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DAILY CAK TAL JOURNAL, SALEM, OREGON, SATURDAY, DECEMBER 27, 1913.
PAOE'TfTVB 1 10 per cent to SO per cent re duction on the entire stock Thsn She Lsft Him. "Ah," said the young husband. "It Is hard to part!" "Are you going to leave me?" shriek ed the young wife. "No, Indeed!" replied he. "I was re ferring to this biscuit" Houston Post Getting His Own Back. "The giraffe has a tongue eighteen Inches long," said Mrs. Tulkmore. "And knows how to hold It, too," growled Mr. Talkuiore. who bad bad a long curtain lecture the night before. London Answers. t A Sad Brak. "Our credit man made a bad break yesterday." "What wus It?" "He told a dumb man that his word was as good as bis bond." Detroit Free Press. To Hold Him. Nan That's a beautiful solitaire Dick gave you. I wonder If you know what a fickle young man he Is? Fan Indeed 1 do! That's why 1 made hlin give me such an expensive one. Chicago Tribune. Where She Gets Her Ideal. She 1 wonder If you are Just the j kind of man I want He What kind of man do you want? She I can hardly describe him. He Don't try. What's the name of the book? St Louis Post-Dispatch. Wonderful Woman Swimmer Tries To Swim Through Panama Canal. $V; rut 0FVu j a Ji'' ft Mk Rl V1, ::! Q Jc) Folding Headgear. "These collapsible opera hats are a great convenience." "So?" "Yes; you have no Idea how much room they save in a flat" Louisville Courier-Journal. A Big Door. The following is a copy of a bill postedon the wall of a country village In England: "A lecture on total aosu nence will be delivered in the open air, and a collection will be made at the door to defray expenses." Photo by American Press Association. IBS ELAINE GOLDINQ, a long distance swimmer with a string ot records In her belt was the first woman to try to swim through the Punnma canal. She accomplished the first part of the feat but met with delays and rebuffs at the locks. The cannl Is over forty mile from ocean to ocean, and the greatest dilileulty for a swimmer Is crossing Gatun lake, which Is, of course, still water. Swimming In still water for aWy inlles without a tide to help Is no easy task. Miss Guiding Is one of the bent women swimmers In the country, and her attempt to duplicate the feiil r Commodore Albert Brown, who was the first to swim through the cnnitl. whs considered a big endeavor on her part The picture shows her tenting an oxygen tank, which she has handy In lung swims In case of accident Comforting. Condemned Man (to his lawyer) It's a long sentence, sir. to be sent to prls- on for life. Lawyer (Inclined to a more hopeful view) Yes, it does seem long. but perhaps you won't live a great while. Retribution. Mrs. Peckhem Henry, do you be lieve thnt people are punished right here on earth for their Bins? Peckhem I certainly do that is. If marriuges are really made In heaven. Chicago News. - Poor Board. "I see." said Mrs. Sturvem, "thnt certain scientist claims we'll soon get a palatable food from wood" " "Well." growled the cranky bonrder, "it seems impossible to get It out of board." Philadelphia Press. Humility and Vanity. It is the humble man that advances, He recognizes his Imperfections and strives to improve. His progress Is the result of his knowledge of self. The vain, conceited, arrogant man stands still. Things to Remember. He who would pass bis declining years with honor and comfort should when young remember that he may one day become old and remember when he Is old that he has been once young. Addison. , Of Geed Material. " ' 1 -Brlggs How do you like these ci gars? Griggs First rate. What are tbey made of ? Life. The Sexes. One half the world cannot under stand bow the other half could Uvo without It Exchange. Laziness. Lniy people lead an easy life. Even their minds are made up for them. New Orleans Picayune. He Knew. Teacher Now. Johnny, what was Washington's farewell address? John ny Heaven. New York Sun. Dont Be Grouch. Life is serious, especially to the man who regards It as an uninterrupted funeral. Chicago News. Something Like It What kind of paper most resembles sneeze? Tissue. Money. Money is a great thing, but our hrouds never have pockets tn them. Florida Times-Union. . Selfishness. The selfish, loving only themselves. are loved by no one. So selfishness Is moral sulfide. He Gaston. Natural Question. He seems to have a special talent for argument" "Lawyer or pugilist?" Judge. Falsa Friends. Why is a man's shadow like a false friend? Because It accompnnles him nly In sunshine. 9 Red Cat. Some of the catM In Liberia, Africa, are a bright red. and they are very onspicuouN in the moonlight Moral Principle. Master Jllklns, you've been at my cigars again. I'll bet! Butler Beg pardon, sir, I never bet! What Society It. "What," asks a wit "what Is socie- tv, after all. but a mixture of mis- er-ies and mlss-erles?" Lager Beer. Lager beer was so named because, In order to ripen It. it was allowed to lie tn a luger or cellar. Warning. Many a man has made a goose of himself with a single quill. New Or leans Picayune. Domestic Jar. Wife When I married you I thought you were a brave man. Hus band So did everybody elscl Publicity. "'Twns In the newspaper, and all the world now knows it" Is the motto of a leading advertising agency. Political Knavery. Willie Pa. what's political knnvcry? Father What the other side's doing. my son! Painting Concrete. If concrete Is first given a coat of a 10 per cent solution of zinc sulphate, paint will readily adhere. Faraighted litdiane. American Indians claim that they can see at least tine-tetilh farther than the iivoruge white man. It Depends. "If u man kills n not her man is he al ways put In jail, niiiinina?" "Not always. Sometimes he is puld by the govenitiM'iit to do it, and If ho cuu only kill euough lie will have mon uments erected to him." Llf. Labor. Labor Is the ornament of the citi zen. The reward of toll is when you confer blessings on others. His high dignity confers honor on the king: be ours the glory of our bands. Schiller. UNEMPLOYED OF OTHER 10 tCNirnt mi s umssd wise J Los Angeles, Deo. 27. There is no work for the unemployed in Los Ange les, and the city is unable to provide employment for more idle persons than already are clamoring for help. This state of affairs was admitted by the city council when a resolution wn adopted unanimously that contained a warning to the unemployed to "keep away.' ' The resolution reads: "Whereas, There is a large number of unemployed in Los Angeles, many of them floaters who have been at tracted here by climatic conditions, and misrepresentations that there was a su perabundance of work at high wages to be found, and Whereas, The city council has been compelled to appropriate funds to pro vide additional employment for the class of citizenry that has enjoyed a 12 months residence, and Whereas, The city is unatilo to pro vide employment for more workers than are now within the city confines, there fore, be it Resolved, That the city council of Los Angeles does hereby warn and ad vise all non-resident unemployed not to come to Los Angeles, with the hope of securing employment, and be it further Resolved, That the city council re quest tho newspapers and press asso ciations to give this resolution tho ful lest publicity throiiRhout the country, in order that those who are contemplating coming to Los Angeles may be fully ad vised of the real conditions of the labor market in this municipality. OREGON rOURTH-CXASS POSTMASTERS APPPOINTED fCNITED 1-ltRSS UtASKtl WtllB.l Washington, Dec. 2". Fourth-class postmasters have been appoipnted in Oregon as follows: Vera P. Barnes, Ilarnesdale, vice Frank Harnes, superseded; Ward 0. An derson, Hemlock, vice L. .. Crook, re signed; Lee Manning, Mnplewood, Mnltjioirah county, new office; Cather ine P. Crater, Neskowin, vice .1. W. M; er, superseded; Maude H. Sharp, Xe tarts, vice J. A. Biggs, removed; Pearl K. Fletcher, Pine flrove, vice Maude Warner, resigned; Elva B. Atkinson, San Lake, vice Eddie R. Hayes, super seded; Everett E. Parker, Woods, vice W. R. Robedee, superseded. The following Oregon postmasters are reappointed: Oustaf E. Forslierg, Cherry Grove; Mrs. Aninista T. Peter son, Elsie; Albert Hill, Hamlet; George E. Harrill, Melville; Charles R Rey nolds, Mountainside; Herman Ahlers, Necanicnm; William Hedbcrg, Oretown; Pwight T. Edmunds, Pacific City; Mrs. Jennie C. OiBpman, Rowe; Matthew .1. McCormick, West Woodlmrn; Francis W. McLeran, Wilhnit; James F. Kee ner, Wilson; John A. Carter, Wells. The Sense of 8mell. According to two English scientists the sense- of smell In man Is small when compared with animals because of the practice of kissing and grad ually la being destroyed for that rea son. of Weiring the Breeohte. Breeches wearing was a mark slavery among the ancient Greeks, Wearing the breeches has gained an other meaning in modern times, Imply lug the shivery of the one who would naturally wear them. This phrase Is International, eveu the Dutch saying, "De vreuw drungd'er de brock." New York World. Balance. The world is perfectly balanced. Fov every hour of darkness there Is one of dpht. fur every full tide correspond tng ebb, and for every uestin there Is somewhere an answer. A Weaver of Dreams. Continued Story. Brlggn-Wlmt did yw wife ny nlxfJt your staying out so late the oth er night? Griggs Don't ask me yet When dhe gets through with the ub Jcct I'll condense it for you. Boston Transcript Feline Sense ef Smelt Cata can smell even during sleep. If I piece of meat be placed Immediately in front of a sleeping cat'a nose the nostrils will beirlii to work as the scent Is received, and an instant later Uie cat will wake up. The Catakilli. The Catsklll mountains are a chain of the Appalachian system, beginning tn Greene comity. N. Y.. on the west side of the Hudson river. The scen ery of these mountains Is very beau tiful and. picturesque, while from the higher points may be seen extensive and Interesting views, taking In a ra dius from the Green mountains of Vermont to the West Point highlands. The man whose specialty ia making excuses never makes good. TIME AND PATIENCE. No great thing it created tudden ly, any mote than bunch of grapes or a fig. If you tell trie that you dciire a fig I aniwer you that there mutt be time. Let it first btoMom, then bear fruit, then ripen. Epic-tet'.'i. SMALLEST MAN DEAD, i (onitid mess uasiti wise.) London, Dec. 27. John William White, confectioner, 25 inches tall, said to b the world's smallest adult man, U dead at South End today, aged 53. Just Takes Them. "Dnbbs says he takes a number of nuigazliies." Tlnit's true. He takes some of mine before I even get a chunce to look at (he pictures."-r.lrmlijghum Age-Her ald The Indian Version, An Indian who hnfl been told by a white mini flint feathers were good to sleep upon secured a feather uud s'ept upon It. "White man heap big liar." was bis comment National Monthly. NOW FOR A General Clean-up. of Broken Li nes In all departments at prices that will close the different odd lots out quickly , OUR GREAT ALTERATION SALE will be continued until about the middle of Janu ary. POSITIVELY EVERY ITEM IN EVERY DEPARTMENT REDUCED WITH OUT A SINGLE EXCEPTION. At least 10 per cent reduction on everything in the store, and 20 to 50 per cent reduction on some lines. Our entire line of Men's and Boys' Suits and Overcoats reduced 20 per cent. We have placed an asorted lot of 97 men's suits on our bargain tables at exactly ONE-HALF ORIGINAL PRICE. Hundreds of pairs of Men's and Women's Shoes on our bargain tables at 20 per cent discount. These splendid shoes in good, stylish lasts, only a few of a kind, but there is a full range of sizes in the different lots. 10 per ct Reduction on all Rubber Footwear Our Bargain Tables are loaded with odd lots of merchandise at enormous reduc tions to close out odds and ends quickly. All Remnants on our remnant table exactly one-half original price. . We must dispose of the greater part of our reserve stock before the carpenters can begin tearing out walls and adding balconies, which must be done before our new spring stock begins to arrive. Our store closes at 5:30 every evening except Saturday. OPEN FORUM. ANENT THE COFFEE CLUB. Editor Capital Journal: I have been interested in reading of the strenuous offorts of many well meaning citizens to supplant tho saloons With a coffee club, tho remedial agency of which they seem to think is in no wise a subject of doubt, I do not un derstand that they placo any limit on the use of coffee. Now, as a mat tor of fact, and a conclusion of scientific re search, do not these misguided enthusi asts know that it is just as easy tu make a coffee toper as a whiskey toper, and, that the excessive and continued use of cither or both lend to about equally disastrous results? It is simply a choice of the "nutmeg" tissue degen erated liver of the chronic and exces sive whiskey drinker, or the dnikly dis colored, capillary congested, and more or less indurated liver of tho excessive coffoe drinker with tho porvcrsiou of stomarh digestion about equal as be tween tli two habits or practices the difference Booms to be that whiskey tafks londer and exposes its devotee to tho criticism of the passerby, while cof fee gets in its work more Insidiously and unobserved, but both with equal and unerring certainty, I observe also, that smoking rooms aro rocomniended, the purpose of which is evidently to keep people away from tho evil influences of saloons, by pro viding all the conditions necessary for careful observers, and some excellent authorities, to be fraught with Influ ences as surely contributing to human physical, mental and ntornt degoiioracy today, as alcoholic bovcrnges. Tho sug gestion is about as consistent and ra tional as an effort to euro ono of the morphine habit by switching him off onto cocaine and suggests tho thought that misdirected zeal, backed by ignor- quired to take out a license, conditioned that a record should be kept as to the strength, brand and quality of coffee which any member takes during an ev ening session, and tho percentage of caifeine it contains. This roc.ord should be even more explicit as to tho quality of cigKrs and the percentage, of nicotine which they contain, and tho number us ed iiy ono person during an ovening ses- ance, however well intended, is about as sion, subject to visitation of an expert longerons to the moral wclfaro and pro- analycist, who should report his finding gross of tho human race as deliborntn monthly to u properly designated board. ciiHsediiess. The Insane appeal to the Surely there cuu bo'no ono, however Tu- law, in tlio interest of moral reform is ritnnlc or IMiarasaical, whi can object irrutional, iion-effectivo and must Hi- to tho above propositions, as it is all in winys bo so, It is well, also, to bear in. the interest of fallen sinnors, mind that you cannot creato, or facili- In conclusion, tho writer's purpose in tuto the approach of tlio milloiiiuin by this communication is to inculcate the legal enactments. Neither can we keep thought that consistency and modora- our erring fellow beings on safer ground tion nre.the.most effoctivo mothods for goon in every department or mo ana to say further that coercive methods al- by inducing them to supplant one injuri ous, or ruinous habit hy adopting anoth er, which, while to the superficial ob server is less disgraceful, is, neverthe less, equally injurious. K-ory one who needs rcl'ormiug, must do tho reforming act for himself. .It must como from within, if come at all, and neither you nor I can do it for him. If, to make him "good," you fill him up with black coffee, and saturate him with tho nico tine of black cigars, you are adopting something of the policy of tho buck skin clad frontiersman who starts out out gnu in hand to make "good In dians." It may be that tho patrons of tho pro posed coffee club and smoking rooms, would keep themselves within rational saturating thcir( systems with aicotino, limits, but they being human, aro sub tho influence of which, on the human tject to human weaknesses and frailties, system, while insidious, is evil and evil Therefore, the promoters, "to make as only, and which is believed by many surance doubly sure," should bo re- ways have roacted, with too often, un fortunate results, W, A. C, Why Pay Rent When you can buy now and up-to-date bungalow $200 down, balance like rent, I'rico $1400. Choice Vacant Lot i In good location; easy tonus. Farms. Mr. Farm Buyer, wo have the largest list of farm bargains In the valley anything from five acres to one thou sand acres. We Write Insurance. Money to Loan. Maps of Balem, only 25 cents. BEOHTEL E EYNON, 347 State Street. Nothing Fanoy. Judge-Mow did you get that awful bump on your head' Uuison Family quarrel, your honor. Judge lilt by a piece of brio-n-brac? Uuisuu-Not the brack, your honor; Just the brick. Judge. USE YOUR GIFT. The weakest among ui has a gift, however seemingly trivial, which is peculiar to him and" which, worthily uied, will be a gilt alio to his race. Ruikin. It will be a merry Christmas for most but so much povorty and distress it saddening. But presents or needed aid will be ap predated Just as much if received a day i or two after. CAR OF M i LjAi3 .:. .SR. FRESH AC DIRECT FROM THE FACTORY THE BEST PLASTER ON THE MARKET GET OUR PRICES Spaulding Logging Co. Front and Ferry. Phone 1830