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IS si '"I I III lllllliiwni llilill III I WIIIH' SHORT ESSAYS ON MAN. BY A. W, HKLTIAAV, Tou'U find it RO, where 'or you go, That men, the ruesfc discreet, S)eHiro to have a level head- But don't want level foot. Alphonso into raptures fell And. on her chin, ho praised the dnupld Ho did not know, slio would not tell It waB tbo dent of a hit.- pitnplo. In Btroets remote where thieves do snatch, We're bidden to keep puird and watch But there tho traveler finds it hard Sometimes to koup both watch and guard. 'The Rtoak was tough aa royal oak. To HEW or cut it WAS no joke, "Ho&vpn bless our daily broad." he roared, "But Heaveu help our daily hoard I" A Bkotcb wo see quitu lately writton. "How to genteelly givo tbe mitten," What moBt wo need to lnow in, really, How to accept the mit genteelly. "My son take off your coat straightway Till eight you said you'd only stay." "Well, don't go on at such a rate, 'Shafts what 1 did. I staid till late." Detroit Free Press. A LOVER'S EXPERIENCE. BY WJT. K. HOKE. John, you and I have beeu fast friends for somo live years, and yet I never can understand you. Often I hear you muttering in your sleep, and several times I have heard you say: "O Mattie, Mattie, must I lose you forever?" iippoiuted in 1'aet I loved her from the instant-our eves met. 'Is she likely to return this season?' I enquired. 'No, I think no ,' replied lie, 'as her parents are not very well off, ami can aot afford to let her remain here long," "I went to my room that evening with a heavy heart, and while I remained there my life was more miserable than it was ever before, but leaving there! did not ease me. I worried constantly. "Th?5loxt season I went there again. but she did not come. "And the next season I went again Just before I came here, in the vain hope of meeting her. I could not af ford it, but I went-. "Joy to my aching heart! the first per son I met was Mattie and, strange to say, we recognized eacii the moment we met- and straugei- still, we met as if we had beeu old friends. •(, can any one imagine tho burden lifted from my heart as her hand touched mine. I invited her to walk to the hotel with me, au invitation she blushiugly accepted. Before we parted i.t was agreeably settled we. should go boating after dinner, which we did, and look back on part of that evening .as the happiest- of my life, and part :uTthe most miserable. "I poured my soul out to her, and asked Iter to be mine. But when I had finished, Charley, imagine my feelings, if you can. She looked at me with tears gush ing from her eyes and said: 'Forgive me, dear sir, but I am already married." "For an instant, heaveu fordid, 1 was tempted to take both our lives, but mv better nature overcame the evil spirt, and our return to shore was in silence,' except her bitter sob "As I took her hand to assist her land ing all my hatred turned to pity, and I humbly begged for forgiveness. l*iiend. replied she, 'It is ). who should ask forgiveness. I should have fcoid you all before, but I could not, 16 I II Now, old boy, I should judge a Mattio has had something to do with that troubled look of yours. Am I not right? "Well, Charley, you seem to have tho keynote to my misery, so I will tell you of all my trouble although you are the first person whom I have ever motto whom I would be willing to eon fide. I believe we both engaged with the firm of Miller Bros. & Co. the same week. You came from Ii——, west, and I came from east. .Meeting strangers, we soon became friends and I hope we may always re main the same. "Many and many a time I have wished to tell you all, but you never before asked me. Now, being as you have, I will unburden my heart to you, and perhaps you can advise me. "Eight years ago this month,not being in good Lealtli, I thought to visit some summer resort to recuperate, but while my body was being made strong my heart and mind lost their usual -buoyancy. "Yes, Mattie it is who has caused me •BO much trouble and so many sleepless nights and I have tried, O so hard, to forget her poor girl, or woman rather, her life must be miserable. But she •was not to blame. "After I had been at S--— about two weeks I was one day taking exer cise ill a boat, all alone and as it was :ia unusually pleasant August afternoon :T weiit 'farther out than usual: along ?*:iOut 4 o'clock I noticed a boat to my sight- containing four persons, pulling toward nie, and as they came near I recognized a Mr. Kenolds, an old chum of my school-days. As they came alongside he greeted me, and made sue acquainted with his three lad7 •compai:i.ms. to one of whom I took a peculiar liking and on my lonely trip •home that eveuing I vowed that should "•e my last trip alone. "In a few days, meeting Uenolds, I carelessly inquired who the young lady was, as I had forgotten her name, and ho told me it was aMiss Mattie a very fine young lady of Portland, and lie also said she had returned to her homo. ""It is needless to say was sorelv dis-1 ma^e I'll ill we were such strangers. It has all b'-eu so sudden. I. am not married yet, but just as good. God grant I may have strength to fulfill my promise.' ''What could I say what could I do? Must I give up hope, yes, my very life? "Xo. I could not no 1 would uot. I n: st know ail. "Placing her arm in mine, we started for the hotel, some three-quarters of a mile distant. In silence we walked along until we came to the park. Here made a bold effort, to control myself, and asked her to take a seat and tell me all, but she hesitated, then said: 'It is due you, and I will, but remem ber, there's to be no argument. I have given my promise, and for my parents' sake I must fulfill it, al though it may take my life. 'My father is in the sliip-building business at Portland, and somehow or other has been losing money for three or four years. 'About ten months ago he had a large vessel about half completed, when he found himself short of money. What was to be done We contrived every means, and \t last father went to his book-keeper for help, as he had plenty of money. 'After showing father his standing he said he would think about lending him the money. At the same time he said if the vessel could be completed he would come out all right. It was agreed he should come to our house that evening and make arrangements for the loan. Xow I wish you to know the same gentleman had been calling upon me, and had proposed, but as I did not love him, I refused his offer. 'When he called that evening he told my father he could have the money on one condition, and that was I should promise to marry him. 'Father was almost struck dumb, but uot knowing of his being rejected by me. I was sent for and made acquainted with his projjosition. My father about to be ruined, and I could save him! But how? By marrying a man I did not love. 'How could I I asked for one day to decide, but his book-keeper said one day would ruin my father. I had no time to thiuk of myself, but thought only of my father and ruin. In a moment I had given my promise. 'So now, ray friend, for I hope you will remain so, you know all: and I humbly ask your forgiveness for even recognizing you when we met. 'I knew from the first moment we met you loved me, and, God forgive me, I returned it. Now let us part friends, and never more meet again. I go to a life of misery, but you try to forget me, and perhaps you may once more be happy in some true woman's love.' ith this sad story finished she arose and prepared to go. What could I say? There was 110 chance for argument-. We walked to the hotel in silence, and I bid her good-bye—forever. "My life was blighted, and is so long as time lasts. Next morning I left, and soon after came here. Now. my friend, cau you blame me 'Xo, indeed, I canuot, but so far as advice goes I believe I can advise. Have you ever heard whether they were married or not "No I never dared trust myself with inquiry. I have only tried to forget but these long eight years have made no change my love to-day is as intense as it was the evening we parted." I did not venture to say more, but my mind to learn if possible whether or not Mattie was married wrong scarcely ever wins thought I. ul' Next morning John was summoned to tho general manager's office, and that evening he told me he was to start for Portland at 1 the next morning to at tend to some-collecting for the firm. In about a week he returned, and I will tell you his story, as he told it to me. Oil arriving at, our room the evening alter his return I found John busily en gaged in packing his trunk. What up, old boy V" I asked, sur prised: hut one look at his radiant face told me all. Such a joyous look I never before beheld. Yt hats up, said he. jumping up and clasping haiul, "everthing, e\or 1 thing take a seat, and light this cigar. Now, by .love, are you comfort ably settled? If so, I will* tell you all. St. Andrews, don't 1 look iiappv, and Lord, ain't I too happy to live "Say, Charley, you must pac' duds and go along with me." up your Ob, no, you don say but st*op now, get to business, and tell mo all." "You say no? Well, but old boy it has got to be yes to-morrow noon we leave." "But hold on here now tell nie what's up," replied I, "and don't run on in that manner one would thiuk you was an escaped lunatic." "Well, I will yes, J. will, but-well I will be-doggone if I cau. but 1 will try. You know I went to Portland to attend to some collecting well that was soon done and, as I had an hour or two be fore train time I strolled down to the shipyard and the very first thing that met my eye was a large vessel named •The Mattie A' ,' and by .love, it was newly painted. What could it mean? But I did not take long to think. Ia a minute I was asking the foreman Mr. 's place of business. "Arriving at his office I met au elderly gomlopuau just about, to leave. 1 asked for Mr. and the gentleman said, 'I guess I am the man you are looking for.' "Handing him my card, I asked him if (here was anything I could do for him to-day. He read, then reread my card for au instant he looked at me, then said: 'Your name is John So-and-so,is it?' 'Yes sir,' I replied. 'Well, sir, I have advertised for a gentleman by that name for about seven years. Have you ever met a lady at, S the famous watering place, by the name of Mattie V— 'Yes, sir, I have met her twice once in IS7—, and two years later.' "'You are the man come with me. You are to dine at my house to-day.' "I thought no more about my train, nor did I ask him about Mattie. At his office door his carriage was in read iness. and we soon arrived at a splen did mansion. I was shown into the parlor, and Mr. asked to be ex cused for a few moments. Ho had been gone, perhaps two minutes, when tho door opened softly and a young lady entered. She advanced toward me, then of a sudden stood motionless. 1 tell you, Charley, I can't toll you any more. It- was my Mattie, and we are to be married day-after-to-morrow, and you are to be my right-hand man. And, further, you are to be our book keeper. "Well, now, John, where are you running to again? Book-keeper for whom "O, didn't I tell you. Mr. gives the management- of the business into my hands, and requested me to bring a good book-keeper with me, so you see you can't say no now pack up your duds." "But you haven't said what became of your rival book-keeper "O, yos, I forgot. He is now serving out a twenty-five yaars' sen tence in the Maine penitentiary for em bezzlement. The next morning we settled with the firm and started for Portland, where the next day I witnessed the marriage of the happiest couple I ever saw. •v ftALI.OHKIt lil,K VKS XKKDLES. Few people are aware how far foreign substances may travel in the human body or how long they may re main there without their presence be ing suspected. Hundreds of cases are known to every physician where a sharp bit of metal, such as the point of a needle, a slim sliver of iron, or some such thing, has entered the less sensi tive tissues, remained unsuspected for months, and even years, and then pushed its way through the skin at some point far distant from where it entered. Fortunately, all foreign sub stances move toward the surface, and if they do not become encysted will sooner or later make their appearance. They may occasion no pain for along time and at last strike or cross a muscle, where they may cause great local irri tation and inflammation, sometimes in volving neighboring organs. One of the most remarkable cases on record is where a little girl swallowed a paper of needles. Emetics were ad ministered, and it was thought that all trouble had been avoided. But in the course of a few weeks she began to complain of sharp pains all over her body all movement was painful, and her health rapidly declined. No one knew what was the trouble, and she was treated for all manner of obscure diseases. Finally two or three pimples appeared upon her back, and from one of these a needle was extracted. This caused search to be made, and soon other pimples appeared, from all of which needles were extracted, some be ing in the thighs, some in the back, and one was found in the left arm. 'llie needles had penetrated the stomach and gradually worked then way to the surface, no less than eleven being found. As soon as the causes of irritation were removed the child re covered at once. Si. Louis Globe Democrat. Air tkcvmseh tAhi., I William Legg, better known as "Un cle Blllv," living near Benjamin, in Lewis County. Mo., has passed his! ninety-fifth milestone. He was born in Eotecou-t County, Ya., August 25, 1792. He lived with his father until the war of 1812 broke out, when he en listed under Col. Richard Johnson, of Kentucky, May 10, 1813. He was in the battle of Thames, October 5, 1813, saw Tecumseh when ho fell and thinks Col. •lohnson killed him. He lost his horse in that battle and says "Uncle Sam" has never paid him for it. When the •war was over he returned to Virginia and learned the blacksmith trade. He moved to Lincoln County. Ky., in 1820, went to Fayette County, Ohio, in 1822, and moved to Meade County, Ky., in 182-1, where on July 12, 1827, he was married to Miss Susan France, of that county. Nina children were born to them, seven boys and two girls, three of which are living, as follows: George C. Legg, aged 52, and Mrs. Nancy Gaines, aged li), living in Louis County,and William Legg, Jr., aged 55, of I ittsburg, Texas. The veteran lives if' h's S0I)! George C., having moved to their county in 1851). Hia wife is still liv-'tig aud in fair health, at the age of years, the aged couple having traveled life's pathway together for over sixty years.-Si. Louis Globe Democrat. POVERTY is tin avarice of evervjh w-int of much, but j' $ Gossip About Matters in Which the Dear Creatures Take an Interest. SEASONED WITH A LITTLE WIT. A Column or Two of Tiitic-Tatiie tnent Matronly Mothers, A or/is/ Maidens, and Merry Misses. A I'hoto'jrair 7rst. I Pretty Girl—T can't toll yon liow anxious I am about that picture. It is to be sent to a dramatic agent. I want to become an actress if I can. Omaha Photographer--You will suc ceed. "Oh, do you think so?" "I know it." "But you never saw me until this morning." "No, but any one who can assume a natural expression when facing a camera can face an audience." How She Jieytwris the Man. I have observed with pain that Bos ton women generally seems to consider it quite the thing to look down upon the men. It is very hard. I cannot imagine why it is. But they do. It appears to be the fashion here to re gard the male animal of the genus homo as rather a necessary evil than otherwise. As a producer of money he is useful, but in all else not particularly desirable. If available as a partner in marriage, he receives the attention due to such a party but once disposed of matrimonially, her dapses into the for lorn condition of other Benedicks, who pass their time when not engaged in business lounging at the club, while their wives are busy forwarding the work of societies for the advancement of human knowledge in various branches.—Cor. Sew Orleans Picay une. Uncertain, Coif, and Hani to 1'teasc. A finished young womeu—One who knows so much that no one will marry her.—Xcw Ilavvn -Yew.-'. An English lady has introduced sew ing into boys' schools. It is nothing new fo-r women to teach the boys to sow their wild oats. —Bo.~J.on, Com mercial Bulletin.. When a young man wants to press his suit successfully with a pretty girl, a good way to begin is by pressing her new winter suit gently around the waist.—Somerville Journal. "I'm going to take riding lessons," she said, as she leaned her head against his shoulder. "Indeed?" "Yes, and my father is going to buy me a horse." "Ah!" he murmured as he fondled one of her re—auburn tresses, "a white one, of course?" Two minutes later he was wending his way home a sad and soli tary man.—Boston Courier. Worth in c,oht. The New York- Mall and Rvjtress gives tho following list of women "who are worth their weight in gold:" Mrs. John Miuturn is worth 6=2,000,000. Mrs. Kate Terry is worth nearlv $5,000,000. Mrs. Thomas A. Scott counts her wealth at $5,030,000. Mrs. John Jacob Astor is worth about §8,000,000. Mrs. Edwin Stevens, of New York, has §15,000,000. Mrs. Hettie Green, of New York, is worth about §40,000.000. Mrs. Robert Geolet-, worth »!,000,000, owes her fortune to hardware. Mrs. Jayne, the. widow of the patent medicine man, is worth §3,000,000. Mrs. Marshall O. Roberts is the eight-millionaire widow of a mining king. Mrs. Martin Bates was left §1,500,000 which her husband muds in dry goods. Mrs. Joseph Harrison, the widow of the man who built the first railroad in Russia, has §4,000,000. Mrs. Jane Brown received from her husband's estate about §4,000,000, which was accumulated in banking. Mrs. Josephine M. Aver, who gets her moniy from patent medicine, is estimated to be worth £1.000,000 to $3,000,000. ^1 Woman. emit a Mmtsttgp, "I want to send a message in a great hurry." Tho Western Union operator braced liim olf for a "rush" message. "It's to Chicago." "Well, we have an open wire to Chi cago. "Cau you send it right away!" "Yes, madam." "Well, you see Emma's baby's sick and Charlie is awav on a tri-» "Well, what shall say, madam?'' "You see, 1 can jnsi fh:nk wheve he is. Do you know Tho operator had to admit that ho did not. "Well, suppose you send to Chi cago." "Well, suppose you do. Where is he?" "Have yon a Chicago directory hero "Yes, ma'am," hin ling it to her. "I'm afraid I have forgotten the ad dress. "What business is l:e in?" "I don't know, he makes a good liv ing, though. .Don't you think a tele gram addressed to Chicago would reach him "I'm afraid not." "Well, then, I'll go homo aud find out his address. Can you tell me the nearest car that will take me home "Xo, ma'am, I cannot." "Well, it seems queer to me that you telegraph operators don't know any thing. CMRiositirs iti onrtsh ipt A California miner, having amassed quite a fortune, was returning by ship to revisit old friends and to find him self a wife. A young woman on board the ship, serving in the capacity of nursery governess to the family of a merchant on board, pleased him much by her neat and modest ajjpoaranee. He therefore introduced himself one day, and broke the ice of his purpose with one reckless plunge: "-Madam, my name is my parents and family reside in Xew Hampshire I have property amounting to §200,000, and expect to engage in business in I am a perfectly temperate man. and I can give you good reference to testify to my general upright character. I am unmarried, and want a wife will you marry me?" The lady took in the character of her sutor at once. "Thank you," said she, "I will," and on land ing they were forthwith married. How tho Princess Louise of Savoy ever recovered from her humiliation after having offered herself in marriage to Charles, Duke of Bourbon, only to receive a grave but positive refusal few women can understand. Ladies, how ever, are permitted to assist a bashful wooer when Either ho fears his fato too IUMCU Or his desort too small, Who fears to put it to tho touch And win or lose it all. Such was the case with the young lady who assured her lover that she could make a beautiful cake, all filled with fruit, with a ring on the top, and when the astonished swain exclaimed: "Why, that is a wedding cake!" re plied "I meant wedding," and which brought matters to a crisis immedi ately. More shrewd still was the young lady—and more daring—who told her admirer that she was a mind-reader, and could read what was going on in his mind at that moment that he wanted to propose to her but did not know how to do it, which, of course, relieved the young man from his em barrassment permanently. A very bashful man having succeeded in winning a wife, a lady relative teased him to tell her how he ever plucked up courage enough to propose. "Now, tell me the truth, N—— said she "did not the lady have to do the courting for you?" "N-no," answered the gentleman "but I own she smoothed over the hard places for me." And this seems to be the ladies" mis sion in courtship—to smooth over the hard places. Tim J'/itsr i.iGiir\i\G-rif)u. If we are to believe an Austrian pa per, the first lightning-rod was not con structed by Franklin, but by a monk ot Seuftenberg, iu Bohemia, named Pro hop Diwisch, who installed au appara tus the 15th of Tune, 1754, in the gar den of the curate of Prenditz (Moravia. The apparatus was composed of a pole surmounted by an iron l-ol supporting twelve curved-up branches, and tema nating in as many metallic boxes filled with iron ore and closed by a boxwood cover, traversed by twenty-seven sharp iron points, which plunged at their base in the ore. All the system was united to the earth by a large chain. The enemies of Diwisch, jealous of his success at the Court of Vienna, excited the peasants of the locality against him, and under the protest that his lightning-rod was the cause of the great drought, t.hey made him take down the lightning-rod which he had utilized for six years. What is most curious is the iorm of tlie first lisfhtniu^-rod which was of multiple points "like! the one which M. Melseu afterward invented. fnpui.Ait innt.r inV.N. Swans will not sing before thev die, and spiders will not cure earache. Whale bone is not bone at all. and Jerusalem artichokes never saw Jerusalem. Cleo patra's needles were not built by Cleo patra and Poinpey's pillar has nothing to do with Pompey. The bank of En° gland holds no colossal fortunes iu trust for undiscovered heirs in America, Alfred the Great did not found Oxford University and Bishop Hatto never I persecuted the poor in fact, this much I calumniated character i, said to have been a very excellent and kind-hearted old gen.leman, au:l l»e rats that swarm the Rhine and scaled his castle walls are like the false laets that overrun every page of his story and every nook and an of a iv I a Young Wnv condcmn the gambler Has lia uot chosen a better part?—Texas Sift,. ENGLISH waiters assort that a typical American rarely gives tips.—Texas Siftings. ISN'T it strange that a rooster should crow, and a crow should hawk, and hawk should fly, and a fly should flee TIIE single eye-glass is worn by tlie dude. The theory is that he can see more with one eye than he can compre hend. "THE story of a worm that eats stee! rails is now declared to be a hoax.1 This surprises us. We supposed it wsw an infernal lie. Dr.. TORUEY, .of Boston, marries I pair in eight seconds. There are many young persons who would like to inako a minute of this. TAT stole a watch, Mike a cow, and both wero arrested. "What time is it?' says Mike. "Faith," answered Pat, "just milking time." HOST (to visitor)—Idon't know what"* the matter with our dog. He gets fu rious whenever any other dog comes about. Look out, he'll jump at you.— ArJcansaw Traveler. IT is the everyday duty of a mug wump to weep copiously because he wasn't called in to settle the trouble in Paradise by kicking the occupants out and kicking himself in.—Judge. WrKE (one day after marriage)—No, dear, don't give me any money I might lose it. Same wife (one year after mar riage)—I took §20 from your pocket book last night John.—New York Sun. PKOF. HOPKINS says the Prohibition ists want to put their conscience in their ballots. That might easily be done, and without embarrassing the election inspectors to the slightest de gree.—Judge. LADY (to fond mamma)—Oh, the lit tle boy will improve as he grows older. Fond mamma—His papa gets so out of patience with him! He intends to edu cate him, as he will bo good for noth ing else.— Judge. Mus. POPINJAY—Mr. Popinjay doyoa propose to put up that stove to-day, as I requested you? Mr. Popinjay—But, my dear, you know— Mrs. Popinjay —Mr. Popinjay, either put up or shut up!—Burlington Free Fresa. "WOMEN cannot be satirical," says a writer, "any more than they can be humorous." So? How is it that when a man, after courting a girl for seven years, proposes, she says: "Oh, George, this is so sudden."—Boston Courier. "WHKN you get very tired," said one man to another, "do you ever lose com mand of words and ideas?" "No," said the other man, "I can't say that I do: but I have felt that way sometimes when I got home very late at night. Somerville Journal. Mus. HIGH JINKS (very English)— Bridget, see if the "broom" is at the door. Bridget—An' what would ye bo wantin' wid the broom, mum Mrs. H. J- I am going out to ride. Bridget (sotto voice)—Och, murther! I'll be after lavin' at once for service wid a da cent family.—Deiroit Free Press. MK. CitiMsoNiiKAK—Y'ou play the piano a great deal do you not Miss Fussanfeather—Yes. I play at home a good deal, to drive dull care awav. "J guess you're successful aren't "you?" "Why?" "Well, I understand you drive everything else away. I don't suppose dull care would wan't to stay either."—1 onkers Statesman. RCKAL PARSON—I WAS very glad to see you at church last Sunday, Farmer Acorn. Farmer Acorn—You preached a powerful sermon, parson, and it had a good effect on me. "Well, it was tho first of a series of sermons on charity: 'The Stranger Within Thy Gates.'" W ell, parson, I've been turning tramps away for a good while, but after I heard that sermon I made up my mind to do ditliyrent, and that night when a tramp asked for a place in the barn I gave him abed in my house." "Ifeel greatly encouraged, Farmer Acorn." "Well. I don t. The uext morning I discov ered that the stranger within my gates had decamped with everything he could lay his hands on.Omaha World. A neoi-iTAiii.i• WATCH. Is time money?" asked a gentleman of a jeweler. "It is said to be." "Well, I thought so, and here is an evidence of it. I bought this watch here six months ago, and it has gained time enough to pay for itself."—Car? Pretzel's Weekly. ^Vnxr is truth for one mav not be ttuth for another. You don't know what you may do. You may put a straw across a trickle, which will turn a river another way.—Mrs. A. D. T. Whitney. ^INI'LLUGEXT people make many •''Unders, because they can never b9 liave the world as stupid as it is.