all you have imagined an appropriate Christmas gift should be. Why not bring pleasure, comfort and security to the lives of those about you by TODAY ordering a Bell Tele phone? NEBRASKA TELEPHONE COMPANY