The Sully County watchman., July 07, 1883, Image 8

About The Sully County watchman. (Clifton, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1894

Image provided by: South Dakota State Historical Society – State Archives

                
Bismarck and the Porker.
*n pi-nine corn, tin1 jirl«le of llliimi*.
The lion Kr fiit. iitul Ki'iinU-il I'nrlh III*
ln-aniinr of lny* when l«« ninl -ueh n« lie
Should (ravel tur across the sultv sen.
In fnieiirii
lauds
hi1 Jiicimt invlitle to mum,
Beleetlnu Dciitschlnnd a* his future home:
There, cookiil with frntirtinl herls.
with wine.
Wlllee,
hihI
He mlnht ri itilr the lissucs of it Vrinee.
ItlMiinrrk, tlie mljrhty. notlnir from afur
The hoirV Increase. proclaimed n porcine war,
Dccliirimf. wifh deep driiujjht sot ttlieiusli wine,
Kternal enmity lo the Yankee inc.
The hoir, whose ticket for the trip
thought,
was
"I fenr," he wtid, "this notion tnny delay
My Journey Europe ward, |M*rliii|i a day."
Hi-nmr« k, surrounded l»v the liest of chiWT,
Drank down jrreat tlauon- of Itavurian I'eCT.
Ol otic dish only did his Highness out,
ilud loudly |ral!cnl the rich and lender meat.
He called the cook, who quickly reached his
Hide.
••Whence "lino's tills splendid pork?" the Chan
cellor cried.
"From your estate, my master dear and drend.
On oaken chip- and shavings duly fed."
"I had not bought," the iwwerful Prinoo de*
oliurd,
"That hoK-« of mine
mi
daintily find fared.
For me let ouch a porker dully ••pieal.
And give me meat like this at every meal."
The Yankee pork before him -welled with
priile
For very ,l«»v It could Irive foliln-d and erled.
As with a Wintern twaiitr it whispered clear,
"All rjglu, jumid ChnneeMor. y.m we I'm here."
IHE BEACH FARM.
"And served him right!" said Mrs.
Wynhart. primly. If Mrs.Wynhart had
lived in ancient times, she would most
Vr
€K
terveil
He would displace the nornwrnj- »ntlv« rwlno.
He meant In time to jrrncc n sumptuous board.
Perhaps the tnhle of the empire's lord.
And liojM-il. although the notion liutde him
assuredlv have lieen ranked anion*' Iho!tomplntijilt the idea of a new white al
ScrilR's mid Pharisees.
She was always criticizing ami t:n«lin"
fault. Nobodv suited her. And when
she spoke out the short, sharp, decisive,
.sentence alsove recorded, site set down l'.,,rs' f'
tin* teakettle with an emphasis which
jingled the very lid.
The neighbors had been thero todrink
tea. Whenever an\thinrof social im
portance happened in Sandville. the
neighbors always went sottK-wherc to
ilrink tea. Ami Mrs. Wynhart had had
plum cake and frizzled beef, fresh
doughnut* and damson jelly, to cele
brate the occasion.
Now that the company was prone
(Sandville people always put their knit
ting work in the bapr and went home
early on account of the beach road and
rising tide) Luelia. the o!det daughter.
was washing up the dishc. and Wini
fred, the younger, was chopping raisins
for a pudding.
"Oh, mother!" pleaded Winifred.who
was a fair-haired, chcrry-lipped girl, al
ways hanging down lit head like a
wild anemone, "dun'I talk in that wav,
please,"
"Mother's right enough," said Lu
elia.
"Why .shouldn't I talk that way?""
Maid Mrs. Wynhart. "It's the go-pel
truth, ain't it? Jack Jcllitt'c wa a wild
fellow, always, careering around the
country when he'd ought to be home,
reading his 'Notes on the t'ateehiz!'
,:
"lJut, mother," ventured Winifred*
"you let him come heru to mm: Luclla,
when you supposed he was old Squire
Sandiman's heir."'
"I couldn't put him out doors, could
I?" retort eel Mrs. Wynhart. severely.
"Beside, that's ijuite a dilVerent thing.
Sijuire .Sandimau ought to know his own
nephews better than any one else, anil
he's left all his money to Simeon, while
Jack has only got the Beach Farm,
where there's nothing on earth but sea
weed and samphire, and long clams, to
be had!"
."It's an unjust will!" said Winifren,
rwldening to the ve^- rocw* of her hair.
"lloity-toity!" said Mrs. Wynhart,
wheeling suddenly around ami regard
ing Winifred sarcastically through the
moon-like spheres of her big silver spec
tacle-. "What business was it of
yours, I'd like to know? He will never
be Luclia's husband now."
"There never was an engagement^"
said Luclla. cavalierly. "Of course A
girl must amuse herself but I didn't
«are for him."
Winifred looked up with her soft eyes
brimming over with tears. Was there
no Mich thing, she asked herself, as
truth and loyalty in the world!1 Why
did they all turn against him iu this
way just when his uncle's will had so
cruellv di-appointcd him?
So Mrs.Wynhart and Luelia went to
the "Weekly I'hortts of Song," where
Deacon Thorny led the tunes very much
through his nose, and Mi-s Betsy Box
licld labored after.ou a leaky melodcon,
which wheezed audibly at every note,
and Winifred remained at houie to darn
the stockings and put her twin brothers
to bed.
"Some one must stay to see that
Benjamin and Ahijah don't set the house
on lire," said Mrs. Wynhart.
"Ami Winifred never cared for mu
sic," adtled Luelia. */nor for society
either."
It was the way by which ii"tters wei'b
always decide*! in the Wynhart house
hold. Winifred was quite used to it,
and never dreamed of making an ap
peal.
Luelia was undoubtedly the beauty o|
the family: but there were those who
might have prtffrsred the yellow locks
and limpid blue eyes of tin
I•you.1Jryii4frptl"make
y-
Voun,rer sis-
ter, in spite of her round little nose, and tf°r
the mouth was perhaps too wide foi
classic comparison.
But while she sat there all alone,with
the twins snoring up stairs, and the fire
crackling on the hearth, there came a i
taji at the door, and in walked no less a
personage than Jack JclliilVj himself.
"Oh, Jack!" said Winifred, jumping
up with a slight scream.
"Yes, it's I," said Jack, somewlyit
moodily. "I just met your mo'.her and
fcistor. They wouldn't speak to me."
"Wouldn't speak to you, Jack?"
•'Pretended not to It now me until 1
spoke. It's all the same. Winifred, you
don't believe it, do you?" he burst out
abruptly.
"Believe what. Jack?" she faltered.
"Tlipt I aift w ild and worthless—That
I deserved the slight my uncle has put
upon me?"
"No, Jack," earnestly responded
Winifred, with tears in her eyes, "1
never believed it! Because we were
jla\ mates together, and you were al
ways, oh, so good to me! And, beside,
Jack, I hopwu 1 thought you might oue
day be my brother."
"I liked Luelia well enough," said
the young man, slowly, "but It wasn't
she wished to my wife. It was
"1!" cried tin* girl.
"I loved you, Winifred,'' staid .Tack,
in a faltering voice. "Wlit'iirvcr 1
«lr«*imn*tl «»f a home of my mvnjt wa.»
your face I fa no i ml beside iuy hearth
Ktit ttiktc
but now—
••Well," said Winifred, "now—*'
"I don't dare to ask any girl to In- my
wife. 1 couldn't expect any girl to go
to the bleak loneliness of tin* lVach
Farm, with its acres of sea grass and
shingly sand, and its an old, one-storied
hou-e. all leaning to one side with tin:
cast wind."'
Winifred looked at hiip with #oft, glit
tering blue eyes.
••Jack," said she, "I don't mind the
(sought,! loneliness nor the cast winds, if—if only
Then eensed to sfnini, ubpnrhcd In ftr.rimi« vou love nic! I'd ri.sk it all, if--"
"Winifred! Do you really menu it?"
"Yes. Jack," she answered, softly,
blushing beautifully.
••You'll risk it all, Winifred. :..i- my
*akci'"
"Yes, Jack." she -aid a pa in.
(ircat was tlie tumult and displeasure
in the Wynhart family when it was dis
covered thai Winifred had engaged her
self to Jack Jellitl'c.
"If it had been Simeon, now," croak
ed Mrs. Wwiharf, "I shouldn't have .so
much objected."
"Hut I didn't love Simeon, mother,"
pleaded Winifred.
"Love!" repeated Luclla. angrily.
"Hali! I've no patience with .Mich sen
timental trash, and if Winifred is reallv
detcrmiiusi to go to the Beach Kami, site
i must make u^i her mind to separate her
self from us!'
"Lti,clla is right." said Mrs.Wynhart.
"1 never expected to see a child of mine
de'ib-raleh turn nauttor."
Wmnreti, wiiii nan oeeu secretiv eon-
to
married in. now re-
s'11'
would liave to wash and
iron ,u o1,1 wll5,,!
W!W vprv ,lam t,10t
because it
l1,o!i,'r
W"U,1
n
'u'1* 'M'b:iif.
Winifred, soft and yielding though sin
was in other matters.was most true and
loyal to Jack Jeliiffe, in spite of the ve
hement opposition she met wiUi from
her family.
"I love him. mother." .-he said pite
ous
ly. when Mrs. Wynhart was most
merciless in her itupcration.
"Hump!" said the stout matron. "Its
a pity you didn't fall in love Billy See
ley, who has juat been sent to the poor
house.'1
So matters stood, one gloomy, blowy
April evening, when Winifred went out
under the crimsoning maples of the
woods to meet Jack JellitVc. For Mrs.
Wynhart had made herself so obtru
sively disagreeable that all hopes of
pleasant evenings by the lire-ode were
abandoned, and Winifred lived only in
the brief, bright moments when she met
her lover in the wiuter sunset, with the
frozen branches crackling overhead and
the chill stars shining in the sky.
Jack Jelliflc was there before her.
"Well, lassie." he exclaimed, joyous
ly, as she came up, "I've been waiting
for you this half hour. thought you
were never coming!"
Mrs. Wynhart was cutting out little
cloth waistcoats for the twins, by the
light of a sinoky kerosene lamp, when
the door opened, and Winifred came in
Ibuuiug on Jack's arm* S!e gh.nced
at them over her specta.-lcs with most
ungracious eyes.
"Mother," said Wilfred, -la a low
voice, "we have something to tall you.
Jack has sold the Beach farm.—"
"Humph!" said Mrs. Wynhart. "And
you're expecting to come here to live,
are you? But you can't!"
"to the city of Sandport,*' went on
Winifred, as if her mother had not
spoken, "for a seaside park. And they
have paid him twenty thousand dollars
for it."
"Twenty—thousand—dollai s!" gasp
ed Mrs. Wvnhart. "For a hundred
acres of barren sea sand! It isn't true
—1 don't lielieve it!"
"And." added valiant .Tnrk,"we have
bought Dr. Baily's farm, with ttie stone
house, artd I can give Winifred a home
at least as good as the one I take her
from."
"As good as you take her from! I
should think so!" ejaculated Mrs. Wyn
hart, remembering with regrvt that all
this golden prize might have been Lll
ella's. "Squire Baily's stone house,
with a bav window and double parlors,
ami blinds to every window! Well,
Winifred, I hope you'll not lie too set up
to speak to your mot her and sister when
\ou ve moved there!"
"There i- no danger of it," said Win
ifred, laughing almost hysterically—for
brave as she, had been iu the face of
trouble, good fortune almost took her by
surprise. "But oh,. mother, if you'll
only kiss me and say that you're* glad
I'm going to be happy -if you'll only do
that!"
And Mrs. Wynhart did so, from the
bottom of her heart. Neither was it an
act of hypocrisy. For Winifred engaged
to a man worth twenty thousand dollars
was a dilVerent sort of person from
Winifred who resolved to marry a. pau
per. And this was the sort of logic by
which Mrs. Wynhart argued her way
through life.
Squire Sandiman's will was so differ
ent from the wav iu which people gen
erally had interpreted it Simeon with
his live thou-aud dollars in cash.was all
vt'r.v
,ut
tour
the Beach Farm had r:ld
li,at
amount, and the dis-
inherited nephew became the hero of the
day. How was Squire Sandimau to have
foreseen all this?
But Winifred bad eared little for all
that. She had loved Jack before ami
she loved him now. But it was nice to
be married at home in a new white dress,
with Luelia to arrange her hair, and she
was glad they all liked Jack so much.
But she loved him -nothing eJUe^matter
ed much—she loved him, and that was
enough.
A golden dude is reproached by the
too credulous tailor who has clothed hiiu
for a year or more, without seeing the
color of the dude's money. "i had so
much confidence iu you," says the tailor,
I trusted yon so implicitly."* "Aud have
I abused u»ue confidence?" asks the
dude, indignantly. "Did I ever recom
mend one of my friends to deal with
you?"—Oi'trvii
f'r- I'rat*.
A \ory wealthy New York girl has
adopted a Japanese baby of two years.
She paid for him, aud has named
him James A. iiarticld.
Yellow is the prince of colors now.—
Ev .'i v victim of the jaundice is la the
height of fashion.
Mrs. tloplnus UonnnU
I should have taken a o com
fort livin' in if it hadn't beep fur
Mis- Wilson. She was the taslieit
drcssin' woman I ever see. Everything
she put on looked well, if it want noih
in' but a six cent print. If there was
anything pretty she would have it. She
come over to our houso one evenm" ahd
we got to speakin' nlmut liiinnits. I
was ealeulatin' to wfcir the one 1 had
the summer before. She said she v as
goin' to have a new one ami a-ked me
if I had noticed that one in Miss Evans'
window. Said site:
"1 don't know when I ever see a bjjn
nit that took my •%•#. that one. and I
mean to have it. It's a perfect beauty."
"What kind of bunnit is it?" I asked.
"It is a beautiful white Dunstable
trimmed with cream-colored riblxin rtnd
pink roses." said she.
After she had gone I kept thiiikin'
about that bunnit. Here was a chance
where I could git ahead of Miss VVi
1
.son.
Wal, the end of it was I got up in the
mornin" bound lo have that bunnit. Ju*t
as soon as I got my work done up. Iput
oti m\ things ami started foi- Mi*- Ev
ans' shop, and sure enough, the first
thing I sec in the window was that bun
net. I tried it on: it looked well it
was a handsome bonnet and no mistake.
It wasn't the fashion then to have ties,
but an elastic cord held it on.*and
there was long ends hanging down" be
hind.
Wal. I paid the six dollars and went
home with the lmnuit.
When John come tu dinner, he said
there was a man goin' tu lecture that
evuliili', who bail been iivitf l'Mi* tins
Injins and he wanted tu go ami hear
him. 1 thought it would be a good
chance to we-ir mv new bunnit, so I
said right oil'that, i wanted to go. We
wan't long goin' tu the hall. John let
down the top of the buggy and 1 jumped
out.
Tin* man had just got up tu speak as
we went in the hall was about full, but
John went clear up front, and got some
seats. I was giad of it. 'twas a good
chance to show my bunnit. I saw Miss
Wilson the lirst tiling and thinks I tu
myself. I wonder who has got the pret
tiest bunnit this time?
I saw folks lookin' a good deal, aud
kinder smilin". and some young girls
that sat right behind began to giggle.
Just then John looked round at me.—
Now he never took no notice »»f my
clothes: he couldn't tell calico from
cashmere: hut lie kept kiokin' at me,
and I though! my bunnit inu?» fie very
becomin' for John to take so much no
tice of it.
Just then he whispered to me and
said, "For ma-sy sake! what did vou
come here without your bunnit for?'*
I put my hand to my head, and, sure
enough, my bunnit was gone. Just
think of it. Matildy: there fwas, in that
hall full of
folks,
right up in front, with
no bunnit on. and that little born coiul)
to keep my bunnit on stickin' in my'
hair. I wished I could sink down
through the tloor. I was so 'shamed 1
didn't know what todu. I never thought
noihin" 'bout the bunnit, where it had
gone nor nothin'. I only wanted to git
out of that hall, and 1 ^id. i don't
know how I ever had the spunk td do
il, luit anything was !ictur than sitting
there and everybody laughin' at me.
John followed me out, and it was well
he did, for I almost had a hysteric lit.
I cried and I laughed. He tried to talk
to me and tell me it waSit no matter,
that folks hadn't noticed it. but that on
ly made me feel worse. JHadn't I seen
them laughin' at me?,
I told him he must lake jne home so
he got the buggy and wheVi I went to
git in. if there wa'ut my bunnit iyin' in
the top of the buggy.
You see. when John let the top back,
one of the long ends of ribbon got caught
some way. and the buuuit was drawn
right off my head. ('oine to look at it,
the elastic cord hadn't lieen sewed on,
and had nulled off that was why the
bunnet slipped off so easy. I tell you,
Matildv. mv pride had a fall. I never
took a mite of comfort wearin' that bun
nit. Bui t'was a good lesson tu mo.—
I gave up tr\in' tu keen up whh Miss
Didn't Recognize Him.
After Valdo had chased the car for at
least one hundred yards, yelling at the
top of his voice to the driver to stop, he
managed to get aboard. To hjs a-ton
i-hinent and disgust, there sat iiis friend
Middh-ton.
"You saw me running in l\jk hot sun
why didn'tyou tell the driver to stop,
and not let me run myself into a brain
fever?" and with his hooked linger he
captured sum*' perspiration from his
brow and slung it out into tile dusty
street.
"1 did not wognize you ^at first.
From where I was sitting 1 cpuld only
see the upper pari of your body, audi
wasn't sure that it was you. J|o" could
not expect me to ivcogni/.ey«Mi when I
could not sec your feet
The oilier passengers only realized
that this was a joke, and that Ch«' point
of it was about twelve inches iii length,
when they looked at Yaldo'ttfoft.— Tex
as Siftinys.
v. Brave Littla Girl.
According to the-jstory of i'lnr- utin^
Labros, of Franklin Co., Mo., jsite was
coming home with her brother^ Charles
and Frank other afternoon, whet.
Charles, angry Itecausc his brother hat)
excelled him at a school cihibitioii,
picked up a cltilf and kn4'kcd him
senseless. After a time h» rJcovcrcd,
!)Ul wns unable to proceed ho:i»*. Char
ley left his brother ill the wocyts, anO
Florentine, taking her dinuer-btn ket t:
the creek, secured the sutVyrer a drink
and cooled his brow witii hefiW^t apron.
This refreshed him. aud he w^s able t,
reach the bank of the creek.t It w:t,»
growing dark rapidly. The had
to be crossed on a log. Taking Ids .-is
ter's advice, he attempted tu crawl
across on his hands and kue^. Mid
way of the stream the boy lst, his bal
anee and tumbled into the {water. lie
seized some bushes and r-^iujeccdcd in
keeping his head above wai l* uutil tin
brave little girl waded in *1 ragged
his half-lifeless form to shotp. lie wa.
bentmibed and could hatdli* -peak.
Ho e for some improvcnntit math* tht
girl cling to him hour after it»urthrorgh
the long night. Stripping herself o|
wraps she folded them about her brothel
and waited until morning, n|ul then ran
home for assistance. While »Jie was
sent LU body was discovered*
Healthy Homes.
Robert .oiwlinnoit. C. £.. London,
says:
The flul»«oil beneath a house should
be natural' dry. or it should made
dry by lan'* draining. The ground tloor
of a house should not lie below the level
of the land, street or road outside. A
site excavated oil the side of a hill or
steep bank is liable to be dangerous, as
external ventilation may be defective,
and the subsoil water from above may
soak toward and beneath such houses.
Middens, ash-pits and cess-pools. If at
the back, must also taint such base
ments.
The subsoil within every basement
should have a layer of^ncrete over it.
anil there should b« flill ventilation.
Cess-pools, cess-pits. sink-holes or
drains should not be formed nor lie re
tained within house basements. The
ground around dwelling houses should
lie paved, llagged. asphalted, covered
with concrete or be graveled. Outside
channels should be in good order, and
be regularly cleaned. House-caves
should be guttered and spouted. Swill
tubs should not be near doors or win
dows. Pigsties .should ever b». kept at
a distance: and. where pigs are kept.
there should lc rigid cleanliness. Im
properly keeping pigs has caused much
more human sickness and destroyed
more life than all the battles the coun
try has been ever engaged in. Garden
plats should, of course, be in order, ami
be properly cultivated.
Many houses, from the mansion to
the cottage, are unwholesome for some
of ihe following reasons:
Damp and unvcntilated basins cess
pools and foul drains within the base
ment rotten timbers in floors and skirt
ings, and tainted wall-papers: kitchen
sink? in improper places, and unvcntil
ated: water-closets iu improper jdaees,
and unvcntilated: rooms without ade
quate menu- ventilation: water cis
tcrns and pump* in improper places.
supplying eontaminau water. Those
defects shouid be remedied by landlords.
Houses arc aNo unwholesome from
aecumulatvd dirt, carelessness and per
sonal neglect. As when: Booms are
not sufficiently cleansed: carpets are
left down too long ami never swept.
indows are seldom opened: water-clos
ets are dirty, neglected, and without
ventilation: dirty beds are unmade and
shrouded by dirty hangings dirty ward
robes and dirty clothes closets: nooks.
corners and shelves which arc never
dusted.
There are points of construction to be
attended to which I will name, so as to
put them on record for the remembrance
of those who may, at some time or oth
er, build cottage- or small houses, or hi
in communication with those who dc
build, or are going to do so.
Do not build on heaps of rubbish, til
lings in with cess-pool refuse, chemical
waste, or on swampy gv nuul which can
not be drained. Tho.isands of houses
have been so placed, and are now leing
so placed in tiie saburl of our towus.
A bed of concrete ov i* the Hte of cot
tages will vastly modify an otherwise
objectionable position but. indeed, a
bed of concrete should be used in all
cases.
To ventilate stair- and pa-sages, open
the staircase or passage,
wind" •, or both,
by drawifig down tne* top"s!PTr sirrraH' and UiaT "Tic only
inches iu summer, one or more inches practical joke on
in winter, and in some cases screw the
sash fast, so that these windows mustbt
open all the jcar round if there is
skylight above the staircase, let then*
be" ventilation here which cannot
closed. The re-i'dt will be improved
health to the family. Pay no attention
to any casual rem*" k: "How eold youi
staircase is!" Lei ye ladies put on an
extra shawl. Bultofric remark will sel
dom be made.
Schools, as a rule, are very defectively
ventilated. Ordinary flat -ceilinged
rooms are totally unfit for public schools.
The space should be open up to roof
ridge. and this should be louvered.
Nurseries and children's rooms should
be permanently ventilated.
Dormitories for children should have
ample ventilation: cloth*' the children
warmly, cover the beds warmly, pre
vent direct draughts, and the cool air
will not injure.
Avoid flue ventilation of every sort
let the fresh air come in as direct as pos
sible. Night air is the only air you can
have at night, so do not fear it. Dread
foul, because tainted, air manufactured
within the rooms. Any outside fresh
air is-better than lung and skin tainted
inside air.
or the family Sorap-Book.
Never let tea boil.
For rough hands use lemon juice.
Strong lye cleans tainted pork barrels.
Tepid milk and water clean oilcloth
without soap.
Turpentine applied to a cut is a pre
ventive of lockjaw.
A hot shovel held over furniture re
moves white spots.
Sprinkle sassafras bark
among
dried
u i o k e e o u w o n e
Pop corn is a good lunch for Sunday
nights with milk for drink.
A handful of hay iu a panfid of water
neutralizes smell of paint.
To make a carpet look fresh, wipe
with a damp cloth after sweeping.
In sewing and winding carpet rags
double them with the right side out.
Clean tea or coffee cups with seoup
ing-briek makes them look good na
new.
Remove Ink-stains on silk, woolon or
cotton by saturating with spirits of tur
pentine.
Washing pine tloor in solution of one
pound of copperas dissolved in one gal
lon strong Jve gives oak color.
Remove tiower pot stains from win
dow sills by rubbing with tine wood ash
es and rinse with clean water.
A pa-te of equal parts of sifted ashes,
clay, and salt and a little water ce
ments cracks in stoves and ovens.
Mixtures of two parts of glycerine,
one part ammonia, and a little ilose*
water whiten and soften the hands.
Cover plants with newspapers before
sweeping. AUo put a little ammonia
on them once a week.
Cora husks braided make a service
able and handsome mat. The braids to
be sewed with sack needle and twine.
Cabbage is made digestible by lirst
slicing, ami then putting in boiling wat
er, with a pinch of soda and some salt,
and boiliug just fifteen minutes.
A porcelain-lined kettle that will no
longer serve for fruit is just the thing
for corn loaf.
fruit
DO
SC.
2,
I
Tbo LinurKiln Clnb,
Judge Cadaver had lately fallen into
the habit of showing up at Paradise Hall
an hour before the meeting- oj en and
studying art with no one to lwther or
make him afraid. By a careful inspec
tion of the busts of Ctrsar, JacVsou,
Clay, Shakspeare and Sumner, and by
a close inspection of the three or four
sacred horse-pistols, tlie four renowned
swords and thalf-dozen ehronios, he
has become almost a eonnoi-seur, and
can almost tell the diff renee between a
genuine Reubens and a tea-store plaque.
He was on hand as usual Saturday even
ing. Samuel Shin left him standing be
fore the bust of CtEsar and went down
sit airs after an onion. Upon his return
the Judge lay senseless on the floor, and
around biin were the fragments of tin
busted bust. The Judge had scarcely
icvived when the meeting opened, but
there was no shade of pity in Brother
Gardner's voice as It? arose and said:
"Judge Cadaver will be given two
weeks to replace dc bust wid a new one
bavin' de same squint to de left eye. In
case he fails to do so lie will be fined
about 'leven hundred dolIal*s. Gem'Icn.
dar' am a few things I would like to call
your 'tenshun to. De sezun has now ar
rove for pullin' ole hats and pillers outer
de broken winders, an' I seize de occas
hun to ax you to remember:
"Dat a front gate off it* hinges
means a slip-shod man iu de house.
"Dat a red nose means a hungry Honr
barrel.
"Dat no man elier got work sictitt1
on de fence an' discussin' tie needs of «le
kentry.
"Dat de less pollyticks a man has do
mo' cash he kin pay his grocer.
"Dat argymcnts on religion won't
build churches nor pay
"Dat a fam'ly which in
nor lends keeps navburs de longest.
Dat beauty will starve in the parlor
whar' common sense will grow fat in de
kitchen.
"Dat dc world am full o' mice-holes,
an' all tie eats need do am watch an'
wail.
"Dat economy doan' mean buyin'
kalfker fur yer wife an' broad-cloth fur
yourself.
"Dat progress doan' mean fittin' ole
doalis to new buildin's.
"Dat liberty doan' gin you de right to
eat atioder mau's chickens.
"Dat success achieved by rascality am
A fish net made o' yarn.
"Let us now purceed to attack tint
reg'lar programmy iiizness. an' if
\ir* am any mo' cougbin an' spittin'
ober de nex' fifty y'ars."
A Wisconsin Humorist.
ober in tie furco'ner sartin pussoiis will ]n the j»la\'.^ She it was that stirred up
witness purccedin's dat willcasta gloom
Wi-eonsin is noted for its humorists
and big lish stories but about the most
intensely uproariously humorous story
that has yet reached our cars, is that of
a farmer, pretentious as to piety, who
took a teu-eai-old bo\ out of a charity i
institution, promising to rear him prop-
crly. I he lad lied tine day, ami the good
man slit his tongue with a pair of scis
sors. As this punishment was preceded
by horsewhippings, proddings with a
pitchfork and suspensions by the heels,
a grand jury has indicted tin di-ciplin
h:»p. who claims ihit4t was all in fun,
jolly sport to slit a boy's tongue just to
.-ee him squirm and sputter blond.
What an amusing old cuss th farmer
must be to take a pitchfork ami tickle
the urchin's ribs until he laughed him
self hoarse every day. It is enough to
make a fellow crank his crown sheet
with levity every time he thinks of the
playful kittenish ways of this humorist.
Ilis style of jokes are new and intensely
thrilling to those about to be executed
witli a tit of his rollicking hilarity. He
might bav* heightened the boy's pleas
ure a little by varying the joke to in
clude pulling his hair out by the roots
and other *li\vrtisments not unknown
to the pleasures of the Spanish Inquisi
tion. Wisconsin is fast rivaling the
Jenny Cramer state for the eccentrici
ties of humorists.- Chicago Check.
As our Country Cousins see Us.
The season is almost here when the
summer tourist makes his periodical
visit to the rural districts. Itis not gen
erally known whence he comes or
whither lie goes. He springs up at tlx
first approach of warm weather, even
as the mushroom rears its stately head
after an April shower. He resembles
the mu-hroomiu another particular -he
is generally about as soft. He is one of
those persons who is too poor to go to a
fashionable watering-place, ami tn»
proud to stay at home. You can easi
ly distinguish him from other animals,
such as tax-collectors and book agent s,
by his personal appearance. He wears
a linen ulster cut dcnii-train ami held in
place by a diagonal equator of the same
material. He will also usually wear a
pair of *freeti goggles and carry a for
midable looking grip-sack in his liatyi.
He wearsr tllf goggleibeeau-e he .-tai led
out with the intention of finding every
body green, and it is easy lo do this
when looking through green glas-e.-.
He will engage board of some unsophis
ticated farmer for ten dollar- pci*mont?q
and growl because he does not get tifty
dollars' worth of attentiou. Besidc^,:.il
this he will expect the privilege of flirt
ing with the farmer's daughter, and
should she refuse, he considers that he
has been shamefully treated. Flirt he
must and will with someone, if it
is only the hired girl. You are expect
ed to religiously believe all the yarns be
may choose to tell concerning city ill'",
ami even encourage hiui occasionally to
make them a little more unreasonable,
lie will curse the country, and you mu-t
enjoy it with as keen relish as if you
were swallowing sugar-coated pills on
the half shell am! even lay aside your
religious scruples once in a whilV- ant}
help him curse it. The food neversuii s*
hitu. Ho is as fastidious as a »tal!-ted
cow. and one would judge from his con
versation that he was raided on the liv
ers of birds of paradise and the distilled
essence of roses. The truth probably i.^
that he boards at a fiftccn-ccnt lunyh
stand and picks his teetji in front
popular hotel. Sometimes tpe summer
boarder is a woman. Thett it is that
you can realize something the nature
of that country where ice cream is un
known. Such is the summer boarder.
You never like him so well as when you
see hiui leave. Let us pray that we
be afflicted with' him
.. may never De auiieleu wittt mm—at
A three or four quart least not tho average summer boarder.
can answers well the same pur* Waynesboro (On.) Htrald. «^tlld xe-ircr
-Troy Times,
Folly Shots.
Mr. Joseph Pulitzer would probably
define the "sunimitof human ambition"
to Ik? that elevation at which a man
makes a discovery that thcro wrr no
more "World's to conquer."
"O Clara, there's sometlrnjf I want to
tell you somu»h. I've captured allude'
at last." Clara's face flushed with ex
citement as she exclaimed:
"Do let me see it, won't you?"
"Not now," returned her friend, "it s
wrapped up in cotton batting and I
don dare to take it out until the weather
gets milder."
A gentleman who had attended court
daily during the delivery of Colonel
Bliss' speech to the Star Route jury,
observed:
"Mr. Bliss is a very clever man and
j'et, after listening to his effort, I am
satisfied he lacks something. Can you
imagine what it is?"
"F really cannot," said the individual
addressed "unless it is a bellows mend
er."
We have been asked whether it is wise
to marry very young? As a general
rule i is unwise. Lord Bacon believed
that "a young man married was a young
man marred." Most people have a
great respect for Bacon's opinion and
justly. Marriage is a state that requires
us much good judgment, self control and
common sense as affection, and the
former are not the usual possessions of
extreme youth. A man »vho marries at
30 or "JO is like a tin putty blow loaded
with gunpowder. The chances arc that
he is going to hurt himself.
You know I am not by uatiiMs
preachers. Mingy," said a bald headed, meek look
'llber liorro'wa
n,ai1*
wort
1
jSt |,ut the plot and characters
to ho foun(l
1
Intended to play a
the lad. It's awful
A*.
Ifee*
"M()n,,y w nothing to
me when I've got it U) £pcnd, yet there
is one outlay, which I shall regret a.
long as I live."
"What is that?"
"The money it cost me to
get marriod."
"So you are married at last, Charley.
I hear your wife is a very energetic
woman and keeps things stirred up. Of
course you married her for love?"
"No," said the husband, bracing him
Hclf up. "I married her to cure my
dyspepsia."---
lirookhin Eagle.
Shakspcare's "Macbeth" Taken fWm the
Bible.
You will find the principal characters
of "Macbcth" in the Book of Kings.
Jezebel in the Bible is "Ladv Macbeth'"
1 ,l 11
her husband to do all the deviltry he
did. Then take llazael, a servant to
the King. Under the influence of his
wife. Jezebel, he plots to kill his master,
and become King of Syria in his stead.
This plot is successful, and llazael is
crowned King. This character exactly
suits that of "Macbeth." The minor
charaeters can also be found in the Bible.
Of course. Shakspeare has altered the
are
llis
lectures on Shakspeare at Princeton Col
lege, staled that Shakspcare's regular
practice was to study the Bible seven
hours a day. There were not so many
Bibles in his time as there arc now, but
u.crc. lh ILilscv, iu
although very costly, he had one, ami
lll.vlc d-.il,. frl\U.tief« u» ilJgit. I Jo
not know, but presume he is correct.
I Though Shakspeare was undoubtedly a
great man, I think he is considerably
overrated, so far as h:.-» originality is
eoncearned. I think he was not endow
ed with Ihe genius of originality, but
lather with the genius of arranging the
writings of those gone before, aud re
writing them in an attractive style.—
Hidtard Lie, D. I.
Wrecks of Washington Life.
Tho streets of Washington are lined
with old battered wreck- that the waves
and winds of politics have cast ashore
from time to time. It is a fact, howev
er, well known here, that a majority of
those who are forced out of public life
and settle in Washington turn out as
"ne er do weels." I know a graduate
of Harvard College, wh) was himself
the President of a college, a Senator in
Congress and subsequently in a position
of almost imcqualcd poucr, who "set
tled" in Washington. Drinks and card*
brought him to ruin and l.c was. if jam
not wrong, once iu jail and mauv titne.
iu the station-house. He v.'as a superior
scholar, an eloquent speak ?r and an able
thinker. It was not units uil for him to
accost his former friends jud :.-k for n
quarter to buy him something to eas.
Where he is now I do i.pt know. I
know of as sad a case the lu^w
House—a man of comnu.(tiling mint!
and presence and rarely rifled as an
orator. He was at one tin e ?. member
oi the Consiitutional Conv: tipn of Ken
tucky. afterwards a menib' roj!h State
Legislature of California, a-vi V.as elect
ed to codify the laws of that I^ate was
an elector on the Kremor. ticket in
l.H.di was Receiver of 1'ubiV Moiievsin
one of the Territories, ami bubiequently
Surveyor General, aud the -|r\edtwo
term- iu the I louse. He ,-ytight
a e s i e n i i e i i o u s r- i i e i a
societies here, and stood as LigVaa
man in either branch of
Well, this of it: For several v past
Whatman kept one of the dues
and brothels in the city, where ^ung
men and weak men were lured b\ rum.
cards and women. He died the" other
day in this miserable hovel, and W»
followcd to the grave by a depraved
creature of the town w hom he called hi
wife. I can point out to you ex-Sen
ators here who can scarcely buv the i
breakfasts, who are so see^y' :i«d* dilapi
dated that they will cross the street
rather than meet an old friend. There
are cx-Cabinel otlicers who used to be
spatter "us common people" with tnud
from their carriage wheels as they iron
ed grandly on, who arc not recognlied
by their former associates. Thcro ftp'
ex-generals in the army, whose nam*'"
have honorable mention in history, 4nd
on whose shoulders the double star .of a
Major (Jetiera! set with pride, ttovVJ o
poo£ and helpless that thev are olt n
hungry wi'.hout a cent la buy food-
Philaddphia 1'rc^a.
The average negro is well* known
a melodious singer, but hate even mor.'
successful as a wkiistk-r. At a parade,
of colored troopl- in Charleston, tbi-»
fact was proved sLti-fac irjJv. for wliCJ|
the hand began play "Wait Till the
Clouds Roll Iy a wUI.-tlin* accom
paniment fr 'in dusky musicians ad
d"d so much ij/the performance that
•mr the instruments of brfts*
heard.
u
..u
I
JIIIIV1I
thc
drains fi