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SHORT ESSAYS ON MAN,
HY A. \V. BKLT-A.W. Tou'U find it BO, where 'or you go, That men, the most discreet, CDeKiro to have ft level head— But don't want level foot, Alphonso into ruptures fell And. on licr chin, ho praised the dimple Ho did not know, she would not tell It was tho dent of a hit.- pimple. Ill Btroots remote where thiovos do Bnatch, We're bidden to keep guard and watch But there tho traveler finds it hard Sometimes to keop both watch aud guard. The Rteak was tough aa royal oak. To »aw or cut it wars no joke, "Hoaveu hies* our daily bread." he roared, "but Heaven help our daily board 1" A flkotcb wo 900 quite lately written, "How to genteelly givo tbe mitten," What most wo need to know in, really, How to accept the mifc genteelly. "My flon take off your coat straightway Till eight you said you'd only stay." "Well, don't go on nt such a rate, that's what I did, I staid till late." Detroit Free Press. A LOVER'S EXPERIENCE. BV V.'M. E. IIOTCE. John, you and I have been fast friends for somo five yeai*3, and yet I never can understand you. Often I hear you muttering in your sleep, and several times I Lave heard vou say: "O Mattie, Mattie, must I lose ,vou forever?" Now, old boy, I should judge a Mattie has had something to do with that troubled look of yours. Am I not right? "Well, Charley, you .seem to have tho keynote to my misery, so I will tell you of all mv trouble although you are the first person whom I have ever met to whom I would be willing to con fide. I believe we both engaged with the firm of Miller Bros. & Co. the same week. Yon came from K— west, and I came from cast. Meeting strangers, we soon beeame friends and I hope we may always re main the same. "Many and many a time I have wLshod to tell you all, but you never before asked me. Now, being as you have, I will unburden my heart to you. and perhaps you can advise me. "Eight years ago this month, not being iu good health, I thought to visit some summer resort to recuperate, but while my body was beiug made strong my heart and mind lost their usual -buoyancy. •"Yes, Mattie it is who has caused me •BO much trouble aud so many sleepless nights and I have tried, O so hard, to forget her poor girl, or woman rather, 'her life must be miserable. But she •was not to blame. '"After I had been at S about two weeks I was one day taking exer cise in a boat, all alone aud as it was •an unusually pleasant August afternoon went farther out than usual along v':-out 4 o'clock I noticed a boat to my right containing four persons, pulling toward me, and as they came near 1 recognized a Mr. Kenolds, an old chum of my school-days. As they came alongside he greeted me, and made KUO acquainted with his three lady companions, to one of whom I took a peculiar liking aud on my lonely trip •home that evening I vowed that should be my last trip alone. "In a few days, meeting Kenolds, I carelessly inquired who the young lady was, as I had forgotten her name, and ho told me it was aMiss Mattie a very fine young lady of Portland, and he also said she had returned to her home. "It is needless to say I. was sorely dis-! appointed in fact-1 loved her from the instant our eyes met. 'Is she likely to return this season?' I enquired. "'No, I think not," replied lie, 'as her parents are not very well off, and can not afford to let her remain here long.' "I went to my room that evening with a. heavy heart, and while I remained there my life was more miserable than it was ever before, but leaving there did not ease me. I worried constantly. "Thf!lext season I went there again, but she did nor come. "And the next seasou I went again just before I came here, in the vain hope of mooting her. I could not af ford it, but I went.. "Joy to my aching heart! the first per son I met was Mattie and, strange to say, we recognized each the moment we met and straugev still, we met as if we had been old friends. 'O, can any one imagine the burden lifted from my heart as her band touched mine. I invited her to walk to the hotel with me, au invitation she blushingly accepted, Before we parted it was agreeably settled Ave should go boating after dinner, which we did, aud I look back on part of that evening as tho happiest of my life, and part as the most miserable. "I poured my soul out to her,and asked Iter to be mine. But when I hau ft.iii.shed, Charley, imagine my feelings, if you can. "She looked at me with tears gush ing from her eyes and said: 'Forgive me, dear sir, but I am alrerulv married.' "For an instant, heaveu fordid, I was tempted to take both our lives, but my better nature overcame the evil spirt, and our return to shore was in silence, except her bitter soli "As I took her hand to assist, her land tug nil my hatred turned to pity, and I humbly begged for forgiveness. 'Friend.' replied she, 'It is 1 who should ask forgiveness. I should have fcoid you all before, but I could not, wo were such strangers. Xt has all been -so sudden. I am not married yet, lull just as good. God grant I may havo strength to fulfill my promise." "What could 1 say? what could I do? Must I give up hope, yes, my very life? "No. 1 could not no 1 would uot. I nii'ist know all. "Placing her arm in mine, we started for the hotel, some three-quarters of a mile distant. In silence we walked along until we came to the park. Here I made a bold effort to control myself, aud asked her to take a seat and tell me all, but sho hesitated, then said: 'It is due you, and I will, but remem ber, there's to be no argument. I have given my promise, and for ray parents' sake I must fulfill it, al though it may take my life. 'My father is in the sliip-building business at Portland, and somehow or other has been losing money for three or four years. 'About ten months ago he had a large vessel about half completed, when he found himself short of money. What was to be done? We contrived every means, and svt last father went to his book-keeper for help, as he had plenty of money. 'After showing father his standing he said he would think about lending him the money. At the same time he said if the vessel could be completed he would come out all right. It was agreed he should come to our house that evening and make arrangements for the loan. Now I wish you to know the same gentleman had been calling upon me, and had proposed, but as I did not love him, I refused his offer. 'When he called that evening he told my father he could have the money on one condition, and that was I should promise to marry him. 'Father was almost struck dumb,but not knowing of his being rejected by me. I was sent for and made acquainted with his proposition. My father about to be ruined, and I could save him! But how? By marrying a man I did not love. 'How could I I asked for one day to decide, but his book-keeper Baid one day would ruin my father. I had no time to think of myself, but thought only of my father and ruin. In a moment I had given my promise. 'So now, my friend, for I hope yon will remain so, you know all: and I humbly ask your forgiveness for even recognizing you when we met. 'I know from the first moment we met you loved me, and, (rod forgive me, I returned it. Now let us part friends, and never more meet again. I go to a life of misery, but you try to forget me, aud perhaps you may once more be happy in some true woman's love.' "With this sad story finished she arose and prepared to go. What could I say There was no chance for argument-. We walked to the hotel in sileuce, and I bid her good-bye—forever. "My life was blighted, and is so long as time lasts. Next morning I left, and soon after came here. Now. my friend, cau you blame me "No, indeed, I cannot, but so far as advice goes I believe I can advise. Have you ever heard whether they were married or not?" "No I never dared trust myself with inquiry. I have only tried to forget but these long eight years have made no change my love to-day is as intense as it was the evening we parted." I did not venture to say more, but made up my mind to learn if possible whether or not Mattie was married wrony scarcely ever wins thought I. Next morning John was summoned to tho general manager's office, and that cveuing he told me he was to start for Portland at 1 the next morning to at tend to some-collecting for the tirm. In about a week he returned, aud I will tell you his story, as he told it to me. On arriving at our room the evening alter his return I found John busily en gaged in packing his trunk. hat sup, old boy?" I asked, sur prised: but one look at his radiant face told me all. .Such a joyous look I never before beheld. "What up," said he, jumping up and clasping mhand, "everthing. everything take a seat, and light this cigar. Now, by Jove, are you comfort ably settled if so, I will' tell you all. St. Andrews, don 1 look happy, and Lord, ain't 1 too happy to live Say, Charley, you must puck up your duds and go along with me." "Oh, no, you don't say but st'op now, get to business, and tell me all." "l'ou say no? Well, but old boy it has got to be yes to-morrow noon we leave." "But hold on here now tell me what's up," replied I, "and don't run on in that manner one would think you was an escaped lunat ic." "Well, I will yes, I will, but—well I will be-doggone if I can, but I will try. Vou know I went to Portland to attend to some collecting well that was soon done and, as I hail an hour or two be fore train time I strolled down to the shipyard and the very first thing that met my eve was a large vessel named •The Mattie and by Jove, it was newly painted. What could it moan? But I did not take long to think. In a minute I was asking the foreman Mr. 's place of business. "Arriv:ng at his o.'lice I met an elderly genilemau just about, to leave. 1 asked for Mr. and the gentleman said, 'I guess I am the man you are looking for.' "Handing him my card, I asked him if there was anything I could do for him to-day. He road, then reread my card for an iustaut he looked at me, then said: 'Your name is John So-and-so,is it?' 'Yes sir,' I replied. 'Well, sir, I have advertised for a gentleman by that name for about seven years. Have you ever met a lady at S the famous watering place, by the name of Mattie V— 'Yes, sir, I have mother twice once iu 1S7—, and two years later.' "'You are the man come with me. You are to dine at my house to-day.' "I thought no more about my train, nor did I ask him about Mattie. At his office door his carriage was in read iness. and we soon arrived at a splen did mansion. I was shown into the parlor, and Mr. asked to be ex cused for a few moments. He had been gone, perhaps two minutes, when tho door opened softly and a young lady entered. She advanced toward me, then of a sudden stood motionless. I tell you, Charley, I can't tell you any more. It was my Mattie, and we are to be married day-after-to-morrow, and you are to be my right-hand man. And, further, you are to be our book keeper. "Well, now, John, where are you running to again? Book-keeper for whom "O, didn't I tell you. Mr. gives the management of the business into my hands, and requested me to bring a good book-keeper with me, so you see you can't savno now pack up your duds." "But you haven't said what became of your rival book-keeper?" "O, vis, I forgot. He is now serving out a twenty-five yaars' sen tence in tho Maine penitentiary for em bezzlement. The next morning we settled with the firm and started for Portland, where the next day I witnessed the marriage of the happiest couple I ever saw. N.ILI.ONNIT KIJEVISY XKKUI.ES. Few people are aware how far foreign substances may travel in the human body or how long they may re main there without their presence be ing suspected. Hundreds of cases are known to every physician where a sharp bit of metal, such as the point of a needle, a slim sliver of iron, or some such thing, has entered the less sensi tive tissues, remained unsuspected for months, and even years, and then pushed its way through the skin at some point far distant from where it entered. Fortunately, all foreign sub stances move toward the surface, and if they do not become encysted will sooner or later make their appearance. They may occasion no pain for along time and at last strike or cross a muscle, where they may cause great local irri tation and inflammation, sometimes in volving neighboring organs. One of the most remarkable cases on record is where a little girl swallowed a paper of needles. Emetics were ad ministered, and it was thought that all trouble had been avoided. But in the course of a few weeks she began to complain of sharp pains all over her body all movement was painful, and her health rapidly declined. No one knew what was the trouble, and she was treated for all manner of obscure diseases. Finally two or three pimples appeared upon her back, and from one of these a needle was extracted. This caused search to be made, and soon other pimples appeared, from all of which needles were extracted, some be iug in the thighs, some iu the back, aud one was found in the left arm. The needles had penetrated the stomach and gradually worked their way to the surface, no less than eleven being found. As soon as the causes of irritation were removed the child re covered at once. St. Louis Globe Democrat. SAW TECUMSEH -FR ALL. William Legg, better known as "Un cle Blllv," living near Benjamin, in Lewis County. Mo., has passed his ninety-fifth milestone. He was born in Eotecoirt County, Va., August 25, 1792. He lived with his father until the war of 1812 broke out, when he en listed under Col. Eichard Johnson, of Kentucky, May 19, 1813. He was in the battle of Thames, October 5, 1813, saw Tecumseh when ho fell and thinks Col. Johnson killed him. He lost his horse in that battle and says "Uncle Sam" has never paid him for it. When the war was over he returned to Virginia and learned the blacksmith trade. He moved to Lincoln County, Ky., in 1820, went to Fayette County, Ohio, iu 1822, and moved to Meade County, Kv., in 1821, where on July 12, 1827, he was married to Miss Susan France, ol' that county. Nine children were born to them, seven boys and two girls, three of v.hicli are living, as follows: George C. Legg, aged 52, and Mrs. Nancy Games, aged 11), living in Louis County,and William Legg, Jr., aged 55, of Pittsburg, Texas. The veteran lives with his son, George C., having moved to their county in 1850. His w|fo still liv-ug aud in fair health, at the age of 8 years, the aged couple having traveled life's pathway togethe fox over sixty years. —St. Louis Globe Democrat. POVKOTY is tile want avarice of everyihitj.'. if much, but &>:• eSwl? Gossip About Matters inWliieh the Dear Creatures Take an Interest. SEASONED WITH A LITTLE WIT. A Column or Two of Tilllc-Tallle Anent Matronly Mothers, Modish Maidens, and Merry Misses. A rhotvyraphir. 'Irst. Pretty Girl—I can't tell you how anxious I am about that picture. It is to be sent to a dramatic agent. I want to become an actress if I can. Omaha Photographer--You will suc ceed. "Oh, do you think so?" "I know it." "But you never saw me until this morning." "No, but any one who can assume a natural expression when facing a camera can face an audience." How She Jie.if arris (he Alan. I have observed with pain that Bos ton women generally seems to consider it quite the thing to look down upon the men. It is very hard. I cannot imagine why it is. But they do. It appears to be the fashion here to re gard the male animal of the genus homo as rather a necessary evil than otherwise. As a producer of money he is useful, but in all else not particularly desirable. If available as a partner in marriage, ho receives the attention due to such a party but once disposed of matrimonially, he r. lapses into the for lorn condition of other Benedicks, who pass their time when not engaged in business lounging at the club, while their wives are busy forwarding the work of societies for the advancement of human knowledge in various branches.—Cor. JVeio Orleans Picay une. Uncertain, Coy, atirl Hard io 1'lcasr. A finished young women—One who knows so much that no one will marry her.—Xew Haven. News. An English lady has introduced sew ing into boys' schools. It is nothing new for women to teach the boys to sow their wild oats.—Boston Com mercial Bulletin. When a young man wants to press his suit successfully with a pretty girl, a good way to begin is by pressing her new winter suit gently around the waist.—Somerville -Journal. "I'm going to take riding lessons," she said, as she leaned her head against his shoulder. "Indeed?" "Yes, and my father is going to buy me a horse." "Ah!" he murmured as he fondled one of her re—auburn tresses, "a white one, of course?" Two minutes later he was wending his way home a sad and soli tary man.—Bo*ton Courier. Worth Thciv ilcifjht in Goftf. The New York Mail and Express gives tho following list of women "who are worth their weight in gold:" Mrs. John Mintnrn is worth $2,000,000. Mrs. Kate Terrv is worth nearlv $5,000,000. Mrs. Thomas A. Scott counts her wealth at $5,000,000. Mrs. John Jacob Astor is worth about $8,000,000. Mrs. Edwin Stevens, of New York, has SI5,000,000. Mrs. Hettie Green, of New York, is worth about $10,000,000. Mrs. Robert Geolet, worth *3,000,000, owes her fortune to hardware. Mrs. Jayne, tho widow of the patent medicine man, is worth S3,000,000. Mrs. Marshall O. Koberts is the eight-millionaire widow of a mining king. Mrs. Martin Bates was left SI,500,000 which her husband made in dry goods. Mrs. Joseph Harrison, the widow of the man who built the first railroad in Eussia, has $1,000,000. Mrs. Jane Brown received Trom her husband's estate about $1,000,000, which was accumulated in banking. Mrs. Josephine M. Aver, who gets her inomy from patent medicine, is estimated to be worth $1,000,000 to $5,000,000. -I Woman- end* a Alensage. "I want to send a message in a great hurry." Tho Western Union operator braced him-elf for a "rush" message. "It's to Chicago." "Well, we have an open wire to Chi cago. "Cau you send it right away!" "Yes, madam." "Well, you see Emma's baby's sick and Charlie is awav on a tri- "W'dl, what shall 1. say. madam?'' "You see. I can't just think where is. Do you know?" The operator had to admit that ho did not. '•Well, suppose you scud to Chi cago." "Well, suppose you do. Where is he?" '"Have von a Chicago directory here "Ves, ma'am," lian ling :t to her. "I'm afraid I have forgotten the ad dress. "What business is he iu?" "I don't know, he makes a good liv ing. though. .Don't you think a tele gram addressed to Chicago would reach him?" "I'm afraid not." "Well, then, I'll go homo and find out his address. Can you tell me the nearest car that will take me home?" "No, ma'am, I cannot." "Well, it seems queer to me. that you telegraph operators don't know any thing." Cuviositirs it) OM'tsllip. A California miner, having amassed quite a fortune, was returning by ship to revisit old friends aud to find him self a wife. A young woman on board tho ship, serving in the capacity of nursery governess to the family of a merchant oil board, pleased him much by her neat and modest appoarance. He therefore introduced himself one day, and broke tho ice of his purpose with one reckless plunge: "Madam, my name is -, my paronts and family reside in New Hampshire I have properly amounting to $200,000, and expect to engage in business in I am a perfectly temperate man. and I can give you good reference to testify to my general upright character. I am unmarried, and want a wife will you marry me The lady took in the character of her sutor at ouce. "Thank you." said she. "I will," aud on land ing they were forthwith married. How the Princess Louise of Savoy evor recovered from her humiliation after having offered herself in marriage to Charles, Duke of Bourbon, only to receive a grave but positive refusal few women can understand. Ladies, how ever, are permitted to assist a bashful wooer when Either ho fears Instate too much Or his doaort too small, Who fears to put it to tho toufiU And win or lose it all. Such was tho case with tho young lady who assured her lover that she could make a beautiful cake, all filled with fruit, with a ring on tho top, and when the astonished swain exclaimed: "Why, that is a wedding cake!" re plied "I meant wedding," and which brought matters to a crisis immedi ately. More shrewd still was the young lady—and more daring—who told her admirer that she was a mind-reader, and could read what was going on in his mind at that moment that he wanted to propose to her but did not know how to do it, which, of course, relieved the young man from his em barrassment permanently. A very bashful man having succeeded in winning a wife, a lady relative teased him to tell her how he ever plucked up courage enough to propose. "Now, tell me the truth, N ," said she "did not the lady have to do the courting for you?" "N-no," answered the gentleman "but I own she smoothed over the hard places for me." And this seems to be the ladies" mis sion in courtship—to smooth over the hard places. THE Fins t. to UTS I sr.. not). If we are to believe an Austrian pa per, tho first lightning-rod was not con structed by Franklin, but by a monk of Seuftenbcrg, iu Bohemia, named Pro hop Diwisch, who installed au appara tus the 15th of Tune, 1751, in the gar den of the curate of Prenditz (Moravia.) The apparatus was composed of a pole surmounted by an iron rod supporting twelve curved-up branches, and termi nating in as many metallic boxes filled with iron ore and closed by a boxwood cover, traversed by twenty-seven sharp iron points, which plunged at their base in the ore. All the system was united to the earth by a large chain. The enemies of Diwisch, jealous of his success at the Court of Vienna, excited the peasants of the locality against him, and under the pretext that his lightning-rod was tho cause of the great drought, they made him take down the lightning-rod which he had utilized for six years. What is most curious is the form of the first lightning-rod which was of multiple points like the one which M. Melseu afterward invented. J'I/PU .A it ITR.i.v I VN. Swans will not sing before tliev die, and spiders will not cure earache. Whale bone is not bone at all. and Jerusalem artichokes never saw Jerusalem. Cleo patra's needles were not built by Cleo patra and Potnpey's pillar has nothing to do with Pompey. The bank of En° gland holds no colossal fortunes iu trust for undiscovered heirs in America. Alfred the Great did not found Oxfor-J University and Bishop Hatto never persecuted the-poor in fact, this much calumniated character is said to have been a very excellent and kind-hearted old gen:Ionian, and '.he rats tiiat swarm the lUiine aud scaled his casile walls are like the false facts that overrun every page of his story and every nook and cranny of our daily I'.v^.—I/arpers Young K| Wnv condcmn the gamblor? Has li0 uot chosen a better part?—Texas Sifi.. iiigs. ENGLISH waiters assert that a typical American rarely gives tills.—Texa3 Siftings. ISN'T it strange that a rooster should crow, and a crow should hawk, and 1 hawk should fly, and a fly should flee TIIE single eye-glass is worn by the dude. The theory is that he can see more with one eye than he can compre liend. "THE story of a worm that eats stec! rails ia now declared to be a hoax.'' Tin's surprises us. We supposed it was an infernal lie. DR. Toniucv, .of Boston, marries 1 pair in eight seconds. Thero are many young persons who would like to makj a minute of this. PAT stole a watch, Mike a cow, and both were arrested. "What time is it?' says Mike. "Faith," answered Pat, "just milking time." HOST (to visitor)—I don't know what the mattor with our dog. He gets fu rious whenever any other dog comes about. Look out, he'll jump at you.— Arkansaw Traveler. IT is the everyday duty of a mug wump to weep copiously because he wasn't called in to settle the trouble in Paradise by kicking the occupants out and kicking himself in.—Judge. W'IFK (one day after marriage)—No, dear, don't give me any money I might lose it. Same wife (one year after mar riage)—I took S20 from your pocket book last night John. New York Sun. PROF. HOPKINS says the Prohibition ists want to put their conscience in their ballots. That might easily be done, and without embarrassing the election inspectors to the sb'ghtest de gree.—Judge. LADV (to fond mamma)—Oh, the lit tle boy will improve as he grows older. Fond mamma—His papa gets so out of patience with him! He intends to edu cate him, as ho will be good for noth ing else.—Judge. MRS. POPINJAY—Mr. Popinjay doyoa propose to put up that stove to-day, as I requested you Mr. Popinjay—But, my dear, you know— Mrs. Popinjay —Mr. Popinjay, either put up or shut up!—Burlington Free Press. "WOMEN cannot be satirical," says a writer, "any more than they can be humorous." So? How is it that when a man, after courting a girl for seven years, proposes, she says: "Oh, George, this is so sudden."—Bosion Courier. "WHEN you get very tired," said one man to another, "do you ever lose com mand of words and ideas?" "No," said the other man, "I can't say that I do: but I have felt that way sometimes when I got home very late at night,"— So merville Jou ma I. MKS. Huur JINKS (very English)- Bridget, see if the "broom" is at the door. Bridget—An' what would ye be wantin' wid the broom, mum'? Mrs. H. J-—I am going out to ride. Bridget (sotto voice)—Och, murt-her! I'll be after lavin' at once for service wid a da cent family.—Deiroit Free Press. Mk. CiuMsoNiiEAK—You play the piano a great deal do you not? Miss 1' ussanfeatlier—Yes, I play at home a good deal, to drive dull care away. "J guess you're successful aren't you?" '"Why?" "Well, I understand yon drive everything else away. I don't suppose dull care would wan't to stay either."— l"onkers Statesman. HUKAL PARSON—I -was very glad to see you at church last Sunday, Farmer Acorn. Farmer Acorn—You preached a powerful sermon, parson, and it bad a good effect on me. "Well, it was tho first of a series of sermons on charity: 'The Stranger Within Thy Gates.'" "W ell, parson, I've been turning tramps away for a good while, but after I heard that sermon I made up my mind to do diflutent, and that night when a tramp asked for a place iu the barn I gave him abed in my house." "Ifeel greatly encouraged, Farmer Acorn." "Well. I uon t. The next morning I discov ered that the stranger within my gates had decamped with everything he could lay his hands 011."— Omaha World. A r/toi rr iisi.i: WATCH. "Is time money?" asked a gentleman of a jeweler. "It is said to be." "Well, I thought so, and here is an e\jdeuee of it. I bought this watch I here six months ago, and it has gained lime enough to pay for itself."—Cart 1'rct.tel's Weekly. 1 W \T 33 truth for one mav not 1 E truth for another. You don't know what you may do. You may put a straw across a trickle, which will turn a river another way.—Mrs. A. D. T. Whitney. ^INI KLLIGENT people make many bamders, because they can never be lieve the world as stupid as it ia.