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THE TEE; OMAHA, SATURDAY, MARCH 17, 1917.
GROH SALUTES US AS FELLOW BEANS iiiiii in JuU Then He Explains How He m the Nerve to So Address Mankind. WW WOMEN ABE EXCEPTED By A. R. GROH. v Today we shall ponder, (How beans, on the idiosyncrasy of being idiosyncratic. Why do I salute you as "fellow beans?" Because we are all as much alike as beans in a bag. This is addressed to men exclusive ly. The ladies (whom, may Allah prosper for 10,000 years) are not alike. They show individuality. They wear all sorts of bizarre and beauti ful things and colors. That is what gives them their infinite variety, their eternal charm. But, we men I How barren are we of idiosyncrasy I What somber same ness marks us all I "As alike as two beans in a pod." That exactly de scribes us, poor, simple sheep that we are I A few weeks ago my dome thatch had waxed unduly long. It hung out in a bunch at the back and cascaded down over my tin. . Scalps Show Through, This made me idiosyncratic, do you seer I was not quite like the other beans who are wearing their hair nowadays so short that their scalps show through. And being not like the other beans, the other beans then and there being did laugh, scoff, jest, joke, pun and make sport of me, and the other beans then and there being did at tempt to make a laughing stock of me, causing me great mental agony and suffering, contrary to the statute in such case made and provided and against the peace and dignity of the state of Nebraska, as. They dubbed to Elbert Hubbard and "Buffalo Bill." They jestingly took up collec tions to provide me with hair cuts. They warned me to be careful when riding in elevators lest my hair get caught in the cables or doors. People stared at me ion the street. When I sought peace in a theater I could feel that all the people' back of me were making remarks about my hair. Don't tike New Things. I bore all this contumely for a long time, while I meditated upon the curi .ous contrariness of human nature. We are ever seeking something "new," but as regards our personal appearance anything new is quite "de trop. 1 knew a fellow once who wore a silk sport shirt, which displayed his throat in a rather feminine style. Men were restrained with difficulty from striking him. I myself killed him with a look every time I saw him. Yet, why shouldn't a sport shirt be just as respectable and manly a shirt as any otherf Was ever a more ridiculous article of apparel invented than a "Derby" hat? A black hemisphere without the remotest claim to beauty. But be cause we are accustomed to it. it is considered all right. i am glad my soul beat back all the shafts of irony until I got good'n' ready to have my hair cut. I confess, however, that I felt a relief when I was again like other men. But it's tunny, anyway, isn t it? As Shakes peare says, All tha world'a m baan.ryt Aod w nun who !lv In It arc enlr beam Walters Says He Does Not Look for Strike in the West General Manager' Walters of the Northwestern is back from Chicago, where Thursday he was in conference with operating men of all the rail roads of the central zone, and returns with the firm belief that there will not be any general strike as has been outlined in the press reports. Mr. Walters will not say what ac tion was taken by the operating men, nor will he discuss the plans agreed upon. However, he asserts that while the strike may start at 6 o'clock Saturday night on some of the east ern lines, it will have ended long be fore reaching Missouri river territory. Capt. H. P. Haze it Stricken In Chicago With Daughter Captain H. F. Haze, in charge of the city workhouse, is being attended in a Chicago hospital. He went to Chicago to visit a daughter who was stricken with appendicitis while visit ing her brother. Now father and daughter are patients, in the same hospital. "Better Acquaintance Week" to Churn Omaha Just like a reception it will be, only there will not be the dress suits and punch; but the Commercial club of rimaha tia rhHtili'f4 a "Better Ac quaintance" week. This is to be next week, the week ot Marcn iy. SARATOGA FOLKS -. IN POM COURT Eight Personi Discharged On Promise to Let the Signs Stay Up. MASS MEETING MONDAY Vigorous opposition to Health Commissioner Connell's campaign against persons whe removed "ex posed to smallpox" signs was trans formed into meek and friendly sub mission when persons involved faced prosecution in police court Friday morning. All eight persons against whom complaints had been filed were dis charged, upon their promise to ac knowledge the health commissioner's authority and assist him in fighting the threatened epidemic. Robert M. Monroe, 2321 Fowler avenue, who hung an American flag over the sign on his house, promised not to cover up the sign any more. E. W. Fields. 2216 Meredith 'ave nue, declared that his sign had been removed by a person unknown to him. He promised to tack up another himselt and to see that it remained there as long as Dr. Connell so di rected. Mrs. Ada Faker, 2113 Grand ave wtm of t i4 tli ltt nlnjl titan on ler house upon advice from a law yer. Dr. Connell said: "The Jhealth de partment does not wish to prosecute anybody, but only desires the observ ance of the quarantine regulations and orders. C. C Haynes, a resident of the Saratoga school district, where small, pox cases exist, said a mass meeting ot citizens would be held Monday evening at mine fark club house. "We wilt discuss what action we can take and will organize to protect our ngnis. Laoklnv Baflkwarn. "1 could hava bought farm lan4 ones In wnat la now tha centar 01 Chicago." "Cheap, I'll bL" "Tfll. if I had dona it I'd ha Hrh now "Wa alt hava thoao vain regreta," opined Simple Laxative Remedy Best for Constipation Dr. Caldwell' $ Syrup Pepsin Cave Satisfaction When Nothing Else Would. Nearly every one. at one time or another, suffers from constipation, or inactive bowels, and one of the few conclusions upon which the doctors agree is that regularity ot the bow els is an essential to good health. In the family medicine chest of most well-ordered households will be found one or more of the various remedies recommended for the relief of constipation. In the majority of nomes today the combination ot sim ple laxative herbs with pepsin known as Dr. Laldwells Syrup repsin is recognized as the standard laxative. Druggists everywhere report a con stantly increasing demand for this splendid remedy which is sold for fifty cents a bottle. Mr. James Ash, 102 Green St., Cumberland, Md., wrote to Dr. Cald well that he found Dr. Caldwell's Syrun Pepsin the most effective rem edy tor constipation he had ever used and that he always keeps a bottle of It on hand for use when necessary. Dr. Caldwell's Syrup Pepsin is a mild laxative, and does not gripe or strain, but acts gently and brings re lief in an easy, natural manner. Its freedom from opiates or narcotic I drugs makes it the ideal family laxative. To avoid imitations and ineffective substitutes be sure you get Dr. Cald well's Syrup Pepsin. See that a fac simile of Dr. Caldwell's signature and his portrait appear on the yellow car ton in which the bottle is packed. A trial bottle, free of charge, can be ob tained by writing to Dr. W. B. Cald well, 455 Washington St, Monticello, Illinois. Second Door i Former Home of the ' Guarantee Clothing Co. OR A NOW IN OUR NEW HOME 1SW-1S21 Douglass St It's mora than a store It's a horn for the wo man who aaalcs quality, , atria and value in apparel, ' combined with a store ser vice thai starts ana ends with COURTESY. Introducing bundrcdt of new stylo erections and . affording evidence of the type of unusual values this greatly enlarged atom has determined en afferinc Omaha in their new hone. Fee Saturday wa feature la. encaaeively good vaU uae la Suits, Coats and Drossae Values which will main our aew heme a much sought plaea by Omaha'e ehrowdeat shop-' pen. : 1(1 BROTHERS 1519-1521 DOUGLAS ST. Saturday an Extraordinary , Style and Value Exhibit of SUITS-COATS-DRESSES We are striving to make this just such a store, a place where every purchase, Ib cemented with confidence, a place where no wrong goes unrlghted. Visit us soon, and become closely acquainted with the many unusual features of our New Home. East of Sixteenth on Douglas. A Beautiful New Dresses If en's Wear Sergei, Chiffon Taffetas, all new colon; styles you admire;- easily worth to 922.60, Saturday $14.75 ri Actual $25 00 Dresses Crepe de Chines, Taffetas, Serges, Georgettes, all new spring colon and sizes; 125.00 values, Saturday $18-75 i s th irr ewer. "If X had every potato I've truck on the ipout of a kerosene can I'd b waalthjr bay on d tha dreama of avarice." New York Tlmea. Bishop Stuntz to Talk Before Omaha Ministers Bishop Homer C. Stuntz will read a paper on "Christian Opportunities New Hane Value In Suits American ' Poplins, Serges, Twills, in all the favored sprint eolon; clever new styles, very specially ariced, $18-75 80 New Spring Suits Consisting of Serges, Poplins and Twills, in all the most desired colon; a splendid as sortment of styles; very spe cial, Saturday - $23 75 New Home Value In Coats About 60 New Spring Coats, in all the new styles and col on that were bought to sell at $25.00, in special group for Saturday $18-75 Elegantly Styled Coats Style distinction marks ev ery coat in this special lot, all the most popular col on and fabrics; easily worth to $30, at . $23-75 introducing OUR NEW BLOtfSE SHOP A new department . crowded with Blouses of the same superior style that identifies all Orkin Bros, ap parel. Values are unusually attrac tive in order to stimulate an early visit on your part - 19.5 featuring Saturday- smart new voile BLOUSES worth to $3.50, at .. . Sports styles. Dressy styles, self trim med, others in lace and embroiderv: all new colorings. Dozens of smart styles; ef an exceptional Blouse offer Other ascensional valuee la beautifully styled Bleusoe, at $3.95, $5.00, $5.95, $.75 Saturday A Striking Sale of New Spring N SKIRTS opeciauy P4JL Saturday 11 Evarjr Mouse In the house is leu than 10 days old. ' Actual $6 and $7 Values Priced Saturday American Poplins, Velours, Taffetas, ' dozens to choose from. Without a doubt the greatest assortment, smart- ' est styles and best Values ever offered ' in this town at $4.95. y Showing the New Sport Skirts A broad, extensive display of the newest style creations in all the popular fabrics and colon; $7.50 to 825.00. i 1 1 ' in the Latin World," before members of the Omaha Ministerial association Monday morning at the Youn Men's Christian association. BoblaaoB CrtMMe A bootblack wai puffin ae tha and of a cigar when a rentleman, thlnklnr to have a llttla fun at tha yooth'a expanae, asked him It ha alwaya amoked cigars. "Oh, yaa. air, pretty often," answered the youth. 'TV hat brand do you generally amoke?" asked tha gentleman. "Robinson Crusoe, sir," rcpHfd tha boot black. Tha gentleman pondered a whtle. "I nwer heard of that brand." he said. "If a a nam I've giwtt 'am myself," said tha youth. "You see, guvnor, oM Cruaoe was a tjasuway!" Minneapolis Tribune Bee Want Ads Produce Results. The coming of the "Wreckers" means MUCH indeed to the women of Omaha and vicinity. is- JM tw J .Villi 4 i em 538 0 The "Why," "When," "Where" and "How" of these "Wreckers" will "be revealed on Sunday next Watch All Newspapers Sunday Omaha's New Shoe Store Offers Shoe Buyers Wonderful Values If You Are Not Already a Customer of This Store, These Values Will Make You One ! A Great Sale of New Spring Boots V Gray or White Boots, Spring's favorites. Beautiful All Light Gray Kid Boots, leather Louis heels. Special for Saturday White Kid $4.95 Glazed Kid Boots These fine Kid Boots, high loin patterns, small, shapely leather Louis heels, special Saturday $4.95 500 pairs Spat Pumps of Black Kid or Patent, bought at a great sav ings, will be sold Satur day at $2.95 1,000 pairs Street or Dress Boots, made of Dull Kid, with Kid tops, Patent with Cloth or Kid tops, high heels, medium heels, or low heel for the school girl in button J cy Qfi styles, will be sold Saturday for ip&tUU Big Values for the Men Special for Saturday This High Toe Button Shoe, as illustrated, comes in Dull Leather, lace or button style, and medium weight soles, will be at Panor s for only Xsold $2.95 lip? t M 'V'il Mothers, Bring the Children to Parior's Saturday White Tops This little Child's Shoe, sizes 2 to 8, comes in Patent leather, White Kid tops and spring heels, special at $1.95 "The Store That Undersells" Misses' School or Dress Shoes, Patent or Dull Kid, Cloth or Kid tops, special at Panor's Big Boys' Skuff Shoes, all solid, man nish last, but ton style $1.69 $1.95 Big Boys' Shoes, English last. The very latest of all Spring Shoes. Spe cial at Panor's $2.45 Panor's Shoe Co. 1512 Douglas The Store That Undersell" 1512 Douglas W' iiA ml" asjy,,"wV" '"A -A - W ejlaajanaylaaiaeiajiaiiniiea ee yVeea