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BATEHAJf A THE cit bn lonff MtBOSAT.il, ^•rs. ,lNGT0N SPRINGS. D. of the living. Vftnlslied age. whose varied story P" \o record has to-dayf l0ti!r aao expired Its grief and glory, f0 "'i licre flourished far away, ,hrond realm whose beauty passed all mcasurei city fnlr and wide, •nirrein the dwellers lived In peace and nu.ii.aiire, And never any died. L^ise and pain and death, those stern ma 1 *r lmk'rs That mar our world's fair face, lievff irrouclied "pon the plensant borders Pl Of tills bright dwelling place. Ico fenr of parting and no dread of dying Could ever enter there L0 mourning for the lost, no anguished ory. intr Mndc anv face less fair. 'itiiont the city's walls Death reigned as ever, And craves rose side by side fiihin the people laughed at his ondeavor. And never any dlod. happiest of all earth's favored places! On, hllss to dwell theroln! olive i» the sweet light of loving faces And fear no grave between! •0 (o"1 no death-damp growing cold and col'lcr* Disputing Life's warm trath r0 jive on never lonelier nor older. Kadiunt In deathless youth. led lnurying from the world's remotest "lmrtcra. A tide of pilgrims flowed •cross broad plains and over mlvhty waters To lind that blest abode. IaikI tiiore thev lived In happiness and pleas ure, And Rrew In power nnd pride, Una did great deeds and laid up stores of ticiisiiie. And never any died. Uii'i ninny years rolled on and saw them suiting With unabated breath Ir.'l oilier years still found and left them llv iu.-' And pave no hope of death. [Yet listen, hapless soul, whom angels pity. Craving a lioon like this Hark liow the dwellers of the wondrous city Grew weary of their bliss. One and another who had been concealing The pain of life's lonv thrnll, forsook tnelr pleasant places and came fiealina Outside the city's wall. Craving with wish tliat brooked no more do living, i-o long had It been crossed, U'iic blessed possibility of dying— 1'lie treasure they hud lost! •Daily the current of rest-seoking mortals 1 Swelled to a broader tide, rl'ill none were left within the city's portals, 1 And graves grew green outside. ITould It be worth the havinii or the giving, The boon of endless brenth? for the weariness that comes of living There is no cure but death! lours were, indeed, a fate deserving pity Were that sweet rest denied lAn'l few, methinks, would care to find the 1 city Where nwer any died! 1—T.iUnbeth A hers Allen, in Iloston Transcript. CONNUBIAL SKETCH. iHow Molly Weston Taught Her Husband a Needed Lesson. Little Mrs. Weston looked across lllm table at her liege lord, indignation land wounded feei ng quite transform ling her usually sunny countenance. IIndignation, that she, who had prac Itiieil economy and kept accurate I accounts from childhood, should lie charged with an offense entirely I antagonistic any to lier fixed hab- I its. Wounded feeling, that, of I all people in the world. her I husband should be the one to make the Ifbarge—he who should know her I (jiialit es both for good and evil better than one else. This was what he had said: "That ISimmy has gone altogether tooqui kly, |:iiul I won't have so much spent next month, if I have to carry the pur.se myself and his tone was in no v.ise agreeable. Upon Mrs. Weston's h-sori ion :l that none of the money in 'i'.n'.siion had been farewell spent needlessly, while her heart-strings were quivering nt ihe unjust insinuation conveyed in lnslast words, he added, still more ag pii:.s.-.ivi'ly: "You've got to retrench some how, and if vou won't do it I hv.ii:" "I think If you will have to," said Mrs. fusion, in a quiet, suppressed tone. "After what you have said I certainly -shall not 'carry the purse' nextmonth. or this was not the only time of I»te that monetary affairs had been un pleasantly agitated by Mr. Weston ami. now that he had made a specific charge against her management of the household funds, his wife's spirit labelled in conscious innocence, and she resolved to take him at his word, and oblige him to control the expenses liimself the coming month. he had been in straightened cir cumstances it would have been differ cnt, but he was steadily laying by a jT'iodly portion of his earnings, and there was no reason why Ihe outlay of a few more dollars than usual should have occasioned him an}' uneasiness. Moreover, Mrs. Weston had, from the liist, given her husbaud ample proof of an 'Merest in his welfare almost equal to his own, and had assisted to his 1'ivsent prosperous condition in more Wavs than one. "He ought to know perfectly well," she sadly sol loquized. after John had gone down town without deigning her cunt foolishly. Indeed. I sometimes tlnik we are both too miserly, in our cideuvors to provide for a rainy day, amigo without things that it would be 'u our advantage spiritually to have, ami which we could really aftord to 11 c'aiTied •w»» )&££j&ijit%i6enfK &-••frf~—it bn? rA*°inga, ^ia' *'ie could show, MnviJL!,nuwT.that John would hot be sistencv at w?uUI' ateh?7 Sf VmeS incon- 8h0Wn by raou' been «vni!fiTent,that i7e vft i-eiter- to° had and shc ret K"rWo^^3 nuiPt econom- was not really a stin^? Called a "P™ Vro- •wer. On the contrary, his acts of numeroJ.J thS°u£h lifo h*(l a? h? been wa9 of an unsel- himself to inconven- lenco many times for those who had Vpon bim whatever. His hcery words atid pleasant smile were k.n?Wl1 "pen the street, and it is 3FV1 eTO,u his nearest neighbor .'»ave believed that he was dig ti«i?H (0-. tJ.raw the purse-strings too tightlv at home. It was the result, al most imperceptible in its stealthy fast ening upon m. of a long and hard struggle against adverse circumstances, whpn his burdens had been many and his benefits few, and it had been only by practicing rigid economy that he had kept honestly afloat. Now that he could think of the future without mis givings. he wag not aware how unhap Pu/ the pursuit of the dollar, which is indeed "almighty," had afflicted him. His wife saw it, realized that it was likely to increase with time, and made up her mind that there was only one course which would effectually open his eyes, and that course she would pursue. John came home to dinner as good natured as usual, seemingly without a thought of the morn'ng's discussion, and quite ignorant that his wife had been troubled by it the entire day. It is even thus. In the engrossing cares of the outside world the memory of home misunderstandings' does not leave the lasting st'ng in the heart of a husband that is experienced by the lonely housekeeper whose world is in closed in the four walhs of her home, and who pursues her endless rounds of duties unenlivened by the sightof fresh faces, and imbibing no new ideas from contact with fresh ra nds. Mollv Weston wisely made no allu sion to the disputed question, and gave no sign of the perturbation of her spir it, but greeted her husband cheerily, set him down to a repast which was in viting and dainty, without being in the least extravagant. Molly had a knack of making things look inviting, not only at the table, but everywhere about the house. Every nook and corner bore the impress of her tasteful fingers, and as John Weston lit his fragrant Iiavana after a hearty dinner, installed himself in a comfortable armchair be fore the glowing fire, and unfolded the evening paper, he felt supremely satis fied with himself and all his "posses sions. Molly was a dear little wife, and contrived to make things wonder fully pleasant. He believed he'd buy her anew .silk dress when her birthday came around like the one in Jones' window wh'ch she admired so much the other day. He had growled then at "women's extravagant love of dress," although Molly dnot ask hiin right out for it. He felt a oomplacent sense of doing the handsome thing" by Molly, as he sat gazing into the lire and picturing to himself how pretty the little wife would look in the grand new dress—almost as pretty as she did seven years ago when he was courting her. She looked a little thin and careworn now—got tired out cleaning house, he guessed— but she'd soon be all right The next morning his mood was dif ferent. Not but that everything about the house was as it should be, and Molly was sweetly fair in the neatest of wrappers but somehow ho looked through changcd glasses. The money question worried him agaiu, and he in turn worried his wife. She must cer tainly ctirta her expenses next month, or they would be tinning behind. The allowance was liberal, and if Molly only nared it rightly, would always suf fice. Molly not argue with him this time. He had things all his own wav and, when he walked briskly down town, greeting acquaintances here and there, he little draamcd what a disagreeable fcc'ing his words had left to rankle in his wife's bosom all day. In a few days the end of the month came. John handed Molly the sum out-iide of the regular funci required to settle the bills due, with another ad juration to avoid so great an expendi ture in the future. The next day he proffered his wife as usual the amount set aside for the housekeeping. Molly did not touch it. She dreaded the or deal. but was determined to go through with it. "Here. Molly! What are you stand ing staring at me lik* that for? Why don't you take this money and put it away?" "Do you remember, John, what I said to you a week ago?" asked Molly very quietly. "Jerusalem! what you said to me a week ago! Can a man be expected to remember everythi"g that falls from a woman's lips? Wbat are you driving at, anyhow?" "One morning when you said there shouldn't be so much spent this month if you had to carry the purse yourself. *and I told you that vou would have to?" continued Mrs. Weston quietly. "Oh, bother! 'J.s that what you're coming to? You don't protend to say you're going to stick out about that, do vou? and John laughed. -No, don't pretend to say it." re- Eer word, "that I never spend a the morning the little woman a sore heart about her manifold 'hides. She had never employed a -"''vant. although she was lar from considering it her duty to lo 'hat was to be done for so small a '•'inily as herself and husbaud. She lv,mld say no more about it but when •'"hn brought home the portion of his tlily salary that w»s devoted to the '""ise. tdie would not take it into her ''•'litis. She had realised all the month '''at there was an unuptial demand on "'e purse, but she had been unable to her hand on any one item and say: "I'lus can be dis| ensed with." _»he u.iil a full account of the in-commgs cated Molly, with sudden firmness in voice "I do say it. John Weston, vou have been married to me six years, and if you don't know by this time that your prosperity is my own, it is time you found it out. I consider that you have insulted me by your imputations of extravagance, because I have always done the very best I could to help you alonff in the world. New. I wash my bands of the expenses this month. I will not spend a dollar of that money. What comes into this house you will have to purchase, or we will go with out. I can stand it if you nan." Molly's ligure was drawn up to its utmost height, and her brown eyes flashed indignantlv. John gave a whistle of amazement, and stared coni iealiv at his wife. This was a new feature of a character which had supposed himself well acquainted th. When had she ever addressed him like that before?" -Well," said he, breaking the dead silence at. last, here's a pretty to-do! You need not get on such a high horse just because 1 cautioned you to be economical. II's a pity if a fellow can't say as much as.that in his own house without being nipped up in: this way. Sav. do you mean to take this money or not? I can't stop fooling here all day." "No, I do not," replied Molly, stead ily- "What in How do you snpposo we re going to get along if you act Tke a simpleton? You don't really think I am going to bother my head about kitchen matters, do j'ou?*' There's the money on the table. Yo-Vd better take care of it." Considerably incensed, John filing down the roll of bills and bangs 1 out of the houso. believing Molly would not hold out long, but would see the folly of her course, and do the only thing that could be done—go on with her household arrangement as before. "For if sho thinks I'm going to trot "found to groceries and meat-shops, she 8 mistaken," he sputtered to him self in virtuous indignation. "No, 111 go without eating first!" A heroic resolution which any one knows no man could keep. He went home that night wondering what kind of a reception would be ac cordted him, but pretty well satisfied that Molly would not be obstinate, and more than half expecting that she would fly to him, and moisten his shirt-front with tears of contrition for her display of temper. In this he was disappointed. Molly did not come to meet him at all neither d'd she appear angry or sulkv. Dinner passed off as usual, after which Molly sat down in her low rocker, with the weeks mending, in the cosiest man ner imaginable. John thought she was conquered, and set out to read the little madam a lecture on matronly propriety, but he dn't just 1 kc to spoil the scene of quiet domestic en joyment, and decided to defer it. The next morning just as he was go ing away, Molly looked up from the cups and saucers, and said: "The money that j-ou left on the table yesterday is in the secretary drawer. There are a number of things needed to-day, which you can get or not, as you like. A |roast for dinner, also sugar and collce, and vegetables of some kind." The old Nick! She was as mulish as ever, after all! John's temper flew sky high at the idea of being driven. If there's anything in this world that a man can't abide, it's being driven, es pecially by a woman. "Well, madam, if you rely on me to get what's wanted, you'll wish you hadn't!" he angrily exclaimed. "I won't be bossed around by any wom an!" and slam went the door. Molly laughed to herself, although tears stood .n her eyes. The day wore on. No grocery's boy or butchers man appeared with the designated articles. John had evidently not ordered them, and it was nearing the dinner hour. Molly looked around to see what her resources were. Sho did not wish to treat John shabbily, but would set as good a meal before him as she could under the circumstances. If ho per sisted in his refusal to attend to the orders the next day. she would still do her best with a diminishing larder. She smiled as she thought what incon gruous meals they would be. John exulted all day in a sense of having my lady fast in a corner. Since he positively refused to act the part as signed him, there was nothing left her but acquiescence in a mortifying de feat. He had never known her to be delinquent in conscientious and punc tual attention to meals, she would not be now. John had no fears but every thing would be all right as he entered his cosy home. Doubtless Molly would be somewhat sulky over her defeat, but she'd soon get oyer it. "Hullo, sir," ho said to Molly's pet spaniel, which came frisking into the hall, and stood on tiptoe to welcome him "hullo. Ned, good doggie, where's your mistress?" Molly heard the good-natured tones, and half shrank from entering the din ing-room, whither John had directed his steps. The table was immaculately spread, and the eatables upon it^were as advantageously displayed as possi ble, but John noticed, at the first glanc ?. a diilerence from the usual ap pointmetds. Just then Molly came in, bearing a steaming teapot, which she deposited in its place beside her plate, as se renely as if she were not almost trembling with excitement. "Sit down, John," she sa:d pleasant ly, "1 have done the best I can, but I'm afraid the dinner isn't very good. Luckily there was a little ham left and I broiled it. We shall have to do without vegetables." Ham for dinner! Who wants broiled ham except for breakfast? And noth ing to eat with it but potatoes and bread and butter! Well nigh tongue tied with astonishment and chagrin, John helped himself to the plain vi ands. If he had not been so raven ously hungry ho would have refused the meal altogether. Really, this was carrying things too far. "I guess you forgot to p*ut the sugar on the table." said John after awhile, looking round for the wherewithal to swecteu his tea. ••There isn't any. I mentioned it to you this morning, you remember." No, John had not remembered, or he would have bitten his tongue out before he would have asked for it. Savagely he gnawed his moustache, and pushed h's cup away. Molly observed the ac tion, and quietly arose and procured him a gla of Water. After appeasing his hunger somewhat he leaned back in his chair awaiting the customary desert, when Molly brought forth a silver cake, basket containing half a dozen slices of plain cakc left from her lunch the day before. "I'm sorry I can't offer you either pie or pudding." shc said sweetly, "but having no sugar and scovering after you went away that the syrup was out also. 1 could not make sweets of any description." "The d—1 take your cake?" ex claimed John, jumping up and leaving the table. She had him on every side. She knew that he del- sted cake. Never bo fore had he been so an^ry with his wife. It was more thaa mortal man could stand, and ke was glad that it was the night of the Masonic meeting. If it had not been, he wo i!d have spent the evening out somewhere or other, forhe certainly would not stay in the house wiili her. Off he went with frcwuing, sullou brow. Molly pretended to pay no attention to nim but after he was well out of "so 8ank down ou a chair and had a goou cry. How perfectly wretched people must be, she thought, who wrangled all the time, married only in name, antagonistic in thoughts, tastes aad temper. Yet there were many such couples, and she could never be too thankful that such was nor fate. John was just as splendid as he could be all but this one failing which was growing upon him so rapid ly, and if she could eradicate that sho willing to suffer ia the attempt. The next morning's breakfast was an improvement on the dinner, but tea wg,s substituted for coffee, and J%hn this time drank it unsweetened. There were tho daintiest fish balls, rice muf fins, toast and jelly. John missed his coffee, but otherwise could not com plain of the meal, so his determination not to give way did not falter. But the dinner—he always lunched down town —was simply execrable to his mind. Aj little boile salt cod, baked potatoes with milk gravv—they kept a cow or thjs luxury would have been lacking— and no desert at all. The following meal was fully as meager. Now John at heartjwas fond of good living, and secretly enjoyed to the utter most tho tempting viands formerly pre pared by his wife. He had no wish to pinch on such things, but he had a vague idea that money was wasted somewhere, hence his unpleasant lan guigoto Molly. On the morning of the third day, he realized that it was useless to attempt to coerce his wife. She evidently meant to keep her word thongh the heavens fall. He couldn't stand starvation fare anv longer, and the wisest way out of the difliculty was to succumb to circumstances and shame his refactory spouse by his amiable and forgiving conduct. She should see that if there was any cloud on the domestic hori-on it was not crcated or enlarged by him peace and harmony should prevail if possible through his efforts, regardless of the injuries that he had received. In this magnanimous mood, John quite am ablv informed Mollv that, for the sake of Testor ng tho household to its umal harmonious condition he would waive his object ons, and take charge of the funds for the remainder of the month. To tell the truth, he actually believed that he could get along much cheaper than she did, and they would live just as well. The more he thought about it. the more desirous he became to convince Molly, by actual experi ment that ho was right iu making the statements that had oflended lier so deeply. He knew pretty well what was lacking by this time, and on his way to his work left orders at two or three places to be promptly filled. At night he filled both arms with packages of various sizes and shapes, congratu lating himself on tho prospect of plenty of good things to eat for the next few (lavs. He was surprised to lind him self positively -enjoying the position a week or so later. It wasn't so disa greeable as he had imagined it would be for a man to look after the house, and he felt well satisfied th his man agement. He flattered himself that he secured better bargains than Molly did— wonwn were always easily cheated—and he had transferred his grocery trade to a shop across the way from the one she had patronized, a far more respectable looking place, and the propr.etors as sured him that they sold everything ten per cent, cheaper than any of their I neighbors in tho busi .ess did. Oh, Mollv would see. when the bills came in. that he knew what he was about, Well, to make a practical story short, the bills came in. and the complacent thoughts that had filled John's head went out. The first bill was from the grocer. Molly showed it to John ono night, and asked him why he had changed from the usual place of trade. With mueli self-satisfaction he informed her that he had made quite a saving in that line by doing so. "It's a pity you never found out that iKetchem & Co. sell everything ten per cent, cheaper than Merritt," he said. 1 'Ten per cent, amounts to something on $20." "Ten per cent, cheaper! Did you get taken in like that? 'Ketchem' is.a good name for he firm. I declare! I could have told you a diTcrent story. Just look here! Coffco, forty-five cents a pound, I never pay but thirty-five sugar, eight pounds for a dollar, I get nine and a half and so on all through the bill. I must say, John," and she slowly folded the paper, "your grocery experiment is not a success." Th's was rather mortifying to the complaisant husband, under the cir cumstances but he was doomed to a more ignominious failure. The next bill was from tho butcker. Molly exclaimed outright when she saw the sum total of this. "Why, John Weston, what have you been doing?" she cried. "This is an outrageously large sum for us two to spend in meat." "No larger than usual, I guess," re plied John. "I'm sure we have'nt had any more on the table. Well, what now?" John's tone was rather testy, as Molly plumped down in a chair, the picture of amazement. "If you haven't ordered sirloin cuts every time we've had a stew, and almost as good for soups! No wonder the biH is large. You great stupid, don't you know that folks always Duy the cheaper meats for boiling? My soup bones cost me just ten cents, and when we have them every day as we do there's considerable difference between ten cents and thirty." John looked dumbfounded. His care fully planned castles were tumbling down about his head. "No, I dn't know," he muttered. "How should I know? This is what you get by forcing me to do work." your Molly might have reminded him that he had been very confident a month be fore that he could do this part of her work more economically than she did. but she refrained. Other mistakes iu the list were point ed out. and, by the time that the sun dries, which had been procured andpaid for from day to day as John thought circumstances demanded, were reck oned up, the man was thoroughly crest fallen. "Just double what I usually spend for odds and ends." Molly remarked. 'You've brought homo a good many things, my dear, that wero not espe cially needed." Molly had not been unaware through out the month how matters were tend ing. She had been amused over the ignorant cuts and lavish supply of what were considered extras, and her aston« ishmcnt on reading the respective ao* counts had been far from genuine. She had allowed John to exercise his own judgment entirely, knowing that it would not seriously hamper them if they did pay dearly, in a pecuniary sense, for this experiment. "Well," declared John, after the bills were paid, "I didn't go over the bounds, anyway, as you did last month and that's proof conclusive that you wasted moniy somewhere. I don't see what you could have done with it, es pecially as you claim to have made bet ter bargains all around." "My dear boy," said Molly, "you are not out of the woods yet you have forgotten several important items. There isn't a stick of wood in the yard. I've been using chips for tho last three days you have not paid for the Daily News we are still owing for the butter sent us from Hope Farm, and those two barrels of apples" "Good Lord, don't mention another thing!" cried John in desperation. "The old Harry's to pav! Who could have foreseen thcre'd be a thousand .things to get? It's buy. buy, buy, all the time, if one keeps house. But I'm sure you didn't have to make any such outlay^ lust month. Things always come in a heap." "My dear. 1 can soon dispel thatillu sion by reminding you that I purchased a barrel of flour, a supply of fuel and oil, paid a doctor's bill of ten dollars, newly upholstered your easy chair, and expended money for several other things outside the regular bills. Now, John. I think you must be con vinced that my management of the household purse is at least equal to your own, and that you can entrust it to me in the future, secure in the knowledge that no one, I repeat it. John, no one could strive more ardu ously than your wife to faithfully and judiciously perform the duties of a true helpmate. Aren't you sorry. John, dear, that you hurt my feelings as you did?" Affectionate little Molly knelt by her husband's side, passed her arms around his neck, and laid her soft check upon his shoulder. What did John do? Well. John Weston was a pretty good sort of a man. as I told you iu the first place, and he did iust what was right for to do—what cither husband or wile ought to do when differences arise— candidly acknowledged his error, and asked forgiveness therefor. You do not need to bo told that Molly did not withhold the desired, boon. She was only too delighted to reinstate the hap py. peaceful routine of existence which had prevailed in the earlv days of their married life, before John had become imbued with the love of money and suspicious of its expenditure, lie was cured of the growing propensity, and thenceforth made Molly's path much easier than it had been. At home, as well as abroad. John Weston was known a* a genial, thoughtful and generous gentleman, as the result of Molly's eminently practi cal experiment.—Clara S. Brown, Ballou Monthly. STAINING ROOM FLOORS. How the Work Can lie Done Neatly and at Small Expense. The practice of staining board floors a darker tint than their (original color, or to represent woods of greater cost, is now almost universal, and is the first step toward that thing of beauty, a high-art drawing-room. A floor stained to represent dark old oak is preferred by many. The xture for accomplishing this is sold at all paint shops, and comes in grades 1, 2. 3. 4, varying light to dark. Light polished floors are much preferred at present, although a great deal depends on the condition of the boards. If tho boards are smooth and fine-grained, a satinwood or pitch-pine stain and pol ish is preferred but if the floor is old or rough it is folly to attempt any stain except that of dark oak or dark ma hogany. Pour the liquid into a saucer, dip the brush in. saturate thoroughly, rub evenly over the wood aud dry instantly with a soft cloth. To insure success this must be done quickly and evenly. For the ultra-fashionable floor, which is a pale shade ot oak, sized and varn ished, luv the desired amount of raw sienna powder, mixed with water, and rub into the boards as directed above. For mahogany staining make a mix ture conta ning half a pound of macl der, two ounces of logwood chips boiled in a gallon of water brush this over the wood while hot. When dry go over this with a solution of pearl ash. two drains to one quart of water, size and polish. If a redder shade is required it can be produced by smear ing the surface with a strong solution of permanganate potash, which is left on for a longer or shorter time, accord ing to the shade required in most cases five minutes will be enough. The wood is then carefully washed, dried and polished in the ordinary way. A good cheap oak stain is made of equal parts of American potash and pearl-ash, two ounces of each to a quart of water. As American potash is a solvent, care should be taken to keep it from tho hands, and an old brush should be used as it is no goodfafterward.—1'hila delphia Call. —The English Wcsleyans are much concerned about the persecutions to which their members are subjected at tho hands of State Church landlords and clergymen in the rural villages. At tho recent Wesleyan Conference in London the subject was warmly dis cussed. This treatment is not experi enced in large towns, where Wesleyana are allies, but in country districts, where they are regarded as ecclesias tical poachers and made to feel tha^ they are under a ban. —The Alta Californian in a compre hensive article on the grape product shows that the Stale has an area ot planted vineyards covering 120,932 acres. In 1884 the grapes sold for market were 54,976,227 pounds. In the same year 144.987 boxes of rais ins were made and 14, '(65,612 gallons of wine. The estimates are taken from official returns, and are no doubt correct. PITH AND POINT. —The banjo is a good deal like the cucumber. A good deal of human mis* •ry follows its picking.—Detroit Evtr\f Saturday. —An exchange has the headline "Where Docs Lying Begin?" Just about where a woman passes her twen tieth birthday.—Dinyhamton Republi can. —A Pittsburgh lady cooked Lafay ette's dinner when he visited America in 1825. It will be remembered that the Marquis never returned.—Courier Journal. —Speak of a man's marble brow, and ho will glow with conscious pride, but allude his woo !en head and he's mad in a minute. Language is a slippery thing to fool with much.—N. Y. Inde pendent. —A man said to liis aged mother,, speaking of wife: "I do wish I could keep Mary from exaggerating so.'* "Get her to talk about her ajte," re sponded tho shrewd old lady.—San Jf ranciscati. —A gentleman meta bov and asked him what o'clock it was. Being told it was just twelve he expressed some sur prise and said he thought it was more. "It's never more in these parts, sir," said the boy. simply "it begins again at one." —Mrs. Spook, when her pastor callcd tho other day, hastened to find a Bible for him to read. She could find only few soiled leaves up in tho garrotr which she handed, to the pastor, re marking: "Why, really. I didn't know we were so near out."—Boston Post. —Miss Laura Braden, Treasurer of the Washington & Waynesburg Rail road. is said to be the only female raii» »oad officer in the coiintry. It i» strange, too, since women handle more trains than men and know how to switch 'em oft' in great style.—N. Y. Graphic. —"Muscle i3 all well enough," said the little man, "but mind is every thing." Now, take it in fishing. I am a small man, but do you remember those enormous strings of trout that 1 "Yes, yes." said the big man "I remember those big strings of trout you caught—in your mind."—Chicago Herald. —"What arc you doing, Mary?" asked a husband, addressing his wife. "I am sewing on a crazy nuilt," sho replied. "Are there any buttons on it?" "No." "I thought not." ho said, "it wouldn't be like you to De sewing on anything that needed buttons." and drawing a deep sigh, ho proceeded to fasten his suspenders with a half-burned match.—Chicago Journal. E O N E S A I O N A IS lie Tells Fanny Story of the Fallow Who Wrote—WhJifc'a ltd Name? "You remember that fellow who wrote—what's its name? You know he made some money on one of tho Western railroads 1 forgot what they call it." "Well, what of it?" "Why, not long ago he was in— what's that town in Wisconsin? You know." "Don't mind the name of the town what did he do?" "What the deuce is the name of that town? A big policeman came from there. You know him. Well, this fellow "Which fellow?" "I can't think of his name. It's a good joke, and I nearly'died when I heard it. He'd come up "frcfm that big plantation in Louisiana, Kept by—by— who's that big banker in St. Louis? The man who built a line of steamboats from Keokuk to—to—I'll think of tho name in a minute—the town at the mouth of—you know that town in Ar kansas. Anv wav, he'd como up on the —that road that runs at the west bank ot the Mississippi from that place op posite Cairo. Consolidated with the Cairo & Fulton Road. What's the name of that line?" "Don't know. Never was in that country. What did your man do that was so funny?" ••Why, he'd come up from that plan tation on this line to the town in Wis consin. and struck for the- that—hotel on the corncr of Jefferson and that other street. Named after a French man. Strange 1 can't remember it." "Never heard of it. Don't know anything about it. Go on with your storv." "Well, he got there, and perpetrated the best pun you ever heard on tho laundlord's name. The landlord got off a pretty good thing on this man's name, but I can't remember what it was. Anyhow, this man asked tho landlord: 'Why are you like an insur ance company'—he named the insur ance company, but I've forgotten what it was—'Why are you like an insurance company?' Give it up?" "Yes, I give it up." "Well, sir. tho answer is tho funniest thing you ever heard. It broke me all up when I heard it." "Why, if I could remember the name of tho landlord, I'd know in a moment. Who's that follow that in vented the—pshaw, that machine for making—what're they called? You understand, something about stair rods." "Never heard of him." "It's tho samo name except the last syllable. Funny I don't catch it." •'Is that all of vour story?" "Why, j'es. You see if I could re member my man's name, and the in surance company, and the landlord's name, I'd bust you right open with the best thing you ever listened to A vast proport on of society is made of a vacuum in memory, and some of the shining social lights of Brooklyn will compare pleasantly in conversa tional abil.ty with the genius hero por trayed.—Brooklyn Eagle. Small Watches. Benson's watch, tho size of a six pence, creates a sensat'on at the Lon don ••Inventories." There is another, the si/.c of a shilling, whieh shows tho lime, the year, the month, tho day of the month and week, and the phaso of the moon. It arranges itself to suit the exigencies of leap-year. It repeats, when required, the hours, tho quarters and minutes on a deep-toned gong. It ia pv.^e I at £SOl».—Vhivago Tribune. !:i! •J A ,n i'..