F. J. SCHEFFLER
Physician and Surgeon
Calls Answered Day or Night
Phone No. 137, Res. 118
Office Over Swan berg Shoe Store
Sisseton, S- D.
William Glasier M. D.
Physician and Surgeon
OFFICE OVER REXALL DRUG STORE
Office No. 146
Residence No. 205
Calls Answered Night or Day.
Leave All Orders at Maldaner's
Drs. Williams & Gross
Chus. Williams. D. V. S.
Herman Gross. I). V. M.
Phone Nu. 27
Calls Answered Day or Night
RUTH N HAY
It you have tr'etl everything and failed
to lind health, try Chiropractor (epical)
HVljustmertts, ami gel well. Office in Swod
.unci's buildin$ Hours, 10 Ti
to 9 p. 111
W. D. WILSON, Prop.
Horses Bought and Sold
Prompt Service. Kares
Reasonable. Vi one 58
DRAY & TEAM
Phone No. 91.
S I S S E O N S
WE PLEASE YOUR FRIENDS
Let Us Please You
Our Portraits combine
the most pleasing eharac-,
leristics of quality and
Make an appointment to
THE B0WE STUDIO
jLAST OF ASSYRIAN KINGS
fBardanapalus Given Credit by His
torians for Foundation of An
cient City of Tarsus.
An ancient legend tells us that Sar
flanapalus was the founder of Tarsus
Iwhlle others ascribe that honor to
Sennacherib, king of Nineveh, of
whom the Bible record speaks. An
interesting part of this legend about
0ardanapalue, the last of the As
syrian kings, tells us that he recorded
ion his tomb near Anchiale, a record
Df having built a nearby city in one
day, a feat surely worthy of any king,
but the kings of those days, it must
be remembered, took as much license
with the record on their tombs as any
Munchausen who ever lived.
We are also told that on this tomb
was a statue of the king snapping his
fingers, while this inscription was
written beneath: "Sardanapalus, son
of Anakyndaraxes, built Anchiale and
Tarsus in one day. Eat, drink and
play, for everything else is not worth
this" (a snap of your finger). Whether
this statute and its inscription are
purely mythical or not, the tradition
was probably current in Paul's time,
es his own words indicate: "If after
the manner of men I have fought with
leasts at Ephesus. what advantageth
it me if the dead rise not? Let us
eat and drink, for tomorrow we die."
What greater contrast could there be
•than between the strenuous, manly.
Undaunted apostle and the voluptuous,
iblase king who was said to have
founded the city where hundreds of
.years later St. Paul was dorn?—Chris
A successful agricultural show Is
carried on each year in a certain vil
lage In the south of Ireland. Among
the many competitions for the encour
agement of thrift and cleanliness is
one for the best turned out donkey
and cart The prize for this was usu
ally won by the local doctor or the lo
cal solicitor. After one year's show
the farmers and working classes pro
tested that, it was not quite fair to
expect their hard-worked animals to
compete successfully with the well
cared-for and well-groomed animals of
those who generally won the prize.
In consequence of this protest the fol
lowing proviso in connection with this
competition appeared in the show
placard for the following year: "All
legal and medical donkeys excluded."
By AUGUSTUS GOODRICH
"It pays to be slick. Everything is
'Front' in this world. Education is a
waste oi time and nothing goes but
bluster, brag and pretense!"
Thus Mark Dorrance to his closest
friend and fellow workman, Bert
Lansing, who smiled dubiously as he
"Getting rather pessimistic, aren't
you, Mark? Of course you refer to
gold-plated superintendent, Tracy
"And isn't he truly all brass, with
a basis of self conceit and bragga
docio?" demanded iWark stormily.
"Why, say—he's about half the time
on his job and it's a wonder the com
pany keeps him. They can't know that
we do all of the work and he gets
the credit for it."
"Which speaks well for our dili
gence, eh. Mark?" laughed Bert.
"That may be, but I believe in merit
rewarded. If the right man was made
superintendent, it would be you."
"Thanks, Mark," bowed Bert. "That
shows that I have at least one admir
ing friend. Returning to Dunbar,
though, you may find that the ele
ments you idealize do not always spell
permanent success. Somewhere Dun
bar will strike a snag. Then, if he
isn't true blue, his good luck will de
sert him. What is the direct animus
of the especial moment as to Dun
"Well, when a fellow's got a girl
he don't care to play second fiddle in
her company," explained Mark in a
complaining tone. "Last evening we
were out at a little party. Dunbar is
clever, I'll admit it, and fairly be
witched the crowd with his entertain
ing ways. He acted though as if
could take his pick of any girl in the
room. I didn't like it. And by the
way, Bert, he was especially attentive
to the pretty sister of yours, Daisy.'
"Oh, don't let that trouble you,'
and Bert laughed confidently. "Daisy
is engaged to a gentleman in New
"Getting Rather Pessimistic, Aren't
York who will probably claim his bride
before the year is over."
"That may be,'' answered Mark,
"but I consider Dunbar a crafty, dan
gerous man. Certainly he interested
Daisy. Flirtation is a perilous game
for a lonely girl with a distant lover
only to think of."
"Daisy is a sensible, loyal girl," as
serted Bert, "and I am not afraid of
Mr. Dunbar winning from her anything
more than amused attention. She is
shrewd enough to see through his arti
ficial society ways, just as we do."
The conversation dropped there, but
it was destined to lead to results. An
outside incident hastened this ma
terialization. Bert and Mark were
young engineers and Dunbar was su
perintendent, all three engaged by a
big construction firm in the city to
build a water power plant. The dam
was about a mile from the town where
the young men lived. It was to be a
long job and the young men had been
accustomed to going home nights.
There came up, however, trouble
among the sluice workers. It arose
over the refusal of Dunbar to pay
them a certain rebate agreed on. They
refused to work. He claimed that
they had violated their contract and
were not entitled to the money. These
men claimed they were being robbed
and quit the job, but hung around
making some ugly threats.
On this account Bert and Mark con
sented to remain nights near the
plant, and quite comfortably estab
lished themselves in a little building
that had been used to store dynamite
In the early stages of the construction
work. They would go to town alter
nate evenings and did their own cook
One afternoon Bert was returning
from the village when he heard a yell
for help. He was amazed to trace It
to the side of the rough road, appar
ently beneath its surface. Finally he
discovered an old man who had fallen
into an unused pit. He helped him out,
scared and bruised.
"Where's the eggs!" gasped the res
cued one, looking wildly about.
"The eggs?" repeated Bert vaguely.
"Yes. I was carrying a basket with
forty dozen of them in it. Automobile
came along. Stepped aside to get out
of the way of it and fell Into that
hole. As I did so the basket swung
clear of my hand. I'm a poultry farm
er down the road. Suppose all that
hen fruit just smashed to smither
Bert made a search. It was a queer
thing, but he discovered the basket
safely nestled in among a lot of hazel
brush and not an egg cracked or
The old farmer was delighted. He
found out who Bert was.
"Say," he observed, "I'll send you
down a basket of the nicest, freshest
eggs you ever saw tomorrow."
The man kept his promise and there
was a rare breakfast feast. Bert and
Mark had eggs boiled, fried and poach
ed. Bert was the cook that morning,
and after the meal set the basket con
taining an egg supply for a week
ahead on a sheltered shelf on the
shaded end of the house outside.
It was about two hours later that
Bert and Mark, superintending some
work at. the dam, were startled by the
sound of a violent commotion. They
noticed a little way up the road an
automobile containing half a dozen
young ladies. It was one that Dun
bar frequently hired from a local gar
age. Then at a distance they noted
He had evidently driven up to the
plant, had gone into the office and com
ing out had been confronted by a party
of the dissatisfied workmen. About a
dozen of these were chasing him now.
"Where's the money you stole from
"String him up!"
Swat!—through the air sped a white
oval missile. It struck the glossy silk
hat of the runner and carried it into
a mud puddle. Swat!—two more of
the missiles landed on his back, giving
out a slimy ooze of white and yellow.
Then a perfect fusilate, and as Dun
bar turned to discern the distance of
his foes two more projectiles landed
on his face.
These and other vicious and furious
shouts followed the fugitive. He ran
for his life, his face ashen pale and
terrified. He dodged behind the little
cabin where Bert and Mark slept I
nights. As he came into view again an
amazing spectacle was revealed.
With a shriek of fear the futgitive
made for the near woods. He had to
pass the waiting automobile. He was
a bedraggled, forlorn specimen, a tar
get for the basket of eggs his pursuers
had discovered given to Bert by the
The rioters halted near the machine
as their prey escaped them, and then
the fair admirers of Tracy Dunbar
knew what kind of a man he was.
He had never returned the rebate
money to the company, but had rob
bed the workmen by dishonestly keep
ing it for himself. Bert noticed his
sister among those in the auto. Their
escort had disappeared for good and
Bert had to drive them back to town.
That night his sister made him a
confession. She had almost consent
ed to elope with Dunbar and marry
him. But now the shocking truth had
forever dispelled the illusion concern
ing a fascinating, but unworthy man.
Her real lover never knew how nearly
she had come to losing a happy, lov
It was discovered that Dunbar was
an embezzler to a large amount. He
goi safely out of the country and Bert
Lansing succeeded him as superin
"Which proves," observed Bert to
Mark Dorrance, "that 'front' and brag
and bluster do not always win in the
(Copyright, 1914, by W. G. Chapman.)
SAID TO BE 1,000 YEARS OLD
Remarkable Lamp Which Is One of
the Most Precious of Mikado's
What is probably the most extraordi
nary lamp in the world is one, said to
be more than 1,000 years old, which
forms a part of the art collection of
the emperor of Japan.
In this lamp the oil is stored in the
body of a rat, which sits upon the top
of a pole. Halfway down the pole, and
resting on a projecting bracket, is a
saucer, in the center of which is a pin
that connects it with the bracket on
which it rests. In this saucer and lean
ing over its side is a wick. When the
saucer is filled with oil and the wick is
lit there is presented a lamp that ex
hibits no peculiar qualities until the
greater part of the oil has been con
sumed. Then suddenly a stream,
which suffices to replenish the now
nearly exhausted saucer, issues from
the mouth of the rat.
The saucer being full, no more oil is
discharged from the rat's mouth until
it is again nearly empty, when the
creature sitting above yields a further
supply, and so on till its store of oil is
exhausted. The manner in which thia
is accomplished is simple.
A peg that rises in the center of the
saucer, and attaches it to the support
on which it rests, terminates in a knob
or cap but the peg is hollow and is
connected with the body of the rat by
a tube which runs along the bracket
and then ascends through the stand to
the upper portion of the rat's body.
The pin, which stands in the center
of the saucer, it should be remembered,
is perforated immediately below its
cap, or about half an inch above the
saucer. It is obvious, then, that when
the oil sinks to a point at which the
hole is exposed air will enter and thus
allow the oil to run out of the rat's
mouth but when this hole is again
covered by oil no further air is admit
ted, and therefore no more oil can run
from a rat's mouth.—Philadelphia Rec
Lots Like That.
A certain famous skyscraper build
er said in his New York office the oth
er day apropos of costs and values:
"Costs and values get confused be
cause there are so many men who. if
sunshine had to be paid for, would
swear that gas gave
I HER KiKY CONQUESTSj
By CLARA MORTON.
The iiule stenographer stood at the
liuor. looking dubiously at the descend
ing elevator. Then, with a deep sigl
pud a solemn expression, she turnet
s-i-d pushed open the little gate.
"Ah— im I just—awfully attractive—
when you don't know me very well?"
she inquired seriously of the book
keeper, her brow wrinkled in per
"I !i you—it's that plaid skirt!'
he exclaimed, turning wondering evee
upon the broad bars and stripes. "It's
a perfect, magnet for eyes. But who's
been troubling you?" He frowned with
with an effect of extreme ferocity.
"No, it's not that. They can ad
mire my skirt all they want, if they'd!
only be still about it! But it's lots I
different from that!" She sank dis
mally into her chair and rocked back I
and forth, deriving comfort from the
squeaks it emitted.
"I've tried to be nice," she said
remiriiscently. "But I didn't try to bny
especially nice, I know I didn't.
don't believe I was more than just:
natural! Do I have to turn into a per-1
feet sphinx—or into a prim old maid
to be comfortable?"
"You've got me," admitted the book
keeper. "Now, if you'll just give me,
say, three clues—or maybe a good
hint, I'll see if I can guess, that is,
if it's a riddle." He waited invitingly.
"Honestly—I'm serious!" insisted
the little stenographer. "I may have
to quit if it gets worse, though I don't
know how it could!"
She seemed very woebegone.
"What's really up?" asked the book
"Is it wrong to smile—at towel
boys and elevator men and window
cleaners and janitors and painters and
—and even messenger boys!" The
question ended in an impetuous ex
"Not if you like to." declared the
"Well, ttte towel boy, one day he
asked me what my first name was.
And was hurt because I wouldn't tell!
And the nicest of all, the messenger
boy, the one that I always wanted to
call, and the one that I thought was
about fourteen, he took hold of my
hand with the message the other day
and wouldn't let go. Oh. it was dread
ful—though I'd never said anything to
him but good morning or some such
"And—and," the little stenographer
flushed, "the janitor winked at me yes
terday when I smiled at him!"
"Wait till I see him—" said the
"But that's not all." she broke in,
"for when the men were painting here
—I'd seen them around the hall for
years, and never thought anything of
smiling in a friendly way at them, just
"Asked Me to Go to a Show."
to show that I wasn't a snob—one of
them said of me: 'That's my girl.'
And they both laughed. Oh, it was
awful! One of them kept coming back
into the office for brushes, and every
time he'd say that it was just once
more to see me! I kept still about
it, for I was ashamed!
"But the watchman stopped me in
the hall this morning and asked where
I lived, because he wished I lived near
his house, for he had a fine phono
"While I was all wilted through and
through I got in the elevator, and it
was empty. I unconsciously smiled at
the man and agreed that it was nice
weather, and he said yes, fine for the
show. And then and there he asked
me to go to a show with him! I didn't
know what to say! I don't like to
hurt him. He seemed a nice sort of
good natured boy—but, oh—" she
"Well, It's not so bad," comforted
"Oh, but—" she blushed. "Jack
happened to be waiting downstairs
when the man called after me to think
it over and try to go!"
The bookkeeper whistled softly.
"Oh, I see!" he said, with understand
ing.—Chicago Daily News.
Bill—Western Australia produces
more gold than any American state,
.sends more pearls to Europe than any
other country except Ceylon, and is
said to have the richest belt of hard
wood timber in the world.
Jill—Well, what use is it if it hasn't
BOUND TO HAVE INTERVIEW
Pertinacity of American Woman Jour
nalist Too Much for Elusive
The first interview with the famous
Chinese statesman, Li Hung Chang,
was obtained by a woman journalist,
an American—Miss Elizabeth Banks,
who has related how she hurried to
the Chinese diplomat before she had
had her breakfast, as she had been
told that her victim was an early
riser. But the attendants told her
that she was too late, as his excel
lency was about to go for a drive.
American determination was un
"Please, go ancK say to his excel
lency that an American woman jour
nalist called to see him before she
had had her breakfast, knowing that
he was an early riser. Tell him that
Americans are also early risers, and
that the American woman will call
on him tomorrow at 7 o'clock, and.
If that is too late, she will call the
next day at 6, and, if that's still too
late, she will come the next morning
at 5, but she must see him!"
In ten minutes the attendant re
"His excellency will be delighted to
see the American lady!" he an
Land of the Future Tense.
Then laziness. "Do not. do today
what can be put off till tomorrow" Is
the first commandment in the unwrit
ten constitution of the Mexicans. Be
ware of the Mexican who engages to
do something for you "tomorrow."
For "tomorrow" merely means Some
time in the future. Because of this
peculiar point of view Mexico has
been humorously dubbed "the land of
tomorrow." It is the land of procras
tination, the land of "poco tlempo," or
"wait a while." An appointment made
for ten o'clock in the morning may be
kept at eleven or twelve o'clock, or
perhaps not until afternoon. The Mex
icans never cease wondering at the
remarkable energy and promptitude of
Americans. When it is intended to
keep an appointment promptly the
words "a la inglesa" are added to sig
nify that the appointment is to be
kept after the English or American
fashion. Correspondence of Chris
Perhaps He Wanted to Lose Him.
"Yes," said the clerk at the "Lost
and Found" department of the Inter
borough (New York) Itapid Transit
company, "we get all kinds of stuff
here. It does beat all get-out the
queer things people leave behind them
on the trains. You wouldn't believe
it, would you, were I tell you some
body left a parrot on an elevated
train yesterday? But it's a fact. I'll
ehow him to you," and he led the way
down the aisle to where a large, green
parrot sat in its cage. The "lost"
bird was a very talkative one, and be
sides being able to say "Pretty Polly"
and the other stock parrot phrases
had a modest vocabulary of cuss
words. "Wouldn't you think," said the
clerk, "when that critter began to
say 'D that his owner
would remember and come back for
A woman out In Bratenahl says
that the best cook she ever had left
her good job to get married. The
cook's new husband didn't turn out
to be such a hero as he was expected
to be, and the cook came back to'
confide her troubles to her former
"He's a pretty good husband,,
ma'am," she said, "but he licks me so
often I can't hardly stand it no more."
"Why don't you have him ar
"I've been thinking of that. But
I got a lame back and can't wash no
more, and how would I ever get the
money to pay his fine if he was
pinched ?"—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
TIT FOR TAT.
"Did you ask the new cook why
she left her last place F"
"Yes, and she asked me why our
last cook left hers."
Solicits your flour trade
DAKOTA PRIDE" S
$1.20 per sack
Bran per ton
Shorts per ton
We Sell Hard and Soft Coal
The only way to
gut the j/ciiuriie
No other like it
No other as good1
The New Home Sewing Machine Company,"
For Sale by T. W. Cahill
who Boat Remedy
all forms of
SCIATICA. COUT. NEURALGIA.
AND KIDNEY TROUBLES
STOP THE PAIN
MHrU "t-DIIOM" IHR EC ON REQUCSr
Swanson Rheumatic Cure Co.,
1M-1U W. Lata CMICASO
OVER 65 YEARS'
I RADE IV» AIIKS
Anvonn «muling Fleetrh ntid description may
f|ul*uiy (iscuifaiii our opinion free whether at»
invi'iii hm la prolmMy patent able. Communion«
iimiM :iiidly vimitci iiiinl. HANDBOOK on Pnteute
wilt in tt. Mil«»it Ht-'oiK.-y for eeuuiing patent».
I'.iiruifl taiicn ihroiiKh Mmm & Co. receive
without charge, in the
A handsomely Illustrated weekly. Lnrgeat Cir
culation of tiny «olenlltlc Journal. Terms, $3
y«nr four months, |l. Hold by ull newsdealer».
MUNN & Co.364BrMdwa'-N8W York
Branch OBIce, /L. Washington, I). C.
Th Minneapolis Dollar-Hotel
200 MODERN ROOMS
Located in Heart of Business District
S I N E A E
CUROPLAN RATE FOR TWO PERSONS SI .SO
PRIVATE BATH AND TOILET EXTRA
AND FIREPROOF CONSTRUCTION
(INSURANCE RECORDS SHOW NO LIVES
EVER LOST IN A SPRINKLED BUILDING.)
EVERY ROOM HAS HOT AND COLD AUNN.NG
WATER, STEAM HEAT, GAS AND
LIGHTS. AND TELEPHONE SERVICE.
SENEN STORY ANNEX IN
O. K. LIEN
Lands, Loans and
SISSETON, «. D«
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